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This chapter in my life is weird. I honestly didn’t think I’ll be one of those people that catches feelings with a close friend.. a best friend and honest to god it’s the worst feeling ever man because not only am I afraid of rejection, but I’m also afraid of losing my friendship with her.
Life is way too short to spend another day at war with yourself
Oh geeee....
Maybe i should just accept the fact and let it go. But i just ............hmph....
Every day is an on going battle in this war with myself, there is so many thoughts that go through my head telling me so many negative things. But I refuse to give up, I am not surrendering in this war. I will win...
My inner thoughts.... That I never knew..
Well fuck, here my brain goes again... Builds up a fantasy and burns it to cinders in mere moments. Constructs thoughts from feelings that only are beginning to surface, and sets them ablaze like a pyre. That's when I realized .... that pyre was and is my soul, my feelings, my thoughts, and my wishes, my struggles, and my heart. It is me and I am it. These thoughts, I won't try to stop. For they aren't all bad... and anything can happen. Just maybe they'll turn out right, instead of the misery that normally happens. These feelings that burn dimly, I'll try to fan till they are a raging torrent of passion. Whether they be good or bad. Right now.... all I want to do is find someone who doesn't and won't care that I struggle with a war on myself... that I have bad days, then days that make the bad ones look like the calmest days I've ever had. Ones that make them look good in comparison. I want to find the one that says "FUCK YOU, I'M NOT GOING AWAY" and "I'll fight when you can't. Because you are worth fighting for." In the end I just want someone who finally won't abuse, hurt, deceive, or do anything destructive towards me. Two people make me think that's finally possible... but it's something I have to build... fight... and create. One couldn't care less. No clue about the other... But it's something at least to me. Hopefully friends, family, and them... hopefully they'll understand. I can't fight this war on my own. I know I'm reaching for help, and they give it... but it's not the kind of help I'm looking for... Yeah..... so to anyone who took the time to read this.... Thanks...
Civil War
The only war
Worth fighting
Is the civil war
You're fighting
Tonight with
Your eyes wide
Open on your
Pillow with tears
Drowning your
Thoughts, please
Don't lose it.
