#setf

[cruisinforarubberman]

Somebody Else That Feels is a great title!! I’m going to guess it’s from “Gotta Be Somebody” by Nickleback? There’s something very…Tim Drake-ish about that one.

...you know what, it's my fault. My fault for thinking I'm clever, my fault for not thinking that y'all were gonna sus it out that easy.

Okay Anon, you win. You get a reward for being the smartest smart. What would you like to get?

Jokes aside, I'm a Cruise of my word. Would you like a fic request?

[cruisinforarubberman]

I loved your Tim Drake POV trailer! I'm so excited to get that story eventually, it looks so good! Poor Tim.

Not just the trailer! The title drop, too~

Some Else That Feels. Also based on song lyrics, but this time I'm confident you all won't be able to guess the song. If you did...well I'd have to reward that somehow XD

Tim will be put through the wringer, sorry to say. But we know where he's ending up, especially by the end of TTMHMYC ;)

[cruisinforarubberman]

Once you’ve had some well-earned recovery time and are ready to start writing again, your next story is Tim’s POV, right? Will we see anything of Connor in the story, does it start after his death, or do you think you’ll start in the same place as TTMHMYC with them on patrol and getting ready for the fundraiser where they meet Colin?

Allow me to answer your ask with what I like to call: the trailer.

(prose is jumbled and subject to change in the final fic)

--

Two sonic booms echo through the evacuated and damaged city of Metropolis. Far in the middle of it all, two dots fly, one chasing the other.

"It's too strong!"

A lab, equipment broken, is lit up as a door opens. There is a tank, its glass broken, a greenish liquid still counting the bottom.

"You can't do this! It won't work!"

Kon is shoved into the glass of a skyscraper, a crater forming around him. The hand at his throat had used enough force that the shockwave was like a small earthquake. A nearby tower begins to crumble and fall.

"I don't know what else to do!"

Tim shoves Bruce back, ignoring the shocked pain there as his black eyes burn. "Don't act like I'm the same as them! If I didn't force Dick to introduce us, you would have never picked me and you know it!"

"I have to try."

Racing as fast as his feet will let him, Robin runs toward the two figures hurtling toward the ground. One lands on top of the other, using its foot to press Kon into the fractured cement around them.

And then its eyes look up at him, down the long empty street, a mile between them as Robin skids to a stop.

"...it's not fair."

Tim has to watch them, Damian and his new soulmate, walking hand in hand together. Even though his own chest feels blown open all over again. Those now ice blue eyes look at him with a pity he can't stand on the face of the boy who took his place, his name, while his own black, empty eyes stare back.

"I'm sorry, Tim."

The being they called Prime, the one who wore the face of Tim's soulmate but who dripped neon colors and blackness like ink spilling outside of the lines, locked eyes with him. In the time it took to blink, Prime was now an arm's length away, fist pulled back to destroy him where he stood. The sonic boom of his movement only registered after, when it was followed by Kon's as he caught Prime by the waist and tossed him away from Robin and through a nearby storefront.

Kon panted, exhausted, clothes torn, half Kryptonian blood dripping from several places on his body as he got between his other half and the thing that came to destroy them both.

"Kon...please..."

As he floated up from the ground, slowly pulling his hands from Tim's, a tear formed in each of his galactic blue eyes, swirling with the purple pattern of stars. He smiled in spite of the pain in his heart and his body, looking down at him like Tim was his beginning and his end.

"I'm sorry you got stuck with me..."

From the writer of They Tell Me How Much You Care.

Somebody Else That Feels: Tim Drake's Story.

[animatewithsincerity]

Last installment in my Disney series!! To participate in the letters of hope campaign regarding this series all you have to do is make a donation to the SETF at syriantaskforce.org and send the confirmation of your donation as well as a letter you wrote to one of the little girls at the orphanage and email it to me. I’ll translate your letter to Arabic and send a child a print of the princess of your choice along with your translated letter. If you’re unable to donate I’ll select 5 of you to participate for free. All you have to do is repost the princess of your choice and tag me and hashtag the post #lettersofhope and you’ll be entered! For those of you who donate or win I’ll send you photos of the children with your letter once it reaches Syria. There’s a possibility that you’ll receive a response from the recipient! Thanks for being a light for the children of Syria. Dm me if you have any questions #snowwhite #disneyseries #syria #lettersofhope #artforhope #disneyseries #disney #movie #fanart #print #hope #artforsyria #disneyprincess #wisdomhouseproject #setf

[smallenoughtofit]

Legacy - Chapter 5

So sorry for the late update. It updates every other Tuesday for now (usually) 

Stormtroopers have been reported on the surface of-

The corner of Rey’s holopad case was surprisingly scuffed, now that she noticed it.

Storm troopers have been reported- What time was it, again?

Stormtroopers have been reported on the- Luke and Jonas didn’t get back for another 90 minutes.

Stormtroopers have- Oh, I give up, Rey thought. She groaned in frustration, flopping back on her bed and closing her eyes, tossing her holopad onto her pillow. She’d found herself rereading the same sentence of her report eight times. She knew she had to finish it because it involved important information about troop maneuvers and the First Order’s possible plans based on intercepted information, but her brain was not working today, apparently. Rey looked at the time and sat up, scrambling to the ‘fresher so she could wash her hair and change her clothes before Jonas and Luke returned home. She hurriedly threw on some clothes and dried off her dark hair, already thinking about the plans she had to spend time with Jonas when he got back. She was so preoccupied that she didn’t notice what she was doing until she felt the sensation of fingernails on her wrist. 

Letting go of the bundle of long dark hair she’d been holding, Rey looking down at her wrist and smiled to herself, reaching for the little jar she now stored her hair ties in. On Jakku, she’d only ever had 3 at a time and had kept them in her hair or on her wrist, but now she had the luxury of a salary and long hair.

Rey stood up straighter and stared at her reflection in the mirror above the sink by her fresher, slowly and deliberately pulling her hair into the twin braids she’d adopted after moving back to the Resistance. She had decided to change it, unable to continue the same appearance that Jonas had spent his first year with. She had grown used to the change, but sometimes, on days like today, she’d catch herself putting her hair in the old three buns.  Also, on days like this, Rey found herself thinking about Kylo and the Knights of Ren. Even seven years later, she was reminded of the ones she’d loved in the first order. It was mostly in the little things now, like when she tended the plants on her window sill or managed Jonas during a temper tantrum or read reports about certain members of the Knights of Ren. Sometimes, it was an accident, too, in its own way, like trying to put her hair up in a style she hadn’t worn since Jonas was in diapers.

Taking a deep breath, Rey looked into her own face. It was odd to spend any time on her appearance. She’d only ever had the vaguest ideas of her appearance, vague outlines in dark glass and washed metal and the faces of other human women on Niima Outpost. Now, she could see it clear and it didn’t feel like her.

Rey looked over at the images of Jonas, Luke, Leia, Finn, and Poe she kept on her desk. She picked up a silver-framed one that played a tiny moving image on a loop, the one of her holding Jonas and making him wave at the camera. She knew that it was obviously maternal to have these pictures, but she honestly hoped people would just assume it was sentimentality. She was sure they would. They had to, because she needed those pictures. She needed to see her little dark-haired baby giggling at her, back when she’d been his mother and not his master. Back when she’d murmured lullabies and stories about his father to him.

Swallowing back the emotion that had crawled into her throat, Rey walked out of her room, moving towards the main hangar. The past 6 weeks without Luke and Jonas had been extremely long and frustrating. She leaned against the railing, watching the ships arriving. She looked down at her hands, tracing the old burn scar on the back of her wrist from a sparring accident back with the First Order. She’d never seen Kylo so controlled in his anger, his fury focused on his own weapon than anyone else. Rey shook her head, trying to clear it, as Jonas and Luke’s ship arrived.

A few technicians rushed forward to greet the ships and she watched them waving their little bright orange sticks, guiding the ship into position. She jogged down the waiting platform towards the ship, which was starting to offload. Technicians, soldiers, and others all poured off the ship, scattering across the hangar, but Rey only had eyes for one person. Luke’s familiar graying head bobbed through the crowd, but she focused on waist-height, searching for a familiar head of dark curls. Her heart leapt at the sight of Jonas’s smiling face, rushing towards her.

“Master Rey!” Jonas said, running up and hugging her tightly. He stepped back and jumped up and down excitedly, “I lose a tooth, look!” He said, pointing at the gap, grinning proudly.

“Wow!” Rey said, kneeling down to see better. She tossed one of her braids over her shoulder, focusing on her son’s face, “Look at you, growing up so fast!”

“Master Luke let me put it in the airlock and shoot it into space!” Jonas said, jumping up and down again, “It was so tiny out there in the space. It was so cool!”

“I bet it was.” Rey said, “Did you do anything else?”

“Poe and Zhet took me to the main deck today!” Jonas said, shaking his messy black curls out of his face as Luke, Poe, Finn, and another man she didn’t know walked over.

“They did?” Rey said, looking between the three of them.

“I went to the bridge and saw them run drills” Jonas said, bouncing up and down in his excitement.

“Run drills?” Rey asked, looking at Finn, who was unwilling to meet her eye.

“May not have been drills.” Luke muttered, stepping closer to her and speaking into her right ear so that Jonas couldn’t hear.

Rey looked at him sharply, moving so quickly that the dangling earring she wore in her left ear smacked her in the cheek, eyebrows raised, “You did what?”

“You still sure you’d rather be a jedi than a soldier?” Poe asked Jonas loudly and cheerfully, grinning.

“Yeah.” Jonas said, oblivious to the seriousness of the adults around him, “Orders are fun, but I like lightsabers better.”

“Good.” Rey said, schooling her frustration into a smile and patting her lightsaber, “You’ll get one of these when you’re old enough.”

“I’m going to be the best jedi ever!” Jonas said, punching the air.

