황금의

JANG GOEUN r!ot's main vocal, lead dance

[seolhyejeong]

dimple 🌸

[idgoeun]

reunited

on the “i’m different” music video set with @idserena

goeun thought they couldn’t have chosen a less ideal day for the music video shoot. they were filming outdoors today with none of the respite air conditioning could offer. the air was heavy and humid, the hairstylist’s curling iron was making a spot on the back of her neck sweat more and more with each passing moment, and the anticipation of having to stand under the bright lights in this weather already made her skin burn. “it could be worse,” her manager said, holding a small fan plugged into his phone that only seemed to move the hot air around rather than cool her off at all in front of her face, “it could’ve rained.” rain would’ve probably been better - at least it would cut the humidity.

in reality, though, the heat was one of the last things on goeun’s mind. every minute or so she glanced out of the corner of her eye at the unoccupied makeup chair on her left, or tried to spot the parking lot to her right without moving her head and getting scolded by the stylists fussing over her. mayday was a busy group, she knew - she’s heard “dkdk” blasting out of enough the speakers at enough restaurants and convenience stores to know they were in high demand. they probably had a schedule before this one; after all, the only reasons goeun had come early was because, first of all, she was a rookie and had to make a good impression, and second, 99 took their sweet time between promotions and riot had the time to spare. still, waiting for her old friend to take the seat next to her made goeun feel antsy, like she had been sitting here in anticipation for hours instead of the thirty minutes that had actually passed.

since a couple of years back, she got nervous before filming or performing, a kind of stage fright she hadn’t been able to completely shake off, that was only defeated by her overwhelming love for performing. but the feeling in her gut now was more than just nerves. it was the result of years of serena and she running towards the same goal, of staying up past sunrise to perfect their singing, of broken plans and one friend getting a head start on their dreams while the other had to sweat a little harder before she could catch up. when goeun had been at midas, she’d always assumed serena and she would debut together and share the ups and downs of their career. maybe it had been a nice coincidence that the two of them happened to be working on “i’m different” together; maybe midas was trying to extend an olive branch to their former trainee; maybe 99 knew how much it would mean to their idol. most likely, both companies knew the public would make some degree of fuss about an almost-member of mayday reuniting with an actual member, the aura of “what could have been” tinting their promotions. whatever it was, this was the opportunity goeun had thought she’d lost forever: to put her work into something she could be proud of, to do that with serena, and to show what they could do together to the world.

the sound of a car door closing off in the parking lot made her instinctively snap her head to the right, earning her a sharp “hey!” from the makeup unnie, who just pulled her hand back in time to avoid drawing a black line from goeun’s eye into her hairline. she couldn’t be bothered right now, though - not when her face burst into a grin at the sight of a familiar face. “serena!” she called out, waving a hand to attract her attention. “you’re here!”

[idgoeun]

depend

[idgoeun]

jueun:

she knew how hard she worked and everything she had been through, in jueun’s mind she deserved it. that said she also knew goeun’s personality. which was why she tried to be there if she needed to vent about something.

goeun felt so comfortable, so at ease here. when she entered 99, her self-esteem had been broken by a rejection she had never thought she’d face and only rebuilt to the degree to get her through auditions and into a new company. as a result most of her colleagues there knew her as anxious, nagging, always assuming the worst outcome was the most likely and working herself to the bone in an attempt to prevent it from happening. she had been an entirely different person when she had trained at midas: self-assured, relaxed, confident in the skill she had already trained and honed before even auditioning. in the end it was her confidence, having turned into arrogance, that became her downfall. but something about being at midas again, despite everything it represented, allowed goeun to slip back into that same, easy attitude she couldn’t afford to have at 99. she loved riot, loved her members to death - but she was always nagging them, always herding cats. she couldn’t stop herself, even if she could sense the resentment the other girls felt towards her. goeun tried not to, but she couldn’t help herself but think - what if she had debuted with mayday? what if she hadn’t lost her confidence and could enjoy her idol career without feeling like she had to keep everyone in line?

she hummed in response to her friend’s question. “hm, it’s a little weird. honestly i don’t really mind it when i’m, like, talking about you on a show or something and i have to call you sunbae. what’s really weird is when our groups run into each other and i have to bow at all of you when i’ve, you know, lived with you and know who snores the loudest and who spends the most time getting ready in the morning and who chews with their mouth open. you know? actually, i have some pretty valuable information, dispatch might offer some good cash for this kinda stuff.” she nudged lightly at jueun’s shoulder as she laughed. “honestly i’m just glad you didn’t take on a stage name, because i know i’d be messing that up all the time.”

