[she-wears-glasses]

I'm Afraid

Their I said it.

I'm afraid that

your smile will melt my heart.

I'm afraid that

when you look in my eyes you'll see

every single imperfection with every individual spec in my eye and

still choose to stay,

when I think you'll leave.

I'm afraid that

when you do say "I'm falling for you" that

you'll mean it and not give up,

unlike everyone else.

I'm afraid of letting my heart

fall,

trusting you'll catch it, and

keep it safe.

In a way,

I'm afraid of you,

because over time day by day

you've shown me that

I can feel safe with you.

That I can talk to you about any silly, serious, or random topic and

you won't look down on me.

You won't shut me out and lock the door,

our communication is open always.

And these are qualities that I've

always dreamed someone would have

for me.

So please,

don't let me go.

Please stay with me,

because I want you with me.

I know none of this is easy; but

I believe in you and if you believe in me, and believe in

what we are capable of together...

don't let us go.

Stay.

I want you to stay.

[she-wears-glasses]

Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend

I really believed they liked me until they

push me

away, and

drop me to the ground.

I don't know why.

I can't even be angry, because in a way it makes sense.

Why try after all?

Why try to put in effort into someone

that won't be easy to conquer, or do what you want when

she doesn't know you?

I didn't think effort was too much to ask for.

Where we talk and plan time together, instead of texting that leads

to no where.

Where someone consistently wants to make me feel like

I'm someone special to them that they

never want to

break.

I didn't realize effort was

more expensive than throwing money in my face.

Thinking that's enough for me, because

all women want a rich man since he has all the money.

After all,

diamonds are a girl's best friend.

[she-wears-glasses]

It's been a while, good to see you again.

Thanks! I’ve been so busy the past couple years. I haven’t been able to think about writing until recently. Thanks for reaching out I hope you’ve been well.

[she-wears-glasses]

When Did Love Become Corrupted?

Part of me still feels like a child,

I don't understand the world I'm living in.

How is it meaningful to go to

bed with someone before remembering their

name?

How is it respectful to speak of intimacy before

shaking someone's hand?

How does it build a connection when everyone

swipes through

and likes photos; but

no one says

hello?

When did it become okay to mock, and laugh at gravestones?

When did everyone keep

running through life, instead of

walking?

When did everyone

stop

talking to each other?

When did everyone stop

listening?

When did love become corrupted?

My heart is breaking,

because I know others are secretly raining tears down their face from

a pain that

is a mystery to others.

But now going forward I have to ask,

what someone's definition of

love?

[she-wears-glasses]

What is This?

Every time I think I'm one step closer, to where I think this is real.

That I can hold your hand,

and you'll hold me tight.

I can look into your eyes, and

you won't run away from the light and dark in mine;

but

that's not what happens.

What happens is

you let go

of my hand, and

have me

drop.

Every time this happens I question

why? When I think

this is real,

it was all plastic.

When I start to feel safe, that's when destruction happens.

If this is a

punishment just for me, what were my crimes?

To go through this life so far, always wanting

the real deal,

hearing and seeing someone want the same thing only

to get cast aside because

why?

Our clocks are off?

They like playing chess and checkers?

Searching for Mrs. Perfect,

except

she doesn't exist?

I don't wish this form of

torture on anyone, because

it's a cruel and unusual punishment.

I never understood this type of game, because

it's not real, and it's definitely

not love.

[she-wears-glasses]

Update in Poem Form

I'm so close

I can see a light at the end of this

battlefield.

All of the obstacle courses,

the trick questions, and the

late nights cleaning and

scraping floors

will be over soon.

Part of me is having an out of a body experience,

not believing this dream will become

reality.

Yet I know this is

real,

and I'm thankful I'm not

dreaming this.

I'm living it.

[she-wears-glasses]

My Love Language

My love language is long walks through bookstores and glances across the room.

My love language is long phone calls about everything and nothing at the same time.

My love language is how the conversations that on the surface mean nothing, mean everything to each other.

My love language is smiles and laughter while holding hands and walking aimlessly at a field.

My love language is plans to get together because we can't bear being apart from each other.

My love language is cuddling and playing thumb wars.

My love language is feeling like we can both act childish knowing we won't be judged for our fun silly moments.

My love language is sharing my success and adventures with someone who won't turn away when I fail.

My love language is

to continue the story

even after

happily ever after.

[she-wears-glasses]

A Beautiful Life

I'm no beauty queen, or a

pretty princess.

In my day

by

day life,

I can't afford to be one.

I'm just my own unique

beautiful self.

I may not be as young as I was yesterday;

but I'm still

far stronger now than

ever before.

I may not be going viral on every social media feed,

showing off my millions of dollar bills,

but

I still have a purpose.

I still get to live

a beautiful life,

filled with so many

beautiful people.

[she-wears-glasses]

A word of advice to people entering adulthood:

1. You don’t know everything. You think you do; but there is always someone who knows more than you do. Be humble. Take the time to learn from others.

2. To other adults with how they see you, even though you’re 18; you’re still a child. In fact they think you’re a baby, an infant even, and that’s okay because in the grand big picture of life you are. After all do you really think the same as someone in their 50s? I’d say no; but if you take the time to see the world around you and really look at it one day you will. Maybe you’ll even see it before you’re 50 who knows?

3. People are not what they seem. There are people that you’ll meet who will use you in all kinds of ways that you can’t even think of. And no it’s not the obvious where it’s just your body. They’ll take your money, your time, your mind, your heart. Your body is included but that gets talked about more often than the others that can do just as much damage, and in some cases more so. And there’s a lot of people out there who don’t deserve it. Take your time with everyone you meet in life.

