my writing so far </3 it’s the introduction chapter and i don’t plan on writing the others likes this. i just wanted this to sum up the family dynamic so when i get into the actual story, i won’t have to worry about the confusion.
born from flesh, warm and soft. little hand wrapped around a single finger in such a gentle yet tight embrace. welcoming smiles and tear stained cheeks of joy; a memory to forever be engraved into the hearts a family that will only ever break again and again.
a promising start, they swore. this one will be different.
slowly chipped away like stone broken by a chisel. nothing but a cold, lifeless statue built from a solid foundation until it was nothing but a beautiful viewing piece to show off. nothing but polite gestures and conversations passing by the days. days that soon turned to weeks, then months. the unfortunate amount of time that gathered up into a year of more nothingness.
empty words of affection that weren’t even spoken to you but to another. the same topics over and over. work, meetings, politics. yet they never strayed too far from one subject; you.
young, promising. an envision of the future. their future, the one they’ve mapped out from the moment you turned five.
you were a late-bloomer. four was when it should have happened. the disappointment that filled the new dull look in your fathers eyes for the first time will always be unforgettable.
new to you, at least. it was always there. the same eyes that the naive child you once were believed to hold the calming ocean in, were the same eyes that held raging tides for your family.
years of abuse and neglect had made done their damage. your sweet mother had grown distant, only ever answering in small sentences. memories of her standing on the porch in a beautiful dress soon faded into a small glimpse of the white walls of a hospital, an old blue gown draped over an empty woman. dead, yet still breathing. she’d never recover.
your eldest brother torn down into a hallow shell of rage. every which way he turned was trouble. it followed him. latched onto his back, tearing through his frayed shirt and seeping into his skin. it embedded itself into his veins, tainting his bloodstream and altering his brain chemistry for the worst.
Hi am SO SORRY for the time I took to reply to this, especially because I know how intimidating it can be to share one’s writing. You seemed nervous about it but I promise you you have nothing to be nervous about, this is very good!
I really like the way you set the scene and the mood by listing little details. It’s a great way to show don’t tell, which is always what one should do when writing ; it is subtle and yet works perfectly because each word hits harder.
The choice of the vocabulary and the details in question are very delicate, the way you craft the scenes and the short story is very skillful because your choice of words works very well.
You shit between ideas and between scenes, flashback sometimes, and the transitions are very well done. Really, I have nothing to criticize in such work (and I am trying very hard to be objective), I really really like it and would love to read your next works if you write any!