goeun groaned as jueun reminded her of her past self, confidently ignoring her partner in crime’s (correct) insistence that they should’ve turned left back there to get to the vending machines, not right. “look, i was in a hurry, i was hungry and i was scared of us getting caught trying to break our diet. it was a stressful situation! anyone would’ve gotten lost. anyway, you probably shouldn’t have trusted me to know where i was going.” it was embarrassing, but goeun grinned anyway. that was a long time ago; the two of them had just entered the company around the same time and were equally awed and overwhelmed by the glamorous, exciting world they were now a part of. a lot of that novelty had worn off by now, but it was sweet to think about a time when everything was still so shiny and new to them.

her members? goeun hesitated a moment, not sure how to phrase things. she trusted jueun implicitly, knew she could tell her anything - that wasn’t the problem. but in her time at midas, goeun had been genuinely close to the girls who became mayday, warm and bright and affectionate. she loved the riot girls no less - she’d do anything for any one of them - but her anxiety over making riot a success to rival the top girl groups of today, including mayday, forced a kind of distance between them. she was a different goeun with riot than she had been with mayday, one that she wasn’t necessarily always proud of. she cleared her throat. “the members, you know, they’re good. i think we’re all ready to put together another comeback, but you know 99, they like to take their time.” she turned to face jueun more fully, tilting her head, ready to change the subject. “how about you guys? how’s this comeback shaping up?”

[idgoeun]

depend

[idgoeun]

jueun:

she decided it was best to untangled her arms from around goeun’s neck before anyone saw and walked around to her side. the smile jueun wore showing no signs of the fatigue she had felt earlier.

goeun was not jealous of jueun. or, more specifically, she was happy for jueun. she had always been happy for her friend’s success, even in the hardest moments: when she had to move out of mayday’s predebut dorms, when she had to make new friends and an unfamiliar company, when she watched their debut stage on her phone in a washroom stall during a precious break in vocal practice, when the group climbed the ranks and achieved heights of popularity that goeun dreamt of, that she knew midas thought she could not help them reach. goeun had a competitive nature, but she didn’t see jueun as a rival - not when  jueun succeeded because she had earned it, and goeun, frankly, had not.

now that riot had debuted, goeun did feel like she was on a bit more of an even playing field. she no longer felt behind compared to jueun - granted, it did take an extra year and a half of training. now that she was in the public eye and it was on her profile that she’d been in the mayday lineup, she got asked about the other girls and whether she kept in touch, and it felt strange to speak formally and politely of her old friend “jueun sunbae” in interviews. on the few occasions their schedules synced up and they could meet (more on jueun’s account - riot had more time with 99′s sparse comeback schedule, but mayday always seemed to be preparing for the next big release), goeun was usually on the receiving end of some teasing, all hoobaenim and sunbaenim back and forth.

a grin grew on her face naturally at the sight of jueun in her practice clothes in the familiar surroundings of the midas building, stirring a sense of nostalgia in the pit of her stomach. she stood when prompted but laughed at jueun’s comment, rolling her eyes as she spoke. “yeah, yeah, whatever, sunbaenim. is this how it’s going to be for the rest of forever?” her tone was light and teasing - actually, goeun didn’t really mind this running joke. jueun had been her sunbae since she debuted, but the pressure for goeun to speak of her that way in public was just a frequent reminder that now, she too had debuted - that people would care and notice if she slipped up. it felt less like an indication of her failure to debut alongside her friend and more like a marker of her success in finally debuting at all.

she patted the arms that circled around her from behind and turned her head to look at her friend, all big smiles and cheerful in spite of just coming from what goeun assumed would have been a tiring practice. part of her felt bad for taking up time jueun could have spent resting, but part of her felt proud at how happy her friend seemed to be to see her for the first time in a while. “hey, i haven’t completely forgotten this place,” she said, gesturing around her to the building she had spent four years of her life in. to be fair, it had been a long time since she had been there, and that plus her already bad sense of direction did mean goeun had had to look for this room on a few different floors before she finally located it - but she wasn’t about to admit that to jueun and give her even more material to tease her with.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON R!OT’S MAIN VOCAL, LEAD DANCE JANG GOEUN…

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[ahnsolbin-archive]

a princess and her disney kin 👑

[idgoeun]

shine

[idgoeun]

jaein‌:

“would you like some pointers for modeling or a glass of water, or did you want to give me more unsolicited criticism first? it’s really fine either way, but if you’re nervous you can just say so.”

