"...all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by." - John Masefield
A Secret Santa giftfic for @seckritlab, which has successfully turned me into Zarad/Hise!MC trash by the end of it, so congrats! :P
Zarad, Sina, and setting are all from the game Seven Kingdoms: The Princess Problem by @azalynestudios (check out the tumblr for more info about the game). The lovely Rosa belongs to Lizzie.
AO3 Link
Life in Corval was… different.
From her spot on the balcony, Rosa looked out over her new home, the land barely lit by the faintest sliver of morning sun. As far as she could see, golden sand greeted her gaze, rich and endless.
And impossibly, ceaselessly dry.
Grimacing, she strode back inside, across the room, and poured a glass of water from the pitcher on her desk. While she was used enough to the heat, had grown up around it, in fact, Hise had been a tropical place, where plants and animals of all sorts flourished, where clear streams cut across lush forests and tropical beaches. And when she hadn’t been at home, she had been out in the water…
She sighed, cutting off that line of thought before it could go too far. Instead, she returned to the balcony, enjoying the last of the night’s cool breeze against her skin as she stared out at the distance, straining her eyes for the horizon. That faint sparkle had to be the ocean…
“You are up and about early, my star.”
Before she could turn, warm arms curled around her shoulders. “Are you catching up with your counterparts in the heavens?”
The corners of her mouth twitched. “We must have you checked, I think. I had thought that perhaps returning to Corval would help you regain what little sense you might have had and yet, here you are, talking even less sense than ever.”
A glance up at him revealed that his eyes were dancing. “You flatter me, my lady, to suggest that I had any sense to begin with. But I am afraid that even had I any, it would have been lost long ago, chased away by your beauty.” Smirking, he leaned down to press a lingering kiss to her bare shoulder.
In spite of herself, she laughed, even as she drew away from him, arching a playful brow. “Ah, my prince, your honeyed words may entrap many under your spell but I fear you may have forgotten that they have no effect on me.”
“Indeed. One might even go so far as to say that, in this case, the enchanter has become the enchanted. But I don’t believe you ever answered my question, my dear.”
“False flattery is no question, Prince Zarad.”
Throwing one arm over his forehead, he heaved a sigh, as overly dramatic as ever. “Am I fated to be forever misunderstood?”
“If you insist on speaking so.” When he said nothing, instead only watching her with unusual gravity, she sighed, sobering. “No, all is well. I suppose I am just used to watching the sunrise from being at sea. I never realized that Corval would run under such late hours.”
“Ah, it’s because our truly late hours are at night, when it is far more refreshing.” He grinned. “After all, everything is all much more romantic under the moon and stars, is it not?”
She rolled her eyes, even as she leaned against the stone railing, the corners of her lips curling back up at the wind’s soft caress. “It’s a waste of a perfectly good morning.”
“Perhaps…” His breath tickled her neck as he stepped closer once more, an arm encircling her waist. For a moment, he leaned against her, his chin a warm weight on the top of her head as they both watched the horizon, before he tugged her back inside. “Or perhaps, we can enjoy the morning some other way…?”
Turning to face him properly, not that she would ever dare associate such a word with the man before her, she raised an eyebrow. “Prince Zarad, am I understanding correctly that you are propositioning me?”
He smirked, lifting her hand and pressing a lingering kiss to the inside of her wrist, his lips hot against her suddenly thundering pulse. Despite the morning heat, heralding yet another scorching day, when he traced his fingers up her arm, leaving sparks dancing across her skin in their wake, she shivered. “Is it working?”
With an almost breathless laugh, she relaxed, letting him draw her into his arms for a kiss as he backed towards the bed.
“Sister Rosa!”
The sudden shout, familiar after having spent the past few months in Corval, echoed through the stone hallway and into the small chamber, where she had been invited to sew—or perhaps more accurately, gossip—with several of the other ladies at court. In fact, many of her companions, if one could call them that, ignored it altogether, other than casting inscrutable looks in her direction.
At her side, Lady Irehna laughed under her breath, though she didn’t so much as pause in her elaborate embroidering. “I suppose you will be leaving us for the rest of the day, then?”
Rosa turned, grinning. “That depends on how long it takes for her tutors or Princess Constance to find her this time.”
Her friend chuckled again, green eyes dancing. “And you have nothing to do with her increasingly more extended absences, of course.”
