#scatteredwords

[fromwhereicit]

#scatteredwords #randomthoughts #spokenword #instapoet https://www.instagram.com/p/BoCTJfVnzmq/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1kabfqv4fdmnc

[avisdreams]

scatteredwords replied to your post:christmas list: no student debt punk AF leather...

i want to go to disney :(

i sound like such an asshole when i say i don't want to go!!! but i love disney??? i just... cannot afford it and would have loved to not have to owe my mother more money than i already do

:((((((

[avisdreams]

scatteredwords replied to your post “moment of silence as i’m pretty sure liam leaves the number one spot...”

WHO IS NUMBER 1

maria IDK!!! i wanna take it back because i can't actually commit to a change like this!!!

[beware]

scatteredwords replied to your post “as excited I was to finally use this username on my main tumblr, I...”

omg your suzume pic

yes!!! suzume!

did you read the most recent scanlation? i'm gonna be sad when hnr ends soon. :\

[thescatteredwords]

No matter how upset I am.. hearing his voice can make it all just go away.. 

[thescatteredwords]

I keep finding things that make my heart hurt..

But I think the hardest things is wanting to be there with him. Which really if you knew the whole situation you would probably think I was crazy for thinking that is the hardest part. But don't get me wrong there are a lot of things that are difficult about this. I've never been one to chose the easy road.. so maybe it is fitting that I find my self in this now. 

Though it really is the hardest part.. just wanting to do simple things like curl up next to him on the couch. Or rub his temples when he says his head hurts. Cook him dinner.. things I could do If I was there.. 

But I'm not.. and I never really thought that something would make my chest hurt so bad. I'm used to the sick to your stomach feelings. Years of anxiety has prepared me for that. But the tight almost painful feeling that I get when I think about it.. that.. that I'm not used to. I'm not used to having such an emotional reaction like this. 

If I think about it to long.. I can feel the tears start.. and I refuse to cry.. I really never thought I would want to be near someone so bad that I would actually cry... I never cry.. 

Its just really hard.. but completely worth it.. 

[thescatteredwords]

My phone always disappoints me..

Ever have that moment when you really want to talk to someone. And you just feel like you can't start your  day until you do. Well I have that feeling a lot actually. And its probably not a good thing. But I have decided I am going to stop thinking about the bad of the situation. And just focus on how much it makes me smile. 

But that isn't the point of this post. 

Every time my phone buzzes or does anything. I get this rush hoping its him.. and then its not. And I wanna text the person that it actually is and tell them to go away.. out of spite.

I don't think this isn't healthy at all... 

[thescatteredwords]

Its crazy..

Its a little insane how much you can want some one to hold you. Someone that you have never met. Someone that you have only talked to through messages and over the phone. Someone that is miles away.. and there is no real way to make it happen. 

But that doesn't stop you from wanting it. Nothing stops you from closing your eyes and imagining it. Nothing stops you from curling up on the couch under the blanket. Wishing that its was their warmth lulling you in to the relaxed state. 

Its crazy how someone you have never met can invoke such wants and feelings in you.