“I’m sure you will.” Rey said, “Now, head on back to our quarters with R2. I have to talk to Master Luke and the others for a moment and then I’ll follow you and you can tell me all about the drills.” She said, smiling pleasantly at Finn, Poe, Luke, and the strange soldier. They all looked terrified, but Jonas didn’t notice. Instead, he turned to R2D2 and said, “Come on, R2!” before running off towards the personnel apartments, the old droid rolling along in his wake.

Rey watched him until he was safely in the personele wing before turning back to her companions, her eyes finding Luke first as the four men turned towards her, looking sheepish.

“Were those drills that my padawan just witnessed?” Rey asked, crossing her arms and looking from guilty face to guilty face.

“No.” Finn said, his dark eyes meeting hers only for a moment before flicking away, “I mean, they were only a few TIE fighters and a much smaller class warship, but no, those were real First Order craft.”

“You let a 4-year old on the bridge of a starfighter during a firefight?” Rey asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I was young when I went on my first battleship.” Finn said.

“That’s helpful, because everyone takes advice from the First Order about raising children.” Rey said, hands on her hips, “was this before or after the brainwashing?”

“...before.” Finn muttered.

“You three are going to be the death of me.” Rey said, shaking her head disappintedly at her friends.

“Ma’am, we were never in any real danger.” The stranger said, stepping forward. Poe looked over at him, clearly desperate for his friend to avoid engaging, but Rey turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

“Do you usually bring civilians onto your deck in combat situations, commander?” Rey asked, “Do you make a habit of putting innocents in harm’s way when they are under your care?”

“Is a jedi ever really a civilian?” The commander countered, waving a hand, “They were generals under the old Republic and lead the fight against the Empire.”

“They are when they’re children!” Rey shot back, hands flying to her hips, frowning, “I don’t care if they’re in stormtrooper armor. A child is a child and should not be near an active military operation, am I understood?”

The commander blinked, but nodded, “Yes, ma’am.” He said, stepping back, “I need to go speak with the General.”

“She’s going to chew you out, too,” Rey snapped, leftover venom slipping out of her before she could stop it, “In case you’re not prepared.”

“At this point,” The man said, “I’d willingly face down Kylo Ren than try to argue with you again.”

Rey rolled her eyes, “Be on your way, soldier.” She said. Still, she found herself watching him as he nodded a farewell to the others and jogged away, back to the commander center of the base itself.

“Well, if you’re not going to run us through with that lightsaber,” Luke said lightly, “Could we head back to our quarters? I’d like to sit down, maybe change my robe, make sure Jonas and R2 haven’t destroyed anything.”

“Fine.” Rey muttered, “But Jonas is still my favorite of the group at the moment.”

“He’s always your favorite.” Finn teased.

“Well, he’s the cutest.” Rey said, smirking. She and Finn both burst out laughing when Poe nodded seriously. Luke, however, remained silent and Rey looked over her shoulder. Poe and Finn waved goodbye, saying they had to go check their weapons into the armory, but Rey was focused in on the the half-anxious, half-hopeful expression on Luke’s bearded face.

“What’s the face?” Rey asked, Luke as Poe and Finn walked off to be debriefed.

“Well, I was going to ask you something,” Luke said, “but now I’m a little scared. You’re not exactly in a pleasant mood.”

“I’m perfectly pleasant.” Rey snapped, then sighed and ducked her head, blushing, “Okay, fine, what is it?”

“I want to know how you’d feel about taking on a padawan- Rey, hear me out!” He added, stepping closer as she groaned and turned away.

“Luke, you know how I feel about this.” Rey said.

“I know,” Luke began, “But at least consider-”

“No,” Rey said, walking up the stairs to the main thoroughfares of the base.

“Rey, please!” Luke said, hurrying after her his robes swishing after him,  “You don’t understand.”

“Explain it to me, then!” Rey snapped, waving her hands above her head in exasperation.

“I want a padawan rooted in the Light.” Luke said, “I want a legacy outside if people I’m related to.”

“Were not related,” Rey said automatically, but let her arms drop slowly to her sides.

“You were my nephew’s lover,” Luke said, “Close enough.”

“I don’t care.” Rey said, waving shaking her head, “We can’t invite someone else into this over-complicated mess.” She looked over her shoulder, sensing an anxious presence behind her. It turned out to be half a dozen nervous-looking cadets trying to pass through the hallway around the two arguing jedi. Rey huffed and turned back to Luke, “We’re not discussing this.” She turned and walked back up the hallway, stomping towards her quarters. She could feel Luke following her, his robes swishing around him as he walked. Rey entered the passcode to her room and stepped inside, making sure the door shut behind her.

Luke immediately punched in the passcode, which he knew, and it opened for him, too, but it felt satisfying to make him get himself in.

“We are not getting a new padawan.” Rey said, “We only are training Jonas to keep him close, to make sure Kylo never finds him. This was never about the jedi or the next generation, remember? It was about keeping my son safe. You promised me you would help me keep him safe.”

“I will, but-”

“Bringing another padawan will only make us all targets!” Rey snapped, “You know it’s dangerous, but you’re trying to convince me anyway.”

“Rey, listen to me,” Luke said, “I know we’ve had a rough go of it, both of us, but we’re jedi! We can’t just-”

“Cut ourselves off from the world, allow galactic politics to fall apart around us, abandon our families, and hide out on Ach-To for the better part of a decade?” Rey said, a hand on her hip. She raised her eyebrows, “How can you say anything to me about what a jedi is supposed to do. My training isn’t even yours, it’s Kylo’s!”

Luke closed his eyes and sighed, “I admit, I made some mistakes, both in how I trained you and how I trained Ben, but we can’t run away from who we are. The last two Jedi in the galaxy are in this tiny room, Rey.”

“You’ve been watching old holos, haven’t you?” Rey said, “Or do you want to visit the old imperial palace on Coruscant again, just to see what the Jedi Order used to be, one more time? The Jedi Order is over. We’re fighting the First Order as soldiers of the Resistance, as Force Users.”

Luke shook his head, “I can’t believe that. We’ve done so much to restore artifacts and knowledge that could have been lost forever, Rey. We can’t give up on the Force. Look at Jonas!”

“What about him?” Rey asked, frowning and curling her fists in frustration.

“He is the son of two of the most powerful Force users in history.” Luke said, “Rey, don’t pretend you can’t feel the Light in him already. The Jedi council would have bowed at his feet in the Old Republic! He can bring balance to the Force if we, you and I, can end this war and help set the foundations of a new order.”

“You aren’t trying to bring back the Jedi Order anymore, are you?” Rey said, suddenly looking at her friend, really seeing him, for the first time in ages, “This isn’t about restoring what was lost.”

“No.” Luke said, “This, you and I, are about defeating the First Order and raising up the next generation trained in the Force. They’ll make their own order, or not, but I have stopped trying to restore what my father destroyed.” He sighed, “I thought for so long, that since Anakin Skywalker defeated the Jedi, Luke Skywalker had to rebuild them. But now, I know I can’t. I can only train, to the best of my abilities, those who will go on to be the Jedi of the Next Age.”

Rey stared at him, understanding. After years spent with Kylo Ren, she knew she couldn’t undo the damage she had done to the Resistance. She could only give herself completely to the cause now. She sighed, “Alright, Who is the padawan?”

Luke immediately looked up, blue eyes brightening.

Rey turned to face him, “They’re a…”

“Twi’lek.” Luke said, brightening even as Rey crossed her arms.

“Strong in the Force?”

“Maybe more than I am.”

“And their parents?”

“Senators and personal friends.”

“Male or female?” Rey asked.

“Female.” Luke said, “Her name is Gida’smoo.”

“Luke, is this child already on the base?” Rey asked, watching the twitch in the aging Jedi’s mustache.

“No,” Luke said, sighing, “I figured you wouldn’t tolerate that.”

“You’re right.” Rey said, “I wouldn’t. I’ll train this girl, but I won’t be manipulated into it. Does Jonas know already?”

“No,” Luke said, “I didn’t want him to get excited and then be disappointed. I wanted to talk to you first.”

“Thank you.” Rey said, ‘I appreciate this. I’m guessing her parents are waiting with baited breath for your transmission about whether or not we’re going to train her?”

“You suppose correctly, Master Jedi.” Luke said, chuckling and inclining his head to her.

“Go contact the girl’s family. I’ll tell Jonas that we’re going to look at adding a new padawan.” Rey said, gently punching Luke’s arm.

*****

Eight rotations later, Rey stood in one of Leia’s formal meet rooms, chewing on her thumb as they waited for their new potential padawan. She looked up from the table, which she’d spent the last 20 minutes carefully inspecting, when Luke nudged her knee. The Senator from Ryloth, his wife, and his daughter all filed into the room. Rey’s eyes landed on the senator first. He was tall, broad-shouldered, and almost sandy-colored, with sharp eyes that Rey could only describe as amber. He was younger than she’d imagined, both to be such an experienced Senator and to have a child.

“Is something amiss, master jedi?” The senator- Otic’asmoo, Rey remembered- asked politely, looking at her.

“Forgive me,” Rey said, bowing her head in an attempt to recover her decorum, “You are younger than I expected. Master Skywalker said you and he knew each other, but you do not look much older than I am.”

Otic’asmoo laughed good-naturedly, “I can assure you that I am older than I look and older than you, Jedi Rey, however, Luke met me when I was a child on Ryloth. I was part of the Rebellion centered there.”

“You were part of the Rebellion?” Rey asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Unofficially.” The senator conceded, “My parents were and I grew up around the reborn free Ryloth. We were one of the first to throw of the shackles of the Empire. The people of Ryloth have always had a strong spirit and a thirst for independence, even going back into the Clone Wars.”

Rey nodded, “I’ve read about the rebellion there during the Clone Wars, yes.”

Luke chuckled, “I’m glad to see you two are getting along so well, but we can relive ancient history another time, yes? I have yet to meet young Gid’asmoo.”

