ᨳଓ Sevika’s back angst part 2 ᨳଓ
ྀི︶˚̣ ྀི︶˚̣ Not proofread/smut ྀི︶˚̣ ྀི︶˚̣
Quick author’s note: First time writing smut and I cringed, sorry if this isn’t what some of you expected I kinda pushed this out of desperation! Also reupload because I don’t think people will see it in the reblog!
ྀི︶˚̣ ྀི︶˚̣ ྀི︶˚̣ ྀི︶˚̣ ྀི︶˚̣ ྀི︶˚̣ ྀི︶˚̣ ྀི︶˚̣
Your apartment had been achingly dull. A desolate cocoon that reeked with everything you were desperately trying to ignore, memories peaking at the simplest of things—your bathroom where she showered while you brushed your teeth, the kitchen where her hands would run mindlessly across your waist while you cooked. Your bedroom where she had left you, her words still haunting, knocking at the base of your skull whenever your mind was allowed a second to think. You forced yourself to stay busy, picking up overnight shifts at the food vendor which you hated—the job was okay, but your boss, Jericho gave you the creeps. Maybe it was his size—or the unsettling stature of his razor sharp teeth, you hated any and every interaction with him because it always left goosebumps and weak knees.
You absolutely dreaded the end of your shift, knowing you’d go back to the empty apartment, drowning your feelings with bourbon or weed. Your stomach hated you for that, and your mind even more for the physical strain it now met. The bathroom had more company than your bed because you spent half of your time hurling your guts out into the toilet. You rarely slept, rarely ate, but how could you have an appetite when you felt like death was knocking. You flipped over to face the wall, dragging the tip of your finger across the cold surface. You laid there while the image of Sevika’s face flashed behind closed eyelids, your jaw clenching as you forced yourself to not think. Five minutes went by until you quickly found out how exhausting it was pretending to not think.
Sleep beckoned you and before you could answer its call, you heard a loud knock on your door. Your body jolted up with a loud gasp, scanning the apartment to see if you had been dreaming. By the time the second knock came, you were half convinced something would run out of the shadows and get you, so without thinking you stood. Your body had a mind of its own, not even bothering to check the peep hole before you opened the door. The sight made your throat tighten, your mouth agape while staring at the storm gaze you so desperately tried to convince yourself you hated. You let out a breath, unable to conjure a sentence that would make any sense—your eyes scanning over her stature.
You had no words, they all clumped together in your throat while your body felt like flinging itself out of the nearest window. The smell of whiskey wafted towards your nostrils, a scent that made you feel contact high.
Your breath hitched while you dug your nails into your palm, your name slurring from her mouth. She leaned on your doorframe, your eyes scanning over the way her hand clutched at the wood. You’d never seen Sevika so intoxicated—sure she’d always drink around you but even after finishing half a bottle she didn’t even seem tipsy. You couldn’t bring yourself to speak, you hadn’t even noticed her walking towards you.
You gasped, feeling her hand wrap around your waist.
Before you could reply, her lips molded themselves onto your skin. Your eyelashes fluttered at the familiar feel, immediately melting in her touch.
A sigh escaped you, feeling her hands roam over your waist—her lips trailing kisses over your collarbone and jaw. You slipped your hand over her neck, to pull her closer, the scent of her making your knees weak.
“Missed you so much—“ she mumbled against your skin.
The two of you stumbled further into your apartment as her teeth grazed just below your ear, a physical reminder you weren’t dreaming. Your back hit something blunt, a small pain blooming in your lower spine. Sevika’s lips met yours cautiously and you tried—really tried to be hesitant about it, to make her more desperate for your compliance, but your body was already half drunk on the feel of her.
She cut you off by cupping the back of her thighs, lifting your body onto the countertop.
Your breath shuddered at her voice, head dipping back to allow her more access to you. You bit her bottom lip when she made her way between your legs, her large hands gripping at your thighs. One of her hands grazed across your back before you practically panted in her mouth, something she hummed at. She pulled you closer with little effort, her tongue swirling around yours.
You gasped when her hand slipped underneath your skirt, her fingers ghosting over your panties. Sevika knew your body better than you did, made it feel better somehow. She knew how to make you feel amazing beyond comprehension, you never had to ask her what to do, or what to say.
“You look so pretty, sweetheart—“
Your neck felt cold the second she pulled back, her lips working fast to trail their way down your chest. Her hands wrapped themselves around your breasts, before her mouth trailed open mouthed kisses over the fabric. Your head rolled back as you cradled the back of her head. She stared up at you while bending down, taking your nipple in between her teeth. You hissed before staring down at her, a sight that made your lips part. She broke eye contact temporarily to continue kissing down your stomach while forcing your legs apart.
“Sevika—“ you said again, which she ignored.
She took the hem of your underwear in her mouth, staring back up at you. Her breath fanned over the fabric before her tongue dragged over your panties. You gasped, staring at her, focusing on her tongue that ran over her bottom lip. You took her hair in your hands, pulling her head away from your thighs. She opened her mouth as you stuck two fingers inside, immediately clasping her lips over them. You didn’t really understand your head, or why you weren’t pushing her away—maybe you just missed her too much, or maybe you just didn’t care. You couldn’t comprehend anything, and to cut your cluttering thoughts short, she stood up to kiss you again.
