“If you make one more stupid pun, I will literally stab you.” for Paris and Mercutio
He-llo there! I bet you though I’ve forgotten all about those amazing prompts you’ve chosen for me - but I haven’t! I’m terribly sorry I am such a slow writer. DxI only hope you haven’t lost all interest in the prompts youself, because here’s a little something for you under the cut: a bit of quality family time for our favourite Scaligers! (I apologise in advance if the characters seem OOC to you; that’s just the way I see them. And also I couldn’t resist the temptation to include one more character in this short story, sorry; I hope you don’t mind!)
I Win
(Also posted here as part of my Viva Verona series).
“If you make one more stupid pun, I will literally stab you,” Paris warned, turning away from Mercutio and purposefully striding across the small balcony in a futile attempt to get as far away from the annoying twelve-year-old as possible. He sounded distinctly disgruntled, and it made Mercutio laugh in absolute delight. Driving his prudish, pretentious elder cousin out of mind was one of the boy’s favourite pastimes - that is, when he was at home, of course. Outside the palace, there was other fun stuff to do.
And of course, Mercutio could never bear the temptation to ignore the warning he’d just received.
“My, my, now that’s what I call the stab-ility of relationshi…”, and then Paris was upon him, and Mercutio didn’t get to finish the phrase. Of course, he didn’t even attempt to stab the boy - they both knew it was nothing but an empty threat; but Paris was much older, and therefore much stronger, and Mercutio was ticklish - a weakness his cousin was well aware of. Which meant that Paris got him laughing hysterically in no time, gasping for air and struggling in vain to wriggle free of his cousin’s firm grasp.
“No more!..” he barely managed to get out in between bouts of laughter, trying to catch his breath. “Paris… stop! Please, no more! Let me go!” and then he was laughing again, since his cousin decided to attack him once more before he could regain his composure.
“That wasn’t nearly convincing enough, young man,” Paris grinned. A grinning Paris was a sight so unusual that Mercutio would’ve done a double-take to make sure he hadn’t been hallucinating, had he not been busy struggling free. “How about a deal? No more stupid puns from you, no more tickles from me, how’s that?”
“I would agree to this if I were you,” a third voice commented. Both cousins turned just in time to see their uncle coming to stand in the doorway, smiling at them benignly, and Paris quickly let go of Mercutio so that they both could greet the Prince with proper bows. Escalus nodded at them, his eyes twinkling with mirth. “A man must choose his battles carefully, and act according to the circumstances.”
“But uncle, that’s unfair!” Mercutio protested, more for show than anything else, straightening out his dishevelled clothes. “I’m ticklish and he’s strong!”
“Yet somehow you manage to drive me up the wall with your wit and words alone,” Paris retorted, almost managing not to smile. “You couln’t expect me not to retaliate, now could you? In fact, you wanted me to retaliate, and that’s exactly what you got. See, there’s nothing unfair about the whole affair.”
“Why do you always have to spell it out and ruin all the fun?” Mercutio whined, rolling his eyes at his cousin’s pedantic explanation. Both Escalus and Paris laughed at that, and the latter bent down to look him in the eye.
“So do we have a deal or not?”
Mercutio huffed in childish exasperation. “Fine! Deal! But actually,” he made a short pause, which made his uncle raise an eyebrow questioningly, and then triumphantly added, “I win!”
Paris looked genuinely confused. “How so?”
“You smiled! And you laughed, too! You almost never do that, you’re always so stern and distant and all that; but you did smile, so I win!” and Mercutio laughed, too, at his own words.
This time, his elder cousin’s tone was almost sheepish. “I am sorry, little cousin. Tell you what, let us change our deal a bit: you promise not to annoy me so much, and I, too, promise not to annoy you by being so, how did you put it, stern and distant. What do you think, would Valentine like to participate in this deal as well?”
Mercutio looked surprised by his tone and actually gave the matter some thought before replying, “I think he would like that very much, too.”
“Why don’t you both go and ask him himself?” Escalus suggested, winking at his nephews. Mercutio nodded enthusiastically, and Paris readily held out his hand to him. A moment later they bolted out of the balcony and down the corridor, both the elder and the youngerlaughing like children.
The Prince watched them go with a smile. And if his gaze seemed somewhat sad, then, well, no one was there to notice it.