#seriously he's like...completely spherical

[pixelspix]

my phone is not able to accurately capture exactly how Flat and Round he is

[zaczenemiji]

Can you do a spiderwomen x kenji sato. Maybe she was sent to retrieve emi and then got caught by kenji, and she was put into a jail like thing. So now she's just stuck there. She starts flirting with him. If yk what i mean 😏👉🏿👈🏿🎀💓🌸

Have an ice cream cone. 🍦

Thanks ♡♡♡♡

Kaiju Heist

Kenji Sato x Spiderwoman!Reader

Word Count: 1,066

Genre/Warnings: Anti-hero, Flirting, Imprisonment, Morally Grey/Ambiguous Reader

Author’s Note: This one was a bit challenging, I hope it’s to your liking. Thank you for the ice cream, I offer you this fic.

MASTERLIST

Your plan was simple: sneak in, grab the baby kaiju, and get out. But things rarely went according to plan.

Let’s begin where it all started—that damn spider.

Long story short, your parents were scientists doing experiments on radioactive spiders. You help in their lab and one day, an earthquake enormous kaiju shook the city, causing a containment breach. The next thing you know, a particularly aggressive spider bit your hand.

Of course, you gained extraordinary abilities. Others would’ve loved this and used them for good—be like Ultraman or whatever. But to you, it’s more like a curse. Seriously, you didn’t ask for this so ain’t no way were you going to become a selfless heroine.

So you did nothing with your abilities; you didn’t hone it whatsoever. You looked at it as if it’s just another arm that grew out of your body. Like grabbing a bag of chips from across the room, you’d shoot spider webs out to get it without standing.

Despite living your life as privately as you could, somehow, the Kaiju Defense Force was still able to find you. So here you are now, in their headquarters.

You stood there, arms crossed. “I’ve told you before, Dr. Onda,” you said. “I’m not looking to be a hero. I just want to be left alone.”

Dr. Onda, chief officer of the KDF, and old acquaintance of your parents, leaned forward. “I know. But this isn’t about heroism,” he replied. “This is a highly sensitive mission and you’re the only one who can pull it off.”

"And why should I care?" you replied coolly. "What's in it for me?"

"Payment, of course. A substantial one. Enough to ensure you can continue living the peaceful life you desire without any further interference from us,” Dr. Onda answered.

“And more importantly, it's a one-time deal. Complete this mission, and you'll never hear from the KDF again."

Your face expressed a guarded neutrality but inside, you found it so tempting—the promise of financial security and freedom from future obligations.

“What’s the job?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.

Dr. Onda tapped a few keys on his desk console, and a holographic image of a baby kaiju appeared, rotating slowly.

“It’s an entity of importance for the goals of KDF to be fulfilled,” he said. “Recently, it fell into the hands of Kenji Sato. We need you to retrieve it and bring it back to us.”

You studied the hologram, noting the details. "And how exactly am I supposed to move a 20-foot-tall kaiju baby without causing a scene?"

Dr. Onda leaned back, a small smile playing on his lips. "We have a special containment unit designed specifically for it. It's portable and can be deployed with your help. Your task is to get close enough to activate it and secure the kaiju.”

"And the payment?" you pressed.

Dr. Onda named a figure that made your eyes widen slightly. It was more than enough to ensure your financial independence for years to come.

"Alright," you said finally. "I'll do it. But remember, this is a one-time deal. After this, I want nothing more to do with the KDF."

Dr. Onda smiled, “You have my word."

You turned to leave but paused at the door, and glanced back. "I hope you're right about this, Dr. Onda,” you said. “Because if this goes sideways, I won't be the one paying the price."

Going back to the present—here you are, in Kenji Sato’s basement, trapped in a cylindrical glass containment unit, similar to the one the baby kaiju you were supposed to retrieve was held in.

A floating spherical robot circled around you. “We knew they would send someone,” it said in a mechanically feminine voice.

Suddenly, it projected a red light over your body, scanning you. “But I didn’t expect a spider-woman.”

You pressed your hands against the glass, testing its strength. "Nice trap," you said. “But it's going to take more than that to keep me here."

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” a voice came out of nowhere. Turning around, you see THE Kenji Sato with an eyebrow raised and his gaze locked with yours.

The biggest mystery that bothered you upon accepting this mission was how the hell did this famous baseball star had a giant baby in his basement.

You leaned back, crossing your arms over your chest. "So, what's the plan, Kenji? Keep me here forever?” you asked. “Or do you have something else in mind?"

Kenji smirked. "Depends. Why are you here?"

"Why do you think?" you replied, your tone flirtatious. "I was sent to retrieve that kaiju baby. But now, it seems I've found something else worth my attention."

Kenji's eyes narrowed slightly, "And what might that be?"

You gave him a slow, knowing smile. "You, of course,” you answered. “You're much more interesting than a simple retrieval mission."

Kenji chuckled, though he tried to hide it. "Flirting isn't going to get you out of there."

"Maybe not," you conceded, stepping closer to the glass, "But it does make this whole situation a lot more entertaining, don't you think?"

Kenji took a step closer, his eyes studying you. "You're not what I expected."

You tilted your head, your smile widening. "Good. I'd hate to be predictable."

There was a moment of silence as the two of you sized each other up. Finally, Kenji spoke. "You know, if you weren't here to take Emi, we might have been able to get along."

"Oh, I think we still can," you said, your voice low and seductive. "Besides, I never said I was strictly here for Emi."

Kenji looked at you, his expression softening just a fraction. "And what if I let you out?"

You pressed yourself against the glass, your eyes locked on his. "Then maybe, just maybe, we can help each other."

Kenji pondered this for a moment before shaking his head. "Nice try,” he said. “But I need to know more about you before I make that decision."

"Fair enough," you replied, leaning back once more. "But remember, Kenji, sometimes the spider catches more than just her prey."

Kenji turned away, a small smile playing on his lips. "We'll see about that."

You didn’t wanna include this in your escape plan because things rarely went according to plan. But in your mind, you noted: flirt, make him fall for you, and escape.

