Summary: They say writing relieves the soul, so what does a couple do when they break up? They write; emails to be exact. However, the emails are never sent. They keep writing and keep adding to the pile of unsent emails...all saved as drafts.
A/N: HELLO! This is another series that I’m working on, but it’s different and more special because it’s a collab with @nochutae. We will be alternating in writing the chapters so she will be posting the second part! Please enjoy this first chapter that I wrote and anticipate what’s to come!
I’m sorry. You must have moved on by now and you probably won’t believe me when I say this, but I never wanted things to be this way. I was foolish, angry, and just, completely broken at that time. Ever since that night, I have only regretted my decision more and more. I wish we would still keep in contact, but I know that the scars I left on you are beyond healing; as they are for me. Sometimes I like to pretend that none of this ever happened, that we were still happy together while living in our apartment. I really do regret my words, my actions, that whole day in general. We could have avoided something like that, I could have prevented it, but I let my emotions get the best of me. I really am sorry.
“Are you sure you want to save as draft?”
You click the “save” button without any hesitation.
Two years.
It has been exactly two full years since you said the harsh words,
“I want to end this.”
At that time it felt like the right thing, but it didn’t take you long to realize that in fact they weren’t. You were angry, distressed, ultimately your emotions were not intact. What could have been five years of being together ended up being 24 hours of fighting, crying, and hatred. You ended up becoming the villain to your own fairytale.
Jin, your longterm boyfriend was the absolute best thing that could ever happen to you. He was caring, patient, so kind, funny, but serious when he needed to be.
Perfect
That’s the only word that you can use to describe him. You swore to yourself that no matter how bad things got, you would never let him go. He was your rock. Was.
What about now?
Two years did not pass by with ease. In fact, it was anything but easy. The first month after you ended everything was the hardest. You would go home expecting to hear the sound of the tv turned on in the background while Jin prepares dinner, but all you got was the empty echos of your footsteps and creaking of the floor. You wanted so desperately to call him, to just talk to him, but the stubborn side of you prevented that. There was no way you would eat your words, never.
I passed by the beach today. Since it’s summer, there are a lot more people compared to when we go during spring and the fall just for those walks. The kids were running around with bright smiles on their face while their mothers would chase them to wipe their ice cream stains. They’re so cute...Remember when we said we wanted a big family? Three kids, two sons and one daughter? I still do...I wonder what it’s like to fill up a dining table with dishes, fill the living room with cheerful laughter, bright smiles, and just pointless banter...I wonder…
Save to Drafts
You’re oh too familiar with the sequence of typing long paragraphs and proceeding to press the blue button. One email became two, and two became ten. Soon enough, writing these emails became second nature to you, but not once would you ever send them. In a way, they’re your way of coping with everything. Somewhere along the way, you’ve accepted the fact that you won’t ever see Jin again. You’ve accepted the fact that you broke his heart and you can only blame yourself. You’ve accepted all of this. Admittedly, there are lingering feelings, but they aren’t the regular feeling of love. A part of you genuinely feels lost, but you know that no matter how hard you look, you will never be able to find you.
It’s like nostalgia. Nostalgic for the way things were, for the times you had, the laughter you shared, and for the feeling you had knowing that no matter what happened, Jin would always be there for you. You’re trying to be a strong person, you know you don’t need someone to make you feel loved, but Jin wasn’t just someone. He was your family; the only one who didn’t leave you…
Do you remember how we used to make up stories of our future for fun? I would make one for you and you for me. I wonder if any of the stuff I said has actually come true for you. Are you travelling the world with your soulmate? Are you living in a huge house with five dogs? Are you taking the subway to go to work in a sharp suit? Are you...happy?
Now you go about your day, going to work, coming home, and repeating that schedule. You always try to pack your schedule to the very brim so you don’t have to worry about anything else, but your friends always try to take you out. Of course there are days where you’re absolutely not in the mood for anything and no one can change that. Your friend Yuri is constantly trying to take you places. Parties, get togethers, casual trips to the mall, wherever it is, she’s taking you. You appreciate the fact that she even takes the time to bother with you so you hardly ever refuse her invitations.
About a year ago, Yuri’s boyfriend asked her to marry him and your outings together have become less frequent. It’s understandable considering the amount of work that needs to be done for a wedding; sending invitations, getting the venue, finding a dress, and organizing everything in general takes a lot of time. However, the wait is over. After months and months of planning and stressing, Yuri is finally getting married. Tonight is the last night for her as an unmarried woman and all of her friends including you are out for her bachelorette party.
The music is loud, people are dancing, and drinks are disappearing as quick as they arrive. You don't drink very often, but perhaps it's the atmosphere or the fact that Yuri and a few other friends keep playing drinking games and ordering rounds after rounds. About an hour into the party, you can already feel yourself getting a little bit tipsy. The music only gets louder while your feet become lighter. The more you drink, the more freely your body moves and honestly, it feels great.
It has been so long that you've been able to let loose like this. You tried to refrain from drinking too much or else your euphoria will end up feeling like hell instead. Key word though, tried. Soon enough, everybody attending the party has migrated to the dancefloor and all of you are having fun. However, all good things must come to an end. Yuri, who stayed the most sober for the night had to end the celebration since the big day is tomorrow. All of you understood and send her some more congratulatory wishes.
One by one, the party disperses. You too are able to hail a cab successfully and head home. As soon as you arrive home, you're hit with a wave of emotions. Yuri and her boyfriend of five years are going to get married. You and Jin were together for six years. You know it's not right, but you can't help but wonder where you and Jin would be today if you didn't break up. Would you have been married to him? Would you have started a family by now? Or would you still be dating and enjoying life as it is? There are so many questions you want to ask, but you know you will never get an answer. Subconsciously, you take out your phone and start typing.
Yuri is getting married tomorrow. I'm sure she's super excited and nervous. The way her boyfriend proposed is so romantic too! They were walking around town, had a nice dinner, and then had an evening stroll on the beach. Somewhere along the way, Yuri saw some bright lights on the sand, they were coming from candles that her boyfriend set up and then you can probably imagine, he popped the question. Sometimes I wonder if we would have gotten married, I mean, we did talk about how many kids we wanted, where we would live, stuff like that. I thought we were ready for marriage; we already lived together, we had stable jobs, we had enough money expenses, all that technical stuff, but I felt like we were ready to take that next step… but I overestimated myself. I have to admit, I have imagined what our wedding day would be like. You would be waiting at the end of the aisle while I walk down in a simple, but still quite elegant dress. It would be an autumn wedding since it's not too hot or cold and no bugs. We would invite our friends and family, everyone would be happy and dancing. Flower petals would decorate the tables and there would be carnations decorating the entire venue. After the wedding, we would head straight to the airport to our honeymoon to Hawaii (since you said you always wanted to visit that place). But… all that is just a fantasy now