“This is my wife, Ahosh’asmoo,” Otic’asmoo said, gesturing to a twi’lek female with skin that reminded Rey of a forest in early spring, “and this is my daughter, Gid’asmoo.”

Gid’asmoo was her mother’s double in all but her size and the amber eyes she’d inherited from her father. As soon as Rey took her attention off of the senator and her own anxiety, she found the girl had a deep and rich presence in the Force, even unintentionally. She glanced at Luke, who shrugged and nodded, then kneeled down to greet the child herself.

“Hello, Gid’asmoo.” Rey said, holding out her hand.

The girl shook it, smiling shyly, “Hello, Master Jedi.”

“Lets leave the boring politicians to catch up,” Rey said, nodding to the training room on the other side of the observation window, “and we’ll see what you can do. Do you know any meditation forms?”

“I do.” Gid’asmoo said, “I watched old Jedi training holos.”

“Well, then, why don’t you do those?” Rey said, opening the door and allowing Gid’asmoo into the room. She sat across from Gid’asmoo, watching the girl carefully. She was young and immature, but powerful. What she lacked in experience, Rey sensed in pure, untapped potential.

“Meditate on the Force with me.” Rey said gently, trying not to scare the youngling, “Take a deep breath and reach into the Force, let if flow in you and through you.”

Gid’asmoo nodded, closing her eyes and slowly falling into a meditative state. Rey mimicked her, but instead of reaching for the Force, she simply took stock of how it moved through the youngling. Gid’asmoo had a firm and natural grasp of the Force, one untainted by any trepidation of confusion. The Force made sense to her and she felt comfortable in it. Rey opened her eyes after a long while and said, “Gid’asmoo. Do you know any meditative stances?”

“Yes, I do!” The twi’lek said brightly.

“Could you move through them for me?” Rey asked, “I’d like an understanding of your physical and kinetic understanding of the Force.”

“Yes, master.” Gid’asmoo said, leaping excitedly to her feet. She blushed after a moment, realizing that her own excitement would inhibit her ability to meditate effectively, but Rey knew that patience would come with experience. Every Jedi had some days where meditation came slowly and with much effort. She couldn’t begrudge the youngling her eagerness.

After shifting her weight from foot to foot, trying to dispel some of her anxiety, Gid’asmoo took a deep breath and moved through her stances.

“What do you think?” Luke asked. Rey quietly watched the young Twi’lek.

“She’s strong and eager. She’s so full of the light, even more than Jonas. With the right training, she could make a powerful Jedi.”  

“My thoughts exactly.” Luke said, nodding in agreement.

“It would be good for Jonas to have a peer as well.” Rey said.

“The galaxy needs more Jedi.” Luke said, “It’s as plain as that. I know not all of the Knights of Ren are force sensitive, but we are still hopeless outnumbered and your information about them proves less and less useful every year.” He said.

Rey sighed, crossing her arms and watching Gid’asmoo extend one of her legs out in the air behind her, “Well, it’s been a while since I went to gain intel.”

Luke chuckled, “I know, Rey. I don’t want to make you feel bad, but it’s the truth. We lose the advantage of information the longer we know it. The is a war of new and fast intelligence.”

Rey nodded,  “It’s like the numbers get smaller and the fighting gets dirtier as time goes on.”

“It does.” Luke agreed, “And she’ll make a huge difference in the fight against the Dark Side.”

Rey nodded, “She has such an affinity for the Light. We can’t let that pass, even for nothing but her own sake.”

“We’re agreed, then?” Luke said.

“I believe we are.”

*****

Rey had been told by a surprising number of people to be aware of the challenges that came with moving from one child to two. She and Luke had laughed most of it off, especially since Gid’asmoo only fostered with them and their whole Jedi-public-co-parenting situation was ludicrous to begin with, but everyone had been right about one thing: raising Jonas had not prepared them for raising Gid’asmoo.

Whereas Jonas was a wide-eyed and eager dreamer, Gid’asmoo was a motivated and passionate idealist, which often led to her running afoul of those less patriotic individuals. One of the more notable instances of this was when she’d punched the son of a Resistance general for calling the Jedi “useless and dead” in the new war. Both of her charges attended school in addition to their Jedi training at the moment and Rey had been to the Dean’s office twice in the last year, just for Gid’asmoo.

Today, however, she was not going to see the Dean. After three years together, Jonas and Gid’asmoo had finally managed to land each other into serious trouble. Rey was walking down to the holding cells off the main hangar after being paged during an important meeting by Luke. Apparently both Jonas and Gid’asmoo had been caught doing something that warranted both her and Luke’s presence. She brushed her hair back behind her hair as she reached the edge of the holding cells, trying to look put together. Luke was waiting for her, his face grim. Rey took his silence as a que and remained quiet as they walked into the small observation room that fed into the room where Jonas and Gid’asmoo were.

“What happened?” Rey asked, crossing her arms and looking in at the interrogation rooms where her padawans sat, heads down.

“They tried to steal a ship to “go and defeat The First Order because they’ve figured out how”.” Luke said, shaking his head, “Foolish and headstrong, both of them.”

“Neither of them even know how to fly a ship!” Rey said, poking the glass over Jonas’s head.

“I think they were going to try and drag R2 into this.” Luke said gruffly, “He’s a notoriously good pilot and more adventurous that most droids, even during the Clone Wars. Judging from what I’ve seen of his records, he was willing to follow my father anywhere he needed to go. I know Jonas is familiar with those records. Perhaps he thought he could get R2 to do the same for him.”

“I still question why you let him watch anything about Darth Vader, even if he was Anakin Skywalker then.” Rey said, watching Jonas fidget with the clasp of his cuff anxiously.

“We tried to hide Darth Vader from Ben,” Luke said, “and, eventually, he found the information he wanted from a highly biased and manipulative source. This was the best way to get ahead of Snoke. No secrets, no betrayed trust.”

“No secrets, huh?” Rey said, looking at Luke out of the corner of her eye. Luke shook his head and scratched his beard, watching the two padawans.

“They’re lucky that they’re too young to go or do anything, but the fact that they actually tried shows a dangerous lack of restraint. I worry about when they’re older.”

Rey took a deep breath, “If we’re not careful, they’re going to actually run into the Knights of Ren. It’s only a matter of time until our paths cross. There’s too few force users for that to happen. We have to explain to them the war they’re actually fighting otherwise they’re going to try to take on the Dark Side itself. And no one wins that.”

Luke sighed, “Jonas never got these crazy ideas before.”

The corner of Rey’s mouth twitched, “You’re the one who wanted another one.”

“I know,” Luke said gruffly, scratching his beard, “It was the right choice, but they’re weren’t kidding about the jump from parenting one to two.” He said. He looked up and made eye contact with Rey, managing to hold his serious expression for a single second before they both burst into laughter.  

“Come on,” Rey said, “We should go in there. Want to play “Good Jedi Master/Bad Jedi Master?”

“Always.” Luke said.

“I’ll be the Bad Jedi Master.” Rey said, “I do it best.”

Luke shook his head, laughing to himself as Rey walked through the door to the little room where the padawans sat, looking tired and fearful.

“What are you thinking? Are you insane!” Rey looked at the two padawans.

“We’re sorry, Master!” Jonas said, looking up at her with wide hazel eyes. He reminded her, suddenly and vividly, of his father. She forced herself to swallow her emotions and take a deep breath, focusing on being disappointed in the two children.

“You two are brave,” Rey said, “but that wasn’t bravery. That was pride and foolishness, nothing more.”

“You are very lucky Commander Lylin saw you when he did.” Luke said, “What if you had taken the ship? A TIE fighter could have thought you were the enemy and blasted you before you even made it to hyperspace! Where we you even planning to go.”

“I had a dream.” Jonas mumbled, “about Kylo Ren.”

Rey stiffened, resisting the urge to grab onto the table for support. This was possibly the worst thing that she could think of, short of Kylo and Jonas actually meeting. If they were connected through the Force, she had little hope of keeping them apart.

“What was your dream about?” Luke asked carefully.

“I saw Kylo Ren on a ridge.” Jonas said, “He didn’t have his lightsaber, but he was looking right at me. I think the Force wants us to fight.”

“No, Jonas!” Rey said, shaking her head, “Sometimes we just dream about things we’re thinking about. We’re open to the Force, but it’s not a general.”

Luke nodded gravely, “It is easy to misinterpret the Force. If you and Kylo Ren are to meet in battle, it will be when you are ready, not when you think you are ready.”

“Yes, Master Luke.” Jonas said, bowing his head in embarrassment.

“Both of you,” Rey said, “Enjoy your training. We’re trying to keep you away from the battlefield until they’re ready. Please, don’t strike out on your own. Take this time to prepare yourselves, alright?”  

Rey felt a familiar, straightlaced presence in the room, standing behind her. She reached out a little and felt Commander Lylin’s familiar presence, watching her. He seemed focused, concerned, and… something else she couldn’t place. There was a strange tension about him that she didn’t understand. She was inspecting his surface emotions when she felt him walk away, down the hall.

“I was very lucky to have a childhood.” Luke said carefully, “Away from the war. Master Rey didn’t. We want you to have that, too. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master Luke.” Gid’asmoo and Jonas said.

“I’m going to go check in with Commander Lylin.” Rey said, inclining her head and walking out of the door. She looked around for him, brushing her hair out of her face, but didn’t see him. She hurried down the hall and saw Poe, who was on his way to the hangar, judging by his outfit. Beyond him, she saw Lylin, but found herself curious. She actually knew very little of Lylin, outside of the limited information Luke had given her, but Poe knew everything about everyone, although he had a habit of playing matchmaker. If he knew she had more than a passing familiarity with Lylin, she’d never hear the end of it.

“Hey, Poe, Who’s that?” Rey asked, watching Lylin’s profile.