Taglist is open! Comment if u wanna be tagged on future Kenji oneshots

@moonlight-starlight-lady01 @eternallyvenus @puppyminnnie @wattpadsuckssohard @sakura-onesan

[cerastes]

I still think it's really cool how Amuro starts as the shittiest pilot alive (because he's a 15-year old) that only gets carried because he's in the biggest, fattest stat stick in-universe at the time (a few retroactive additions made in the future notwithstanding), enough that even its crappy vulcan guns are tearing Zaku IIs apart, and when he starts getting a bit too cocky, Char and Ramba Ral show up in objectively inferior pieces of junk and absolutely deliver his pizza, they just drag his face across every available surface in Planet Earth like he's a Yakuza mook, all because they are simply that much better at piloting, and the thing is, Amuro takes that very seriously.

He goes from shitass kid in an unfortunate situation that doesn't want to get in the robot to the most unwell child soldier in the war, which is really saying something, but most importantly, becomes so good at piloting the Gundam that the Gundam physically cannot handle Amuro's piloting. They need to apply "Magnetic Coating" to its joints so they don't fucking snap away from the main frame because Amuro, one, moves too damn well but also in too extreme a way for the frame to handle it, two, despite being equipped with two sabers, a shield, a beam rifle and vulcan guns, Amuro is a stern believer in introducing most everyone in thagomizer range to his Rated Z for Zeon hands, the single most official pair of hands in the business, tax free. He KEEP going Ip Man on these dudes, he does NOT need to do a Jamestown on these mother fuckers but he INSISTS. Somehow even the Gundam Hammer, which is a giant Hannah Barbera cartoon flail-- Ok, look at this thing, words do not do it justice

Even this god damn Tom and Jerry prop is less savage that whatever Amuro decides to do the moment he's done throwing his shield to get a free kill on someone and it officially becomes bed time forever for the unfortunate sap at the business end of his ten-finger weapons of mass destruction.

The RX-78-2, "Gundam" for its friends and family, even has a top of the line cutting edge Learning Computer that 'learns' alongside the pilot and their habits. This data extracted from it was so absolutely fucked up that it completely revolutionized Mobile Suit combat afterwards, which is a wholesome thing to think about when The Best Combat Data Ever came from a really angry, really stressed 15 year old that doesn't even like piloting. He was 15! He made Haro with his own hands! Amuro literally just wanted to make funny cute spherical robofriends! Amuro was out there trying to make Kirby real, but fate had other plans for him. His cloned brain put in a pilot seat is one of the setting's strongest 'pilots'.

They made fucking Shadow the Hedgehog with his brain, god damn.

By the end, Zeon is rolling out Gelgoogs out of its mass production lines. These things are in the Gundam's ballpark in terms of overall specs (or "power level"). Amuro is bodying them as if they were episode 1 Zaku IIs.

AND THEN HE GETS FUCKING PSYCHIC SPACE POWERS. Not that he needed them, he bodied a couple Space Psychics without any of those powers before awakening to them. But heaven's most violent child was not done evolving, whether he liked it or not.

Char bodied him in a souped up Zaku II at the start, a machine objectively inferior to the Gundam. Amuro more or less one-sidedly beats the shit out of Char when he's in a custom Commander-type Gelgoog that you could consider to be equal spec-wise to the Gundam. Amuro is the embodiment of Finding Out. He is Consequences. You tell him he better make it hurt, better make it count, better kill you in one shot, buddy, he needs half a fucking shot. The complete transformation. One could consider the central 75% of the show as long drawn out training montage turning a kid into the Geese Howard of giant robots.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Whatever These Things Are

Debut: Mario

Look, we’re no strangers to the Mario universe. We’ve spent hours of our lives stomping............. Koopas! But Nintendo, well... Nintendo just came out with this new enemy, and I don’t know guys. I think this honestly might just be the weirdest Mario enemy we’ve looked at.

I mean, let’s start with the obvious here. It’s trying to be some sort of turtle, right? But talk about uncanny valley! I mean, need I remind you what a real turtle looks like?

And this is what Nintendo is trying to pass off as a “turtle”:

Um... yeah. You don’t need to be Sherlock freaking Holmes to realise something WEIRD is going on here. That thing is bright yellow, and its shell is covered in SPIKES! Imagine having your morning coffee and going to step on a turtle, only for it to stab you through your feet! Talk about nightmare fuel! I didn’t want to sleep tonight anyway. 

And have you noticed something about its face? That’s right: it doesn’t even have a mouth. Now THAT’S nightmare fuel. Thanks Nintendo. I didn’t wanna sleep tonight anyway! 

But it gets even weirder. I was looking at a picture of Lakitu, right? Obviously Lakitu is extremely normal. I saw three Lakitus today on the way to work. But you’ll never believe what he was holding in his hand: 

That’s right, like these things weren’t bad enough, they can also be BALLS. So...... that’s a thing! You’ve got to be a total weirdo, I mean just a complete freak of nature, to become totally spherical like that. According to some games, these things might even be their EGGS. I mean, did no one at Nintendo do their freaking research about turtles? It’s insane!

Guys, I gotta be real with you for a sec. I’m actually really scared. What kind of twisted mind would come up with something like this? And if they can put these sorts of ideas out into the world, what else could they be capable of? It’s chilling to think of what the human mind can do. It might be seriously dangerous of me to even post this, but I had to spread awareness in any way I could.

Please. Stay safe out there. You never know what kinds of freaks are out there in the world.

[greenlotusleaf]

@widenmyhips

Hi Poppy, this one's for you. Hope it's mean enough :)

.

Kurt clicked through spreadsheets and diagrams, triple-checking things he already knew were correct. He shifted in the bed, trying to find a comfortable position where he could reach both keyboard and mouse, and could see the screen, but where his belly wasn't crushing his lungs or bladder or whatever other parts were crammed into his abdomen. These days, he felt about 85% belly, 15% miscellaneous..

The sound of the front door interrupted Kurt's grousing. "Naomi? Is that you?" He heaved his body down from the bed to go check.

