Fricken love the monster hunter wilds experience actually cause like- the personality they have for the hunter is just so CLOSE to my self insert’s actual personality my self insert is just a tad more feral but every time with the lean in asking “authorization?” For the hunt is just SO ME CODED LIKE oh my god im so sassy about it YESSSSS and then the “granted” from Alma and i just charge in and go ham or when me and Oliva stood side by side, Hammer by Hammer to absolutely OBLITTERATE Uth Duna it was awesome or or even BETTER was that cutscene right before the Zou Shia fight where the shard cuts my cheek and i just wipe the blood with a determined, deadly stare.
I also love how i can have colored scleras now because like I have this headcanon that my wyvernian self insert started out just a regular wyvernian but as hes spent more time among monsters, especially after having Astalos as his companion, his wyvern blood has become more active, making him more and more feral and unhinged, teeth sharper and hes just all in all more dragonlike (i dont care if thats not how it works it is to ME) and so just seeing me go ham in wilds is so satisfyinggg!!!!!
All that wilds is missing is a cutscene where I ride my astalos into a fight with Rey Dau, their talons clashing with violent lightning of blue and green jolting through the sandstorm as I leap from Azzie’s neck, hammer at the ready and the unhinged gleam of a god in my eyes, for I am a wyvern too
I remember back when everything was a goofy self-insert of you meeting your fav celebs, so I wrote a little throwback meme story for @thecomfortofoldstorries
So we break into Henry Cavill’s home and change his curtains for him because those things MUST go. It’s Shenanigans Time!
This story does not condone breaking into celebrity homes. It is for meme purposes only.
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“It’s not like he’s home,” the first intruder scoffed, holding up two paint swatches and raising an eyebrow in her companion’s direction. “What do you think, blue or light grey? Those are the only two cans I brought with me.”
“Light grey. That’s going to give him the best background for videos and it won’t wash him out in front of his camera if he decides to use the natural light.”
“Brilliant decision making skills, as usual. What are you thinking we should do for the curtains?”
“I say we burn them and do a ceremonial dance around the ashes.”
“I meant what do you think we should do about the new curtains.”
“Oh. Uh… these?” the redhead held up a set of deep, almost metallic navy blue curtains in heavy, sleek material. They were both light and sound proof, ideal for people who spend a lot of time in front of the computer regardless of the time of day. “What do you think, Tadhg?”
“Killin’ it as usual, Regan.”
“You’re welcome.”
They turned back to their respective tasks and before long the small room was repainted from maroon to light grey and the windows were hung with a fresh set of curtains. Regan was stuffing the old, hideous floral ones into a plastic bag when they heard a familiar but definitely unexpected voice say, “Uhm, did someone spill paint in here?”
“Shit,” Tadhg hissed. “We gotta go!”
“I am aware,” Regan rolled her eyes. “I’m too beautiful for prison.”
“Who’s there? I can hear you whispering! Long halls have echoes, you know.”
“Fuck.”
“Uh… hi?” Tadhg greeted, watching as Henry Cavill strolled into the dimly lit room.
“Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?”
“Well,” Regan began, calmly tying the bag in her hands closed, “We’re getting rid of these crimes against humanity, for one. We also painted over that terrible off-burgundy with something more light-reflecting and complimentary; that way your next thirsty Instagram video will have a decent enough background. The new window dressings are also lightproof for, you know, gaming and stuff.”
“I would say thank you but you broke into my house.”
“Yeah, and that was definitely wrong on a base moral level, but you should turn a light on and look around. I think you’ll dig the new look. In the meantime we’ll just chill here if you want to call the police or anything.”
“I probably should.”
“Fair enough and understandable,” Tadhg nodded. “We did break in.”
“How’s Kal?” Regan asked. Under normal circumstances this conversation would be terrifying, but the shock of it all seemed to be overriding the frantic, adrenaline-high fangirl screaming from inside. “It’s always a joy to see him on your Instagram.”
“He’s… good?”
“You seem unsure,” Tadhg joked, clearly under the same shock-based-calm that Regan seemed to be exuding. “Is he alright? Do we need to go track him down for you?”
“No, he really is good. He’s in excellent health. I’m just a little confused. You haven’t gone for a hug or tried to cut off any of my hair or-”
“Someone tried to cut off your hair!?” Tadhg gasped. “I’m pretty sure that’s a mortal sin. And also really invasive; although, all things considered, we did repaint an entire room of your house without asking first.”
“You didn’t sniff any of my stuff or steal my clothes as souvenirs or anything did you?” Henry suddenly asked, looking horrified.
“No, that would be really creepy and gross! Obsessive behavior like that is just next level weird.”
“You painted my dining room.”
“Once again, we understand that we have done wrong and we are probably going to be in trouble for that, but that color was just so bad for your skin tone and those curtains were…” Regan shook the bag in her hand for emphasis, “Just terrible, Mr. Cavill, really.”
He flicked a light on and glanced around, eyebrows rising into his hairline appreciatively. “No, you’re right. That looks much better. Still not super happy about the breaking and entering bit, but this is probably the calmest fan interaction I could possibly be having in my own house.”
“So do you want us to wait for the police, or…?”
“I think you did me a favor with this redecorating, so I’m going to do you a favor and not press any charges.”
“Neat.”
“Yeah, thanks,” Regan sighed, relieved. “I really want to finish my degree outside of prison.”
“Also,” Tadhg added, halfway out the door already, “Hunter was your best role and I appreciate the effort you put into acting with conviction despite the horrible script.”
“Uhm, thank you?”
“We will never forget to look down at our Guccis, angel,” Regan added as she yanked her friend out the door and down the driveway. Henry Cavill stood in mute shock, both from the strange interaction and their choice of parting words.
I drew my Cybertronian self-insert yesterday because this was a long time coming. My name is Hardwire and I pass out when you make too much noise near me or do aaaaaanything to stress me out.
I'm always critical of the way I draw Transformers. I can never quite, yanno, make them look like they actually transform into cars. And I don't have the energy to make them look as complex as they should be. This bot either has legs that are too long or a torso that's too short. Or both.
But yeah, here's a rough idea of what I'd look like as a Transformer in case anyone wanted to know. I hope I have enough time to color it digitally sometime soon.
Lindsay Ellis: The movie goes out of its way to show that the medic, Ratchet - you know, the guy that says this: *plays clips of Ratchet saying his funnie line about mating w/ the female* -
Me: ah yes, that big idiot. that pheromone sniffing fool. i lov him.
