Punky monkey where Sarah dies and Beth takes her place (kind of like the show but it doesn't have to be suicide) and cosima is so broken and begs Beth for one more night with "Sarah" to which Beth agrees (and you know I love details)
WHY would you do this to me! I cried writing this..god damn it! ugh, here you go you masochist you.
Alone in this Bed
“I’m sorry ma’am..we couldn’t save her..”
Waking up without you, it doesn’t feel right, to sleep with only memories, it’s harder every night…sometimes I think I can feel you breathing on my neck.
It’s been months since you left, and I still wake up, feeling your arms around me, the warmth of your breath and for a moment, I can almost imagine that you’re here. But as the sunlight filters in and I open my eyes, my heart shatters as I remember that you’ll never be back.
"Sarah.." I sob into your pillow, clutching it to my chest as my whole body shakes.
It still smells like you, cigarettes and leather and something spicy I never could figure out and it helps me calm down, but the hole in my chest is still there.
I’ve been living with her since you died, I couldn’t stand walking into our empty apartment anymore, it was tearing me apart. Being with Beth all the time, helps a little, she makes sure I eat, sleep, and shower. Makes sure I’m taking my meds and it doesn’t hurt that she looks so much like you.
I’ve got the feeling that this will never cease, living in these pictures, it never comes with ease, I swear that if I could make this right, you’d be back by now.
I’ve been staring at our photo albums for what feels like hours. the tears dried up long ago, but my breathing is still ragged as I trail my fingers over your smiling face.
"I remember this.." I murmured as my fingers stilled, biting my lip hard.
"Remember what?" Beth asked as she sat next to me, her arm brushing against mine.
I smiled despite myself as I scoot the album into her lap, pointing to your picture. “We were at the park and Kira was playing with Felix on the see-saw and Felix fell off and I took the picture when Sarah was laughing, it’s the best smile I’ve ever gotten of her.” I said softly, letting out a sigh.
"She looks so happy, it’s weird, I’m so used to the smiles she would put on for pictures, like…" She paused as she flipped the page a few times, before landing on a family picture that was taken a few years ago "That one, the smile that says ‘I’m only doing this because you asked me to’ she was so good at that."
"Yeah, gosh, this picture is what, three years old, that was the year Kira left for college." I chuckled softly, looking at the girl who towered over her mother. Her hair never did darken out like Sarah’s, it always stayed light like Cal’s.
"It is, isn’t it, that was the year Donnie and Alison split up, wasn’t it?" She asked as I thought about it for a moment, before nodding my head.
"Yeah, I think it happened after Christmas, we were all at our place and they looked so uncomfortable sitting next to each other, but I think they stayed together as long as they did, because of the kids." I shrugged my shoulder, vaguely aware that I had been talking about you without breaking down.
"Eh, probably." Beth let out a soft sigh, before she slung an arm around me, hugging me gently. "Why don’t we get some dinner and watch a movie? I’ll even let you pick."
I found myself leaning into her warmth, just letting it soothe me as I shrugged my shoulders once more. “Alright, Chinese and Lord of the Rings it is.” I smiled, poking her side.
For the first time, in a long time, I was some what happy as we ate, pointing out stupidities in the movies, until we were too tired to watch another moment.
"G’night, Cosima." Beth murmured after she had tucked me in. It was a normal thing by now, her making sure I was ready for sleep.
"Goodnight, Beth." I replied, turning on my side as she exited my room.
The darkness brought it all back, the sadness weighing down on my chest once more, but I did my best to push it away until I passed out.
Tonight I’m screaming out to the stars, he knows he owes me a favor, it doesn’t matter where you are, you’ll be mine again.
I hear screaming, in the middle of the night and it takes me a moment to realize that it’s my own screaming. There are tears pouring down my cheeks and my throat stings, but I can’t silence the sounds that are being torn from my throat.
"Cosima!"I hear her yell, just before the door flies open and soon her arms are around me, rocking me gently. "Shh..it’s okay, you’re alright.." She whispers as I cling to her.
I bury my face into her shoulder, my hands gripping her night shirt tightly as I try to calm down, as I try to get a grip, but I just can’t.