Gasping, she pressed a hand to her chest. “I? Never. I am insulted that you would ever insinuate such a thing.”
Before Lady Irehna could respond, the door to the parlor flew open, banging into the wall so loudly that at least one lady jumped. A small figure darted into the room and skid to a halt before her, dark curls flying.
“Sister Rosa!”
Ignoring the stifled giggles from beside her, she raised an eyebrow at the girl panting in front of her. “Whose lessons have you escaped from this time?”
She received an unrepentant grin, even as the little nose wrinkled. “Penmanship. It’s boooooring. Why would I ever need to know something like that? Can’t I just have someone else write my letters for me? Did you have to learn it, Sister Rosa? I’d much rather learn about sailing and boats and pirates.”
“We all had to learn our penmanship, Sina.” Rosa lowered her voice, leaning forward conspiratorially. “Even pirates. After all, who will keep note of what they collect if nobody writes it down? And what if nobody can read what is written, then? How will they ever know what to do with everything?”
For a moment, Sina pursed her lips, small forehead creased in silent thought, before she beamed once more. “But they don’t have to copy poetry, right?”
“No, I suppose not.” Laughing, she got to her feet and held out her hand. “Well, since you’re here now, we might as well find something better to do, hmm?”
Sina grabbed her hand with a bright giggle. “With pirates and boats and treasure?”
“Of course!” She winked. “What else? Now come. Let’s away to a proper training area.”
Leaving the room went without issue but before they could turn the corner, however, a slim figure darted into view, eyes wide. “There you are, Sina!”
“Sister Constance!” To Sina’s credit, the expression that crossed her face had only a slight hint of dismay. “What is the hurry?”
“Master Hashan is looking for you.” Constance paused, casting hesitant eyes in her direction as she dropped into a curtsy. “My apologies, Lady Rosalinde, for interrupting.”
“Rosa, please. Rosalinde is far too formal for me. We are sisters, after all.” She smiled, though the elder princess only flushed, mumbling something about propriety.
“Big Sister Constance! Sister Rosa was telling me about pirates! She said that pirates don’t need to learn their penmanship.”
The look that Constance shot her was somehow even more nervous than before, a feat in it of itself. “Indeed? I don’t believe that is of import to your own education, nor would your father wish for you to partake in such endeavors…”
“But poetry is boring and Master Hashan could probably put even brother Zarad to sleep!”
Glancing from the apprehensive expression to the obstinate one, Rosa stifled a laugh before giving Constance a placating smile. “Don’t worry. I can ensure she gets where she needs to go. No doubt you have your own plans today.”
Constance visibly hesitated, eyes anxiously darting from Sina to her reassuring expression, before nodding and dropping into a proper curtsy that she was too slow to wave away. “Very well. Thank you, Lady Rosalinde.”
“Rosa,” she repeated, though even she doubted that it would make any more of an impact than the first hundred times she had done so.
Meanwhile, already every inch a princess of Corval, Sina waited until her eldest sister had turned the corner, out of sight, before casting a hopeful look up at her. “What now?”
Hiding a smile, she pretended to consider, tapping her chin. “Well, I have no doubt that Master Hashan would be glad to see the return of his errant young pupil…” When Sina’s expression turned horrified, she winked and lowered her voice. “Or… I don’t suppose you would be interested in learning about Hise sailing, would you?”
“Yes! Did you go sailing a lot, Sister Rosa? Were you good at it? Did you have your own ship? Was it big? How long did you spend on it? Can you stay for moons without stopping?”
Bright amber eyes sparkled up at her and she found herself laughing at the sudden onslaught of questions. “Back in Hise, before I went to the summit where I met your brother, I had my own ship and crew. Though my father was always very worried whenever I went out onto sea for long periods of time.”
“Oh. Your papa didn’t go with you?”
“No. My father has always preferred to stay on land. He was originally from the kingdom of Wellin and was brought to Hise by my mother when they met at the summit.”
Sina nodded solemnly. “Like you and Brother Zarad.”
“And maybe you, someday.”
“I can have a new playmate?”
Rosa grinned. “Something like that.”
For a moment, Sina was still, clearly contemplating the possibilities, before her face lit up once more. “And then we can play pirates!”
