The Maestro in The Hat: Three Wheel Drive
Happy Balanniversary, everyone! Here’s a transcript from my Cat in The Hat AU for BWW!
You can find the Casting Here.
Link to Original Scene
Btw, Kuro and Shiro belong to me, Madame Prim belongs to @kayssweetdreams
Lance: Alright, soldiers, our bougies are in range, commence search and destroy!
Leo: What?!
Balan: Search and rescue! We meant search and rescue, c’mon! (Laughs)
Emma: Can’t believe we weren’t invited to that party.
Lance: Hey! You’re a lone wolf. Live alone, die alone.
Attilio: Hey. Can we please get Kuro and Shiro?
Balan: Can we please get the Tim? Can we please get the Negati?
(Madame Prim pulls up in her car)
Lucy: Oh no.
Cal: Aw man!
Prim: Hello, Kuro and Shiro, Goodbye, brats! (Picks them up) Not so tough now, are ya? (Laughs and gets back in the car, then floors it)
Kuro and Shiro: *Frantic squeaking*
Haoyu: We’re dead! We’re never gonna get those doors shut! And we’re all gonna get shipped off to Prim, Proper, Perfection!
Balan: Why don’t we take me and Lance’s car?
Jose: Ya have a car?
Lance: Yeah, sure!
(Beep, beep!)
(A car pulls onto the driveway)
Eis: Wow.
Bruce: Simply incredible.
Balan: Oh, that’s just the dust cover. (Pulls it off) Here she is- the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger! Or S-L-O-W for short.
Iben: S-L-O-W?
Balan: Yeah, SLOW!
Lance: It’s better than the last name we had: Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.
Leo: Oh, you mean S-H-I-
Jose: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Balan: Quick! To the SLOW!
(They all get in)
Lance: Buckle up, humans. We’re on a mission to get that Tim and Negati and we will not rest until we find them and destroy them.
Yuri: Rescue them!
Balan: Rescue them, of course we meant rescue them, whatever. Remember, everyone. There’s nothing faster than SLOW. That’s backwards, it makes no sense! Look at ya!
Lance: Ok, here we go. GPS, check!
Balan: DVD, CD, Check!
Lance: Someone from Czechoslovakia is a… Czech! (Laughs)
Balan: Siren!
Sana: Wait, Siren?
(The car starts and they all take off)
All: Whoaaaaaaaaa!!
Balan: Let’s gooooo!!
(They take off down the streets of suburban Timeville)
Balan: Whoahohohohoho! Hi there, how are ya?! (Laughs)
(The vehicle does a few donuts in the middle of the street)
Everyone Else: Whoooaaaaahhh!! BAL!!
Prim: *Singsong* I’m sending those brats awaaaaaay!
(Kuro squeezes lemon juice into her food)
Prim: OUGH!! AUGH!! (Smells the food) AGH!!! I can’t believe you went to the bathroom on my food! Wait till those parents get a load of you! (Laugh)
Balan: There they are!
Haoyu: Red light, red light, red light, red light, RED LIGHT!!!!
Everyone: *Screaming*
(They make the turn in time)
Eis: Someone else should drive!
Balan: Alright, you win! Lion, you drive!
(He gives Leo the wheel)
Leo: You serious?
Lance: We dunno. A little voice inside of us is saying “This is a bad idea!”
Balan: But we can barely hear that little voice, because an even louder little voice is screaming “LET THE TWELVE YEAR OLD DRIVE!!!” Now punch it!!
(Leo absolutely floors it)
Leo: THIS IS AWESOME!!!!
(Balan throws up into a puke bag)
Everyone: 0-0
Emma: I wanna drive!
Lance: We think that’s a great idea!
(He manifests a wheel for Emma)
Fiona: Wait! Two people can’t drive at the same time!
Lance: You’re right…
Balan: WE SHOULD ALL DRIVE!
(More wheels are manifested for everyone else)
(The car starts doing donuts… IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!)
Everyone: WHOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Leo: BAL!!
Lucy: Where are the brakes?!
Balan: We’ll get them!
(They pull out the brake)
Balan: We think there’s something wrong with your brakes. When’s the last time you had them checked?
Humans: 😱😱😱
Lance: Bad brake!!
(Throws it out the window)
(They drive straight into the streets of downtown Timeville)
All: Whoaaaaaaahhhh!!!
Leo: Aaaahhhh!! Leeeeooo!!
Bruce: Wrong way street, Wrong way street, wrong way street, Wrong way street!!
(HONK!!)
(They’re all approaching Truck Kun)
All: *Screaming*
Balan: Hey! Rhode Island license plate! You never see those.
All: *Go back to screaming as they drive past Truck Kun*
Balan and Lance: *Meditating*
(CRASH!!!!)
(FFWEEEEEEEEEE!!!)
Balan: Airbag. Standard.
Everyone: 0-0 (They all look like they’ve been through hell and back)
Haoyu: Haaah… Haaah… I think… I wet… my pants!
Leo: Can we do it again?!
Everyone Else: NO!!!!