the two of them were different in a million ways, and yet something about jaein reminded goeun of herself. not the goeun of today, but the goeun who had auditioned for midas. she had always known that she wanted to be an idol, and she spent her childhood in music lessons and after school language classes, doing anything and everything she could think of to make herself a valuable candidate for a good entertainment company. it worked, and she started training at the most iconic company in the industry. because goeun’s voice had already been through a long process of honing and training, she had a leg up over most of the other trainees her age, who had either been street cast for their visuals or were accepted for their natural talent. it gave her a confidence, a cockiness, one that carried her all the way to aurora’s predebut group. it wasn’t until she got cut from the lineup that all of that disintegrated, leaving goeun constantly on edge and anxious about her future in this industry.

that one similarity was, ultimately, what worried her about jaein. the confidence and self-assuredness she saw in the older girl was her own hubris, the downfall that led her to spend another four years in the midas basement. goeun once thought that once they debuted, these worries would disappear, that they would be safe from any tricks midas tried to pull. now she realized they were more vulnerable than ever; it wasn’t only the company that kept an eye on them now, but the whole public had a say in how they did. sure, they seemed to love them now, but who knew when their opinions would change? in a way she had been lucky to hit rock bottom as a trainee, when she was still shielded from netizens and the media. now neon had grabbed the public’s attention. if that confidence faltered, it would falter in front of thousands of eyes, preserved on the internet forever. the risk was a constant burden on goeun’s back, never forgotten and only growing.

goeun felt her ears burn a bit after jaein’s comments. really, she should not have been surprised that she was so easily read - even if she prided herself on her ability to keep her face on in front of the public, the members had spent enough endlessly long days that it became difficult to keep a secret. it was embarrassing, really, that jaein was right, goeun knew that this wasn’t an appropriate time to nitpick. the twist in the pit of her stomach made her shrug at the offer of help, though. no matter how proud she was, goeun cared more about doing a good job than keeping her fragile ego intact. time was ticking until they had to be in front of the camera, and she’d give credit where credit was due: jaein was a far better model than she was. she cleared her throat, shrugged a second, redundant time, and nodded. “yeah, i mean. do you have any tips for me? something quick?” she made a mental note not to forget to mention the singing later, though, maybe in the car leaving the photography studio.

[seolhyejeong]

a frustrated model ✌️

[idgoeun]

depend

at the msg building with @jueunid

goeun and jueun were always headed down similar paths, but it was uncanny how parallel their lives seemed to be. they met in the same class at hanlim multi art high school, both already trainees at major entertainment companies. both graduated and spent more time training before finally debuting at the age of twenty, entering a populated girl group market. mayday debuted nearly a year earlier than neon, and their groups had very different concepts, but their milestones were consistently similar.

it helped, having someone going through the same experience as you but just a few months before, someone who already knew you and who you trusted. jueun was an advisor of sorts to goeun, having both the objectivity of someone outside of her group but the subjectivity of a friend, a fellow idol, a sunbae. within neon, goeun tried to play her role of the maternal member - nagging constantly, caring too much, trying to stay firm and steady and unwavering. she did not go to her members with her worries. she saved them, instead, for jueun, slightly more experienced and certainly sympathetic.

neon’s dalla dalla promotions were soon to wrap up, and mayday was preparing for their upcoming comeback. normally goeun would have asked jueun to come visit midas - with neon newly debuted and receiving even more attention than anticipated, it would do them no favours if rumours began swirling about what jang goeun was doing sneaking into the msg entertainment building at night. but she felt bad asking jueun to come over at such a busy time, and the buildings were close enough to one another that goeun didn’t feel like she was taking that big of a risk going there.

she entered the lobby wearing a baseball cap and a mask, taking off the latter to speak with the receptionist before stepping on the elevator and pressing the third floor button. the doors opened to reveal a slightly unfamiliar hallway, and it took goeun (and her bad sense of direction) a whole five minutes of wandering before she managed to find the lounge where they agreed to meet. she sat on the couch and glanced at the clock on the wall, hoping her friend would arrive soon.