There was another pause, during which time they continued their meandering path towards the palace gates, before Sina stared out in the direction of the ocean, eyes squinting as if she could look across it. “Mama says that Papa won’t let me go traveling yet and that I am too little. But I’m not little. Will you take me, Sister Rosa? I want to see the boats and fishes and your old home!”
Try as she might, she couldn’t hold back a chuckle, which clearly served to draw her companion’s ire, given the pout that pulled at her small mouth.
“I don’t have a boat right now but if I get one, I promise I’ll take you sailing, okay?” When Sina nodded, her face solemn, she grinned, directing their path out the palace doors and towards the training grounds. “In the meantime, why don’t I show you some useful skills for when we’re on the water before going back to work on your penmanship?”
The joy on her sister’s face was well-worth the scolding they both received by Master Hashan once he finally found them.
The best part of Corval’s ridiculously late hours was easily the increased opportunities to appreciate the night sky.
Rosa wandered onto her balcony, restless feet carrying her without thought. Beneath her, the palace was still alight with lantern light as parties and discussions raged, sometimes until daylight, but in her quarters, the sounds were only vague murmurs, punctured by the occasional cry. And above her, the thin crescent moon shone down, casting an ethereal glow to everything that she could see.
Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes. At night, in the privacy of her quarters, she could hear the ocean, the faint crash of waves against the distant shore, if she concentrated, at once so close and so far away.
The light breeze danced around her and played through her hair, tugging the red strands free and leaving goosebumps across her skin. Still, she waited, tilting her head back as she stared up at the stars, searching for familiar constellations in the inky darkness. The Wanderer shone down as brightly as ever, displaced though he may have been, and the Compass had found itself nestled beside something that resembled sails, if she squinted…
“Ah, my sky, are you admiring your counterparts or intending for them to languish in jealousy at your superiority?”
A smile rising to her lips unbidden at the warm voice, she turned, though she raised a playful eyebrow. “I fear you’re losing your touch, Prince Zarad. I do believe you have used that line before.”
“Losing my touch? As though I keep a running list of compliments that I am never to repeat? You wound me deeply, my lady. I speak only the truth and from the depths of my heart.”
She pressed her lips together to stop herself from laughing. Instead, she forced a frown, crossing her arms with feigned irritation. “I’m certain you told all of your former conquests that as well. In fact, I don’t think I have seen you all evening. Is my company so dull now that I am to spend all of my waking hours without you?”
“Never. I had some… business to take care of which took longer than I expected.” At the sincerity in his immediate response, she paused, and his face promptly morphed into a smirk. “Oh, have I finally brought the great Lady Rosalinde to speechlessness?”
She scowled. “No, actually. I am simply wondering whether you are even familiar with the concept of business.”
He laughed. “Only when I know it will bring pleasure to me and those I care about.”
Before she could say anything else, he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around her and leaning his chin on the top of her head. “It is an ideal night for stargazing, is it not? And this time there is no ever-watchful bodyguard to prevent me from impugning your good name…”
She snorted rather inelegantly, even as she pulled away from his embrace with a coy smile. “I do so hate to be the bearer of bad news, Prince Zarad, but I fear our association alone is enough to have utterly tarnished any remnants of a good reputation I might have had.” A hand thrown over her forehead, she heaved a sigh. “Alas, I suppose there is nothing to be done for it now.”
He followed her, eyes bright with the amusement that she so loved, though they darkened when he reached for her, strong arms curving around her waist as his breath tickled her ear. “Then would you care to join me in stargazing, my dear?”
“I can’t say I am familiar with all of the figures here.” She leaned her head back against his chest, watching as amber eyes gleamed down at her. “Perhaps you’ll have to show me? Though, I doubt you can do so without looking.”
Warm lips curved into a lazy smile. “No. I find myself far more enchanted by a different star. One that is far more beautiful.”
She rolled her eyes, though despite her thorough familiarity with his honeyed words, she could still feel a hint of heat in her cheeks. “Flatterer.”
His answering chuckle was a rumble in his chest as he tilted his head back up and she leaned against him with a contented sigh.
There was something strangely comforting about visiting the Corvali market.
It certainly wasn’t the tranquility; with the crowds constantly shifting through the city, less orderly than schools of fish, there was none. Merchants shouted their wares from stands lining the stone streets, gesturing towards rugs and pottery, spices and cloths. Customers milled about, haggling prices and greeting friends, while vendors passed out cups of cold juices and freshly made hot snacks. Especially with Midwinter drawing near, it was loud, and chaotic, and wonderfully, genuinely alive.
