#self shipping shenanigans

[heisen-shrine]

So the guys and I went out shopping today and I realized I needed a new outfit for pride next Saturday. We went to Spencer's, and they helped me pick out this

Looking at it now I feel it's a little mix-matched but you know what? I'm still gonna wear it and be happy. I love it and I love my guys so much. This is gonna be Karl's, Astarion's, Elijah's, and Otto's second pride with me. Oz and Rabban will be having their first ^^

[peachesandmilktea]

Hey sunny! I have a genuine question

So as we all know you’re really in love with Shigaraki, right?

And love contains reasons, always (almost always..)

But like, what exactly do you love about him? Is it the way he looks? His appearance? His behaviour? His voice? His motives? His goals? His way of thinking? Or do you perhaps relate to him in one way or another?

I’m seriously curious. Spill the tea sis!

Omg I love the question!! At the same time, this is very difficult to explain because when I fall for a character, I instantly start looking at every single part of them with heart-eyes, which means I end up loving everything.

But if we go back to the very beginning… I actually got to know him through fanfictions first. I knew the BNHA fandom was huge and it had (still has) so many good writers, so, though I didn’t know anything about the characters or the world, I read tons of fics.

And then I read a few that were soft and a bit sad about the fact that Shigaraki can’t fully touch the people he loves (Reader, in the case of the fics). I think the concept appealed a lot to me, I found that to be delightfully tragic and I started falling for him, that idea of him as a bringer of death who could be oh so very gentle to his significant other.

After that, I started watching BNHA for the sole reason that I wanted to see canon Shigaraki for myself. And then, he was everything I loved: not the pretty boy type but one that was darker, with flaws and an overall unsettling aura, a clever leader that I felt compelled to follow in his little adventures on the page as I read the manga. I fell for his wits and his actions, for his snarky dialogues and the way each time he’s present in a scene my eyes only dart to him.

Now, I love everything! His voice, the way he looks, his character, though I don’t really relate to him. I just think he deserves a lot of happiness and in my silly little fantasies I’m the one who gives it to him! I just want to tuck him into bed at the end of the day and bring him breakfast in the morning. He deserves the peace (and I do too!!)

Ahhhh I really want to do more self ship posts now dnsjdnjd thank you for be question that was really sweet!!

[heisen-shrine]

Me: hey guys...any crustacean can be a craw-father but it takes a special one to be a crawdad! Ba-dum tsk!

Karl: (snickers)

Astarion: boooo!

Elijah: (face palms)

Otto: (snorts, but tries to hide it)

Oz: sweetie it's too early for this.

Me: I swear one of these days all of yall are gonna laugh...

[heisen-shrine]

Me: Karl, honey.. you know how we're married now?

Karl: as if I wasn't there, buttercup. Something tells me you're plotting.

Me: well...I had an idea. You know how I've never wanted kids of my own?

Karl: yes?

Me: and...how I work at build a bear?

Karl: (blinks) wait! Don't tell me! Plush kids?!

Me: plush kids!!!! :D

(Both of us chanting plush kids over and over again as the other guys look on in annoyance and slight amusement)

[peachesandmilktea]

OMG IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY SOON

Please someone write a drabble about Reader giving Shigaraki valentine day homemade chocolate 💔💔💔💔 I won’t have time to but I need it so bad………

[heisen-shrine]

The Call...

Me: (gets out of the shower while the guys are doing their own thing, looks at my phone) oh no...

Karl: buttercup? What's wrong?

Me: it's her...

Oz: who?

Otto: her stepmother. Ash...give me the phone.

Me: I can't...

Otto: Yes you can...ash, give me the phone.

Astarion: darling, you don't have to return the call. Give us the phone.

Elijah: thought you blocked her, hon.

Me: she made a new number before I left and I forgot until now.

Karl: she leave a message?

Me: no...

Oz: no text?

Me: she could be texting now for all I know-

Oz: and ya ain't got time for her nonsense. Give Otto the phone.

(I hesitate but hand it to him, he proceeds to block her number. Karl comes over and puts an arm around me)

Karl: hey...it's gonna be okay. You're far away from her, she can't hurt you anymore.

Me: what if something hap-

Astarion: your father and sister are capable of contacting you. Darling you don't need this in your life anymore.

Me: (sniffs) I don't get how someone so far away can still hold so much sway over me...

Karl: trauma's a bitch. Some heal quickly, some dont...but you are healing honey. I promise you.

Otto: some folks never do get over their trauma, and that's okay too. It's okay for you to feel upset, or afraid.