[idgoeun]

shine

cosmopolitan mac photoshoot with @jaeinid

goeun stood a foot or so behind the photographer while one of the hairstylists gently ran her fingers through her hair, making the soft curls artfully messy. two of her group members stood under the hot lights, smiling with big, natural smiles and exuding charm. they had all spent a long time learning this, practicing how to be beautiful on command, how to be captured in a way that made you seem ethereal and untouchable to the public. she’d spent years learning how to look good in front of a camera, any camera - fans whose shutters clicked at breakneck speeds to capture every movement and glance, music shows where cameras swung around them as they danced, phone cameras where the picture was grainy and flat. watching her members now, though, she thought, that’s never been me. she learned to hold herself in front of a lens, but she had never become comfortable with it, could never make it feel natural. some old remnants of her childhood stage fright stirred in the pit of her stomach as she trained her eyes on the set, anticipating the moment when she’ll have to step into those lights herself.

jaein was going to share the pair shots with goeun, and she turned slightly to glance at the girl in question. they made an odd pair, goeun thought: human skyscraper next to small fry, experienced model in contrast to stiff newbie. jaein seemed so much more comfortable, so much more at home. goeun couldn’t help but feel jealous of her confidence.

she knew this was probably not the place, nor the time. but the embarrassment of having to act beautiful in front of a camera in a few minutes was making her stomach turn in knots and she had to do something, anything to distract herself. so she did what was most on-brand for jang goeun, something she knew would irritate but she thought necessary, if only not exactly necessary in this moment. as soon as the hairstylist was finished adjusting each of goeun’s curls, she moved to stand next to jaein, leaning towards the taller girl’s ear so she could speak quietly and avoid interrupting the photographer’s direction of their members. “unnie, i just remembered,” she lied, as if she’d ever forgotten. “earlier, at music premier, you went kinda breathy towards the end of the chorus, i think the last chorus.” even if this maybe wasn’t the time, goeun didn’t exactly feel bad pointing it out. neon was getting a lot of attention - with so many eyes on them, they had to be perfect every time, and mbc used live vocals, meaning any mistake was much more obvious. “you probably just got tired. want me to show you some of the exercises i do for stability later?”

[seolhyejeong]

[idgoeun]

mend

[idgoeun]

soeun‌:

“ i’m still terrified i’ll wake up tomorrow and they’ll say it’s cancelled. ” soeun admits, her voice small and grave. she doesn’t know why she says it, it really just slips out of her mouth before she can stop it – but it’s not wrong, either.

goeun had been through all of this before. she hadn’t gotten this far the first time, but she vividly remembers the excitement of aurora hearing their first song, the thrill of seeing their choreography, the idea that their dreams were soon to materialize into reality. it all ended for her not long afterwards, but it was enough that she felt like she was the experienced one in neon. sure, taoyi had debuted in taiwan already, but goeun was the only one who had come so far under midas media’s tutelage, and then had to do it again. now neon was so close that she could practically taste it, could imagine the cheers they’ll be hearing in just a few hours. maybe she could finally let go of fear she had of someone getting cut at the last minute; it was too late for any lineup changes now.

all that being said, throughout this process, goeun was jealous of the other members’ freshfaced enthusiasm for their debut. everything was new and exciting for them, every detail indicative of the promise and potential midas saw in them. everyone was concerned about getting cut at any given point, but there was a thrill in the perks of being in the debut team that goeun felt she couldn’t completely give in to. soeun especially drew her envy. she was younger than the rest of them, but a performer in the purest sense of the word. she was older and more experienced than goeun had been when she was in the aurora lineup, but she still reminded her of herself from that time. it made her a little uneasy, knowing what her own fate was, and also maybe a little attached.

she took the water from the younger girl, mumbled a quick “thanks”, and drank about half the bottle before she felt anything close to refreshed. she took her time before answering soeun’s question, wiping her mouth and her heart squeezing just a bit at the worried tone in her voice. “it’s too late for that, they’ve already sold all the showcase tickets and the music video is gonna be published in, like, a half hour.” she had meant the words to be comforting to both of them, but her tone wasn’t entirely anxiety-free, either. she cleared her throat. “it’ll go well. we’re prepared, we’ve worked hard. we’ve got the midas name on our side, so people will be checking us out just out of curiosity.” she took another sip from her water bottle, feeling the heaviness of the silence between them, before goeun sat on the ground, leaning her back against the cool glass of the mirror. “soeun, i- i just wanted to say...” it was awkward to have to say it out loud, so awkward, but she was more afraid of facing the world unprepared tomorrow. she swallowed and tried again. “i know we aren’t exactly close and we haven’t always gotten along, but since we’re going to be in front of a lot more people starting tomorrow, i think we should try. try to understand each other better, i mean. i don’t want to have to lie to everyone about how close neon is.” she paused, glancing at the younger girl’s face to gauge her reaction. “does that make sense?”