Ahead of her, Zarad meandered by the various stalls while Sina, balanced carefully on his shoulders, shouted directions and pointed to whichever bright colors caught her eye. Judging from the indulgent expressions on the merchants’ faces, and the many treats they smuggled the young princess, it was not an uncommon sight, and Rosa grinned, thankful for the small distractions as she picked her way through the mayhem towards her destinations.
When she had first arrived in Corval, the prospect of finding gifts for her new family would have been intimidating. Save from Zarad, she knew nobody, had only heard stories of the many wives and children of Corval’s king. But in reality, there were precious few she had any desire to procure something personal for, and they were simple enough.
A stop at one of the international traders revealed delicate perfumes, infused with the scent of wild blossoms from Revaire’s northern mountains, ideal for Lady Irehna and the other court ladies she was beginning to regard as friends. Meanwhile, Sina would be doubtless easily pleased by the gift of a model ship and a small practice dagger, appropriately blunted, of course. Still, at the woodworker’s stall, she paused, turning over the scant options of boats in her hands, searching—in vain, she knew—for masts and decks as familiar to her as her own name.
She had only just stored those purchases away, out of sight from curious young princesses, when Zarad stopped before her, Sina still riding on his shoulders. “Almost finished?”
“Almost.” Pushing an errant strand of hair out of her face, she smiled up at them. “And you?”
“I have a few more stops to make. Do you mind keeping an eye on Sina so I can run ahead? She’s already agreed to be on her best behavior.”
She raised an eyebrow, glancing from him to the angelic expression of the girl in question. “Why do I suspect that the promise was obtained through bribery?”
Zarad smirked as he swung Sina back to the ground. “Because you know me so well? But it does work wonders.”
“Duly noted.” With a nod, she took the girl’s hand. “We’ll be fine. Go on. If we finish early, we’ll probably be by the docks.”
For a moment, his eyes seemed to soften before he waved and set off on his own, leaving her with Sina, who watched her with wide eyes.
“Where are we going, Sister Rosa?”
“Well, I still need to find Mistress Anaya’s stall for your brother Zarad’s present.”
Rosa wasn’t entirely sure how she managed it, but her eyes grew even rounder. “A Midwinter present for Brother Zarad? What is it, Sister Rosa? What is it?”
“I shouldn’t tell you. It’s a secret.” When Sina pouted, she paused, pretending to consider. “Well, if you promise not to tell him…”
“I promise!”
She laughed, kneeling down to whisper into the girl’s ear. “Mistress Anaya is a talented artist, you see. I asked her to make some miniature portraits of you, Brother Zarad’s mama, and me. And then, you can help me pick out a chain for him to keep them on. Does that sound like a plan?”
“Yes!” Almost before she could rise back to her feet, Sina grabbed her hand, tugging her down the street with all the strength of a three-year-old who had consumed far too much sugar. Laughing, she could only follow.
Thankfully, the purchases proved easy enough, save for the moment she had to talk Sina out of selecting a feathered monstrosity of a chain for Zarad, and they soon found themselves strolling along the docks, where various merchant ships were stopped and sailors bustled about. Sina, small hand clasped firmly in hers, watched with wide, inquisitive eyes and a steady stream of questions.
“Sister Rosa, what is he doing? What is that string for? It looks so much bigger than the string in the palace. Where do those ships come from? Will they be here long? How much food can they keep on the ship? Sister Rosa, do you know anybody here?”
At that last, she laughed, shaking her head. “I’m afraid I don’t see any ships I know, Sina. But I’m sure some of them have been to Hise before. It’s a far journey, but these are merchant ships. They’re designed to carry goods from their kingdoms across the water for many moons if they have to in order to sell things.”
“Oh. That’s so long.” For a moment, Sina squinted at the nearest ship, before looking up at her, large eyes innocent. “Do you think they miss their mama and papa?”
She paused, swallowing hard. “I’m sure they do. Wouldn’t you miss your mama and papa?”
“Yes… though maybe not if you and Brother Zarad went too!”
“If we went where?”
