i can never win
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seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States
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i can never win
being a fearful-avoidant is one hell of a drug bc like i love you so much and i wish for our souls to merge but also i don’t deserve you so please stay away from me i’m such an awful person but it would be nice if you did stay
avoidant culture is feeling far more comfortable yearning for fictional people that don't exist because i never actually have to get close to them. i can just write alone and feel comfortable never divulging anything
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something so embarrassing about avpd is getting little 'friendship crushes' on people. why is my heart clenching because someone liked my post? why am i so nervous to interact with you? why am i so eager to see what you post online despite talking once or twice? why can i not respond to anything you say to me out of panic? it is so embarrassing, i feel like a middle-schooler having a playground crush and scribbling messy valentines that will never be delivered.
Can we please start normalizing the choice to want to be dependent on someone because yeah, I love Caleb. I like fantasizing about being taken care of and never having to do a damn thing for myself. I want someone to make decisions for me when my brain doesn't want to function properly. I know the man's a possessive hoe and I dont care—his possessiveness makes me feel loved and I prefer someone who doesn't hide the fact that they yearn for me and want only me in their world. I just want to be cherished and spoiled like a cute little doll and so what if thats how I want to live my life? It's healing for someone like me whose mental state is absolutely terrible because I don't have to worry about my future very much when I have someone willingly and happily doing that for me! ^.^
i can’t win
Glen Martin Taylor, “but i’m safe in here.”