Discover Top Posts Tagged with #seeking interaction

HIIIII so i made some in-character blogs for fun!! i dont have any themes up for them yet but i will later. they should all have asks open ^^

Annie

Awoole

Siette

Siniix

#fantroll #homestuck #siniix auctor #anyaru servus #awoole fenrir #siette aerien #howling #seeking interaction #rp #homestuck rp #fantroll rp

I'm having the worst time with gatekeeping and cliques now, and it's making me want to give up RP entirely because I feel that I'll never get what I want. I've been dying to write with a certain character for over a year, almost 2 now and I've asked around and checked out the ones that are active i think I've sought out every one there is, only to be snubbed and ignored or given fake "sure!" code for never. I'm sick of being rejected and not having a chance. If you're not x or y character, they won't interact. Its like only certain characters get to write with them and it's not fair, I feel like I'm chasing imaginary butterflies trying to get something I can't have. I wish someone would just take one for the team and make a blog for that muse so I can write these interactions I've been dying for, but nobody cares that much to do that. But they're my favorite character and I just don't see the point in rping anymore if I can't write with who I want because they all deny me. I've been around since 2014, switched fandoms so I'm definitely not new or anything but I'm feeling hurt and sad lately in an endless cycle. Nothing changes and I'm getting depressed. What do I do when I literally can't write with the characters I want for this mysterious reason no one will tell me about, and even my best friends get to? People tell me they "love" my muses, and it feels empty and meaningless because I don't see it anywhere in their actions at all. Even my little discord groups sideline me and I don't see myself treated with as much appreciation or love as the others and I feel like any niceness or ooc interaction is almost like gaslighting. It doesn't feel genuine and I feel like they don't give a flying fudge about me but they play nicely in front of each other, you know? It's just hard. I keep making more interesting and diverse muses hoping I'll have a chance at writing with x character this time, and nothing changes. I get nothing but spent energy in a hamster wheel of aesthetic perfectionism and finishing blogs only for exclusion. I don't know why I just can't have the thing. Advice?

Hello, Anon!

Sometimes, I feel like it is very important to preface things, usually, when those "things" might get a bit turbulent or already are. Because, obviously, I cannot promise anyone is going to like the advice. I try to give advice that, at the end of the day, at least allows people to feel like they've been seen and heard somewhere. You know, outside of trying to justify harassing people, even if I disagree with how the asker is viewing things, have uncomfortable suspicions that I know what/who the issue pertains to, or have been so much on the other side of the issue, that's still the really important thing. There are many times that we'll ask for advice, especially with interpersonal problems, not because we genuinely don't know what is best to do, but rather, because we're too upset to see it. We're upset, and need to express that or discuss it while feeling someone heard us.

However, that feeling can dissipate quickly once we disagree with too much of what the other person is saying. I'm saying "we" because same. It's a human inclination, it's alright. We kind of have the learned tendency to equate disagreement with devaluing, and when the message of caring that we're receiving comes too late in the discussion, it feels fake. It feels like someone else is trying to brush you off while saying nice, pandering things so that you don't get too mad at them. So, I want to say now, I am genuinely sorry that you're feeling this way.

It is never alright to feel so miserable in your hobby, that you've dedicated time to and still want to be interested in, that you want to drop it. Things are really bad when something that is supposed to make you feel happy and creative is making you feel frustrated and depressed. No, absolutely nothing worthwhile in any way is ever going to be without negative moments, but when it stays like that, it's a problem. At that point, it can take something serious to really feel how big that problem has gotten and to even begin to want to do something about it because any major issue is an undertaking to fix. It's easier, for a long time anyway, to downplay it and keep going, hoping it'll fix itself or simply stop. So, while I know it feels the antithesis of great at this second, it is great that you can look at things and recognize it's gotten too serious, something's got to start changing.

I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad about things, and I hope that things can turn around so that you'll be able to stay and start really enjoying yourself!

But-this is where you're going to get angry with me, so I'm asking you to bear with me here-I don't think this is just an everyone else problem, and that is important to assess if it's going to legitimately see any progress.

I am, obviously, not there. I haven't been there watching this for myself for years, I'm not there watching it right now. I can only go off of what you're telling me. I know you're upset and that influences the way we both perceive and relate things, but some of the things you've said are potentially indicative of trying to insulate yourself by making this about external factors only - what you want from others but are not getting for reasons that have nothing to do with yourself.

So, while it could have just come across the wrong way, reading it as-is, it does come off as kind of putting the onus on other people to interact with you regardless of their motivation to do so or not. Now, I'm absolutely sure you realize this, but it's hard to keep realizing it once we're so disappointed and angry, so, I'm going to remind you that no matter how upset it makes us, no one has to interact with anyone they don't want to interact with. Should they tell you they don't want to interact instead of giving you a "sure?" Absolutely. Just as your friends should be honest with you, when approaching people to RP, they should tell you "yes" or "no," not "sure" with no intention of actually doing so.

