Hii mindy. Hope you are doing good. I have seen how many people asks you and share their doubts or problems with youu so I wanted to ask you about this since chatgpt isn't actually gonna work for this, lol. So I am liking this boy in my class, he used to be my quiet good friend like we used to banter, chitchat with each other , and jokes around. But from now almost one year he has stopped talking with me which never really affected me but as I have already mentioned above that I realised that I have a crush on him it made me sad thinking about our past moments. I think he likes another girl in class (I am not sure) so I got even more sad bcs I am such a fool for thinking that he will like someone like me uglyy af. And that girl is actually pretty... Uhmm.. yeah.. so I tried to ignore these things and focus on my studies but we makes so many small but lotssss of eye contacts in class which doesn't let me overcome this feeling so I am in doubt whether he like me or her...and I also wants to focus on my studies... Helppp
✧ school crushes + self-love ✧
hi, my lovely angel! tysm for reaching out to me! i'm so glad you felt comfortable sharing this with me because tbh school crushes are literally the most confusing thing ever and chatgpt could NEVERRRR understand the "eye contact" struggle lol (believe me, i've dealt with this in school, random places AND work!)
also, yes lol, i literally have nearly 200 asks in my inbox. it's very overwhelming PLUS i have my hotline "glowettee hotline" with over 100 submissions. i'm very stressed here lol. BUT i wanted to answer your question (and start drafting some other answers for other asks)
one thing i want you to know is i know this kind of crush is not "silly" or some small hallway crush. it actually feels heavy, distracting and very weirdly tied to your self-worth. i understand yoU!!
~ ♡ first things first ♡ ~
PLEASE STOP calling yourself that!!!! the way you talked about yourself broke my heart. calling yourself "ugly af" just because a boy MIGHT like someone else is NOT THE TRUTH. i want to be honest it's your insecurity trying to narrate the story (I AM NOT BEING RUDE OR CALLING YOU INSECURE) everyone has insecurity (I have insecurity) and sometimes (most times) it tries to narrate situations in our head to "protect" us. and insecurity is a terrible storyteller. it always exaggerates, always trying to humiliate you and never tells the full picture. i promise you that you are NOT "ugly af" and comparing yourself to another girl is only going to hurt your heart. beauty is not a competition. just because she's pretty doeS NOT mean you aren't. you have your own unique magic, and the right person will see that so clearly. self-comparison is the thief of joy, literally. so, try to be a little kinder to yourself today, okay? and i mean by no means forcing you to become thewizardliz or mutter affirmations to yourself every second, THAT'S "FORCED CONFIDENCE." confidence is something you gradually develop.
~ ♡ the boy ♡ ~
now, about him.
you and the boy had a REAL connection once. banter, comfort, jokes, ease. that actually matters. people don't just imagine that. (it's a two-person experience) BUT something shifted... when boys pull away, it's often not because YOU did something wrong or suddenly became unlovable. sometimes they're confused or sometimes they're intimidated. SOMETIMES they caught feelings and didn't know how to sit with them. and sometimes they like the attention but got scared of the closeness. or they're immature and avoidant, or they could be focused on someone else... or sometimes (and this is the last sometimes) -- it's literally just timing.
the silence doesn't automatically mean rejection, BUT IT DOES MEAN UNCERTAINTY! and uncertainty is what's hurting you the most right now.
okay, quick little story before the eye‑contact part: i’m not a guy, obviously, but whenever i’ve had a really deep crush on someone, i reacted in the weirdest way. back in my freshman year, there was this person i liked so much, and our friends were low‑key trying to push us together. but i have this habit of avoiding my feelings - and avoiding the person i have feelings for - so i started distancing myself. sometimes i’d even act a little rude. it got to the point where they asked my friend if they’d done something wrong or if i hated them. hearing that honestly hurt, because it made me realize how avoidant and immature i was being just because i liked them. the whole time they thought i disliked them, when in reality i was literally into them.
so what i’m trying to say is: people react differently when they catch feelings. avoiding, pulling back, acting distant, it’s actually a really common defense mechanism when someone doesn’t want to confront how they feel. that’s why i mentioned it as a possibility for him, because i’ve done the exact same thing to someone i liked.
~ ♡ the eye contact mystery ♡ ~
okay, if you guys are making "lottsssssss" of eye contact in class, he is DEFINITELY looking at you for a reason. boys usually don't keep looking back at someone unless they're thinking about them.
