do you ever wish you could take away someone else's problems, in exchange making them your own?
for you, my love, i’d do it in a heartbeat. it’s 20:41 when i get your message and i think my brain short-circuits, a running loop of you don’t deserve this you don’t deserve this you don’t deserve this you don’t—
and though it’s you who’s so clearly suffering, it’s my breath that hitches, caught somewhere within, tongue bit to stifle everything i’d like to say to you because i can’t, because how can i speak when i cannot breathe, and what do i say to a boy who deserves so much more?
he’s my best friend, i love him so much.
me too. he’s going to be okay.
(i wish i could trust myself as much as you trust me)
[4 weeks ago] perks of driving alone: you can just scream in your car if you’re feeling upset and no one will hear you
you can’t drive alone, yet. i tell myself that’s a good thing. because someone will hear you. someone does hear you. i try to remind you, over and over and over but now it hits me and i choke on my own screams—
what if you don’t want me to listen?
i took your message as a cry for help.
i can’t process, can’t think, can’t breathe because you don’t deserve this you don’t deserve this you don’t deserve this—
[recipient: myself] i would like to exchange. please, god, tell me how. tell me it’s possible. tell me, because he doesn’t deserve this.
oh, but my darling, he may not deserve this but that does not mean you do.