#sashasoboleva

[anddeeperstill]

If life wasn’t so rigid, then I would make every word that I send to you have a soft footstep,

I’d put wings on the ends of every word so they can flutter gently in your ear.

I’d send out my army of kisses across oceans so you would get happy.

I would grow our flowers on our porch with the light I see in your eyes,

I would love your heart until you can love it too.

[anddeeperstill]

When we say, "Sorry, I spaced out," I wonder where it is that we go? When that whole day, focus is completely deterred. It's as if you send words out there but they just come knocking back. Instead, emptily, heavily, attention is thrown into some other world. It's amusing to even think of some other world. It's amusing how this other world is perhaps in our mind, perhaps like a door of a perception. Perhaps, someone is calling from another dimension, calling you, and so the whole day you space out, trying to hear them across many universes. All I know, is that wherever it is that you go when you space out, you go there alone.

I think the only reason you come back from this spacing-out moment is that heavy, dirty, dust particles anchor you.The Shouting and screaming from this planet's terrified souls, tremble your physical body sending vibrations that drag you back down to this planet. I think that those people who have gone absolutely mad, absolutely "insane" they call them, these people when they spaced out, they did not come back. They have their reasons.

[anddeeperstill]

Well, why can’t I dream? I can, I can dream of your heavy winter boots frosted with snow, coming home to me Making you coffee, mist on the windows,Your cold rough hands sliding underneath my white shirt, up my back, cold hands on warm skin I’ll bring you some coffee.See, I like you, and I do this liking thing in the winter, when it’s cold and in the summer. And you’ve showed me things, took me places, you got me up; I know you’ve changed me somehow and see, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that. Do I love you now? Or am I just grateful you have done this for me, for my life, for my soul?In any case, it’s today, I love you today.

Sasha Soboleva

[anddeeperstill]

Ultimately, I feel crowded, I need to be alone, reallyThat’s all I ever known,I - need my space,Like, a monsterNeeds his cage

[anddeeperstill]

Tears and pain have built a wall, Another, Then, a rooftop Wandering aimlessly I, Kept searching for a place to Sleep under the stars Blinded Of the house I’ve been Building all along; Made of the cement of courage and of inner war.

[anddeeperstill]

Finally, I crawl, I fold, into the curves of you, into the abyss of your arms, Open, warm, waiting; Your fingertips welcome my skin, As if to whisper, “It’s been too long, too long.”

[anddeeperstill]

I am one thousand years old.

My hands are tired of holding the same old guilt

There is no more room in my veins to keep thinking of you

I am one thousand years old

At this point I just want Love

And today that is all I will be.

[anddeeperstill]

I forgot that I am a writer When I took care of my grandmom I forgot that I am a poet When she cried to me on my shoulder I forgot that I was the child When it was her, I had to feed I forgot that I am younger When I taught her how to speak. I forgot it all, When I realized my grandmom didn’t know That it was me at all.

-Sasha Soboleva