It was, indeed, Naomi. She set her bags down in the kitchen and breezed into the house with a lightness that made Kurt envious. "I left work early! I wanted to bring you lunch." She kissed him on the forehead, then appraised him at arms' length. "How's my little prince feeling? And aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

Kurt pushed away, huffily. "Not so little, as you're perfectly aware. And I've been in bed all morning. AND I've already had lunch. It's nearly two PM." He watched Naomi watching him, her poker face at full strength. But hunger overpowered irritation, and he flicked his eyes to the takeout bag. "...What did you bring me?"

"Cobb salad," she offered. "From Diane's Barbecue. I know you've been so hungry, lately." It was a sweet gesture, and Kurt knew defeat when it came calling. He waddled to the counter and began to unpack the bag.

Soon, he was pouring creamy jalapeño dressing over a vast salad, and Naomi was gliding over beside him to rub his back. "So, how was your day, handsome?"

Kurt surprised them both by bursting into tears.

"Completely terrible! Installation started on the Omaha job today, and I'm stuck here, instead of being there to run it."

"Aww, sweetie," Naomi soothed. "That's awful! I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was today."

"They're sending Alan instead," Kurt grumbled, hoisting a bacon-and-brisket-heavy forkful. "This fucking sucks so bad."

"Alan? Seriously?? But you've been designing Omaha for months, and Alan's a dipshit!"

"But Alan, and this is really crucial, isn't too fat to do the installation!" Kurt smoothed his shirt taut over his body, and Naomi took the dare, openly looking at her husband's new enormity. His belly, spherical and huge, pulled little gaps between the buttons of his shirt and tented the garment out in front of him like a pornographically short dress. His hips had grown so wide that only maternity sweats had any prayer of containing them, and they stretched obscenely over his wobbling ass. Kurt had softened up generally, his body padded out by unexpected new softness in every direction.

"Oh, babe," Naomi swept forward to embrace him. "You're not fat, you're just pregnant! Wonderfully, gorgeously, handsomely pregnant with our little miracles!"

"Don't lie to me," he shuddered into her embrace. "It's both, I know I'm both, so pregnant and so fucking fat! It's not fair! Your babies are making me huge, I'm hungry literally all the time, and I still have two months to go! And I--" He stopped himself short and shoved away. "Are you seriously getting a fucking erection right now?"

There wasn't any point in trying to hide it, so she didn't. "Am I not allowed to admire my handiwork, now? Is that the new rule?"

He sputtered, not finding words, so she stepped forward, her dick visibly hard now, in outline against her slacks. "Yes. I like your body like this. I like you swollen, so ripe for me. You *know* I do." She advanced on him again. "And *I* know... that *you* like it too."

"Fuck you."

But his heart wasn't in it, and when she put her hand on his cheek, he didn't turn away. "Didn't you ask for this? Didn't you climb up on top of me and beg me..." --she put her other hand on the vast, tight curve of his belly-- "...for this?"

"Yes, but...."

She was slowly rubbing his belly, now. Winding him up. "Go on."

"But it was only a fantasy!" he whined. "And I didn't actually think you could do it. But then you fucking pumped me full of triplets, and now I feel ready to explode!"

Naomi rested her hand on his thickened waist, just above the hip, and squeezed. "Sounds like you underestimated me, and you got what you deserved." She was pulling him forward, grinding her cock into his swollen belly through their clothes.

Kurt, without words, could only whimper. So Naomi went on: "Is this the same husband who pushed his little stomach out to tease me, and told me to imagine how big he could get? Well, I don't have to imagine anymore, fat boy, so where's that teasing energy now? Whatever happened to 'just wait until I'm too big to fuck, and all I can do is worship this cock'? You sounded like you were looking forward to it."

In spite of himself, Kurt felt himself heating up. She was right, she knew him too thoroughly, knew how to push all his buttons, leaving him a mewling mess. Part of him hated how easily she could manipulate him like this, but a much bigger part of him leaned in, pursuing the feeling she was inciting. He pressed his head against her chest, feeling his pussy throb.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Naomi consoled. "I know it's been a rough day. Let's go to the bed, and I'll make you feel better, huh?"

"Okay," Kurt conceded. "I think I really need that today."

"Of course, my love," she whispered, kissing his ear. "Can you still even reach your dick?"

He flushed even redder, flooded with a potent mix of lust and shame. "Shut the fuck up."

She pushed him gently down onto the edge of the bed and kissed him silent, her hands undoing his shirt buttons one by one. "Make me? ...But I doubt you can do that either, really...." With his shirt fully opened, she caressed the huge, swollen dome of his belly, tracing the angry red stretchmarks, brushing up against his protruding belly button. She pushed him back, until he was fully laying down, his legs off the bed, his belly towering over him. "Lately it seems like *I'm* the one making *you* do things."

Kurt squirmed on the bed, trying to push his sweatpants down over his broadened hips. Naomi watched him struggle a moment before helping, grasping his waistband while he lifted his enormous ass off the bed, allowing her to disrobe him.

He panted, naked, on the bed, feeling the cool air on his skin, feeling his wife's hungry gaze. He was insatiable; he was desperate to be taken, devoured, used.

"Like grow?" he asked, affecting innocence. "Like grow a big, round, heavy belly for you?" He put his hands on his stomach, emphasizing its size. Craning his neck to see past his baby bump, he watched Naomi slip out of her blouse, her tiny tits making the spectacle of his bloated body seem even more vast. "Or like the way you've made me waddle, and squeeze through doorways, and overflow chairs, while you get to be the-- hhmmfff --graceful, skinny bitch on my arm?"

She was standing nude between his thighs now, resting her erection against his labia, making him gasp. "Or like the way you've made me outgrow all my clothes?" She leaned forward on tiptoe, dragging her breasts lightly over his swollen bump, teasing his lips with the motion of her cock, too outside. "That's just a plot to get you to spend more time naked," she smiled, fingers skipping playfully across his plump chest. Tall as she was, she couldn't reach any closer to his jaw from this angle. Not past that gigantic gut.