They both turned to find Zarad striding toward them, scarves fluttering in the sea breeze. Sina scrambled towards him, shrieking with delight as he swung her back into his arms. “If you and Sister Rosa and I went on a ship for many moons, Brother Zarad.”
“Oh, are you planning on escaping Corval now, little demon? I’m afraid you’ll have to stay a little longer, or else one Corvali princess I know might not be here for getting Midwinter presents this year…”
When Sina rapidly shook her head, dark curls smacking Zarad in the face, Rosa chuckled and he turned to wink at her, before offering a hand.
“Now, then, there will be plenty of time for you to go exploring in the future. In the meantime, why don’t we stay in Corval a little longer, okay?”
“At least until after Midwinter?”
“Exactly. At least until after Midwinter.”
She laughed again as he led the way back to the palace, though that didn’t stop her from turning to take one last glance at the sparkling waters and the towering ships bobbing in the calm waves.
Rosa was fairly certain that Midwinter was one of the few days when the citizens of Corval would be up at dawn. True to expectations, she had barely opened her eyes herself when the knocking on her door began.
Much to her amusement, Zarad didn’t so much as stir, clearly familiar with the levels of excitement that surrounded the holiday. With a sigh, she pushed herself up and made her way to the door, where the pounding was getting more intense by the second.
Unfortunately for him, however, his repose didn’t last much longer; Sina, apparently taking the open door as permission to enter, leapt for the bed, landing with a thud on top of him. “Brother Zarad, Brother Zarad, it’s Midwinter!”
For a moment, limbs flailed and Rosa had to stifle a laugh as he sat up, chestnut hair a mess, and Sina spilled off of his chest. “What time is it?”
“I don’t believe the sun is even up yet.”
He groaned, though it appeared to have no effect in deterring anyone else’s enthusiasm. “Two more hours…?”
“No!” Sina scrambled to her feet, fairly towering over his once again prone form, and crossed her arms in a startling initiation of the Empress at her most displeased. “Mama says that we cannot start without you.”
When Zarad appeared not to notice, instead only rolling over and burying his head under the pillow, Sina pouted and shot her a pleading look. “Sister Rosa…”
Grinning, Rosa poured a small cup of water and passed it over with a wink. “This should do the trick.”
Unsurprisingly, Zarad was instantly awake, though dripping wet, and met Sina’s approval as prepared for the gift-giving only minutes later. Even so, they were practically bodily dragged downstairs by the most determined princess, where the rest of their considerable family was already waiting, all in various states of consciousness.
For Rosa, it was about as expected. In the months she had been in Corval, she had won enough support from her new family and the others at court to receive the usual gifts of spices and perfumes, elaborate clothes and jewelry. Gifts for a newcomer to Corval, whose tastes and preferences, especially as a Hisean lady, had yet to be determined. A small package from Lady Irehna concealed a small charm, bearing both the Hise and Corval symbols, which she promptly put on, while Sina fairly danced about with her newfound dagger.
Finally, it was only Zarad whose gift to her remained to be seen. All eyes turned to him, but he only grinned, his typical lightning-fast flash of white teeth, and leapt to his feet with catlike grace. “Shall we go for a walk by the ocean? I believe a nice breeze is in order.”
“Zarad.” Was there a hint of a smile in his mother’s eyes, or was that a trick of the light? “I fear there are many among us who might hope for a nap after being requested to arise so early for Midwinter. Why don’t you, Lady Rosalinde, and Sina go? We can catch up later.”
“Yes!” Sina practically bounced over, grabbing her hand and tugging. “Come on, Sister Rosa.”
She laughed, letting Zarad pull her to her feet. “Very well, then.”
In reality, the walk was far from the peaceful one that was advertised, with Sina, dagger in hand, bounding ahead only to run back and drag them along. Still, Zarad was in good spirits, leading her along with her hand settled in the crook of his arm and a twinkle in his dancing eyes.
It really should only have served to heighten her suspicions.
As it was, his brilliant smile put the sun to shame as he directed them towards the docks and stopped on one of the piers. She paused beside him, raising an eyebrow, but he didn’t seem to notice as he watched the horizon and a dark smudge that looked like a ship.
A ship that was moving towards them.
She squinted, glad for the morning sun behind her as she strained her eyes. Small but elegant, it had to be of Hisean make, but it was not one that she had ever seen. Dark wood, with crisp white sails and brightly colored flags of Corvali colors, it looked brand new, and yet somehow incredibly familiar.
