Kids Bedroom , 1958

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Kids Bedroom , 1958
1920's School Desk
high-performance school furniture, Student Desks, Bench-Desk Combos, and Teacher’s Tables with Lecture Stands by Woodbine in Faridabad, Delh
I know ppl don’t like desks like this
But you must understand that it’s better than this
Intelligence. I think I've always yearned to be intelligent. I have a rocky and sensitive relationship with wanting that, however. I have always felt like I've come short in that aspect of my life. I remember starting out as a kid and struggling in school and looking over to the other kids who just seemed to get it. To me, being intelligent overall seems to make life easier, more fun to enjoy, and maybe even peaceful. I prayed, tried, and worked to become intelligent, but it always seemed to be fruitless. Someone was always more intelligent, or I studied the wrong things and even maybe just didn't get it. This has always been a big insecurity of mine, my nightmare, my frustration of not being able to achieve the higher understandings unlocked by being more intelligent. There is so much talent so much wit so much to learn from this world, and yet my brain just didn't get it. It doesn't seem fair. It feels like a sealed fate one that I so desperately want to rip myself away from. And yet, the hold of ignorance, confusion, frustration, and my brain just being against me is stronger. Intelligence to me is a double sided sword one that could help me protect myself from the many hoping on your lack of knowledge to lie, to deceive, like a small invisible hand who's grip tightens ever so slightly. The touch so gentle so unpredictable, gradually and ever so slightly pressing at my wind pipes, leaving me with no air, clinging to life in this constant battle of feel like I need to air, I need to breathe, let go but I am refused that right. On the other hand, it's been used against my swiftly, apathetic, and with a sinister smile. glad to see my mind, and I battle this continuous, torturous fight with no end. The more I read, the more I learn, and the more I consume it feels like a desperate attempt to be better intellectually a dream so simple yet so out of reach. Like a psychological game with the purpose of showing me something I shouldn't even dare to desire. My brain rejects me and my desire to learn more by making it more difficult to understand but keeping me paralyzed in fear, feeling inferior and sad. It's just really sad. I look at all those who take advanced classes, win awards, scholarships, and opportunities due to their intelligence. My whole being drips in envy. Why can't I be smart, too? Why can't I understand things as easy as they do? My envy isn't anger nor is it even green with an intention to have ill will against those more advance than me, I am just washed with a sea of sadness that something that seems so common so easy to obtain and always near me. Doesn't want me to be theirs. I am that child standing behind the fence while everyone else is allowed to enter. Learning and curiosity Two things so natural and ingrained to our core as human beings, has felt like a rust old knife plunged so deeply into my skin that my body has learned to grow cells, tissue and scar around. Constantly opening my wounds because it's not supposed to be there, often creating more scars and tears to my core each time I breathe and move. An object that was supposed to be foreign to my body and rejected by my defenses becomes an aching familiarity embedding itself deeper and deeper in my skin. This entry is nonsense, anger, and my frustration to not being given the privilege and joy of being intelligent.
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