That's dishonest, hurtful, and I'm in no way cool with that, even if I understand where it tends to come from - declining people, especially people who are clearly enthused by potentially writing with you, can result in some impressively nasty reactions from those people. Not everyone can take a polite, honest "no" as an answer, and canons get this a lot. There is serious backlash for declining that turns into pressuring and even making copious blogs in an attempt to get accepted the next time when the issue was that the muns or writing are not going to work out or the canon does not have the time for new interactions presently. I get it, but I don't agree with it. Tell people no, block when they press. The cycle of refusing to accept no turning into an unwillingness to communicate really has got to stop...years ago, it's ridiculous.

So, I want to ask, has anyone ever told you why they don't want to interact? I'm wondering because, if this many people are so consistently doing this, there is an underlying reason. This means that there's something you can do about it and is great news!

Some things to consider:

you do not write the same sort of RP, for instance, you write multi-para and they do one-line

the writing style is very different and will clash, such as being at very different skill levels or preferences in things like first person or third person style

you have different things you enjoy, like this other mun only writes angst and you write fluff, or they enjoy crack and you're serious

you want to ship with the muse, they do not - this could be especially true if they ship only chemistry and you are implying right off, either directly or through your blogs, that shipping is your endgoal

not every iteration of this favorite character is the same, not identical with each other or with how you view them, and it could be that your take on their muse is so different that they feel like this will be a bad interaction - you will have expectations you want fulfilled in a way that makes them feel like they're writing OOC or a different muse entirely

one of you is interested in long term threads while the other doesn't want to be that serious about it, might recreate blogs or change up muses often

you might be much younger than the other muns - I know it is frustrating when you are 18-20 years old and feeling like you've finally gotten the age pass to interact with all adult RPers, but as someone who is Old, I don't personally feel comfortable writing with people more than nine or ten years younger than me, especially if there will be shipping

there is something about what you do OOC or how you use your blog that is turning them off - sometimes, this can be as simple as how effusive you are being about their muse and in what ways or personalities being far too different

your muses are obvious bait for their muse, it's clear that you have either created them or picked them up exclusively to interact with that character

related to the above, your muses are OCs and you have already made them a part of the canon's story in their creation, a thing that many canons are not comfortable with

you write canons meant to interact with this character, but they already have an iteration they enjoy and cannot see another version of them as theirs anymore

Something is making these people averse to interacting with you. It is absolutely their right to not interact with you, no matter what that reason is, you wanting it does not mean anyone is obligated to provide it at cost to themselves. However, running across all these blogs, there has to be a theme that can figured out if you are willing to look for it honestly.

You said that even your friends write with some them, this could be a good place to start figuring out what is going on here.

I am begging you, ignore all this about the aesthetics, I promise you that it is not the reason why this many different people are unwilling to interact with you (though creating numerous blogs because of it to interact might be a relevant factor). So, ignoring that comparison, what are these other muns doing that you are not? What are they not doing that you are? What kind of RPing are they doing, what characters/character types, what is their writing like, their OOC behavior?

You don't need to mimic other muns, that is neither sustainable nor enjoyable, and they already have that mun. This is just to help identify what the differences are so that you can better understand what is getting you turned down and work on whatever it is.

No one ever wants to do this because they feel that comparison is inherently negative or competitive, but it isn't unless you're making it that way. A lot of the time when we're not getting the interactions we want, the answer as to why is right there in front of our faces in this way. For example, you might be an incredibly skilled writer, but your writing isn't engaging in the way this particular mun appreciates, while someone who isn't as skilled is more gifted with engaging, entertaining writing. Your characters might not be as well developed individually, as characters who stand on their own outside of your desire to interact with this specific one. They might have very little OOC posted while you have a lot, or the other way around. Your OOC might come across as a bit petulant or guilting if you've said things in your posts like you have in your ask, while your friends presented with no expectations at all.

Once you identify what some things might be, you can work on them if it is worth it to you.

That might mean improving your writing or developing your muses more, it could mean changing the way you approach others or speak of what you want. Since you have tried with every iteration of this character, it might still be difficult now to have one willing to give you that chance. Depending on your fandom, you might even have a reputation for having approached them all at this point. However, the ones who have followed back or that you haven't tried interacting with in some time might be interested when they can see the evidence that you've changed some things. To do that, you need to be sure you are writing with other muses and doing so in a way that does not come across as (and I sincerely hope isn't legitimately so) simply biding your time until you get the character you want.

Now, your friends.

You said you don't know why one of your friends can't just "take one for the team" and make a blog for you to write with, but let me ask you something. Why aren't you writing this muse if they are your favorite character? You have valid for that, right? I'm sure that you do! They do as well.

Maybe they do really love your muses, but that doesn't mean they want to write this one for you. Muses are not interchangeable for everyone, and again, it is a bit concerning that you feel that way and might well be something that's putting people off, including your friends. Not everyone can, or wants to, pick up any canon character out there and write them. Not everyone's version of that character is going to be what you want, they're definitely not going to be the same the muse. What you are wanting someone to do is to pick up a muse exclusively written not only for your enjoyment but also to your specifications, and that's a bit uncool when everyone else is trying to enjoy themselves as well.