From the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Zarad shift and she turned to find him waving, an oddly boyish look of anticipation on his face.
As the ship pulled in closer, propelled by the swift ocean breeze, figures, too small to make out, pressing against the high railing, waved back. Two lithe figures with unabashed enthusiasm and a little ways away, two more, a man and a woman…
“Zarad…” The word fell out of her mouth, so quietly she wasn’t even sure if he heard her, but it didn’t matter, nothing mattered, because the ship had managed to pull into view and she could finally, finally, see its passengers clearly enough to recognize. “Mother! Father!”
It was impossible for her voice to carry that far, but still, they waved back, as did the two figures beside them, the brown braid and long white hair flying in the wind. “And Peti and Lia?”
Zarad murmured something, but she didn’t listen, was hardly aware of it, as the ship pulled up beside them and she leapt forward to help tie it to the dock, barely able to do her part before climbing on board and throwing her arms around her parents. “Father!”
He grinned at her, arms tight around her shoulders, as her mother joined them, pressing against them both. “Hello, my girl. It’s been too long. I trust you have been well.”
Blinking hard, she nodded. “Better now. I—”
“Rosa!”
“ROSA!”
At the shouts, she laughed, pulling away from her parents to two more enveloping hugs, this time from Lia and Peti. “Can’t… breathe…”
“Sorry!” Peti pulled away, though looking far from apologetic and Lia, arms still around her, though marginally looser, looked little more sincere.
She wheezed out a chuckle, swiping quickly at her cheeks. “What are you two doing here?”
“Zarad sent for us as a surprise.” Peti leaned closer, eyes twinkling conspiratorially. “I guess he really is a keeper.”
“I should hope so,” Lia countered. “It’s only just too late now for her to change her mind.”
“I mean, we are here now, with Rosa. We have a ship. What’s really to stop us from just taking her and leaving?”
“Peti!”
Laughing once more at their banter, the likes of which she hadn’t heard since leaving the summit, she pulled away and turned to find Zarad helping Sina on board. “How long?”
He smiled, this time without any hint of his typical smolder. “Have I been planning this? About two months, I think.”
Before he could say anything more, she looped her arms around his neck, kissing him soundly before pulling away. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. But…” A faint bit of smugness crept into his smile. “There’s one more thing I need to present.”
She raised an eyebrow, but obediently stepped a few feet away. “Oh?”
Grinning, he straightened fully, waving his arms around at the ship. “Welcome to the Night Star.”
“I…” She paused, blinking. “I’m sorry?”
If she thought he was looking smug before, it was nothing compared to the smirk that tugged at the corners of his mouth, though for once, he made no comment on her speechlessness, likely in favor of continuing his explanation. “This ship. The Night Star. When I wrote to your parents asking for advice on a proper ship for you to sail, this is what they suggested. And now she’s yours.”
She stared, still hardly able to comprehend the words emerging from his mouth, though Sina’s understanding appeared impeccable, at least to the extent that was relevant. “Sister Rosa, Sister Rosa! You said you would take me sailing if you had your own ship! And now you do! So can we go now? Please?”
When she glanced at Zarad, he only offered her a wry smile and a shrug, though judging from the way his eyes shone, she could at least be sure that he could take care of any potential complaints from the rest of his family. On her other side, her parents and friends watched with obvious amusement, and she grinned. “Why not?”
Considering the size of the boat, it should have been impossible, but she could have sworn that she felt the ship nearly rocked with the force of Sina’s excited bouncing.
It wasn’t until they were out on the open seas, a strong wind at the sails, that she was able to greet her parents properly. True to form, her mother stood at the wheel, eyes dancing as carefree as the wind, in spite of their proximity to Corval, while her father pulled her aside. “How do you like Corval? You are certain you are happy?”
Rosa glanced from the city, a sprawling jewel against the sandy landscape, to Zarad steadying Sina at the railing, both of their faces bright with excitement, before meeting his gaze with a smile. “Am I certain I’m happy? Absolutely.”
4 - “I don’t want to do this without you.” For Eunbyeol/V ;D ;D ;D
LMAOOOOOOOOO fine, I see you going straight for the angst. Two can play at that game.
A continuation to this prompt.
Look, before all of these prompts, I didn’t even considering having these two come close to breaking up but you guys brought this on yourselves with these prompts.