4. Whatever you want to do to succeed in life you have to put work into it. You get what you give. The world wants you to believe that you don’t have to do everything. That you have to trick the system to get ahead. And eventually that all comes back to bite you big time if you follow that. And if you do nothing, you get nothing but being dependent of others, and that’s not a place you will want to be in because anyone that you depend on will keep you there.

5. You don't have to do everything at once. Sure live life to the fullest but don't forget to slow down every once in awhile. You'll miss what's in front of you if you spend time planning ahead or gluing your face to a screen. Take a step back to reflect, and relax. Enjoy the friends and family you have in the present moment. There's no race, no competition with others, it's just you.

6. Don't forget to be kind to yourself. Yes it's important to hold yourself accountable for whatever you do in life; but it's equally important to give yourself grace. Be kind and loving to yourself. Be realistic for yourself. You can achieve anything you want in life.

7. Be kind to others, as best as you can. The world is already cruel. If things aren't healthy tell them, but if it's clear they just need a hug? Hug them, they need it more than you know.

[she-wears-glasses]

Grandpa Year Two

It’s been two years and

I still miss you

every day, and

every time this time of year comes around.

Even more so,

because

everything is changing and

all I want is to hear you say

“I’m proud of you.”

I wish you could physically see me now,

in my success,

where everything is going right;

instead of before where

you saw a

failure.

I love you Grandpa,

every day

and more than world knows.

[she-wears-glasses]

Have you ever been invested in the comments section after watching a video? Well last night I was. I was watching a pianist play Liebestraum by Franz Liszt. It’s a beautifully challenging and romantic piece. It was late, my nighttime self read a few of the comments, and one single comment stood out to me that was posted three years ago. It was this guy who said that he learned to play this piece to perform for his girlfriend, and a few days before he planned to play this for her…..she broke up with him. He was completely devastated and heartbroken. I scrolled through the 500 responses to this comment to see any updates because after the first few I was hooked. I wanted updates, even if he was able to play this piece again.

I say this because in that moment when I read that comment my heart completely sunk for this man. I was heartbroken for him. Playing any piano piece written by Liszt is beyond impressive and had to take so much love and dedication for this relationship because his pieces are highly advanced to attempt. Since he had taken so much time to learn to play it only for that relationship to end, it hurt my heart to read this. I don’t know why the relationship ended, it could be any reason. Yet the idea of someone doing something romantic and special for someone else, only for their heart to be torn in two, part of me could understand how hurt he must’ve been.

There’s also a part of me, as a woman, who wishes that a man would do some kind of a similar romantic gesture. It doesn’t have to involve Liszt; but to plan something special just for him and I. Where I could see that he put a lot of thought, time and love into it. In my case right now it’s a more specific man, to know I have his heart.

[she-wears-glasses]

Your Eyes are Your Best Feature

Part of me is afraid of you

looking deep into

my eyes.

You try to make eye contact with me

but I’m scared you’ll see

everything.

Every feeling and thought that I have for you will

pop out

through my eyes.

Yet at the same time a part of me tries to

risk it,

because your eyes speak so much about

your soul.

Your eyes really are the windows to

your soul.

[she-wears-glasses]

I Need a Sign…

I need a sign

to let me know

your heart.

Whether I’m having too much hope,

or that my heart is right.

Sometimes I’ve caught you looking at me,

when you think I don’t notice.

When we’re not distracted from this mess,

you smile at me.

In moments when it’s just you and I,

it feels like I’m stepping into

your world.

I need a sign

that there’s something

more

in between the words

we speak.

[she-wears-glasses]

If you have or had any trauma in your life,

and you have these fears and thoughts

spinning in your head.

If you’re suffering from addiction because of

this trauma,

I’m here to remind you that

all you have to do is

say you’re sorry,

ask for forgiveness, with a

pure intention to turn away from it and

He will rescue you.

His grace will surround you, and

come into your heart to

heal it.

Anytime you’re tempted and struggling if you say

“Help me Jesus!”

He will grab you and

pull you

out.

He is an over comer.

You can do

all things through

Christ who is your strength.

Take His loving hand, and

allow Him to bring you

peace.

Please don’t give up when

the lies come rushing in because

He is

always with you.

He will

never leave you.

He will

never give up on you.

[she-wears-glasses]

You Might, You Are

You might like playing with dolls.

You might like playing sports.

You might like having long hair.

You might like having short hair.

You might like all different kinds of things;

but

that doesn’t mean you’re a mistake.

You might be tall.

You might be short.

You might be loud.

You might be quiet.

You might be artistic.

You might be scientific.

You might be different from these descriptors;

but

that doesn’t mean you’re a mistake.

You are fearfully and

wonderfully made.

You are a unique creation,

you don’t have to change

how you’re made.

See the devil likes to

lie by telling you

you have to change, because you don’t fit

society’s mold.

You are not a stereotype!

You can’t be duplicated!

You are still you, and

you don’t have to

change to please the world.

You are not a mistake!

God doesn’t make mistakes!

You are created with a purpose,

and that

is the real

truth.

[she-wears-glasses]

Even in your roughest storms, and rains so heavy

you can’t

see in front of you;

His light will

shine

through the darkness for

Him to guide you.

Through it all no matter how rough the storm becomes

He will comfort, and protect you.

When the storms

disappear

and what’s left is sunshine and clear blue skies;

He will still be right next you.

[she-wears-glasses]

His peaceful presence is like a

gentle white light

that surrounds you from the

inside out.