“Commander Zhetam Lylin. He’s a career soldier.” Poe said, “He’s nice enough, good at his job. He left the Republic fleet to join the Resistance. If he hadn’t, he’d be a general by now.”

“What’s his background?” Rey asked, memorizing the soldier’s face. If he was the one most likely transporting her son around the galaxy, she needed to know who he was, she explained to herself.

“Ground infantry. Officer. Worked his way up.” Poe said, rubbing at a grease mark on his helmet, “Why, you interested?”

“No!” Rey snapped, feeling her own ears grow pink.

“Oh my stars, you are!” Poe hissed, grinning and hugging his helmet.

“I want to know who he is because he is responsible for the safety of my padawans when I’m not there!”

“Is that what the kids are calling a crush these days?” Poe asked, smirking at her. He immediately winced when she punched him in the arm, but chuckled anyway.

“You totally know who he is, don’t you?” Poe said, raising an eyebrow at her.

“I might know him, yes.” Rey admitted stubbornly, “but I wanted to see what you had to say on him.”

“As a soldier or a boyfriend?” Poe asked, picking a piece of dirt off of his helmet.

“As a soldier, Poe,” Rey said, rolling her eyes, “I’m trying to be professional.”

“Mmmhmmm.” Rey didn’t even look at Poe, not wanting to see the stupid expression he probably wore right now.

“You are such a child.” Rey said, shaking her head.

“You’re the one asking about his military career just because you think he’s cute.”

“Poe!”

“Fine,” Poe said seriously, turning to face her, “He’s proud, ambitious, and effective. He never leaves a man behind and does what he can for everyone under his command. What he lacks in experience he makes up for in ingenuity and strength of character.”

“Where did you hear that last line?” Rey asked, finally turning ot look at him.

Poe shrugged, “Spotted it on one of General Leia’s reports on him. It was sitting on her desk and the phrase just lodged in my head.”

“That’s insane.” Rey said.

“Hey, your report was even better than his!” Poe offered

“I am going to murder you.” Rey said, shaking her head and sweeping down the hallway, allowing Poe to jog along in her wake, “We’re in the middle of a war, Poe. I have Jedi to train. I do not have time for dates.”

“So you admit you’re interested!” Poe said, laughing openly at the murderous expression she shot him, “Okay, okay, I’ll back off, but if you want to ask him out for a drink, I’m sure the galaxy could manage.”

“By the Force, Poe, I’m not having this discussion with you.” Rey said, waving him away, “I am a professional! I just wanted to make sure my padawans were travelling in capable hands. That’s it.”

“If you say so.” Poe said lightly, shrugging his shoulders and walking by her side down the hallway, “I’ll let it go. But, if you were wondering, judging by the way he keeps watching you when you come over a holo, he’s interested in you, too.” His helmet tucked under his arm, Poe marched confidently back towards the hangar and smug smile fixed to his face even as Rey stood, frozen to the spot, confusion and interest flooding into her in equal measure.

Rey looked over her shoulder again at Commander Lylin, watching his profile as he spoke to one of his subordinates about something on his holopad. He was straightforward, stable, and giving. He was the opposite of Kylo, in many ways, now that she thought of it. There were no revenge schemes or damaged families to dance around here. Zhetam was driven by duty and ideals, not by emotions and fear. He could stand at her side without her even having to touch him, to keep him upright.

If what Poe said was true, Rey thought, feeling an excitement that she hadn’t felt in ages well up inside of her, she should go for it. She was a Jedi. What was the real risk here? All she had to gamble with was her heart and, judging by the neatness of Lylin’s haircut, he wasn’t going to destroy it any worse than she had.

“Commander Lylin!” Rey called, jogging after him, toying with the end of one of her braids,“I have to thank you, Commander Lylin,” Rey said, shaking her head, “They are both foolhardy. I am so sorry you have had to do paperwork on behalf of them.”

The commander shrugged, “It’s nothing, Master Jedi. I’m just glad I saw them when I did.”

“I am, too.” Rey said nervously, toying with her braid.

“Are you alright?” Lylin asked, frowning

“I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink with me sometime.” Rey blurted.

There was a long silence in which Rey’s face flushed and Lylin’s broke into an appraising smile. Panic flooded into Rey’s chest. She’d just made an utter fool in front of-

“Yeah,” Rey said, grinning as Lylin jogged away, “Yeah, it really is.”

“I’d like that.” The commander said, smiling.

“Good.” Rey said, smiling back and dropping her braid, breathing a sigh of relief, “I’ll stop by your quarters at 1700 standard time?”

“It’s a date.” Lylin said, inclining his head as another Commander waved him over, gesticulating to something on his holopad.

[smallenoughtofit]

Legacy - Chapter 4

This fic updates every other Tuesday for now.

Finn stepped off the Blue Glass and carefully looked around, cursing the low green trees and brush. He knew Rey loved being surrounded by foliage and he had to admit that the weather was comfortable, but he felt totally blind. He’d have a better look if they were somewhere barren and dry. Even- dare he think it- Jakku would be preferable to this.

“Use the Force, Finn.” He muttered, really hoping this was how the Force worked. He had so little training and experience, even as Luke’s only “apprentice” for more than three years. The war always got in the way of training. Finn took a deep breath and closed his eyes, giving the surrounding terrain up as a bad job. He reached out into the forest around him, feeling for life forms within the Force, or, the Force within the life forms near him. Most were barely blips on the radar: plants, small animals, even a larger herbivore of some kind just out of his reach, but after a moment he felt something larger and more… dense, or complicated, he couldn’t decide how else to think about it. He focused in on the thing, deciding it was what Poe had seen. He really really hoped it was just some animal or another and that he could just get back on the Blue Glass.

The thing crept closer as the sky overhead darkened quickly. If Finn hadn’t been so intent on scanning for whoever their intruder was, he would have been surprised both by the speed and severity of the night. Thunder rumbled nearby as the creature reached the top of a little hill a hundred yards away and Finn’s heart fell onto his stomach: It was Kylo Ren.

He pressed the call button on his comm, glad both his hand and his voice were steady: “Poe, get ready to take off.” Finn said into his communicator, watching the dark figure turn at stare at him. So, Kylo Ren didn’t know it was him. Ever since their encounter on Starkiller, whenever he’d crossed paths with Finn, Ren had attempted to destroy him with what Finn could only describe as zeal.

“What, why?” Poe responded, a real panicked edge to his voice.

This time, Finn couldn’t keep the tremble out of his voice, “It’s Kylo Ren. The person is Kylo Ren.”

Kylo Ren walked slowly and carefully down the hill toward the Blue Glass as Poe’s voice echoed from Finn’s comm, “Finn, get back on the ship, come on.”

“How long will it take you to prep for flight?” Finn asked.

“Ten minutes at least.” Poe said, his voice tense.

“I can buy you ten minutes.” Finn said. He actually saw the moment that Ren recognized him. He was only 30 feet away and Finn watched his spine stiffen and a cold determination settle over him. His dark robes fluttered in the winds, which were picking up speed and tossing tiny grains of dust into the air. Finn looked at Kylo Ren’s face, hidden behind a mask that was different than he’d remembered, with silver metal bands crossing over the front of his mask. Finn took a deep breath to steady himself, remembering how Ren’s saber had felt slashing through his spine. The places where his cybernetic spine met his skin itched, but Finn rolled his shoulders, tightening his grip on his blaster, preparing for the fight he knew was coming.

Kylo ignited his lightsaber, his mechanical voice calm and almost friendly “Hello, FN 2187.”

Finn’s jaw clenched. No one called him that anymore. Finn held his breath. He could hear Kylo Ren approaching. He had to buy them enough time for Poe to prep for flight.

“Rey is here. I can feel it.” Ren said, the sarcasm evaporating from his voice, “You have failed to keep her from me, traitor.”

“We haven’t been keeping her anywhere.” Finn said, smirking at the irony of him being called ‘traitor’. He felt a sudden and intense pressure on his mind and threw up walls, forcing Kylo Ren out. Frustration curled in his stomach, but Finn refused to call upon it, instead focusing on the calm determination that Luke had taught him to summon from the Light. With a final push, he forced Kylo Ren’s consciousness back into his own mind and the other man let out a low growl of frustration behind the mechanical modulator of his mask.

Finn drew his blaster with his right hand, extending his left hand. He took shot after shot at Kylo Ren, who simply deflected them off his lightsaber. Most of them refracted off into the trees around them, but a few glanced back at Finn, who used the Force to knock them aside.

“You’re a jedi now, are you?” Kylo Ren taunted, walking closer even as Finn fired shot after shot at him, “You think you can use the Force and cowardly weapons, traitor? You’re nothing but a defective stormtrooper!”

Finn grit his teeth, shoving his anger aside and focusing on the Light. He had Rey, Poe, and Luke to protect. He couldn’t afford to be angry.

Without warning, Kylo Ren’s demeanor changed with an almost vengeful fury. He closed his fist and Finn took advantage of his distraction, aiming for several shots to his right arm and shoulder, which he knew Rey had damaged on Starkiller. Several shots met their mark and Kylo Ren doubled over, grabbing his shoulder. After another moment, he let out a roar of fury, throwing out his hand and using the Force to shove Finn back several paces, knocking his blaster out of his hand

“What are you doing to her?” Kylo Ren shouted. His voice was rough, even though the mechanization. Finn’s eyes narrowed, unsure what Ren was talking about. He called on the Force for himself, shoved Ren back, pulled his spare blaster from his belt, and pointed it at Ren, “Stay back!”

“You’re seen me stop blaster beams before.” Ren snarled in return, fury rolling off of him in waves, “Let Rey go before I tear your starship apart!”

“And you’ll kill her with us!”

“I will find her! The Resistance can take her as far as they want! I will find her! You cannot keep her from me!” Kylo shouted, doubling over again. Finn aimed his blaster at Kylo’s face, but only managed to clip the side of Kylo’s helmet. The other man pulled it off in a single savage motion, tossing it aside.