…..am I kicked out of the Jihyun fandom yet?
Also, tagging @cherieofthedragons, @ayinvui, and @manulanii because I’m not a nice person. :P
I know it’s really long but no AO3 link because it doesn’t really stand by itself well.
“I’m sorry, Jihyun. I think… we need to take a break.” The words sting on her lips, seem to burn a hole in her tongue, but she has to let them out now, before she loses her courage and lets the charade carry on any longer than she already has.
She’d never forgive herself if she keeps him stringing along like that.
It’s clear that whatever he’s expecting her to say, it doesn’t appear to be that; for a brief moment, his eyes widen, naked shock flashing across his face, and she bites her lip, resisting the urge to turn her gaze away. Not when this is her decision, her fault.
Instead, she keeps her gaze steady, resisting every urge to take back her words. It’s too late now, she tells herself, lacing her fingers together tightly in an attempt to stave off the ache in her chest.
It doesn’t work.
“I…” She watches him pause, swallow hard, hand grasping almost blindly for the back of another kitchen chair with a white-knuckled grip, and keeps her expression as impassive as she can. “May I ask why?”
The minute hesitation, the tremor to his voice that, if she didn’t know him as well as she does, she would never have heard, is almost enough to shake her resolve but she draws a deep breath, hoping he doesn’t hear the way it catches, ever so slightly, in her throat.
“Because I’m holding you back. Because I know this is taking a toll on you and there’s no end in sight. Because you deserve to be happier than I can make you.” The first words are hesitant, nearly inaudible, but as she continues, they tumble out of her mouth without thought, everything she’s thought about their situation but kept back for fear of pushing too far, of expressing too much frustration.
Except now, it’s already too late. There’s no reason to hold back, not anymore. Now she can just let them run free, let them fan the sparks from her lack of time into an inferno that spirals, out of her control.
She’s on her feet now, hands clenched into fists at her side, so tight that she can feel the nails digging into her skin, and she relishes the pain that distracts her from the throbbing of her heart, the stinging behind her eyes.
She can’t break yet.
Not when he’s staring at her, the turquoise eyes she so adores swimming with hurt, with confusion and incomprehension. Not when his lips are pressed together but still noticeably trembling.
Not when she needs to make sure he understands, that it’s not about him, that he’s been impossibly patient and understanding but she can’t keep dragging him along like this, waiting for the few moments she can afford to spend with him. Not when she’s sure he could be—when she’s seen him be—happier than this. Than with her.
Instead, she sits back down, the screech of chair legs dragging across the floor impossibly loud in the kitchen. His kitchen.
“Jihyun,” and his name on her lips has never felt so natural, so terribly right, and yet oh so wrong. In spite of herself, she swallows, though it does nothing to dislodge the lump in her throat, to stop her heart from clenching at his visible flinch, even as he drops woodenly into the seat across from her.
“I’m sorry, I just need time. And I don’t want to keep you waiting for however long it takes, especially when you’re the one stuck with the short end of the stick. I can’t—”
For a brief moment, she makes the mistake of catching his gaze, of seeing the shock and heartbreakingly blindsided anguish swimming in his eyes, that seem to stab her in the heart before she can look away, and her voice fails her, words coming to a stuttering standstill.
Still, even with her eyes directed at her hands, clasped together tightly before her, she can sense the misery fairly emanating from him, can imagine his expression as the seconds tick by and her words slowly sink in.
“Eunbyeol…” And somehow it’s worse, hearing her name from his lips, frantic and almost terrified, but he deserves better than for her to run away, even in spirit, to leave it without a full explanation, and instead, she looks up, forcing herself to face him directly.
Even prepared as she is, the sheer emotion on his face is almost enough to make her flinch.
“Eunbyeol, don’t do this, please.” His voice wavers, threatening to break with every panic-stricken word, and the tang of salt and iron coats her tongue as she bites down, hard, on her lower lip. “I can’t…”
For a moment, it looks like he’s going to reach for her; his hands stretch out towards hers, his expression a heartbreaking mix of placating and distraught, but before he can, she pulls back without thought, so quickly she doesn’t even realize she’s moving. Instead, he draws a breath that more resembles a sob, but when he speaks again, he manages a sort of forced calm. “I know you’re stressed and ridiculously busy. I understand. It’s okay. I don’t mind waiting until you can make time for us.”
