The Lost Art of Courting and Seduction
Successful, accomplished singles are often excellent at getting things done. They are efficient in creating a vision or goal and finalizing it into reality. That efficiency serves them well when it comes to achieving their professional goals (or other life goals) and contributing to the betterment of humanity in their chosen, inspired endeavors.
However, sometimes, this high-powered efficiency is also practiced when dating a potential lover, partner, and friend:
In effort to “get to the point” or “close the sale” they arrive with a checklist of questions (for all practical purposes) – any of which answered “wrong” will lead to an outright rejection of any possible relationship being pursued with this prospect.
For instance, before the drinks are even served, she’s asking him “Do you want kids, how much stock do you own, what’s your net worth, and how often do you call your mom?” Any “wrong” answer is sure to kill the deal…just another night wasted in tedium.
Meanwhile, he is demanding answers to: “What do you do for a living, would you relocate to Vegas long-term if that’s where I needed to be, and do you like dogs?” – again, a rush to close the sale…one wrong answer and off to the “past failed dates guillotine” she goes. Another night wasted when he could’ve been out with some other prospect.
While this efficiency might be great at getting to the point in many aspects of life, it will (unintentionally) prevent you from ever finding the right lover, life partner, and friend when dating.
Because in an effort to go through a checklist, you’re actually missing the essence of who this person is…you’re not enjoying the moment nor taking into account all of the things that make a relationship last, such as his or her unique, insightful views on various topics that might make you a far better (more evolved) person than you are today. How this person has the ability to add tremendous value to your already great life.
You might be missing the fact that although he doesn’t call his mom enough now, with the right woman he might be able to heal and grow that relationship in a healthy, beautiful way. You might be missing the fact that she has no desire to move to Vegas now, and can’t stand dogs…but after a few months with you, all that changes…because she wants to be with you… now, all these other “details” become meaningless in comparison…completely extraneous and irrelevant.
Indeed, your whole efficiency “checklist” is irrelevant because while kids aren’t necessarily TOP OF MIND for him right now, after more time with you he will WANT to share this beautiful aspect of life and creation with you. These are all things that come out of a happy, healthy, deeply involved relationship….one in which two soulmates need each other to the point where all the rest doesn’t matter so much. Including the initial “incorrect” answers on the previous checklist of “efficiency.”
Meeting and RECOGNIZING the Right Person takes time. It’s a slow dance of uncovering the person’s many facets step-by-step over fun times…amazing conversations, great food, fun hikes, walks, trips…it’s the process of courting and seduction that CREATES the relationship itself…creating shared experiences and deeply invigorating moments…when you suddenly realize that you don’t want to experience life’s more mundane moments without this person…because they make those better, deeper, and more fun now that there’s so much shared history.
This is the art of courting and seduction…it’s the opposite of efficiency or rushing to close the sale. And those who do not practice it may risk losing one opportunity after another as Mr. or Miss Right is presented to them over and over again in various forms and faces…never uncovering who each prospect truly is due to a haphazard efficiency checklist that only shuts every door before it even opens.
People are too complex for checklists.
So next time you go on a date, toss your checklist out the car window on the way over and vow to just be present. Save the questions for some other time…sip your drink and notice the sparkle in her eyes, the flirtatious smirk in his smile…all the things that allow you to slowly uncover who this person is, so you too can enjoy and engage in the lost art of seduction. Over time, you’ll be unbelievably surprised at how the answers to your initial checklist can change day by day based on the persons mood, and their evolving interest in being with you…above all else.
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