Stepping back into the hold of the ship, Finn clenched his jaw, the red glow of the engine lights giving his dark skin a ruddy tinge as he raised his blaster again. “We’re not keeping her,” The former stormtrooper said. Kylo Ren’s face twisted with anger and he straightened.

“I can feel her pain! You are torturing her right now!” The knight of Ren shouted.

“Luke!?” Finn shouted into his communicator.

“What?!” Luke asked tensely.

“Tell me next time Rey has a contraction. Ren’s tapped into her nervous system, I think he can feel her pain.”

“Alright!” Like called. Finn waited for a moment, watching Ren pull himself up to his full height. Finn aimed his blaster at Ren’s other shoulder and pulled the trigger. Ren barely had time to deflect the blast off his saber.

“How much longer until we take off?” Finn asked.

“2 minutes,” Poe called, “just hang on.”

Finn took another shot at Ren, but he glanced it off of his saber, growling. He nearly doubled again as Luke’s voice alterting him to Rey’s next contraction.

,“She will tell you nothing!” Kylo Ren shouted, slashing out aimlessly at the air in front of him.

“We’re not hurting her!” Finn shouted back.

“I can feel her pain!”

“We’re not causing that!”

Ren stood, sticking his hand out and reading into Finn’s mind again, but Finn repelled him.

“Let her go! I can heal her! I will leave you be!” Kylo Ren blurted desperately.

“We aren’t holding her!” Finn fired again, three times quickly. He clipped Ren’s arm and Ren clapped a hand there, seeing blood, as Finn took the opportunity to run onto the ship.

“Rey is mine! I will never stop searching for her!”  Kylo shouted, rushing after Finn.

“She came to us!” Finn bellowed at him, shoving him back and yelling loudly over the wind, “She joined the Resistance of her own accord!”

“All clear, Finn!” Poe’s voice echoed from this comm unit.

“Hang on.” Finn said into his wrist, eyes on Kylo Ren, “Wait until I close the hangar. I don’t want him to be able to follow us.”

“Hurry!” Poe said.

“No!” Kylo Ren snapped back, fear and anger flooding his face in equal measure. “I can feel her pain. She’s in there, in pain. What have you done!?”

Something flickered in Finn’s expression, but he hardened his features after a moment, “That wasn’t us. We’ve done nothing but help her. We’re her family.”

“I am her family.” Kylo Ren snarled, struggling as Finn shot him in the leg, “She and I, we only have each other.”

“Not anymore.” Finn said, closing the hangar before he could reach it. The ship took off, leaving Ren behind.

*****

Rey looked up as Vox led Finn into the Med bay, walking past the operating room and into a little rest room, where Rey was laying in a bed, cream-colored blankets pulled up and a tiny dark-haired figure curled on her chest. Finn looked exhausted and wind-swept, and he walked stiffly. Rey wondered if he’d been sitting on the floor all this time. That would definitely be a lot on his prosthetic spine.

“What’s his name?” Finn asked quietly, walking to sit on the little spare cot next to Rey.

“Jonas,” Rey murmured, kissing her son’s head again. She pressed her forehead to his and closed her eyes, tears leaking free. Ren should be here. She thought about what would have happened if she’d stayed with the First Order. She would have been in some metal medbay, surrounded by droids, but Ren would be there. She would have passed her son to him without hesitation, watched the wonder in his face as he held the little baby.

But instead, Rey had Finn and Luke. She had safety and a chance to raise her son as far away from Snoke as possible.

She could still feel Kylo Ren’s rage and grief, even so many light years away. Looking at Luke and seeing the deep sadness in his eyes, she knew he could feel it, too.

“Hi Jonas.” Finn said, leaning closer to peer at the baby. He’d never really seen babies before, not so close. His time as a stormtrooper had been spent dealing with the more indelicate and unpleasant parts of life. He grinned as Jonas opened his eyes dazedly at him, “Oh my gosh Rey you made a tiny adorable human.”

Rey laughed thickly, “Here, you can hold him.” she said, letting Finn’s strong arms move forward and scoop Jonas from her grasp. He paused and kissed her forehead, not caring that she was sweaty and exhausted. Rey pressed her lips together, glad for her friend’s support.

“Hey, BB, come here, I gotta show you something.” Finn said, turning to see the little droid roll hesitantly into the room. He leaned down to show the baby to the droid. Jonas let out a little croaking noise, nearly about to start crying, but Finn looked down at him, “Hey, don’t do that. You’re mom’s not going to let me hold you if you do that. You’re okay.” He said, bobbing up and down a little to soothe the infant. Jonas quieted and yawned and BB8 let out of a low “woooooooow” noise, rolling forward slightly to get a better look at the [Designation : TINY SQUISHY HUMAN]. He looked at Rey, then at Jonas, and rolled over to her. Rey reached out and gently touched the top of BB8’s head, smiling, “Don’t worry BB, you’re not being replaced.”

Rey turned her attention back to her son and, after a moment, her face broke into another smile. “Look at him,” Rey whispered, “He’s so beautiful.”

“He’s so cute.” Finn said, smiling. Rey looked over at her son, settled comfortably in Finn’s arms, and felt her throat close up a little with emotion. He had a tuft of black hair, but his eyes and nose were the same shape as hers.

“He’s got my eyes.” Rey murmured, “Look at him.”

“He does.” Vox said, sweeping stray strands of her dark hair out of her face, “I have to borrow him to do some tests, is that okay?” She asked Rey gently, “I need to test his hearing and a few other things.”

“Okay.” Rey said, watching as Vox scooped her son out of Finn’s grasp. She tried not to notice the way Finn’s dark eyes lingered on Vox’s face.

“He’s a sweet baby,” Vox said, “very easy and perfectly healthy.” She let Vox take her son out of the room and turned her attention back to Finn.

“Was that…?”

“Kylo Ren, yes.”

“He had to pick tonight of all nights.” Luke said, shaking his head.

“I hope the distraction helped.” Rey said quietly, looking down at her hands.

“What distraction?” Finn asked.

“Ren tapped into my mind, so I let him into where the pain was,” Rey said, “I couldn’t shut him out, so I have him what he was looking for: my current condition.”

Finn laughed lightly, “That was clever.”

“I thought so.” Rey said. She smiled sadly. “Was he…?” She sounded hesitant and he knew why.

“Ren was heartbroken, but unhurt.” Finn said.

Rey nodded, blinking away the wetness that had crept into her eyes, “Thank you.” She whispered.

“No problem.” Finn asked, leaning over and hugging her gently. He was polite enough to ignore the tears that dripped onto his shirt, which she was glad for.

*****

Kylo Ren stalked into his quarters, his breathing barely controlled and regular. He had just told the Supreme Leader of her treachery. Supreme Leader Snoke had not blamed Kylo, instead, in his infinite wisdom, he had merely leaned forward on his great black carved throne and cupped his twisted jaw thoughtfully. His words still echoed in Kylo’s mind, “I must admit that this is my error, Kylo Ren, not yours. In my ambition and faith in my own powers over the Force, I encouraged the traitor too much. I ignored the warning signs, such as her refusal to take the name of Ren. I now wonder if her… personal regard for you was merely a front to distract us both.” Kylo had stiffened at his words, but Snoke at merely continued, “The idea of a union between two powerful Jedi… I admit I thought it too good to be true, but I was as eager for it as anyone. Perhaps too eager.” Kylo reflected on the way the Supreme Leader had regarded him, pityingly, like a child, “I do not blame you, Kylo Ren. Despite your power, you have the same weaknesses as any other sentient being. We shall both we wiser in the future.”“Yes,” Kylo has said, finally speaking, “We shall.”“And Kylo,” The Supreme Leader had added, almost as an afterthought after dismissing him, “This anger? This pain? Remember it when you next see her on the battlefield.”“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Kylo had replied. 

Now, Kylo stood in apartments he hadn’t been in for 2 weeks. In all honestly, he hadn’t lived here in months- not since she left. This was just a place he forced himself to exist in while waiting for leads. It was just the place he him himself away when the rage and fear and hopelessness welled up inside of him so much he couldn’t breath or sleep or keep the tremble out of his heart.

He removed his helmet and tossed it onto the bed that no longer smelled like her, but that he still only used half of. He turned slowly on his heel, trying to find a single spot in this horrifyingly familiar place that did not remind him of her. He couldn’t.

Rage and hot, bitter grief flooded him, calling forth rolling waves of the dark side to him, fuelling more of his oppressive fury until it exploded out as he lit his blade. He attacked the bed first, burning through linen and mattress and mark metal with a wordless and terribly fury. Everything she owned- garment, books, tools, all of it- met a superheated end on his blade. He demolished everything that had once been hers, that had once been theirs. He neither targeted nor spared his own belongings. She’d touched all of his clothes at some point. If one boot or shirt was incinerated, it didn’t matter.

Lastly, he turned to her bedside table, saber raised, and stopped.

Her two little plants were there. They were a little wrinkled at the leaves, but had actually survived these many months of his clumsy care. He remembered when she’d brought them back from. It had been on that mission that he’d realized her regard for him was beyond comrades. It was then that’d she’d become his mechanism for tamping down the pain that threatened to consume him daily.

Kylo extinguished his lightsaber and tossed it away. He hit his knees, sobbing into his hands for the first time since the he had woken up to a scarred face and the reality of his father’s death.

[smallenoughtofit]

Legacy - Chapter 3

Updates Every Other Tuesday For Now.

Rey sat down in the training room carefully, crossing her legs and looking at Luke Skywalker. She withheld the urge to fidget with the edge of her pants and forced her spine to stay straight as Luke sat across from her. As Luke settled himself on the floor, Rey self-consciously tugged her shirt away from her body. There was no way he could tell she was pregnant, but she still felt awkward about it.

“Are we meditating?” Rey asked, rubbing her knee and not looking away from Skywalker.