[idgoeun]

mend

last minute practice with @idsoeun

debut was still a day away, but goeun already felt an intense familiarity with neon. she could dance their choreography in her sleep, could run through the ad libs in dalla dalla without having to think about it. endless hours spent in the practice rooms together meant that she could shut her eyes and know exactly where her body ended and those of her other members’ began. that was especially true with soeun, despite their disagreements. maybe it was helped by the time spent sharing a room, forced in close proximity on top of their time spent together in endless practice rooms and endless meetings.

goeun got nervous before big performances, though, and the debut showcase was arguably the biggest performance of her career. she was proud, but the success of neon meant more to her than any pride. when she needed help with dance, she reached out to soeun. the younger girl was a strong dancer, an eye catching performer, all of the stage presence and charisma goeun feared she didn’t have enough of. and in a way, she hoped that reaching out for help on their last day as trainees would work as a kind of olive branch. neon was a small group, meant to a tight knit group of four. there was no one to hide behind if two of the members didn’t get along; any tension in the relationship ran the risk of being glaringly obvious. goeun felt like she was on a deadline to iron out any wrinkles in her relationship with soeun before the public got wind of them.

the song ended and goeun stood, panting over the few quiet seconds before the music looped and started again. “can we run the dance break again?” she asked, eyes drifting over to the clock on the wall. they had to be up early to get their hair and makeup properly styled to face the world for the first time, and they were already pushing into precious sleep time. “actually, let’s take a break. pass me some water?” when they weren’t focused on work, goeun could sense a tense awkwardness in the air, the kind that colleagues who never see each other outside of the office have when they run into one another on the weekend. ordering around the younger girl at least let goeun stand her ground as the unnie.

[theunnics]

[idgoeun]

190128 - r!ot debut showcase ➟ jang goeun

[idolizenews]

HOT DEBUT FROM MIDAS, NEON CLAIMS THEY’RE ‘DALLA DALLA’

1. [ +722, -173 ] Wowow, the song’s more addicting the more you listen to it ㅎㅎ The choreo and song is so fun that I really can’t believe they’re rookies, this is Midas class monster rookies~   2. [ +541, -131 ] Ah, hm… how do I say this nicely… was I expecting too much from Midas? ㅋㅋ Seriously, what is this, it feels like 5 different songs mixed into one?? They were really overhyped… But of course they’ll do well because of their company ㅋㅋㅋㅋ What a world… 3. [ +473, -68 ] Dalla~ dalla~ dalla~~ The song’s catchy and the group’s charismatic, I’m already a fan!! Let’s keep rising, Neon!! 

[idgoeun]

anticipation

april schedule: debut showcase preparations ( +5 sp / +5 exp )

goeun sat on the floor of the dance studio, leaning her back against the mirror, tapping away at neon’s manager’s computer during their break. they had been practicing endlessly for the showcase, fine tuning each and every detail - from going over every inch of choreography to perfecting their charming personal variety introductions. she was exhausted, sweaty, and panting, and would soon have to get up, get back into formation, and try her best to not fall behind the other members.

one of the girls had left a water bottle on the floor for goeun, but she was focused on her manager (her! manager! her very own manager!)’s laptop screen. her individual teaser dropped just earlier, and although she had already seen it, edited and smoothed out to perfection, she wanted to see it now. she got a kind of thrill, a kind of terror even, at the thought of her face being out there, public. sure, she’d been on mickey’s clubhouse, technically making her a public trainee. but the audience for that had an average age of eleven, at best, and it wasn’t exactly the path to fame and recognition. seeing her teaser out there, on the @NEONofficial twitter account (their very own twitter account!), with the midas logo and the “all rights reserved” fine print in one corner making everything official official, legally official.

she opened up her picture, taking in the saturated pinks and blues meant to hammer in their name and concept. the numbers under the photo kept going up, already in the thousands in a short span of time. it was like goeun had predicted for the past six years, dreaming of what her eventual debut would be like. midas media had enormous company power and a long, storied history of successful artists - that meant all that had to be done to get some attention towards neon is announce them. now it was up to them to meet expectations, ideally exceed them, and take the industry by storm the way the artists before them had.

her name was called from the other end of the room, snapping her out of her daydreams and back into their practice. she forced herself up from the floor, her sore muscles complaining about having to go again after only a short break. goeun had always had a harder time with dancing - it didn’t excite her or interest her the way singing did, so it was only natural that it was harder for her to put effort into it. but at this point they had reviewed the choreographies for each of the songs that were lined up for the showcase so many times that it felt like second nature to her. the music would start and her arms and legs followed suit. it was exhausting, and the dance teacher always found some detail to nitpick, but for the first time maybe ever, goeun didn’t feel particularly nervous about dancing in front of a crowd and livestreaming cameras in under a week. she normally got a kind of mild stage fright, but for now all she felt was a thrilling excitement. this was six years in the making - it was finally time for her to get her due.

[moyblurbs]

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