Im actually irrefutable proof of direct divine creation because only a loving god would create a girl this fucked up

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Im actually irrefutable proof of direct divine creation because only a loving god would create a girl this fucked up
Im back from Turkey and I just had the best breakup Ive ever had, I have survived being locked in a room with the worlds grumpiest man. Irrefutable proof of my divinity that both of these things worked out.
I am in Beautiful Switch/Switch Heaven But Now I Need to Unpack Why I Feel All This Weird Guilt
I love u bisq but u are the worst thing in the world for my anxiety
moth tried to fly into the light from my cigarette. Me too buddy, me too
I need to be able to fuck your literal guts repeatedly. You do not need both your lungs to survive. Without one, you are left with a warm,richly supplied and innervated cavity, easily accessible under the rib cage if the stomach is kneaded hard enough. Wouldn't it be so intimate if I could feel your frantic heartbeats so close to my twitching cock?
Your ribs would now be open to me, protecting nothing I could beat them to my complete satisfaction, and marvel at the strange shapes they heal themselves back into. You want to be perfect for me, dont you? The rib cage is a perfect mixture of bone and muscle and cartilage, it has the most satisfying elasticity on impact, and like this my satisfaction no longer risks your life.
Fuck, I could press my fingers into your intercostal muscle, feel them twitching and spasming, I could wrench at your ribs and reset them from the outside. I could burrow and curl my fingers into so many parts of you, I would always have somewhere else to violate whilst you heal.
Why risk your life for one moment of ecstasy when I could make you unique?
cw: internalised ableism
I used to think I had conquered shame, but I realised today its only the shame I knew I would fit. I am not ashamed of being trans, of being horny or kinky or weird or confusing or unhuman or opinionated. I am ashamed of being disabled. I get so angry at those "wow some people do nothing and say firebomb a walmart whilst I write to my MP" and its like its not their fault but I was there, I was "firebombing a walmart" and I just cant. If its not my back its my stomach, if its not that its my anxiety, its my PTSD, I forgot to take my stims. I cant remember, I cant forget, I cant get angry without becoming mute and getting pseudo-paralysis in my legs. I find it harder to communicate, to coordinate, to keep time. I cant even kiss properly.
And everyone around me gives me so much grace and space and they expect nothing of me and I just turn their acceptance around into pitying myself, into feeling unhelpful and unwanted. And every burden someone takes off of me hurts, forcing me to acknowledge how I cant be trusted to set reasonable standards, to meet my own standards, to know my limits.
idk I've never really considered myself disabled for silly cope reasons, but in doing so I think Ive treated some people a bit worse than I could have, not badly just not letting myself see the extent of what they're going through.
Inflict a near fatal wound and jerk off over my body. It's fine 'cus if I really needed you to call an ambulance, if I was really afraid that I was going to die then I'd help you with what you need. It's really quite telling how a little pain shows how thoughtless and self centered I am, and it's not your responsibility that I've been carrying around a broken phone for half a year, is it?