So it's been along time since I have posted. And alot has happened. I am no longer trying to conceive. I am now trying to survive.
This past August I felt the lump. Doctor wanted to monitor it but wasnt worried. Last month I told her it hadn't changed and I thought we should look further into it. We scheduled an ultrasound. Then a biopsy. Already this was way farther than I thought I would ever have to worry about my breasts. I am only 34!. They didnt even want to do alot of the tests on me due to my age. Well even though through the whole ordeal they were constantly saying it should be nothing to worry about. Everything is just a precaution, turns out it was the big C.
Invasive ductal carsonoma is what they call it. Now it's the most common form of cancer, so I shouldn't be worried they say. Breast cancer is so treatable and very survivable now they say. Well, it still sucks.
I meet with my new cancer doctors this coming week and get the whole low down of what we are dealing with. They have me seeing a radiologist and a surgeon. I dont know if that means they already have a plan in place or that I just have to meet with them to talk options. I'll keep you posted.
Right now I kinda just want to vent. Right now I'm bitter. I have been struggling with my body and infertility for years, and now my body has turned against me again. I cant help but feel like I'm not allowed to be upset though because I dont have the healthiest lifestyle. I smoked for years, I eat alot of bread and sugar and it's not like I work out. So I know I have no right to say why me or how could this happen. But I'm also really not in the place to be like I'm going to take this on a be a better person for it! I'm so tired of being strong and thinking positive and getting absolutely nothing back but more obstacles!!
I know most blogs about cancer or uplifting about inspiring ladies overcoming odds and fighting a great battle with a smile. This will not be one of those. I'm going to be honest. I need a place to voice even the most cynical thoughts or I'm going to go crazy. I know I should be thankful for all the medical field has to offer but I'm not looking forward to the side effects of my treatment. Yeah I'll be alive but in pain and bald and boobless. Call me vain and shallow but I dont think I will handle that well.
Maybe this will be an eye opening experience for me and I will come out the other end with a different view but I promise I will be venting and voicing mt honest opinion and issues the whole way through! We will find out how it changes me!.