"What about the way you're making me eat and eat, eat constantly, ravenously, eat myself huge," he gasped, "just to keep your babies comfortable? Do you even know," he dropped his voice low, conspiratorially, grinding against her cock and trying to get it inside him, "how much heavier I am now than when you knocked me up? *Eighty pounds.* You put *eighty pounds* on me, with your cum and all this takeout. And... I think that turns you on. You fucking pervert."

"Of course that turns me on," Naomi stood and kissed the top of his belly. "How could it not? You're built like a fertility god! But I happen to know," she began, slowly kneeling, kissing her was down the curve of his vastness, "that you're equally a pervert, because you get off on this just as much as I do, or maybe more. I haven't done a single thing you haven't asked for."

"But you knocked me up with triplets!" He squirmed as she made her way down between his fattened thighs, to his molten core. "You made me a w-- w-- whale!"

"You were begging for it, sweet boy. As I see it," she took a cruel break from licking to drive the stake into his heart, "the main difference right now between you and Alan-- currently not on bedrest and too fat to install robots-- is that *Alan* didn't spread his slutty little legs and beg for his womb to be flooded until he was as big as a house. Now, refresh my memory... who *did* do that?"

He waited, in agony, but she had more patience. He desperately needed her to continue eating him out, to get him off. The confession built up like pressure in a volcano, until it burst forth from his lips: "...I did! I wanted your cock and your baby inside me! I wanted to get heavy and round for you! And I am! I am!"

He knotted his fingers in the sheets as she resumed taking care of him, feeling helpless and huge. He imagined he could feel himself growing under her lustful attention. He wondered how big he would be in two more months, and how ravenous that would make his wife.

"Please," he gasped. "Let me cum. I can't-- I'm too big to do it myself."

She pushed him over the edge into climax, and he came.

When the shaking subsided, Kurt opened his eyes to see Naomi standing, smiling down at him over his belly. He thought back to what he said and imagined in the heat of the moment and burned with embarrassment, but she just caressed his enormous girth, gently asking if he was comfortable, satisfied, happy. He felt her hardness brush against his inner thigh, and a shiver surged through him.

"I love you," she said, and he basked in the glow of her voice. "And I love the way you look right now."

"Even though I'm too big," he protested softly?

Her hands moved, grabbing his hips roughly. "Listen to me. This sexy, wonderful body belongs to me now, husband mine. Every inch of it, every pound, all belongs to me. So if you're overstuffed, if you're feeling heavy and bloated and wide," her cock pressed against his entrance, punctuating her words, "that's because I'm making you that way. On purpose. Because you're mine and that's how I want you.

"Now spread for me and take this cock like a good little prince, and remind me how you ended up so big to begin with."

With a slow effort, Kurt spread his thighs a little wider, as his wife demanded. Why did this kind of talk turn him on so much? She was pushing him around in every way-- pushing him to grow bigger and bigger, pushing him down onto the bed-- and now she was pushing into him, parting his slick folds with her hardness. He felt like a detached observer, a hovering presence in the room, watching himself from a distance. He watched the fat man on the bed squirm, pinned beneath a ripening belly, his whole body wobbling as his tall, trim wife fucked her pleasure out of him. He was spellbound, watching her beautiful, slender body move within him, so much more compact now than his heavy bulk. She was the reason for this contrast, the reason he had blown up like this-- she and the same greedy, frenzied rutting she was repeating now.

He saw himself placing his hands on his huge belly and bucking his hips, heard himself moan and curse and plead. And then her voice brought him back to himself.

"Next time, I'm going to *really* knock you up," she growled, still pounding him. "Eighty pounds will be nothing. We'll fill you full of fertility supplements, make sure you're ovulating more than anybody ever has... and then, I'll...."

"You're going to make me burst!" he cried out. "You're going to make me too full, I'll tear in half, I'll explode, I'll, I'll split like a ripe fruit, you can't!"

She leaned in over his belly, hands caressing him while her cock thrust away within him like a promise. "My big, strong man can take it," she crooned. "And I know you too well: by the time we'll need to start the drugs, you'll be begging for it. Because... because that's why fertility gods get worshipped."

She fell silent, drawing near to her own climax, and he waited. Waited for her load, waited to grow even larger, waited for birth and recovery and all that comes after, and he imagined a future of pills and injections, a womb like a fuse ready to light, Naomi's hungry smiles and teasing caresses as she waits for the right moment to deliver on her threats. He imagined her cock, beautiful, terrifying, poised to set off an unstoppable change, imagined himself impossibly heavy, scared, sexy, out-of-control, growing without end.

"Please," Kurt gasped. "I want you to make me...."

Then he trembled, and cried out, and came.

[pregtboy]

Someone doesn't see their brother for a few years, and once they meet up, they're unprepared for the broodfather that lumbers through the door, both hands hefting a belly the size of a beach ball, followed by a gaggle of nieces and nephews

THIS 💕💗

big brother going to visit his little brother a couple years after he moved out, he's excited to see the lil guy because they were close back then and it's been so long! the big bro is looking forward to see where his little bro ended up in life, especially because he was so ambitious when he moved out as a teenager, wanting to chase whatever dream it was that he had as soon as he could

the excitement builds when a seriously big van pulls into the driveway - this must be him! finally! - but it quickly turns to shock when baby bro hops out of the driver's seat and makes his appearance known, an absolutely massive pregnant belly hanging from his middle, weighing heavy between widened hips. the big brother just stares in shock as his pregnant brother laboriously waddles over to him, strenuous efforts in every step, and gives him a hug, scarcely able to wrap his arms around his brother with such a huge belly jutting out in front of him and completely getting in the way.