BUT LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY: eye contact doesn't always mean "i like you." but it DOES mean there's still awareness. unresolved energy. familiarity, curiosity. or even guilt. it means you're not AT ALL invisible to him. but when we're emotionally invested, we start treating eye contact like evidence, like clues we HAVE to decode. that's how crushes become mental traps. and gosh, this guy at my old job was ALWAYS making eye contact with me, and STRONG eye contact, and he would never break the eye contact, it was always me, like he was trying to assert dominance over me, and i fell for that mental trap. i HAD this very big work crush on him and i still can't get him out of my head to this day.
but sometimes when a friendship that has that "banter" vibe and then someone catches feelings, it gets awkward. he might have stopped talking a year ago because he started liking you and didn't know how to handle it, or maybe he's just as shy as you are!!
~ ♡ what to do rn ♡ ~
you don't need to figure out whether he likes you or her. that question will slowly eat you alive because you can't answer it without hurting yourself.
try to understand if this situation is helping you feel calm, confident and focused OR if it's making you feel small, anxious and distracted. because i feel like for you, right now it's doing the second.
i learned that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for a crush is de-romanticize them just enough to regain control. NOT TO HATE THEM. not to suppress your feelings. but just to stop letting them dominate your inner world.
right now, this boy is LIVING RENt-FREE in your mind while giving you... confusion. that's NOT a fair exchange.
okay so, next time you make eye contact with him, try a tiny little bitty test, don't look away immediately. give him a small, sweet smile and then go back to your work. it's a low-key way to show him you're still friendly without having to say a word. i know it may seem like a lot but just a tiny smile to show him you're unbothered. don't worry about the "other girl" until you actually know for sure. a lot of times we project our insecurities onto other people and assume the worst.
about focusing on your studies. don't treat studying like an escape from your feelings. i tried that, for multiple things not just romantic feelings/relationships. instead, treat it like grounding. structure your day so your mind actually has fewer empty spaces to spiral. sit in the front. keep your notes neat. watch study vlogs. try new study methods. every time you choose focus over overthinking, you're actually choosing yourself. try to "romanticize" being the girl who is too busy building her future and knowledge to worry about a boy who isn't making a move yet. put on some lofi, take your notes, research topics you love and let your success be your main character energy lol. i am SO proud of you for actually thinking "hey, i wanna focus on my education, not a boy." you're already STEPS ahead from healing from this situation no matter the outcome.
~ ♡ notes + advice ♡ ~
okay, now please hear this part clearly... another girl being pretty does not make you any less beautiful (i mentioned this earlier in the post) but, it's important you know this. boys don't choose based on a universal ranking system of looks. this HUGE misconception that men like certain types of women is SOO SOO very wrong. we are all individual human beings. attraction is PERSONAL, EMOTIONAl and CONTEXTUAl AND VERY MESSY. the idea that you're "a fool" for liking him is just shame talking. liking someone doesn't make you weak AT ALL. staying stuck in self-hate does.
okay now some of my personal advice you can do i wanted to sprinkle in, not the boring kind lol:
STOP. MONITORING. HIS. BEHAVIOR. i will say this with pride. stop. no counting eye contacts, no decoding glances, it keeps you emotionally stuck (and like i mentioned before about my little work crush, THIS ATE ME UP! i counted each and every time we made eye contact. i was a little obsessed)
don't chase closure through imagination. if he wanted to pursue something right now, you would feel clarity right now. NOT CONFUSION.
redirect your attention to places where you actually feel competent and seen, like how you already mentioned, your studies/education. but also, friendships, interests, hobbies, people you admire online that actually motivate YOU to do better in YOUR life. invest your time into yourself and the right person for you will come along.
also, if he talks to you again naturally, be warm. but not emotionally available. protect your heart WITHOUT closing it like i did.
you are so beautiful, and such an amazing person! please focus more on yourself and know you're becoming the version of you that you want to be.
also, one more thing. you do not need to be chosen by him to be worthy. the version of you who studies, grows and becomes confident AND stops tearing herself down. THAT VERSION is already powerful, regardless of who he likes
~ ♡ final notes from ME! ♡ ~
you are so young and you have so much time to find love. don't let a boy in your class make you feel "less than." your worth is NEVERRRR defined by whether a boy talks to you or who he MIGHT like. you are smart, you are capable and you are going to do AMAZINGGG in your studies!!
crushes actually fade fastest when you STOP arguing w/ reality and start focusing/building yourself. I PROMISE YOU, one day you'll look back at this and realize this moment was not even about him at all. it was about learning FOR YOURSELF to NOT abandon YOURSELF for someone else's attention (hope that makes sense? lol)
please be gentle with your heart. you are NOT unlovable and you're MOST DEFINIETLY NOT UGLY!
sending you the biggest virtual hug + all the good vibes for your classes!! hope this helps!!
xoxo, mindy 🤍
p.s. feel free to send more asks if anything changes!! or even privately dm for ANY ADVICE at all! i'm always here to listen <3