“Not in the typical tense.” The aging Jedi said, “I want you to tap into the Light.”

“Are you kidding me?” Rey huffed, rolling her eyes.

“I said I was going to train you,” Skywalker said, “We’ll start with traditional meditation and then move into something else.”

“Fine.” Rey grumbled, closing her eyes and rolling her neck. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Calm yourself,” Luke said slowly and gently, “breathe in deeply and out deeply. Think of the Force, feel it and reach into it.”

“I know how to meditate, old man.” Rey muttered, a flicker of frustration flashing through her.

“Who is teaching whom here, Rey?” Skywalker said calmly.

“You are teaching me.” Rey said, unable to keep the pouting note out of her voice.

“Correct. Now, feel the Force and reach into the Light. Surrender your frustrations, hesitations, feelings, and worries to it. Let go of all of your aches and pains and embrace the serenity.”

Rey found, with difficulty, she could pull her mind away from the ache settling into her lower back and her frustrations at Skywalker. She reached out and felt Luke and everyone in the ship: Poe was at the helm, humming contentedly with BB8 at his heels, Finn was in his room working on something, judging by the tension she could already feel in his shoulders, and the doctor was in the med bay, reading or doing something else quiet and contented.

Skywalker’s voice broke through her spiritual exploration of the ship: “Focus on yourself, Rey. The Force lives in you, too.”

Rey resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but reached her consciousness beyond the ship or her own body, into the Force itself. She felt the Light for a moment before Skywalker cleared his throat. Rey opened her eyes, struggling to keep her tenuous connection, and looked at him as he stood up.

“Follow my movements,” Skywalker said, “Feel the Light. Call it to you and through you.” He slowly moved, stretching his arms out. He turned his foot out away from his body, bending at the knee. Rey huffed again, stood up, and mirrored his motions.

Rey reached over her head, spreading her fingers and reaching her fingers and reaching deeper into the Light. She found her own grasp on the dark side loosening, although its tether to her was still strong. She could sense the Force flowing through Skywalker. He was serene, more than she’d ever seen.

As Rey reached outward to her next form, keeping her back straight, she thought of Darth Vader. Kylo Ren had spoken about him with reverence, but Rey had always wondered about his downfall. How could a man so secure in the dark side have been seduced by the light so quickly? Even she, immersed as she was, felt no serious desire to abandon her power.

Rey couldn’t find her answer, but decided one thing: there was no way Luke Skywalker could ever abandon the light side of the Force. He thrived in it more than she ever did.

As they moved through each form, with each breath, Rey felt the great, bright warmth of the Light settle into her chest. She could sense Luke as he moved and found she didn’t have to look at him frequently to match his movements. A powerful sense of understanding and connection filled her; for an Order that swore off attachments, the Light spent a lot of time building connections

Rey’s weight fell effortlessly into the last form, her feet in front of each other, her body turned and her arms stretched out, one before her and one behind. She blinked, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Luke’s hand level with hers. It was unnerving to be so at peace so close to someone she wasn’t allied with, someone she didn’t like. Rey straightened, pulling her hand in closer to her body again, not looking at him.

“That, Rey, was the Light.” Skywalker said gently, inclining his head to her.

“Is that all?” Rey whispered, trying not to betray her own feelings.

“Of the Force?”

“For today.” Rey said flatly, looking at her bare feet, her shoes in her hand.

Skywalker was silent for a moment and Rey could feel his pale eyes cutting through her until he finally said: Yes, you may go.”

Rey avoided everyone for the rest of the day, sneaking food from the galley and eating alone in her room. BB8 came to check on her, but didn’t press or disturb her, which Rey appreciated.

She spent most of the day both thinking about and avoiding any conclusions on what had occurred that morning. She didn’t agree with Skywalker. She didn’t agree with Skywalker. Luke Skywalker was a glorified hermit that pledged himself to a path that couldn’t protect him. He had forsaken power and security in order to keep the moral high ground, Rey reminded herself. She was not so foolish.

However, try as she might, Rey couldn’t shake the memory of the peace she’d experienced while engulfed in the light. After several hours, an itch appeared in the back of her mind as she thought about her experience, one she couldn’t settle. She finally broke, throwing her shoe across the room out of sheer frustration. At the same time, she felt Kylo reached out to her through the Force. He barely brushed the edges of her mind, sensed her frustration and pain, and retreated, burning with fury. Rey didn’t bother to correct him.

****

Rey looked up when Finn walked into the kitchen, reading a holopad with a grave look on his face. She nibbled on a tasteless ration bar in a brave attempt to stave off her daily morning sickness. Her only consolation was that most women get over it after the first trimester. She had less than a month before she could put the memory behind her.

“Have you seen these transmissions?” Finn asked Poe, holding up his holopad, frowning.

“Which ones?” Poe asked warily, rubbing the side of his mug with one thumb.

“The Knights of Ren are tearing apart the galaxy, looking for something.” Finn said, shaking his head, “Twisted monsters, all of them.”

“They’re not monsters.” Rey said quietly.

“Excuse me?” Finn snarled, whirling on her.

“You think too much about good versus evil and right versus wrong.” Rey said, sipping glass of juice and enviously watching Vox pour a steaming mug of caffa. The doctor had insisted she give up caffeine and alcohol, the sadist.

“What do you mean?” Luke asked carefully, cutting across whatever angry retort Finn had been prepared to level at her.

“You are so worried about how you are different than the First Order that you miss on how you are alike. The Resistance is a large and independent organization, so is the First Order. The Knights of Ren operate independently of the First Order, but they still have to eat, move undercover, and maintain contact. You think of them as a group of mindlessly violent psychotic maniacs, but they’re not. They function much closer to the Jedi generals of the Old Republic than even bounty hunters.”

Rey took another sip of her juice as they all stared at her, “Kylo Ren may be your enemy, but he’s not thoughtlessly violent and pure evil. You disagree with him and you fight against him, but you have to remember that he’s also a person, with flaws and merits.”

“How can you defend him?” Finn said, exasperated. “You’ve seen what he’s done, you’ve helped. Think of what he’s done to me, to Poe, to the galaxy, to you.”

“What has he done to me?” Rey asked, frowning and sitting up straighter.

“He changed you.” Finn said, lowering his voice, “You used to be-”

“Vulnerable.” Rey interrupted, “I was weak, exposed, and dependent on others. He taught me how to defend myself, how to use the Force, and the power of the dark side.”

“No one is all good or all bad. You may hate Kylo Ren, but he’s not some mindless creature intent only on killing. He has faults and virtues, just like you. He’s not a monster. He’s not evil. He’s not insane.”

“Virtues.” Finn scoffed, “I was a Stormtrooper under him, Rey. I’ve seen first hand the kind of virtues he has.”

“I was his apprentice and his knight.” Rey said carefully, keeping her temper at bay. If she got angry now, Finn would just brush her aside, “I’ve seen the kind of person he is with his mask off, when it’s his friends around him, not just the soldiers under his command. He trails all of his knights himself. Kylo watches us, helps us become strong and healthy. He never berated me when the light tempted me or I failed. He holds himself to an impossibly high standard, but he was temperate and kind with us.”

Finn stared at her, open mouthed.

“I fell in love with him for a reason.” Rey muttered.

“You fell in love?” Finn asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Hence the reason we are here.” Rey said, rolling her eyes. It wasn’t like she was some 10-credit prostitute on the seedy side of Coruscant. She’d been Kylo Ren’s whatever she’d been for a while, although Finn seemed to have forgotten

“What- oh.” Finn said, looking thoughtful, like his mind had been opened to some new possibility.

“What?” Rey asked.

Finn looked down, “I just figured he forced you to be his apprentice, to join the dark side, to- well, everything.”

Rey felt something inside snap and a dam in her chest broke.

“He didn’t rape me!” Rey shouted, standing up and glaring at Finn, “Everything about our relationship was mutual and consensual.”

“Rey, I just mean- well, he gets into people’s minds and-” Finn bleated, but the comment only angered her further. She was stronger because of Kylo, happier because of Kylo. The dark side had made her strong, but the light only saw things in good and evil right and wrong. People like Finn couldn’t accept strength or power or attachments born out of the freedom of the dark side.

“I love him every bit as much as he loves me!” Rey shouted, slamming her fist on the table so hard that Vox lifted up her caffa, afraid it would spill, “You can’t separate the me that is here from the me that you met on Jakku and from the me that was a knight of Ren, so you villainize Kylo so you can wrap your mind around this. It’s pathetic and weak and I won’t allow it.” Rey heard the tightness in her own voice and felt a hot prickle behind her eyes. She was crying from a mixture of frustration and hurt, but refused to let the tears fall She missed Kylo, but weakness in herself wasn’t something she was going to tolerate, especially in front of Finn.

Finn looked at her, mouth still open. He finally closed his mouth and looked at the floor, “I didn’t realize-”

“Well, you should have,” Rey snapped, turning away. She’d lost control with Finn, which she hated. Finn was bitter and snide and she couldn’t let him see her break, ever.

The room sat in cold and awkward silence for a long moment until BB8 rolled in curiously and Poe broke the tense moment:  “Is he really so different?” the pilot asked, sounding genuinely curious.

“Yes,” Rey whispered. She stood and walked out of the room, unable to spend another minute with any of them.

*****

 “Okay, so I get Rey isn’t due for another 6 months,” Poe said, but have we thought about where we’re going to go after this?” “That is something we need to consider,” Luke said, “I am fond of all of you, but I would like to interact with people who aren’t you at some point in the future.” “I’ve actually thought about that a bit,” Vox said, leaning across the table a little, “If at all possible, this child needs to spend his or her first 2 years on a human-compatible planet. Not a ship, a planet.” “Can it be green?” Rey said without really thinking. If she was going to spend her two years somewhere, she’d like to stay away from harsh places like Jakku “I’m done with sand.” 