'hi!' the voluptuous and gravid boy squeaks excitedly, hugging his brother tightly while failing to address the very large elephant in the room (or womb?). 'oh, i missed you so much! it's so good to see you!'

the big brother is so stunned he can barely get a word out, and the little brother just giggles and pats the great big spherical stomach in front of him sheepishly

'....surprise!' he chuckles as a million questions swim through his big brother's head, none of them managing to come out of his mouth. he never knew his little brother had a partner of any kind, much less children on the way (and with how big his belly was, there was absolutely no doubt it was children, plural)... he was always a protective big brother so ofc that protective instinct sets in almost immediately - who had the nerve to knock up his sweet baby brother like that? he wants to give whoever it was a piece of his mind, but his focus is quickly drawn to the van, and the noisy flood of children pouring out of it.

there are too many and they move too fast for the big brother to count but it's at the very least a dozen, all eagerly rushing to meet their uncle.

a whole damn sports team's worth of kids and more on the way, and he's only 20. only gone for two years and he's managed to produce a super-sized family within that time - and not once did his big brother ever hear a word about it.

baby brother has a lot of explaining to do.

[12pt-times-new-roman]

c3e69 (nice)

At present, because it wasn't obvious whatsoever from the end of the last episode, their game plan is to a) fix Ludinus' harness and use it to defeat him; and b) use the harness in the Shattered Teeth to absorb energy to make themselves stronger.

New Ashton outfit! Highlights include knee-high boots, color-shifting fabric, black gloves with brass buckling on them, the pentagon symbol on the back of the black spiked jacket, a deep crimson lining in the jacket. "Do you believe in fate? Chaos has a fucked up sense of humor. It feels... I feel seen. It feels like a uniform. It feels just."

Orym, Fearne, FCG, and Nell travel to Zephrah's graveyard. It's a terrace atop a hill with flowers, impossibly bright and vibrant, connected to multiple of the same structures on different mountaintops. Will and Derrig's graves are marked by stacks of stones; a weathered chestplate sits against the base of Derrig's, and Will's sword is stuck into the dirt in front of his.

Meanwhile, Chetney, Laudna, and Imogen (with Ashton tagging along behind) head toward a hilltop to see if they can ride a skysail. They eventually bribe their way onto a handful of "training" skysails.

I forgot how much I love Chetney and Laudna's interactions. They're so fucking chaotic.

Chetney and Laudna dogfighting on skysails while Laudna's tandem is trying and failing to take back control of the thing and Imogen is just flying around near them -- this is peak comedy and has the exact same energy as Beau and Veth racing up the tree

Orym goes and picks up his commission. His new armor is almost a bodysuit made of dark brown leather; it's more battle-ready, more appropriate for the front lines than the more "Zephran casual" outfit he was wearing. The blacksmith tells him that Keyleth has paid for the armor, that it's his "uniform."

They head to Orym's favorite beer garden, the Aerie Eire, to have a drink.

Naturally, FCG finds this an appropriate place to bring up his god shit again. Like, I understand why -- it's a completely reasonable character choice for Sam to make, and perfectly reflects FCG's immaturity, naivety, and inability to make decisions on their own -- but fuck, it's really grating. FCG has had this black-and-white line of thinking since the campaign started, and they've just stayed behind while the rest of the Hells have grown out of those early-campaign things.

Laudna steps outside and goes to sit on a cliffside and meditate. Quietly, under her breath -- "Delilah? Are you still there? I felt a little pulse, back in Issylra. So I'm just curious." Nothing, then Imogen approaches, sits next to her. They kiss.

As they stand to go, Laudna hears a voice. "No matter who you pray to, no matter who you reach for, you are, and will always be, mine."

Chetney takes out the sword, and it tries to convince him that Keyleth is untrustworthy because she's an ally of the Council of Tal'dorei. (Sigh.)

Liam is way too good at acting half-drunk, lmao

"We should make a fire!" "Not on the roof." "Aww..." They return to Orym's mom's house, and debate sleeping on the roof or in the backyard.

Fearne scries on Dancer. She's in a dark city street, a little past sunset -- she's in Yios, being accompanied by a little spherical helper robot and a metallic bat-like creature. In her eyes, there's a battle between the magnificence of the city around her and the reality of enjoying it alone.

Ope, the players have started calling D "Devexian" --

Orym uses the sending stone. "Hey Caleb. I am in Tal'dorei after shit went down. You alive? We been drinkin'. But seriously, are you alive? Talk to me, goose." Orym's connection to the stone's enchantment feels crackly and broken, and there's no response. Laudna checks the scry ball, and it's dark.

They complete a long rest, and set off to see Keyleth. She's going to be hopping around the world to contact her allies, though they have very little information about where they're going and who they're facing.

The Bells Hells have decided that they're going to go to either Yios (to see Dancer) or the Menagerie Coast (to see D), then to the Shattered Teeth. Keyleth notes that, although she herself hasn't been to Evan'travir, Jirana can guide them there.

Keyleth has had a thought. "Perhaps... perhaps, when you feel comfortable and ready, maybe a mission of information, to go there and back, to see what we're dealing with." "A mission to the moon?" "I know it seems strange, but just yesterday, you told me there were people there, so..."

I think, through all this, that is the clue they needed. That statement is Matt definitively telling them that they do have time, they can go find Dancer and D, they can go to the Shattered Teeth and make it back on time for the fight.

Now that they're talking about it, it seems prudent to mention that Imogen summoning the reiloran spirit is her using summon aberration, and that the reiloran uses the star spawn stat block (see its psychic aura). And star spawn are specifically the twisted forms of followers of elder evils.

There was some left over, so Keyleth offers them the remainder of the salve that cured her wounds.

Also, Keyleth offers them a plan for transportation: she'll travel with them to either Dancer or D (and could regrow Dancer's arm with regenerate if that's where they go), then send them to the Shattered Teeth once they're done.

oh I cannot wait for Chetney to take a swing at Keyleth, just to see him get hit with a feeblemind

They teleport to Yios. "You ever been to a casino, Tempest?" Fearne uses locate creature and immediately clocks Dancer's presence.

They head to a nearby inn, and FCG and Imogen go up to Dancer's room. "FCG... I don't need to be fixed, alright? What I've been able to make here is a reminder of being careful where I put my trust." "Well, then can you... can you at least... I can't move on, I can't do my job, until I conclude this chapter with you. I did something horrible, something I can't live with unless you let me -- I'm not asking you to forgive me, I'm asking you to do something good for someone else." "If you really came here to help, to fulfil whatever fuckin' savior mission you put yourself on, I'll help, but... I can't do anything about whatever you've decided to put yourself through. The only one hanging on is you. I know it sounds harsh, but you gotta fuckin' move on."

