tumblr seems like the appropriate place to admit the outfit I wore in the SCP-2030 photo is from a Lackadaisy (Rocky) cosplay I did in 2010. Those weren't even real wingtips; it's white acrylic paint on black shoes.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU'RE KILLED IN THE REAL WORLD AND THEN HAVE YOUR BODY STOLEN SO YOU CAN APPEAR ON AN ANOMALOUS PRANK SHOW OF WHICH THERE IS NO KNOWN ORIGIN?
Can I request a SCP-2030-2 where his most recent guest/victim-who is the reader-turns out to be an SCP (maybe like a Witch)? Maybe they react to everything like it's the most normal thing in the world.
Can’t say I enjoyed the SCP, but I did like the ask.
SCP-2030 and SCP Reader
Your tea is screaming. You set it down and stare at it, momentarily perturbed, but when the screaming just continues, you simply shrug and dump in some cream, then take a sip.
“Hm. Spicy,” is all you say, as you stare out the window of your living room. The forest is nice today.
Except for the crows that have flown into your window. Oh, quite a few. You mutter something under your breath as you let them in, and then the crows all begin to scream too, and you just cross your arms as you watch them contort in odd ways and then combine to form some sort of- flesh blob. With teeth.
You nudge it with your shoe.
“It’s not even Tuesday, yet,” you sigh, and then begin rummaging around in your cupboard, tossing a strip of jerky to the Blob as you search for… ah, the saffron jar. Not much left. Oh well.
One carefully muttered incantation, and the saffron is glowing, much like your eyes and hands, and then you reel it back like a baseball and launch it at the corner of your room.
The hidden camera crackles, screeches, and dies. You dust off your hands. The Flesh Blob gurgles.
“Yes, yes. Probably another one of those annoying ‘prank’ shows- honestly, pranks these days, so unimaginative,” as you walk away, you gesture with your hands and the Blob floats behind you, “Well, come on then. Might as well find a use for you.”
And, on the television screen, SCP-2030-1 lets out an uncharacteristic sigh. Witches are always impossible to prank- and mean, too!
“Laughy,” Mr. Laugh said, holding his camera as his co-worker lead him to a murder scene. “Are you sure that it’s a good idea?”
“You wanted proves, didn’t you?” Laughy said. “Any proof that shows how evil this cult is?”
“Y-yeah, but-” Mr. Laugh began to say, but Mr. McLaugherson shushed him.
“Look, whenever a cultist murder someone, they’d always leave behind the address where you can meet them, in case you want to join them or interview their leader.” McLaugherson said. “This is our chance to get some answers, right? We can talk with their leader!”
“But is it a good idea?” Mr. Laugh asked.
He never told Laughy about Brass. He never told him about their connection. Never told him about the list, about Wondertainment... He told him nothing. And at that moment, he began regretting it.
The camera filmed everything. Laugh remained silent as his co-worker explained everything when he thought it was just the beginning of the stream, and recorded even before that. They were live-streaming this to people from all over the world, who are paying them to figure out the mystery behind the church of the broken god.
“Laugh, come look at this!” Laughy said, moving his friend’s attention from the bloody knife that lied on the ground. Laugh always wondered how these cultists were never caught even though they leave the murder weapons on the ground. This one had some large fingerprints on it, covered in Dorito dust. “If this one isn’t getting caught, then it means that the cops have something to do with that.” He said. Perhaps he should ask Soap about that.
Laugh moved to where his co-worker was crouching, picking up a napkin with the same Dorito dust on it. It had the address written right on it with a red Copic marker.
“It’s not too far from here,” McLaugherson said. “Something like two minutes on foot.”
He grabbed Laugh’s hand, leading him (and the viewers) down the street.
“Hide your camera,” McLaugherson said. “But put it somewhere where the viewers can see everything.”
He placed the camera in his pouch. It had a hole that was big enough for the camera to record everything, and it was almost impossible to see that camera from the hole. It was perfect.
---
The two met with the cultist, who took them to a building that was a bit further from where they were. McLaugherson Wasn’t ready to walk that distance, but Laugh? Laugh was already preparing himself to run for his fucking life.
They entered the building, which was bigger than anything Mr. Laugh has ever seen, and walked down the hall. While McLaugherson was visibly excited to get some answers and expose the cult, Mr. Laugh tried not to show his fear. He knew what will happen as soon as they’d enter Brass’s office, but... he didn’t want the other cultist to realize that he’s on Brass’s killing list. They will do anything for their “Lord”, after all.
“My lord?” the cultist said as he knocked on the door. “These two young souls are here. They said that they want to ask you some questions.”
“Let them in.” The familiar voice of Mr. Brass said from the other side of the door. That robotic sound of his brother made Laugh’s heart stop for a second. He felt shivers down his spine, and regrets started to fill his head more and more.
The doors opened as the two entered the office, and closed as they took their seats. Mr. Brass sat in front of them, smirking at the sight of his target.
“Are you the leader of this place?” McLaugherson asked.
“Why else would that guy refer to me as his lord?” Mr. Brass responded.
“We are-” McLaugherson began to say, but Brass cut him off.
“Oh, I know who you are, Laughy McLaugherson.” Brass said. “But I know your fella here even better.”
Brass’s eyes turned to Mr. Laugh, who was already sweating.
“Isn’t that right, little brother?” Brass asked.
McLaugherson stared at Brass, shocked and confused by the fact that his co-worker never told him that he knew him.
“L-Laughy, w-we should go...” Laugh said, looking at his co-worker with fear in his eyes. He felt unsafe, as he knew it was his turn on the list.
