shine
cosmopolitan mac photoshoot with @jaeinid
goeun stood a foot or so behind the photographer while one of the hairstylists gently ran her fingers through her hair, making the soft curls artfully messy. two of her group members stood under the hot lights, smiling with big, natural smiles and exuding charm. they had all spent a long time learning this, practicing how to be beautiful on command, how to be captured in a way that made you seem ethereal and untouchable to the public. she’d spent years learning how to look good in front of a camera, any camera - fans whose shutters clicked at breakneck speeds to capture every movement and glance, music shows where cameras swung around them as they danced, phone cameras where the picture was grainy and flat. watching her members now, though, she thought, that’s never been me. she learned to hold herself in front of a lens, but she had never become comfortable with it, could never make it feel natural. some old remnants of her childhood stage fright stirred in the pit of her stomach as she trained her eyes on the set, anticipating the moment when she’ll have to step into those lights herself.
jaein was going to share the pair shots with goeun, and she turned slightly to glance at the girl in question. they made an odd pair, goeun thought: human skyscraper next to small fry, experienced model in contrast to stiff newbie. jaein seemed so much more comfortable, so much more at home. goeun couldn’t help but feel jealous of her confidence.
she knew this was probably not the place, nor the time. but the embarrassment of having to act beautiful in front of a camera in a few minutes was making her stomach turn in knots and she had to do something, anything to distract herself. so she did what was most on-brand for jang goeun, something she knew would irritate but she thought necessary, if only not exactly necessary in this moment. as soon as the hairstylist was finished adjusting each of goeun’s curls, she moved to stand next to jaein, leaning towards the taller girl’s ear so she could speak quietly and avoid interrupting the photographer’s direction of their members. “unnie, i just remembered,” she lied, as if she’d ever forgotten. “earlier, at music premier, you went kinda breathy towards the end of the chorus, i think the last chorus.” even if this maybe wasn’t the time, goeun didn’t exactly feel bad pointing it out. neon was getting a lot of attention - with so many eyes on them, they had to be perfect every time, and mbc used live vocals, meaning any mistake was much more obvious. “you probably just got tired. want me to show you some of the exercises i do for stability later?”