“I see no reason why not.” Luke said, clearly pleased that Rey was taken an interest in their plans. In the three weeks since her argument with Finn, Rey had begun to open up more to the other members of the crew, who in turn kept their opinions and news of the war away from her. This system was imperfect, but kept the peace on the Blue Glass intact.

“You are his or her mother.” Poe said, sipping his caffa and nodding.

“Yeah, but not really,” Finn said flippantly, his eyes on some form or transmission on his holopad.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rey asked, turning to face him.

“I mean, you used to be Kylo Ren’s lover. This kid is his. You still use the dark side and you don’t exactly have a personal history that screams ‘Engaged Parent Material’.” Finn said, not looking up at her.

Rey felt like she’d been slapped in the face. She’d been cordial to Finn ever since their fight, but clearly, his bitterness had not abated.

“Well, you’re just going to have to get over that. You can’t take it away-” Rey began carefully,

“Technically, we can.” Finn said, looking up at her, his eyes narrowed.

“Finn,” Skywalker began, but Rey was already on a warpath.

“How dare you!?” Rey snapped, digging her nails into the table as she felt the cool power of the dark side collect on the edges of the room, drawn in by her fury, “You can’t just keep me here for nine months and then send me away!”

“You’re still a traitor and a murderer!” Finn snapped back, setting the holopad down and turning his furious gaze on her, “How long before you turn us over to Kylo Ren again? One the kid is old enough to train, you’ll take him or her back and you’ll send the First Order to our door! There’s no way you can keep it! There’s no way you can be trusted not to turn us in again. You’re obviously in love with Ren still. How can we ever trust you?”

“I gave him up for them!” Rey snarled, standing. Fury pounded through her, obliterating all thought or reason, “I gave up everything for this baby and there is no going back!” Everything around her bent. Reality curved, fractured and blasted outward as shadows blurred her vision.

“Rey!”

Rey stopped and turned to glare at Skywalker, whose blue eyes were as hard and cold as ice, then took stock of herself. In her frustration, she’d called upon the Dark Side without meaning to. It coiled around her like agitated smoke, ready to be used or dismissed. Rey chose the first option, not looking at Luke. She slammed Finn back in his chair, shoving both back against the far wall, pressing him against it. The chair was bolted to the floor and it made a horrible shrieking noise that she ignored. There was no way in this galaxy she was going to let Finn tell her what to do or how to raise her child. There was no way she would allow this disrespect to continue any longer.

Part of her wanted to destroy him, to remove this threat, to let the Dark Side swallow her and him and to choose her own destiny again.

The rest of her felt his fear and the fear of everyone else in the room. None of them wanted to separate her from her child, but, right now, she didn’t care about that right now. Now, all she cared about was her anger at Finn and the power she had to sate her fury.

“Rey, you can’t sustain the dark side like this!” Skywalker pleaded, “It has side effects. You know this. Your baby isn’t even fully developed. How will this affect them?”

“I can’t-”

“You have to.” Luke said firmly, reaching a hand out to her, touching her arm, “Do you love your baby?”

“Yes!” Rey said, tears welling in her eyes, her voice cracking.

“Do you love Kylo Ren?”

“Yes.” Rey was hiccupping, trying to keep her voice coherent, even as the Force raged within her and around her.

“You you want your baby, Kylo Ren’s child, to live, to truly live- whole and complete and healthy, then you must let go of the dark side.”

“But how?”

“Surrender to the Light.” Skywalker said. He spoke like it was the easiest thing in the galaxy, like he was asking her to take a deep breath, “Just surrender to the Light. Give up the dark side.”

“If I give up the dark side, I’ll have no power. How can I keep myself safe?” Rey asked.

“We’ll keep your safe. And you’ll keep us safe. Rey, you and i both know you lost the man you loved the moment you got on that pod. Don’t lose your child, too.” Luke said gently.

He was right. Rey knew he was right. She couldn’t tell him that, couldn’t humble

Rey closed her eyes and reached into the Force. Immediately, she saw her own conflict, the light blooming in her chest and the dark dominating her head and limbs. On consolation, the one thing she noticed that kept any hesitation away was the tiny flicker of light in her abdomen: her baby, shielded by the light the whole time.

Rey took a deep breath. She thought about Jakku, about the lonely nights and biting sand and scavenging for pants and hunger and fear and Unkar Plutt and the times she’d killed bandits for her own safety. She thought of the First Order, of the battles they’d fought and the villages they razed and the crooked men they had bribed and dealt with and the Stormtroopers she’d ignored in their silent suffering and the fear and pain Snoke had leveled at her.

Rey thought about Kylo. About his temper and fear and loneliness and how he was as much a balm to her as she was to him. He was gone from her forever, or she was gone to him forever. The pain of it rose up and nearly overwhelmed her.

But then she thought of her child- his child- cocooned in the Light. This child could live, could really live and be loved. This child could escape all that pain and fear if only she could loosen her grip, could let go of her power, could trust her friends. If only she loved her child enough.

And she did.

*****

Rey walked into the practice room. Skywalker wasn’t there, but Rey selfishly wanted to train a little and beat him at sparring today. His combative hold on the Force was much stronger than hers, which frustrated her to no end. She settled into her usual routine: Jedi forms, jogging, and lifting things with the Force. She had stopped using the dark side and had found her skill with the light lagging behind her master.

The doctor had stressed light exercise, but Rey knew her own body. She could handle her training for a few more weeks. She looked up when Skywalker walked into the training room. He wasn’t dressed for combat training, but was wearing heavier and looser robes, which he reserved for their few meditation only days.

“Master?” Rey questioned, turning on her heel to face him, “Is something wrong?”

“I’m not going to spar with you,” Luke said, “you have to do some physical work, but not more.”

“Vox got to you, didn’t she?”

Luke smiled at her.

Rey rolled her eyes, sitting down on the mats, “but you still want me to medicate on the Light side of the Force?”

Again, Luke smiled and Rey swallowed down her frustration.

Late that night, Rey lay awake in bed, staring at her blank ceiling. She lay very still, keeping her eyes closed for a long time. Now that she had some sense of safety and security, she found a new feeling was crawling its way slowly up her throat.

Her bed was comfortable by traditional standards and she knew this, but it was also colder than she was used to. She technically fit into it, but she actually missed the way Kylo crowded her sometimes when they slept off the base or off the Finalizer.

Rey missed him. They bed was only a symptom of the actual problem: she missed Kylo Ren. Her mind lingered on Kylo. If he was here, he be the one lying awake, not her. She always always fell asleep before him. He tended to lay on his back, reach across the space between them, and tracy lazy patterns on her back or arms or hair until he rolled onto his side. He would put an arm around her, probably her waist, and finally find enough contentment to sleep.

After what felt like hours, Rey gave up. She wondered if a midnight snack would help, or at least make her feel better. She crawled out of bed and wrapped herself in a shawl, creeping down to the galley without waking anyone. She passed the bridge and saw she wasn’t the only one awake. Poe Dameron sat at the helm, watching the scanners and the dark skies.

Rey slipped passed him, pouring a hot sweet drink Vox had recommended for her. She made a mug for herself and for Poe. She walked back to the bridge and sat down beside him, “Here, I brought you something to drink.”

Poe started, but recovered quickly, “Thank you.” he said, accepting the mug and watching her, “It’s late, shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“I’m still not used to sleeping alone anymore.” Rey said quietly.

“I didn’t think…” Poe began, but Rey shook her head and said, “Poe, Ren and I were not a one-time thing. We’ve were together more than a year. I may have spent most of my childhood alone, but I had grown used to having him there.”

“Oh.”

Rey looked at Poe for a moment. She could almost see his mind racing as his eyebrows come together. She reached out to his mind without invading it, reading his general thoughts and realized he was trying to picture her and Ren like a happy, contented couple out of a holodrama and was having trouble. Rey snorted as he pictured Kylo’s helmeted head on the charming torso of a well-dressed man enjoying a picnic with his lady love.

“You guys shared a room?” Poe asked, leaning back in his chair and trying to school his features into a more attentive expression, ”for how long?”

“About a year and a half,” Rey said, “I trained with him for like 10 months and then Snoke took over my education.”

“How long until you started dating?” Poe asked, eyebrows raised.

Rey shrugged, “We never really dated.”

“You were never exclusive?”

“Kylo Ren isn’t the kind of person you call your ‘boyfriend’,” Rey explained, “We just, gradually fell in together. It wasn’t something we talked through. It just happened.”

“Wow. Nothing can ever be easy for you, can it?” Poe teased.

“No, not really.” Rey said, laughing.

“You did love him didn’t you?” Poe asked.

“I do, yes.” Rey said, looking at the stairs in front of them. They were cold and distance. When she was a child, she had looked at the stars at a promise that, somewhere, out there, she was wanted and loved and had a family.

Now, Rey knew the stars were distant and unfeeling. They burned too hot to see the troubles of others.

“When did you realize you were in love with him?” Poe asked gently.

“I realised I had feelings for him during my training, when I was still his apprentice.” Rey said, “But I did not have a dramatic epiphany and declare him to be my great love.” She said sarcastically.  

“When did you figure it out, though?” Poe asked.

“I can show you.” Rey offered, looking at Poe, “I’d have to enter into your mind, however.”

“I think I’ll live,” Poe said, “Let me see this non-dramatic turning point.”

“Okay,” Rey said, turning and putting a hand to his face. She closed her eyes, calling upon the memory and drawing it to the forefront of her mind. Poe took a deep breath as the memory washed over him.

Kylo and Rey stood bleary-eyed and quiet in the ‘fresher. Kylo sat on the edge of the tub, brushing his teeth with his eyes closed. He was shirtless and his pale torso with criss-crossed with silver stars. It felt intimate to see him like this, like he was intruding on something cherished and trusted. Kylo was barefoot and sleep-headed. Who knew a Jedi got bedhead?