She accepts their offer. She'll look at Ludinus' vest and will try to fix it, in exchange for FCG never talking to her again. She herself doesn't know exactly what it does, but thinks that Imahara Joe could offer some insight; so Keyleth transports them to Bassuras.

Upon arrival, FCG is attacked by Shithead, which is promptly killed and begins to reform. FCG casts identify on it, revealing an extremely strong necromantic power seated within the bird. Fearne uses speak with animals on it. "My master is gone and I cannot die, so I just shit on [FCG]... it's been so long, I can't even remember, but I once had a name... she called me Gargo." Alright, so this fucker is 100% the familiar of the mage FCG murdered during the Care and Culling, right?

So, on this: turn undead does not affect Laudna. She shouldn't have made a save, because Hollow Ones are not mechanically undead (they only count as such for detection, not spell effects); but regardless, she never could've been destroyed by it, because a PC's challenge rating is usually their character level minus 1 or 2 (so the Bells Hells' CR are all 9, Keyleth's is 19, etc.)

In Bassuras, everything has a red hue, as the perpetually flaring Ruidus casts its cursed light upon the Hellcatch Valley. And that's where we pick up next time.

[wornoutmouse]

@midoriyaprofessionalslut

I can't even begin to describe the ask I received so I'm just going to leave screenshots😅😅

Also in the new mha season, I thought Tsu was being petty when she called Mineta Grape-Juice and Shoji Tentacle. But nope, those are their hero names.

Side note: I feel like when Mineta gets old and knows how to work his quirk better, he'll be able to control if they stick or not.

Slight racism, usual smut.

NOT PROOF READ SO LET ME KNOW IF U SEE SOMETHING

 If you imagine Mineta as in the picture above and with a mature voice, this is more enjoyable. Or you can imagine someone else entirely.. Cause even as someone who's tolerant to Mineta I can't imagine him getting any hoes much less smashing (at least not on top). It would be like watching a chiwawa top a mastiff. 

"This is some bullshit." You shuffle through various papers on your desk, each containing the receipts of Pro-Hero Grapejuice's celebratory purchases. Most of it was random appliances that could in no way be used on a day-to-day basis, but there were others….a shiver goes down your spine, there were others that were just downright perverted. "What even is a nub tickler?" 

Being an accountant was something you were good at, the numbers came easy and it was interesting to see the income and ways of business that different people in power displayed. Planning meetings and getting the occasional phone call made everything a breeze, but it wasn't what you wanted to do. Or in better words, this was not whom you wanted to work for. Even being number 6 causes the workload to be higher than should be physically possible in the hero world. That's one of the reasons you never gave praise to the rankings because no matter how low in the chain, a hero’s work is always taxing. 

Shifting in your seat you look at the analog clock on your desk. 3:45, you were supposed to come to work at 5:30 which means you once again have no time to sleep. Having these late nights had increased 10 fold whenever Mineta went up in rank even by a little. His way of celebrating was spending his money carelessly and leaving you to fix the balance. Though you supposed it may be your fault for never objecting when he barged in your office showing his trinkets as well as leaving his credit card.

"Yeah, it's time to go." You muttered as you read the words, "Dwarf Cow in the left lot of Wisconsin."

 The next hour, you take a detour from your office for the first time in months. Heading down the hall you watch the walls go from the pale greys to deep purple and violet splotches splattered along the wall before it inevitably melds into solid purple walls as you get closer to the front door of his office.

Hesitantly you knock on the door and wait until a muffled "Come in." Rings through the thick wood. The room itself was just as flamboyant as the walls leading to it. A beautiful fuchsia carpet on the floor made you realize that calling in your two weeks would have been better than walking into the Willy-Wonka factory that was this office. Various spherical decorations hung from the chandelier, and even something as simple as the legs of his desk was made up of crystal spheres.

The man himself sat perfectly balanced on a large purple ball most likely of his own creation, meanwhile, various children sat around him slipping and sliding on smaller balls in an attempt to copy him. "Ah, here is my beautiful assistant!" The compliment made you cringe as you fiddled with the end of the sleep-wrinkled white blouse you had worn for 2 days straight. "Can we talk sir? It is important." Mineta raised an eyebrow at your formal speech before shrugging. 

In an extravagant display of balance, Mineta does a handstand on the ball with one hand before flipping to the other side. "Well kids it's time for me to get done as a hero’s job is never over and blah blah blah the gift shop is giving out free plushies and you can keep your ball." The teacher does her best to usher out her students and the sound of childish screams resound down the hallway even though the door was shut. "How can I help you Y/n?" Mineta offers you his ball to sit on and you reluctantly take the offer as you grate in multiple directions in order to stay afloat. 

Mineta watches you with hidden interest as he interlocks his hands underneath his chin. "I didn't know you even knew my name?" Mineta Laughs exposing his annoyingly perfect teeth. It was hard to associate this face to the pictures you see when you search for his early years. "Of course I know your name, I stole your nameplate off your desk 2 months ago." Ah, so that's where it went  "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

You sighed, "I would like to put in my two weeks." Mineta goes slack-jawed before composing himself "Why?" Mineta looked at you earnestly, completely confused on why you'd want to abandon your post as his secretary- I mean assistant. "Working for you has become a hassle with your lack of financial maturity." Mineta mock shivers, "Oo big words, me no likey." Mineta hops onto his desk as if he weighed nothing more than paper and squats in front of you, "How about this, you don't quit and instead help me learn how to...how did you say it? Be financially mature." You lean back in your chair unconvinced that he was taking this seriously.

With the final nail ready to be hit, Mineta adds, "How about I give you a raise of 10 percent and a promotion?" You stand up in your chair with an eager grin, "That sounds great!" Mineta smirks to himself but you did not pay any mind to it. "Great, how about we discuss this over food, dinner date?" Your internal celebration screeches to a halt, " Dinner Date-" Mineta looks at you shocked, "Dinner date? Great idea, why didn't I think of it myself!?" A firm hand slides you towards the door as Mineta starts a complimentary speech giving you no room to object, "This is why I need you, you're so smart, I wish I was like you, tomorrow at 11?" You sputter trying to slip past his arms, "11 but I-?!" Mineta loudly gasps again, "There you go doing it again I'm so lucky to have you, tomorrow at 11 my treat!"