Me: I thought I was better, I thought I was stronger (sobs loudly)

Oz: healin' ain't about bein' strong, honey. Ya gotta take it at your own pace. I promise...there'll come a day where you can look at that number and not feel a damn thing.

Astarion: today just...isn't that day, my dear. But someday, we promise.

Elijah: we'll keep you safe, okay? Don't let her get to you. If she comes up here, she's gonna have to go through us. And we've got a guy who can control magnetism, a robotics expert, a vampire elf, a guy with four extra limbs, and one of the most powerful mob bosses in comics history...trust me, you're not gonna get much safer than this.

(Yeah so my crazy stepmother tried to call me today, fun stuff. I just seriously needed some comfort and support here. I've been up north for about six months and seriously thought I was getting better and now I feel knocked down a bit. For those who have gotten out of a crazy/abusive situation, I'm here for you. I may not be able to help myself but I want you all to know I'm here for you. Take healing at your own pace. Your F/Os love you all and want to keep you safe, and they will if you let them)

[heisen-shrine]

(In the middle of an argument)

Alcina: you're a smelly trash hooker!

Karl: yeah?! Well why don't you go back to your home on whore island?!

(Pause)

Alcina: what?

Donna: what?

Angie: what?

Moreau: huh?

Miranda: what did you just tell her?

Karl: oh cmon...yall act like that's the worst thing I've ever said to her! Also...what?

Me: (dying of laughter in a corner while Alcina glares daggers at me)

[heisen-shrine]

The Loss

Otto: hey...how's she holding up?

Karl: as best she can, given the circumstances. I wish life would stop kicking her in the stomach for two goddamn seconds.

Otto: for once we actually agree on something. What exactly happened to the poor little thing?

Astarion: we aren't sure. He just stopped eating after a while and...she couldn't get him to eat again. It's like he just...chose to die.

Otto: (sighs sadly) losing a pet is never easy. And I know she doesn't take loss well. I'll go in and talk to her.

Karl: good luck...

(Otto comes into my room, where I've pretty much been listening to creepy/weird stories all day, expressionless mostly).

Otto: hey...you feeling alright?

Me: (sniffs) about as good as I can, given the circumstances. We're gonna bury him tomorrow morning at the park.

Otto: (sits down with a nod) how do you feel?

Me: you want like specifics or?

Otto: whatever you're willing to tell me.

Me: (sets phone aside) I feel...numb. partly caught up in my own head. I knew it was coming but...it still hit like a truck. I feel like I wanna cry but another part of me is like I already want another one. Is that a bad thing?

Otto: emotions aren't inherently bad. You've always tried to rush negative feelings, ever since you were a kid. I think it's because you constantly lived in survival mode. You have emotional maturity but when bad things happen you try to suppress it and move on quickly.

Me: I was taught nothings permanent. That you can love something all you want, but...it'll never stick around for you. Emotions are more difficult than that.

Otto: indeed they are. Because that's the thing: emotions for the most part...they arent permanent per se, but theyre a constant. They're a part of us. They hold and have meaning that sticks with us.

(Otto puts a hand over mine, and I look at him. He's got a sad sort of half smile)

Otto: it's okay to feel what you do. It's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel negative. You're not bad or weak for showing that you're hurt. You try to rush healing, you've always done that. Don't be afraid to feel bad or negatively. He was your pet, he was your lizard. You had that little gecko for what, six years? And in those six years so much happened. He was a staple in your life. Let yourself mourn, Ash. Consider the possibility of a new pet but don't go rushing into anything. Let yourself feel your emotions, and...when the times right to get a new one, you'll know.

Me: it's just hard. I hate feeling like this. I don't want to feel like this.

Otto: no one does, honey. Trust me on that. But while emotions are a constant, they're always changing. Your sadness will come and go, that feeling of loss will go. I promise. But for the time being you have to let yourself feel and be kind to yourself, okay? You have a home, a family, and all of us guys here for you, including...a potential sixth I'm possibly hearing about.

Me: (blushes a bit) its...complicated, a little bit. I don't know. I like him but...I don't think he feels the same about me.

Otto: well, regardless, you have a lot of people who care about you. You'll be okay (pulls me in for a hug and I snuggle into him).

Me: Do you wanna stay tonight? Just a little?

Otto: I'll stay however long you need me, Ash. (He kisses my head and I manage a little smile)

Wrote this as a comfort thing after my beloved gecko died this morning. I've been trying to keep my mind off of it but it's been hard. Thankfully I have my family and my guys here, as well as my friends and fans on here. Thanks guys :( <3