Wanting The Love That Only Comes in Waves
i sometimes feel these moments of wanting a safe and secure love,
i sometimes want someone to see me, and see past every flaw and broken aspect i withhold,
only for a moment i picture myself holding onto another,
and that part of me wants nothing more than to look into someone's eyes and see a home i've never felt.
i sit in this feeling, just for a moment.
and then this other part of me starts to shake,
my stomach starts to turn, and fear starts to overflow.
"i don't want to be scared anymore," i tell myself
and "i don't want to run away."
but how can i let these moments of wanting last, when i can't view myself the way i wish someone else would,
how can i give myself the safe and secure love my parents starved me of,
how can i see past through the constant internal struggles where my self worth was tested over, and over again,
leaving me broken and bruised,
sad and disappointed,
how do i let myself actually feel at my full capacity?
i want to want love in the way Romeo and Juliet once did,
i want to be so sure of wanting the person thats looking at me,
and i want to be okay with accepting loves offering,
but for now, my heart will ache for it and my soul will deny it.
i can't absorb it, not until i'm able to love myself fully & whole heartedly,
but until then-
i'll just keep wanting the love that only comes in waves.