The door is shut in your face and the sound of the lock clicking seals your fate. What did you get into?

Cut to 4 years later and you are still not sure of that answer. Simply being bis accountant you had a glimpse of his perverted tendencies, but as his girlfriend, it was further exposed to depths you never could have found yourself imagining. You shuffle papers in the printing room as you do your best to ignore the faint tingling sensation in between your legs. Yet another whim you found yourself following on Mineta’s behalf despite the ever-present fear of being caught. The vibrator comes to life before going back down as quickly as it came. You toss a middle finger to the camera in the top corner of the room knowing he was watching.

"Miss L/n, can I ask you something?" You slap your arm down to your side in embarrassment. I hope he didn't see that.  Your coworker walks up to you holding a small stack of papers. "Yes, how can I help you?" The man shows you various forms as he talks, for once you were thankful for Mineta not embarrassing you in front of others. "Oh I see where you went wrong, this right here would be a 20% increase, not 18%." The man applauded you and graciously wrote down your explanation. "Thank you so much, my name is Kaminari by the way." 

"Ah hello, Kaminari, and no worries I'm always glad to help!" You turn back as your papers finally scan through but can't help notice Kaminari lingering. "Say Y/n?" You open your mouth to respond only to close it again as the vibratory comes back to life strongly. "Hmmm?!" Kaminari peers at you, your reaction was strange but he couldn't figure out why. "Um, never mind, have a nice day Miss. Y/n, maybe we can get together over coffee or something?” You shrug turning away from Kaminari in fear of your eyes rolling up. The man sways from foot to foot awkwardly before leaving the printing room. 

Snapping out of your personal flashback, you look over at your fiance signing autographs for his adoring and objectively feminine fan base. While it was extremely unnerving how unknowingly close they were to your home, you weren't resentful of their gushing.

Your engagement and your overall relationship had not been made public in fear of your personal life being exploited by paparazzi. That doesn't mean, however, the next thing you witness doesn't get your blood boiling.

A girl, no older than maybe 22 waltzes up to Mineta with the confidence of Muhammad Ali in a ring match. Her raven black hair fell flawlessly down her back with not a single split end. Almond eyes decorated with precise coal blink rapidly to draw attention to her seemingly natural eyelashes. With 4 inch wedges. a black halter top, and cuffed jean shorts, it was clear she was someone on a mission. She effortlessly pushes past the nearby fans as they stop to quack at her rivaling beauty. A smirk draws itself with her soft pink lips as she hears people muttering around and about her.

"Wow she's so pretty"

"They would look good together just look at them."

"Ugh, such an attention whore, not giving the rest of us a chance!"

"I bet a 20 she's his type."

"Is she famous?"

The chatter comes to a close as the girl hands Mineta a notebook, "Can you sign right here?" Mineta flips open the book and his eyes widen a fraction before he puts on his heroic voice, "Wow it looks like you got all of Japan's heroes in this book!" The girl smiles as she watches Mineta scratch his signature, "Don't be afraid to leave your number in there too Mr. Minoru." Mineta pauses at the statement for continuing his elaborate handwriting, "I don't think that would be very plus ultra of me so I'm gonna have to pass." Smug pride fills your chest as you watch the annoyance cross the girl's face.

Mineta finishes signing and hands her back her book, she, in turn, forces a small piece of paper in his hand before holding his chin and kissing him. At that moment nothing else mattered but beating that bitches ass as you yanked her black hair and dragged her to the ground. "This ain’t Wattpad bitch get your hands off of him!!" You turn to Mineta making him flinch with a sharp glare as you yank her hair again, hopefully pulling a few strands out. "You just gonna let her kiss you and not do anything!?" Mineta stretched his hands towards you cautiously, "Y/n calm down, if you would have given me a chance I would have settled it-" "No, settle it now!"

Your rage is diminished by the judgmental looks coming from the fans and you realize your brazen display was out of order.

"Who is she"

"I think she's the secretary l, so why is she so mad"

"Delusional just cause you're with him all the time doesn't mean you're together"

"I hope he fires her."

"This is why we shouldn't let them in Japan"

The girl whose hair you have in a chokehold stands up unbalanced before pushing your hands from her hair. Satisfied at the disheveled look of her previously perfect strands, you turn to walk back to Mineta, your anger having been sated, "Black Bitch." You turn around and go charging towards the girl again grinning when she flinches. Your rampage is stopped as Mineta wraps his arms around your waist and picks you up, "Sorry for the disturbance, we deeply apologize!"

It's almost comical how your mouth spews vulgarity that would make a sailor blush as Mineta drags you behind your apartment building. He ushers you through the back door leading to the washroom, "I can't believe she'd do that in front of me, and you let her!" Mineta shuts the door quietly, leaning his ear against it to listen out for any lingering fans. You sit on top of a washer still ranting as your blood cools down. "The nerve of some of these people is outrageous, even if she doesn't know about us that is still sexual harassment!"

Mineta doesn't look at you and instead peeks through the blinds lining the washroom windows. "I think they are gone, come on." The two of you sneak out the door and walk at a moderate speed all the way back to your front door. In hindsight, you knew that causing a scene like that was a bold move on your part. If anyone was recording the whole ordeal you knew Mineta’s name and possibly yours would be in the headlines by later this evening. 

As the last one entering, you lock the door behind you, forehead scrunched together with apprehension. "Mineta I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me. I just saw her touching you and saw red." You face away from the door with an earnest look on your face. Mineta has a cheeky look on his face that can only mean trouble. Despite your similar slim build and height, Mineta easily corners you against the door. "I know exactly what got into you." Mineta’s pointer finger taps your nose. "Jealousy."

