Not Yours — But Not Letting You Go
contains: tension, slow burn, jealousy, possessiveness, soft intimacy, almost-kiss, emotional restraint, non-idol au, school band guitarist ni-ki, quiet reader insert
that’s what makes it worse.
he looks at you like he’s already crossed the line —
you’re the only one still pretending it exists.
The gym always smelled like dust and metal—amps overheating, wires tangled like secrets no one admitted out loud.
You didn’t belong there. Not really.
You weren’t in the band. You didn’t hang around the loud crowd, didn’t laugh too easily, didn’t try too hard. You just… existed in the spaces between things. Hallways, window seats, the back row of assemblies.
And yet somehow, you kept ending up here.
Ni-ki never looked like he belonged anywhere either—except when he had a guitar in his hands. Then everything about him sharpened. Focused. Dangerous in a quiet, deliberate way.
His fingers moved like he knew exactly what they could do to people.
You noticed that the first time you stayed too long after school.
His voice cut through the empty gym, low and impatient. The drummer groaned, but reset anyway.
You sat on the bleachers, pretending to scroll through your phone.
Ni-ki glanced up between chords, eyes flicking straight to you like a reflex. Like he was checking you were still there.
A nod when you passed each other in the hallway.
Then him stopping mid-conversation with his bandmates just to watch you walk by—like he forgot what he was saying.
“Why do you keep coming here?”
You hadn’t even heard him walk up. One second you were alone, the next he was standing too close, guitar strap still slung over his shoulder.
You shrugged, not looking at him. “It’s quiet.”
He was already looking at you.
Not casually. Not curiously.
Like he was trying to figure out something he didn’t like not understanding.
“You don’t talk much,” he added.
“You talk enough for both of us.”
That made something shift in his expression—something sharp turning amused, but only slightly.
“Careful,” he murmured. “You sound like you know me.”
But you didn’t look away either.
That was your first mistake.
After that, he started sitting next to you during breaks.
Close enough that your shoulders almost touched. Close enough that you could feel the heat of him when he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, guitar resting against his leg.
He didn’t fill the silence like everyone else did.
Like he was testing how much tension it could hold before snapping.
“You’re always watching,” he said one day.
His fingers tapped against the guitar body, slow and rhythmic. “You think I don’t notice?”
Your throat went dry. “Maybe I’m watching the band.”
His lips tilted, just barely. “Then why don’t you look at anyone else?”
You didn’t have an answer.
A girl from another class started coming to practices—loud, bright, the kind of person who touched people when she talked.
She laughed too much at Ni-ki’s jokes.
Once, she reached out and adjusted his collar like it was nothing.
You didn’t stay that day.
You left before practice ended, footsteps too fast, chest too tight.
You told yourself it didn’t matter.
You told yourself he wasn’t yours.
He was behind you in the hallway, voice sharper than you’d ever heard it.
You turned slowly. “I had somewhere to be.”
Ni-ki stepped closer, closing the distance like it irritated him that it existed at all.
“You always stay,” he said, quieter now. “You didn’t even wait for me to finish.”
You crossed your arms, defensive. “You had company.”
Something in his eyes darkened—jealousy, unmistakable and raw, but not the kind you expected.
“For someone who doesn’t talk much,” he said, voice low, “you assume a lot.”
“And for someone who doesn’t care,” you shot back, “you’re asking a lot of questions.”
Your breath caught. “Don’t like what?”
His voice dropped, softer now, but more dangerous for it. “Feels like you’re slipping out of my hands.”
“You don’t have me,” you said, barely above a whisper.
Now there was no space left.
The way he said it didn’t sound like acceptance.
It sounded like a problem he intended to fix.
After that, everything changed.
Not obvious enough for anyone else to notice.
A hand at your wrist when you tried to walk away too quickly.
Fingers brushing yours when he handed you something—lingering just a second too long.
Once, when you were sitting together, his knee pressed against yours and didn’t move.
“Say something,” he murmured.
“Because when you’re quiet like this…” His thumb traced absent circles against the edge of the bench, dangerously close to your hand. “I start thinking things.”
His gaze lifted to yours, slow and deliberate.
“That you don’t feel it.”
Your chest tightened. “Feel what?”
Instead, he shifted—closer, closer—until your shoulder was pressed against his, your breath caught somewhere between in and out.
“Tell me to stop,” he said softly.
But he didn’t sound like he wanted you to.
Just enough to brush against yours.
Your fingers curled slightly, instinctively reaching before you could stop yourself.
His grip tightened immediately.
“You do feel it,” he said, almost to himself.
The almost happened the night of the school festival.
The gym was louder than usual—crowded, lights dim, music vibrating through the floor.
Ni-ki’s band had just finished playing.
You were waiting backstage, heart still racing from watching him.
Sweat-damp hair, breath uneven, eyes already locked on yours.
Something in his expression softened—just for a second.
Then the tension snapped back into place.
He walked toward you, slow, deliberate.
The noise from outside faded, like the world had shrunk to just this narrow, electric space between you.
“You looked at me the whole time,” he said.
“I notice everything about you.”
His hand lifted—hesitated for half a second—then tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.
His fingers didn’t move away.
They slid down, brushing your jaw.
“Yeah,” he murmured. “Like that.”
His thumb lingered just under your chin, tilting your face up slightly.
Your breath mixed with his.
“Tell me to stop,” he whispered again.
But this time, his voice wasn’t steady.
Like he was holding himself back with everything he had.
You looked at him—really looked.
At the tension in his jaw.
The way his hand tightened just slightly, like he didn’t trust himself not to pull you closer.
You shook your head, just barely.
For a second, you thought he wouldn’t listen.
Then slowly, painfully, he pulled back.
His forehead rested lightly against yours instead.
“You’re dangerous,” he muttered.
You almost smiled. “So are you.”
He huffed a quiet laugh, breath warm against your skin.
“Yeah,” he said. “But at least I know it.”
His hand slipped into yours again.
And even though the line hadn’t been crossed—
It felt closer than ever.
And neither of you were pretending you didn’t want to.
some lines aren’t meant to be kept — only blurred.
next time, you won’t stop him.
late afternoons in empty gyms,
looks that linger too long,
heat that builds but never breaks
i hope yall liked itt!! its my first ff