#seri0us

[allshielded]

Ever wonder what it's like for a Jewish girl to blind-date in a foreign country?

[m-e-t-a-p-h-o-r-i-n-g-blog]

check ou my blog, please? :)

[titanium-lace]

My dilema

So, my most recent ex and I stopped talking for a long while, because he decided that he was going to be an ass and disrespect me and treat me any way he wanted. Towards the downfall of this "relationship," we never spent any time together. It was severely depressing, and very stressful. I was so stressed I was consistently sick all the time. He has a lot of anger issues that he needs to work out, himself or with the help of a professional. But he can't swallow his dignity and pride long enough to even tie his own shoe.

He can be the most disrespectful, asshole I've ever met. He would pick at me and act like I wasn't anywhere near his level. Yet, somehow Imisshim? I missed the good times that we shared together. It felt as though I've known him for such a long period of time. I know what he likes, what he doesn't like, I know certain personal details about him. But, he never wanted to open up to me and communicate. And there again, it was always my fault. But, excuse me while I point out thata cell phone, is exactly that.. a phone. Meaning, it takes TWO people to talk. It goes both ways.

I still can't understand, or wrap my mind around the idea that I still very much like that asshole. I miss his smile and his laugh. The inside funny jokes we had. I swear, when we first got together, I spent all my time with him. We did everything together. And now that I'm no longer with him, it's almost as if.. I don't know what to do with myself. And it kills me. I truly had feelings for this man, but that vanished as soon as he would come home from work and take his anger out on me.

I can only hope and pray for him and his family. I do hope one day I get to see him again, and hopefully he will be a changed man. I just want him to realize that if he doesn't change he will neverfind another lady who will put up with the amount of shit I put up, dealing with him. I accepted him for who he was, but in the end his anger got the best of him and he managed to throw me away. I hope he realizes this. I still can't get this out of my mind. I need help, or advice. Do you know how hard it is, to stay away and not talk to him, or pick up the phone and call him? How or why, is it always the volatile relationships, we're most attracted to?

[-sh4n]

Whenever you're under the age you want to be, all you want to do is grow up. But why? We want to grow up to be able to do things we're not able to do. Maybe that's for a reason. Most reason's why people want to get older is to party. Partying is not that exciting. It's the same thing everytime. Getting wasted and making a fool out of yourself.

Soon we will all get to that age when it will be "legal" for us to party. I partied my ass off and it got old at one point. But us young kids just wan to have fun. Understood. But I much rather live life not wasted and remember my childhood. I only have one more year of it so I might as well be a kid while I sill can.

To my friends, don't rush into something that will always be there when you're older.

[-sh4n]

i absolutely love my bestfriends kennedy and tessa :)