Like I'm so hurt and it's just for some reason everything is coming back, the pain I felt before I thought I was ready to forgive is back and it's stronger. Like I'm not ready and I don't think I ever will. I already had trust issues, this just really fucked things. And I'm not ok at all and I just want to feel something else. Not this. I just want to cut, purge, drink, and get high, and send an anchor of pills into the bottom of my stomach. Like I'm drowning in sadness but I'd rather it be self hatred and destruction. I'm kind of teetering on the edge you know? Nobody has really noticed, but I think I'm ok with that. I don't want to be stopped, I don't want to be interrupted, I don't want to be saved. I just can't anymore like I truly truly can't. Every fiber of my being is telling me to let go and move on. Everything is so fucked and conflicted and I just want to run and get away.