You sighed, putting your head down nodding, "Yeah, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just-" "shhh." Mineta lips your head back up with a hand under your chin. "It's fine Y/n. It's not like I expected a perfect little cocksleeve like you to be okay with sharing." You stare blinkingly at Mineta. 'Oh, he's in one of those moods huh?' As expected from such a fiend like Mineta, he was quite possibly hard the whole time he was watching you beat that girl's ass, and for some reason that irked you even more. “Mineta I’m being serious.” The words leaving your mouth did not phase Mineta, he holds your hips and pulls you close to him in order for you to feel his bulge. 

“Oh come on, after seeing you be so possessive for me, how can you not expect me to be a lil turned on?” Mineta’s hands circle your ass before slapping it, “Made me feel special.” Rolling your eyes you lean into the lingering kisses he begins to leave on your shoulder. His grip tightens as he shuffles you to the nearest surface. “Makes me feel all giddy inside to know that you do this only for me and no one else.” Minoru unbuttons your dress pants and removes your belt, “But doing that in front of all those people was stupid.” A shiver travels up your arms from the feeling of lips caressing your ear. Mineta dips his hand into your cotton panties and immediately draws attention to your clit.

“Look at me, Mineta Minoru with a girl like you that would fight for me. Who would have thought?” You ball your fists on the table, hanging your head low. “You’re not going to make this easy for me are you?” Mineta slips his other hand beneath your blouse to cup your breasts. Short l  rub down your slit collecting your slick. The feeling was warm and buzzing just underneath your skin, the bastard was well trained on how to slowly but surely bring your pleasure to its peak and hold you there. Your muscles begin to feel more and more like jelly, you sigh “Oh God..” Mineta pushed his body further on yours, rutting against your body. Up until now, his other hand was simply resting on your skin but once impatience overcame him, he used it to pull down your pants. 

“You know this will be in articles tomorrow right?” Two fingers curl inside of you making you squeal, “Y-Yes!” Something hard and slick smacks against your bare ass as Mineta removes the bottom half of his hero costume. “So how are you going to compensate me for what I’ll have to deal with tomorrow?” You turn your head to the back with a small pout on your face, “She shouldn’t have touched you.” Mineta coyly smiles before pressing your head down against the table. “You should have let me handle it.” 

Mineta was an average of 5 inches in length with conservative girth. But so far he’s been the only man that really added proof that size doesn’t matter. Mineta pulls away from you and leans down to riffle through his pants. You hear a crisp pop of a cap being opened and a slick splatter is heard afterward. A shaky breath leaves Mineta’s lips as he lubes his cock up. Penetrating is a struggle at first, the longer it takes for him to push it in the more both of you become frustrated until he finally pulls your waist back against himself. “S-So good!” The pleasure causes his childhood lisp to slip through as he waits for you to acclimate to the stretch. 

You shift your feet when Mineta refrains from moving. "Tsk, you really don't understand the meaning of patience do you?" Your hands suddenly become cool to the touch as Mineta covers them with medium sized spheres temporarily gluing you to the table. "Mineta this isn't fair! Please just a little bit to the left!" Now having you helpless Mineta puts one hand on your back while stroking the base of his cock. "It's not about being fair, it is about teaching a sneaky brat like you to know their place." Mineta begins to move but it's not right, he needs to go more to the left, "Mineta what are you even talking about!?!" 

A sigh leaves Mineta's lips, "Don't think I forgot about that slick shit you tried to pull with Kaminari." Mineta watches your ad shake and bounce everytime your hips meet. Your arms twitch and pull at themselves wanting to find purchase on the flat surface. Groans leave your lips as Mineta comes closer to hitting your spot,  "Slick shit?! Y-You're the one that wanted to do that stupid little piano in the first place!" You couldn't see it but Mineta had a deep seated glare on his face. He loops his fingers underneath his yellow scarf and rolls it around long ways. 

"I'm really tierd of your mouth. What you think because I let you beat that girl out their I'll let you beat me?" The middle of the scarf is put in your mouth and your head is pulled back by it. Mineta holds both ends of the scarf to slam into your cunt. "Just a greedy little bitch aren't you?" You scream into the cloth as Minetas cock finally hits your spot just right. The constant pulling on the corner of your mouth burned everytime the fabric rubbed against the sensitive flesh. Your feet rise to your toes in a fruitless attempt at getting a break from the pleasure. Mineta holds his scarf in one hand and pushes down your waist. "Didnt you want this? Don't run from it now."

Your pussy squelched around his cock the faster he went making you go cross eyed. "Fuck you feel so damn good.  The table rattled and scraped across the floor with every thrust. "oh fuck, I'm gonna cum!" Your nails scraped the table as you closed your fist, had you had claws it would have been a whole different story. You beared down on his cock, trying, begging to feel more inside of your walls as he moved faster. Suddenly your argument fel worth it.

Mineta knew many things about himself. He knew his birthday, he knew where he was in life, and he knew he had come 6 minutes ago and was bordering hysteria as he pumped his overestimated cock into your wet heat. Each drag made years collect in his eyes.  Tiny whimpers left his lips and his hands squeezed your sides harder and hard.  "So fucking warm. Squeezing down on my dick like that." 

He bowed his head and rested on your back,  kissing the sweaty skin as he pushed through the painful pleasure.  "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Mineta slaps your ass  before pulling out and shoving his fingers inside your pussy. "Cum for me, Y/n. That's it cum on my hands." Mineta's fingers were the only thing that never really grew on him. They were relatively short but thick so even three of them were able to stretch your hole the way you needed. 

"Y-Yes, right there shit!" Your cum drips down his arm soiling the fabric there as you squint around him, "That's it give it to me." Mineta buried his face in your pussy licking you clean like a man starved. It wasn't until you whined did he stop and pull his fingers out. 

Luckily for you, his spheres were just about coming close to their time constraint. You stand up rubbing your wrists and drinking some water Mineta brings you. A snort captures your attention and Mineta holds up his phone, "Not even an hour." Writing in thick bold words read. 

"Obsessive Secretary Snaps on Camera!"

You snort, "I'm the obsessive one huh?" It was going to be a long day tomorrow