"It s’alright, Cos.." She murmured and some how she sounded just like you. I pulled away a bit, sniffling as I looked up into her eyes.
They were sad and scared and so full of concern, that I couldn’t help myself as I pressed my lips against hers.
I wish I could hear your voice, don’t leave me alone in this bed,I wish I could touch you once more, don’t leave me alone in this bed.
"Cosima..I.." She said softly as she pulled away, her brow furrowing as she looked down at me.
"Please…please..just give me one more night with her.." I pleaded, knowing full well how selfish I was being, but god did I need you and you were gone.
She let out a soft sigh, before pulling me close, pressing our lips together once more. She was so warm, so soft, so much like you, that I couldn’t bring myself to care that it wasn’t.
Soon, she had me pressed into the mattress, her hand snaking up my shirt as I gasped into her mouth, my back arching up into her, just trying to feel that warmth against me.
"Off.." She grunted, tugging at my shirt and I complied, allowing her to pull it over my head.
She replaced it’s warmth with her own as she trailed kisses of fire down my chest, leaving me panting as she tugged at my nipples. “Fuck..” I groaned, letting my eyes fall shut.
Her calloused hands did away with my bottoms and I was left bare beneath her, needy and hot and so full of want, that when she made me look at her, all I could do was nod.
A moan tore its way from my throat as her fingers delved into me, while her mouth left hot kisses all along my skin, making me cry out once more.
"More.." I managed to gasp out as she curled her fingers and I could feel her chuckle against my chest as she increased her pace, thrusting into me hard as I bucked my hips up into her.
It didn’t take long, for her to throw me over the edge, leaving me a writhing mess, calling out your name as I came down from the high. She moved off of me, only to pull me into her arms, kissing my forehead softly as I curled into her warmth.
"Thank you.." I whispered as I buried my face into her chest, letting her hold me, comfort me.
"Anything for you.." She murmured, pulling the blankets over us, leaving me feeling slightly guilty, but I was too tired to deal with it.
After a few moments of silence, I took a slow breath, nuzzling her before saying something I should have said to her before. “I love you..I hope you know that..” It didn’t feel like a betrayal to you, it was truth, she had helped me so much and I did love her, jsut not like I loved you.
"I do know, Cosima and I love you too, now get some sleep." She said softly, tucking my head under her chin.
Don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me alone in this bed, don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me alone in this bed.
(CCLAU10) "No, Beth, did he ask you to swipe your credit card in his ass crack?" "No actually, he said that no one comes her camping anymore" "BETH WHAT DID I JUST HEAR?" "Calm down, Cos, he said that since the movies no one comes out here to camp" "Okay, no, it's totally cool we're going to a creepy ass camp site in the middle of nowhere, I was fine with that. BUT NOW ITS HELLA ABANDONED AND SOME CREEPY GAS STATION GUY TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY?" "Cosima, relax. Nothing bad is going to happen"
(pt2) "Hey" "Can't talk. Science" "Cosima I need" "Sh" "Geek monkey" "Damnit Beth, when eye in microscope, you leave I" "Cosima I need help" "Whatever, shoot" "What do you know about Bangs?" "Um, it's onomatopoeia" "No not the word. Bangs. Theatre Nerd" "Oh, Alison? That is something I don't know a lot about. She's in Delphine's Geography class" "And where's Delphine now?" "Smoking. Why all the questions?" "Nothing. Hey thanks a lot Cos, yeah" "Whatever"
BETH ASKING EVERYONE ABOUT ALISON (AKA BANGS AKA THEATRE NERD)
"Face it, Beth, Canada sucks balls at sport" "Cos, don't rub salt in the wounds. It still hurts" "Shoulda supported the ol' US of A. I mean Fitzsimmons won us like five gold medals. We topped the tables" "Please" "Even France did better than you guys and Britain! How does it feel to know that Delphine, Sarah and Rachel's countries did better?" "IT HURTS" "See I don't even care but you're reaction is, like, totally worth the research" "I hate you I'm gonna arrest you for smoking pot" "oh please"
lumber anon i am canadian like beth do not insult me