“Why?” Brass asked. “You are the one with the camera.”
“How-” McLaugherson began to ask, but Brass cut him off again.
“Let’s make a deal.” Brass said. “I’ll give you your precious answers, only if You, Mr. McLaugherson, would take the camera and let me talk to my brother. Alone.”
McLaugherson got up from his chair and took the pouch, but... something stopped him from exiting the room just yet. The way Mr. Laugh quickly grabbed his hand and looked at him with a terrified face, with eyes filled with tears, as he mouthed him not to leave him there with Brass, gave McLaugherson a really bad feeling about it.
“I’ll be near the door if you need me.” McLaugherson told him.
McLaugherson nodded to Brass then left the room, allowing the doors to close behind him. He quickly made sure that nobody was watching, then proceeded to take the camera out of the pouch and put it close to the keyhole, making sure that both he and the viewers could see and hear what’s going on inside.
---
“So, now that your buddy left, I can finally talk to you.” Brass said to Laugh as he was playing with his dagger. He could smell his brother’s terror.
“I’m in trouble, am I?” Laugh said, looking for a way to escape the room.
“It wasn’t really the smartest decision to come here, considering what I’ve done to Redd and Mad.” Brass said. “You must really care for this McLaugherson guy if you’re willing to come with him all the way over here to meet your own doom. Or perhaps it’s the money?”
“Why... Why are you doing this?” Laugh asked, voice slowly breaking.
“You see, before this cult I had nothing. Nothing but me and my boy.” Brass said. “And now, thanks to the whole Wondertainment thing, he’s dying. This cult promised me safety. Promised me to cure him. Promised me a fucking meaning.”
“You had us-”
“Lier!” Brass yelled, slamming his hand on the table, almost stabbing it. “You guys didn’t care. You all ignored me! All of you! This asshat Wondertainment was this fucking close to throw me in the basement!”
Brass sat back down at his chair, looking at his brother who was quietly panicking.
“Mikey is the only thing that made me have a reason to smile,” Brass said. “But stupid ass LD...and the twins... they are going to take him away from me...”
He held on to his dagger.
“So guess what? Remember how you always said that you think that nobody should look at you?” Brass said.
He got up, raising his dagger in the air.
“Well, nobody would see you when you’ll be six feet under!” Brass yelled as he was about to land a fatal blow to his brother.
Unfortunately, he forgot that Mr. Chameleon gave him some self-defense lessons, so he was surprised when Laugh mannaged to block his attack and push his away from him.
The fact that Brass crashed onto a bookcase behind him stunned him, giving Laugh enough time to get up and leave the room quickly.
Laugh grabbed McLaugherson’s hand as the two ran for the exit, then they ran down some fields in an unknown direction. That’s when a car drove beside them.
The car’s window rolled down, and that’s when the two saw Mr. Soap driving the car and Mr. Hot in the passenger seat.
“Get in, losers,” Hot said. “We’re taking you to somewhere safe.”
The two entered the car, surprised to see that the third guy who sat in the back seat was Mr. Headless, one of the most infamous assassins in town.
“What... the fuck... is going on?” McLaugherson asked.
“We’ll explain everything when we’ll get to Lost’s.” Soap said.
“Wait, we’re going to a fucking mafia house?!” McLaugherson asked. “What the fuck...”
“It doesn’t matter now.” Headless said, then turned his attention to Laugh.
“Did he hurt you?” Headless asked him.
Instead of answering, Laugh buried his fact in his knees, allowing the tears to fall down his face.
“Not physically,” Hot said. “We saw the stream. Guess Chameleon was right when he said that self-defense classes are a good idea.”
“I’m sorry...” McLaugherson said. “I didn’t know that you know each other... or that he’ll hurt you... shit, man...”
“That’s... That’s okay, Laughy.” Laugh said, face still buried in his knees. “I didn’t really tell you anything about my personal life, did I?”
---
As soon as they reached the mansion, Laughy began to see more people he wrote articles about. Either other criminals, such as Lost and Sweetie who were talking by the door, some celebrities such as Smiles, Redd, and Mad who watched the sunset, and some of the local heroes, such as Mr. Chameleon and the twins, who were meditating.
The mafia leader quickly turned his attention to his little brother and quickly hugged him.
“I watched the stream, man.” Lost said. “God... I can’t believe you fucking got away from him without any injuries on you... or on your man.”
“Oh, we’re not dating.” the journalist said as he followed Lost’s eyes, who were looking at McLaugherson.
“Anyways, I told my men to prepare you two a room as well.” Lost said. “I’ll show ya.”
As they walked over to the room on the second floor, they saw more familiar faces.
Mr. Fish was in a humongous pull, talking to Professor Skip. These two seem to be close to each other, McLaugherson thought.
Mr. Hungry was grabbing all he can from the refrigerator in the kitchen, as Mr. Moon and LD were talking over a cup of tea.
When they finally got into their room, McLaugherson sat on one of the beds, claiming it as his, then looked at Lost and Laugh.
“Now, can one of you two PLEASE explain to us what the fuck is going on?” he asked.
Lost leaned against the wall and sighed.
“Well, you and your viewers want to listen to this,” Lost said. “Because the family’s drama isn’t over yet, and this shit would bring you all the views you need.”
“What do you mean?” Laugh asked. “I mean, other than the fact that Brass is now a cult leader.”
“Well, remember Wondertainemt? Our dad?” Lost said. “Turns out he’s still alive.”
“Well, shit,” Laugh said. “It is gonna be a long fucking series.”
