Name: Screaming Pillar
Debut: Donkey Kong Country Returns
Time to scream for joy! For Screaming Pillar! What a descriptive name! When you read the name “Screaming Pillar,” you know EXACTLY which enemy we’re talking about. Because that’s what they are! They sure are pillars! And they sure do scream! Imagine a world where every enemy has a name like Screaming Pillar... Waddlin’ Mushroom, and Awkward Hedgehog, and Square Eel... That must be an alright world.
Of course, Screaming Pillars don’t just scream, as you can see in that handy dandy concept art! Whenever they spot Donkey Kong, they get so startled that their not-so-solid foundation collapses, and they fall forwards on him! I guess the most descriptive name for these guys would be “Screaming Pillar That Falls On Donkey Kong After They Scream,” but I’m not sure if that rolls off the tongue as well.
One of the few members of the Tiki Tak Tribe to make a surprise return, they appear in Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze as well! Or at least, a variant of them does! These guys are referred to as “Flaming Falling Totem Poles” in the Prima guides, which is a little weird, since I could’ve sworn they were pillars in the last game, but hey, what do I know? Their name makes no reference to them screaming, but I guess that can be assumed. Most things that are on fire when they shouldn’t be probably will scream. I know I would!
And they also appear in the DK Jungle course in Mario Kart 7, while they are replaced by their larger variation, the Giant Pillar, in Mario Kart 8. You can tell the difference because of their bushier eyebrows! In these games, the name “Screaming Pillar” is the most descriptive name possible because in these games... they just scream.
And for games I haven’t played, they’re in Mario Golf: World Tour. Here they also just scream. Say it with me now!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