She shakes her head, leaning forward once more, though this time with her hands placed carefully out of his reach. “You said it yourself. ‘Ridiculously busy.’ I can’t put you through that and just expect you to wait for however long it takes. I can’t hurt you like that. Not any more than I already have.”
“You won’t. To give up now…” He visibly shudders. “That’s… That would be the worst of all. And I… I’d rather wait for all of eternity than go through the rest of my life without you. Not for something like this. Please.”
He’s begging now, voice thick with tears, both shed and unshed, and the ache in her chest intensifies, a horrible stabbing pain that throbs with every second, every heartbeat. Almost mechanically, she brings a hand up to her face and shaking fingers pull away wet as she scrubs across her cheeks, as she pressed her hands together in a futile attempt to stop their trembling.
“You say you’re willing to wait but for how long? There’s still more clinical. And residency. And if this happens again? You’ll just get hurt again and again. How is it worth it? Wouldn’t it be better to call it now?” She’s rambling now, words stumbling over themselves before she has time to process them, but even she can tell that her resolve is crumbling.
He notices; in spite of the tear tracks on his face, there’s a faint spark of what appears to be hope in his eyes. “Eunbyeol… We have our entire lives before us still and I don’t want to do this without you. This is worth it. We are worth any amount of this frustration. I know you’re trying to look out for me, but I want to keep trying. Please. Don’t take this from me.”
Something in his voice, in the newfound lightness to his expression, is enough to loosen her limbs and, when he reaches out again, gentle fingertips ghost over her skin before clasping her hands, light and trembling, as if he’s afraid she’ll just pull away once more. And still, red-rimmed turquoise eyes watch her, with love and patience and kindness that she’s not entirely certain she deserves, not after all of this.
It’s enough to shatter the remnants of her control; she slumps forward, burying her face in her hands as she finally lets her tears flow free, the stress and heartache and jealousy and every other emotion she has kept bottled up for too long escaping her in silent sobs. They only grow stronger as familiar arms encircle her, though he says nothing, he remains, a calm, constant presence, an anchor, as she slowly collects herself.
“Feel better?”
“Yes, I…” For a moment, she hesitates, looking up into the face of the man she loves, still wet with tears of his own, but wearing a smile for the first time in what feels like too long. “Jihyun… Thank you. And I’m sorry.” She almost can’t hear her own voice, but somehow, he does, and the sheer relief in his gaze, the warmth of his arms around her, is enough for now.
God I WISH. I am an essential worker, and thus leave my house 3-4 times a week to go to work. But, I’ve limited leaving to just going to work and coming home to prevent any spread. I work with seniors, so at least I know I am essential essential and not just a capitalistic cash grab.
If you’re staying home, who is there with you?
My parents and my two cats!!! I’d argue that I have the whole internet with me too but that’s a bit of a stretch.
Are you a homebody?
I think I can be. I didn’t have an issue with my three weeks of isolation before I went back to work, but now that I can go to work, I miss going out with my friends and getting dinner you know?
An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?
My study abroad was cancelled in the middle :(
What movies have you watched recently?
I don’t really watch movies? So nothing? But I need to watch Pride and Prejudice and Moana at SOME point during this Quarantine.
What shows are you watching?
I am in a perpetual rewatch of Great British Bake Off, I think I’m finally going to finish Sense8, and I’ll probably end up rewatching Chef’s Table again.
What music are you listening to?
One Direction (AYE 1D SQUAD), Hozier, and some new stuff like Louis the Child
What are you reading?
I am currently rereading Red White and Royal Blue, Her Royal Highness, City of Marvels, and Becoming. Consistency? I don’t know her.
What are you doing for self-care?
Baking all the time. I started to pick up and go through my room so I can get ready to paint it, but that’s going to be a lot of work and while still working it gets to be too much.
I’m tagging @seckritlab @corgi-shepard @fer8girl and @storiesandblurbs
seckritlab replied to your post “I would hereby like to apologize to my own OC for having her realize...”
s t o p this
Me: Oh, god, I’m running close to the end of the day and I’m still not done with this fic. The stress is building!
Also me: I’M JUST GONNA LIBERALLY SPRINKLE IN SOME ANGS--OH, LOOK, THE LID FELL OFF. OH WELL.
