#sar-bear

[pagesofivy]

I miss you and I'm sorry I've been so absent 🙁

I miss you too babe! But don’t be sorry! You just got married!! It’s kept you busy, and I totally understand. Plus, to be fair, I haven’t made much of an effort either- I’ve pretty much let school take over my life and kill all my social interaction. 

I love you so much and I’m always gonna be here for ya, even if we go years without talking, okay? You were one of my first friends on tumblr and you’ve become one of my best friends ever. So if we lose touch and stop talking for a while because life is crazy, and then down the line something happens (like you get pregnant, or it’s my turn to get married, or something else awesome), or something doesn’t happen and you just want to shoot me a message, I’m 100% willing to pick everything back up like time didn’t pass. Plus we’re friends on facebook so we can still get glimpses into each other’s lives and keep up that way too.

I hope everything’s going well hun. Your honeymoon pics looked like so much fun! I’m really bummed I missed the wedding, but I’m glad you were so understanding about why I couldn’t make it.

I’m almost hired at the tutoring thing! Like, almost as in I just have to sign the paperwork once I get it. That close. I’m so excited! I might not be tutoring on my own at first, but I’ll be able to eventually and once I get my paperwork signed, I can start getting paid for the stuff I do.

[pagesofivy]

psssttt....Part 24 of Chemical Reactions is possibly ready for you to read and beta? p.s. I'm sending this as an ask so that I don't send you any noisy notifications because it's past midnight where I live. :)

psst I’ll try to check it out later!!! Super excited for this chapter!!!

also totally feel free to send me noisy notifications whenever, after like 9pm I have my sound off so it won’t wake me up xD

[ahdor]

My brother is in a GBS mood, therefore, taking the car out of town means some GBS. Also thoughts of Sarah and Kelsey. Either way.

[ahdor]

This is a message for both Sarah and Vegas. So, you all do not have to read this. 

Sar-bear, I hope you're handling yourself well today. I know the ER trip wasn't exactly what you call "handling it well", but it's really understandable. Ya know, there's a real big reason I respect you. You're more than willing to tell people you've fucked up in hopes to help them, and you have. 

I know it's hard to watch Vegas, one of your closest friend, be so low that she attempts at her life. It's even worse that there's so man cunt bags sending hate, but you'll get better and she'll get better to. I don't know how you both will, but I believe together there's really no way in stopping you two. 

I appreciate you so much and I'm glad I can say that I know you, even if I don't know you as well as I wish to. Please, be safe. I don't care if you're going to be strong or weak, just fucking safe and alive is all I wish. Please stay here. 

I feel really awkward writing this out.. tbh. 

Vegas, I'm very fucking glad you're still here. We've literally only talked once and I absolutely adore you. I can't tell you how much I actually keep track of you on your blog, reading almost every text post to make sure you're okay because I'm such an awkward person socially, I can never bring myself to speak with you again. I wish I could of helped, but a strangers words wouldn't have stopped you because of how hard headed you are- which is both good and bad.

But let me not live on what just recently happened. Why? Because this will be just a step in your journey. Your life is but an up-hill journey; sometimes you trip and fuck up; sometimes you sit down, look around and rest; sometimes you fucking roll down it like there's nothing but gravity helping you; and then your right back to climbing. And, the thing is, you don't believe you have the strength to keep climbing. But, beautiful, you do. There is strength inside you that reaches from your head to your toes. You're not aware of this because you're looking at yourself in such a negative light that all you see in worthless, blackness. 

You are not worthless. You are not a blackhole. You are worth life and worth recovery. You deserve to be on this earth and to BE HAPPY. People love and care about you darling, just let yourself realize this. 

[ahdor]

I'm worried about Sarah. I can't do anything from here. I was actually hoping for her being in IP to help her.  It's so weird, I want to help her like she's my daughter, but she's 11 years older than me. I'm not always this caring/loving either. 

[ahdor]

Lets be honest, if I can't go to Sar-bears wedding I'll be completely disappointed....

[ahdor]

I don't always listen to The Rankin Family, but when I do, I think of my soul sister.

[ahdor]

Sar-bear, much needed, appreciation post. Though you're in a shit place, I love you and I can't help but want to hug you.  If I could punch every anon that ever was an immense douche-nozzle, I would. Right now. I really fucking would.  My respect for you won't lessen because of your break of a self-harm free "streak". Honestly, I understand it. I love you, my Sar-bear. Head up. <3