Maybe they don't really love your muses, and while I am not here to support lying to people, I can kind of see why they might be disinclined to tell you otherwise. You're pretty hard on other people and yourself for not getting what you want, I don't imagine that telling you a muse needed work would go very well. Would you, honestly, accept constructive criticism? Or would doing so make your group chat all about how upset you were about it, start arguments, or make your friends concerned about your welfare?

I think it is probably the former situation, but I also think you are having some trouble appreciating where other people are coming from because you are so upset about all of this, so I am trying to show you.

And to that end...no one talks much about the issues of writing canons, not desirable ones, anyway. This is a huge one.

There is the attitude that you owe everyone who wants to interact interaction, regardless of how incompatible you are, even to the point of making RP into a task that makes you miserable. It is difficult to even allow some people to be mutuals with you without writing with them, just to be friendly and encouraging, as they consider this a temporary "no" to be pressed continually with the belief that you'll give in instead of blocking.

I've had muns who write one-liner try to demand that I do so as well, when I only write novella, because it "wasn't fair" that they didn't get to interact with my muse. I've had them write my muse into character-breaking backstories for their OCs and get incredibly mad when I didn't agree to write with them. Had muns demand that I write my muse to their ideal specifications of the character, auto-ship, instant smut, you name it. Not to mention, the intense insult of acting like every other iteration they collected and myself were identical, and finding that funny or charming. All of it was "acceptable" because they desperately wanted to interact with the character and was I available, consistently so, unlike other iterations.

None of this feels like affectionate interest, it feels pushy, demanding. Everyone else here is also trying to enjoy themselves in the unique ways in which that works for them, including canons. It isn't very reasonable to expect others to not pursue that as meets their needs because you're trying to have a good time and are fixed on them being the requirement to that. They're not entertainment machines any more than you are.

And as I am very sure you have gotten to the point where you are angry, let me say that I very much have had canons I've desperately wanted to interact with, too. They were characters I loved and that were important to my muse, these were storylines I wanted quite badly...for years. Those blogs never stayed around long enough, the ones that did were severely incompatible with the way I write. Believe me, it is not worth to write with a version of a character you're interested in when you have to do so in a way that destroys your creativity.

You know what I did? I stopped looking, I stopped being so fixed on this point, and enjoyed those plots with other people instead. For a little while, it was still disappointing, not going to lie to you. The people I got instead, however, have more than made up for that, and did so in short order. What is most important is always what was most important - enjoying interacting with the right muns who can really make those plots come alive with you. You might find them in unexpected places, once you are able to see that there are more people around you than you thought! And you'll wonder why you wasted all that time chasing butterflies when there was a much better luna moth right the hell there.

So, do assess what is going on to preclude interactions. Even if this does not end up getting your goal character interaction, something is going on here that needs to be fixed for you to really be enjoying yourself.

But also, branch out. Try to stop being so caught on this one thing, do it by slow measures if you need to. Take a plot you wanted to do with that character and see if it doesn't happen with another muse you haven't been giving the equal opportunity. Look at how compatible muses are instead of the character name and appearance, allow yourself to enjoy yourself with other muses.

Try to remember where others are coming from, don't get so upset that you turn everything into a hostile environment in which only you and your point of focus exist and are being treated horribly. It's alright to be disappointed, it isn't alright to expect others to make or break your time here.

If you feel like your friends are being dishonest with you, speak to them about it. If you still feel like they are, you might need different friends.

A lot of the time, this shit about aesthetics and perfect blogs is exactly that, it's shit. Do some people base interaction only on that? Yes, of course, they do. It isn't anywhere near the volume accused of doing so, however. Often, it is an externalized reason for why attempts are failing. Stop focusing on that, you don't want to interact with anyone who is going to feel that way. You might think you do, but the willingness to be judged on something like that speaks to how blinding the drive is to write with this character. You're devaluing yourself in order to achieve that, while devaluing others when you do not achieve it.

The surest way to get to interact with one's favorite character is to write them oneself. As I said, I am certain you have reasons for why you are not doing so. After years of wanting this so badly, though, it's possible that no interaction is ever going to pan out the way you've been building up. You might want to consider just testing out whether you'd enjoy writing them or not, it could surprise you.

RP is, obviously, quite important to me. It makes me annoyed when muns are told they should never experience an emotion, especially not a negative one, over anything that happens regarding RP. That's ridiculous, we invest emotions in creative endeavors, and as this one involves other real people, we are certain to experience disappointment and hurt. However, there comes a point when, if all we're feeling is upset about something we're supposed to be enjoying, that something is very wrong. If we cannot identify what that is and fix it, it isn't good for us to keep going on with it. If this is making you consistently depressed and angry, you should probably take a break for a while. Distance yourself from it, just enjoy your fandoms, and come back when you are feeling better about the whole thing.

I hope that you find some things to work on that might allow you to have a better time, if you can be as dedicated to that as you have been seeking interaction with your favorite character, I think that might happen.

#answered #anonymous #mun interaction #seeking interaction #favorite characters #rp problems #rp advice #queued