You gently grabbed her face to bring her closer, hissing as she slipped her fingers into your panties. You moaned into her mouth, feeling her lips go to your neck.
“I’ve missed feeling you.”
You whined as she circled her fingers over you. “Missed tasting you.”
She brought her fingers into her mouth, before kissing you again, her fingers returning to exactly where you wanted them. You let out a soft whine, feeling her breath fan over your mouth.
“You sound so pretty, y/n—“
You gasped her name, the sound somewhat unfamiliar. Your stomach tightened with something you couldn’t quite grasp and almost as if a flip had switched, you came to your senses. She began to kneel in front of you, her hands working to drag your underwear off your thighs.
You huffed, your body coiling as you felt her tongue swipe over you.
She stared up at you while her tongue swirled over you, making it almost impossible to stop.
“Can we—“ your voice cut off as her tongue beckoned deeper. “Talk—please?” You screeched.
You pushed at her shoulders, immediately closing your legs. She slowly stood up, her hands going around your waist.
“You okay? What’s the matter?” She asked.
“Get—just. Move for one second please—“ you said moving her hands from your waist.
You made your way off the counter, bending down to pull your panties back up. You stumbled a bit, ignoring her burning gaze that you could feel. You huffed as she came closer, smacking your lips when she grabbed your waist again.
“Just stop—fucking touching me. Don’t touch me right now just stop—“ you said, backing up from her.
You looked at her, watching as she raised her eyebrows. “Did I do something?”
You scoffed, looking at her. “Are you fucking serious right now, Sevika?”
“Like are you even hearing yourself right now, did you do something wrong?” You said.
Your lampshade caught the contours of her face, grey irises squinting back at you.
“Do I really mean that little to you? I mean seriously what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“What are you talking about y/n—“
“You fucking left me, Sevika.” You blurted.
“I mean—you’re being really fucking confusing. You're being mean.”
“How am I being mean, y/n?”
“We haven’t talked in so long—“ you started.
“Because I’ve been processing. Thinking, trying to figure a million things out, y/n.”
“We didn’t just fuck sevika!” You yelled.
She stared at you, running a hand over her mouth.
“We’ve watched movies together, we’ve—we’ve showered together, woken up together. I’ve made you breakfast, cooked you dinner—I mean we fucking talked about our future together Sevika.”
“We agreed no feelings okay? I get that, I understand. I understand so fucking much but I’ve been going crazy, for weeks thinking I’m just the only one with feelings!”
“You’re not the only one with fucking feelings, okay?! I just have too much shit going on in my life right now a relationship is not ideal—“
“Because I'm not a good person, okay?!” I’ve done shit, unforgivable shit. I’m not someone that you need to be with, do you get that?!”
You watched as she stepped closer, taking hold of your forearms. “You’re so good, you’re the only good thing I have in my life right now, or even fucking ever. I don’t—I can’t fuck this up.”
“You’re not gonna fuck it up, sevika—please—“ you pleaded, grabbing the side of her face. “I don't care what you did, okay? I don't care, I just want you—whatever it is we can talk about it.”
“I can’t put you in danger, y/n. I just can't. I care about you too much to ever put you in danger, me even being here is a risk— stupid fucking risk.” She said, letting you go.
She turned away to walk towards the door before you stopped her.
“No—Sevika I can’t. I can’t do that again, please just stay, I’ll forget everything. Okay you can tell me when you’re ready, please—“
“That’s not a good idea, doll—“
“Please—I love you. I love you so much I’m sorry, please.”
You pressed a kiss to her lips, pulling her towards you. “Just come to bed.”
“I’ve killed people, y/n.”
You stopped, looking up at her. “I don’t care—“
“It wasn’t in self defense, y/n. It’s a part of my job. I do it everyday.”
Sevika looked almost ashamed, avoiding eye contact as you held her hands.
“I love you, I don’t care.”
“How can you love someone like that, y/n? I’m telling you I’m a murderer.”
“It was either you or them, Vika—“
“Except it wasn’t. I had a choice. I always have a choice.” She told you.
You stared at her, your hands never leaving her own. You pulled her closer, placing another kiss to her lips.
“Being without you feels worse than death. There’s nothing you can tell me that will push me away.” You told her.
It all made sense. The bruises, the confusion—all of it finally made sense.
“We can go slow, just please. Don’t leave me again.” You begged her.
The two of you sat in silence, your body still between Sevika and the door. She looked as if she was fighting a war with herself and you could only hope you could convince her to stay. Time stretched for what seemed like hours, grey orbs staring down at you as your hands planted on her waist. She shook her head, letting out a scoff.
“I can’t promise you anything.” She said finally.
“That’s okay—it’s okay.” You said almost immediately.
Finally she kissed you back, a comfort you desperately missed.
“Stay here tonight.” You asked her, running a hand down her chest.