“That’s not a very dramatic.” Poe said as Rey withdrew from his mind.

“No, Rey said, “but it’s what happened.”

“Why did you fall in love with him?”

“Why did the Supreme Leader see potential in me? Why did you remain with the Resistance?”

“I don’t understand you.”

“How could I not love someone who taught me how to belong and how to be strong?”

“You were always strong.”

“Not in the way I am now.”  Rey said, sipping her drink and looking out at the stars, “Please, Poe. I’m tired. I don’t want to argue this tonight.”

“Okay.” The pilot said. He let the comfortable silence settle between them as they both watched the sky outside.

*****

Kylo Ren’s anger was overwhelming. He was destroying half a forest on whatever planet he was on. Rey gave up on her forms, too overwhelmed by his anger, and sat down heavily on the floor. She felt his fury rage on and on and the destruction was startling. Unable to stand it, she opened herself up to him, trying to get him to see she saw alright, hoping he’d settle himself. He did not.

Instead, Kylo paused for only a moment before he went back to whatever he was doing, ignoring her. Ren shut Rey out of his mind sharply. She choked back a sob, opening her eyes to see Luke’s shadow ahead of her. She hadn’t heard him come in, but he’d clearly sensed her distress.

Luke put a hand on Rey’s arm, “I didn’t realize…”

“That I still check on him? That I still care?” Rey snapped, kneeling on the mat, “Well, I do!”

“Rey…”

“No,” Rey turned, looking up at Luke, wiping her eyes, “He’s not a monster or a fling. I care about him as much as he cared about me and now…” She took a deep breath, her throat closing as tears blurred her vision, “now I’ve lost him.” She pressed her hand to her forehead, unable to stop herself from crying now. She pulled her knees up, trying to quiet her thick and choking sobs. She heard a quiet rustle of fabric as Luke kneeled next to her. He was going to judge her for this or write it off as hormones. He didn’t understand how or why she could love Kylo and be here. She didn’t want to hear a lecture from him or a dissertation on the mysteries of the Force, but she couldn’t muster the words to tell him to leave her alone, so she curled herself up tighter.

Luke slowly wrapped his arms around her, his beard brushing against her hair, and held her tightly as she continued to cry, “I may not know the Kylo Ren that you do,” Luke said gently, “but I miss him, too.”

Rey nodded, unfurling herself to let Luke hug her close to his chest. Her cheek pressed against the coarse fabric of his robes and one of her arms curled around the ever-growing curve of her stomach. She felt Luke take a shallow breath and glanced up to see there were tears in Luke’s eyes, too. Rey was not the only one here who had lost people and sacrificed things for the good of the galaxy.

“He hates me,” Rey murmured after a long time, wiping her eyes, “He hates me and he shut me out.”

“No, he doesn’t.” Luke said, “From what our spies have seen, the First Order still believes you have been kidnapped and are being imprisoned by the Resistance. Ren believes your thoughts are being monitored by me. He’s a man who believes the woman he loves is in danger. That’s not hate your feeling, Rey. That is desperation and fear.”

Rey leaned back and nodded, “When he finds out, he’s going to be so betrayed.”

Luke looked at her for a long moment, then down at his hands, “War was never easy, but I am sorry you are caught in the middle.”

Rey turned her head to search his face, taking in the blue eyes too old for his age, the lines on his face, and the gray in his beard. “Thank you, master.” She murmured, standing up and walking to her quarters without another word.

*****

“Have you thought about names?” Vox asked, gently rubbing a sensor over Rey’s exposed belly.

“Yes, but I haven’t picked one.” Rey admitted, staring at the ceiling, “It’s a little hard when you don’t know what you’re having, much less who, you know?”

“Trust me,” Vox said gently, “You are not the first parent to agonize over this.”

“I want to work the name Quorvin in there somewhere.” Rey said.

“Why?” Vox asked, turning her dark eyes off of the displays and onto Rey’s face.

“Quorvin was a scavenger on Jakku. He worked under Unkar Plutt for a while, then worked off his debt and helped me when I was first scavenging alone on the big destroyers. I would have starved without Quorvin. He gave me portions when Plutt decided he needed to ‘stop being soft’ on me.”

“What happened to him?” Vox asked, reading a particular screen intently, “Is he still on Jakku?”

“No,” Rey said, sighing and closing her eyes, “He got tossed into the sinking fields. He didn’t want to give up his haul and paid the price for it.”

“I’m sorry.” Vox whispered, turning to Rey and watching her.

“It’s alright.” Rey said, swallowing back her emotions, “I- I don’t want to sound callous, but Jakuu was like that. People just died.”

“I’m sorry.” Vox said, “I do have some good news: we’re at the point where we can see the sex. Would you like to know?”

“S-Sure.” Rey said, resisting the urge to hold her breath. This was all suddenly feeling more real. Her baby was a person, a person with a gender and a name and a personality, one day.

Vox moved the little wand around carefully, her eyes focused intently on the display. After a moment, she smiled, pointing to the screen, “Okay, so here is baby’s head. Now, this over here means you’re having a boy.’

“A boy?” Rey stared at the vague shifting display, unable to process the reality. A boy. She was going to raise a son. Tears pricked her vision as she thought of the man this tiny blur would grow into. Would he have the Force? Would she be enough for him? Would he look like Kylo?

“Rey?” Vox’s gentle voice broke through her thoughts.

Rey’s through closed, but she took a deep breath and stuttered, “I-I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Vox said, “This is an emotional process. Are you excited?”

“It’s just so much.” Rey said, “On Jakku, children are a liability. I didn’t think I’d ever be in a position to have any.”

Vox nodded, helping Rey sit up and fix her clothes, Well, I’m here every step of the way.”

“Thanks, Vox.” Rey said, getting to her feet and smiling to herself.

*****

Rey reached out tracing a thumb across Kylo’s mask. He had kneeled down before her, watching her rest. She’d been injured by blaster fire while fighting the Resistance the night before. Arya Ren had carried her to safety, but the First Order had won the battle, so Rey was content.

“Are you hurting?” Kylo asked, not moving away from her touch.

“Not really. I’ve felt worse.”

“Forgive me. I was prideful and reckless. I should not have gambled with your safety.” Kylo Ren said, looking down at the floor. There was a new and large scratch in the front of his mask, embedded with dirt and grime. She wondered if he’d removed it since the battle.

“Why not? You gamble with yours. Because I’m a woman?” Rey asked, trying to sit up and wincing as pain flared in her side. She touched the bandages, hearing Ren’s voice modulator glitch as he made a noise of protest. Rey sighed and lay back down. Even after a year of training and a month as his knight, she still felt unprepared for the realities of war. However, what she lacked in experience she made up for in strength and power. Rey lay down and watched Kylo’s mask. He might be able to hide his face from her, but his breathing was irregular; her condition greatly disturbed him.  

“Because you’re my knight.” Ren said, his voice thick even through the modulator.

Rey lay back on her pillow, looking at him, sighing, “I’m not your student anymore, Kylo. You made a mistake and someone got hurt. That someone happened to be me.”

Kylo said nothing, his shoulders hunched forward. Rey reached out, pressing the catch behind his head to release his mask, glad he didn’t protest. She pulled it off of him, careful not to cuff his head, and set it aside. He looked exhausted. His skin was pale, purple shadows stood out like bruises under his dark eyes, and his scar stood out sharply against his skin. Rey could see the guilt, frustration, and pain in his face

“Tell me, would you be this upset if I was any of your other knights?” Rey murmured after a moment.

“Yes,” Ren said, looking her in the eye. He was lying. She could see it in the way his lip twitched and he tried to keep his face neutral. He’d never lied to her like this before. She sat up and winced, a hand flying to her side. Rey glanced up and saw his eyes widen as every wall he had crumbled down.

“I know you’re lying,” She said, sensing his guilt, his fear, and his longing through the force. This was more than compassion or even favor. This was real and genuine affection.

Rey sat up, pressing one hand to her mouth and the other to her belly. Her son kicked encouragingly. A son. Tears welled in her eyes. Vox had told her a few weeks ago she was expecting a boy, but in the past few days, another man had dominated her thoughts again: Kylo Ren.

Rey looked outside the window, watching the Raydonian night sky. She was due any day now, although landing on a planet yesterday had definitely made it all feel real. She was having a baby, her baby, and soon.

Oh Force, Rey thought sleepily, lying back down, please let this all be as simple as possible.

*****

“I hate this!” Rey groaned, hugging a pillow and closing her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Finn said, passing her the cup of ice chips Vox had left for Rey. He was supposed to wait with Rey like Vox and Luke set up the med bay because, apparently, Rey wasn’t going to actually give birth for several hours. “Just think, it’s been three hours. You only have so many more to g-”

“Finn! We’ve got company!” Poe shouted over the intercom from the cockpit, his voice urgent, “Luke, take over “Emotional Support Duty. I need Finn to scout the surface, now!”

Finn met Rey’s strained face, then touched her arm as Luke gave some generic response over the intercom, “You’re going to be fine. This will all work out.”

“I can tell you don’t believe that.” Rey said.

“Give me 10 minutes out there and I will.” Finn said lightly.

“Come back in 1 piece.” Rey said as Luke stepped through the door

Finn nudged her arm and grinned, “You too.” He waved and walked towards the door.

“How are you?” Luke asked, sitting next to her. His blue gaze was gentle and he lightly touched her face, smoothing her hair out of her eyes.

“I’m not ready, Luke. I’m not ready.” Rey gasped suddenly, leaning against her headboard as another contraction passed. She hated this. This was worse than anything else. Why did people do this on purpose? She wasn’t ready to be a parent or a jedi or anything! Fear and worry swelled up in her, closing her throat and filling her eyes with tears. Luke, however, only smiled indulgently at her and put a hand on her arm.

“You don’t get to decide that, Rey,” Luke said kindly, “Don’t worry, you’re okay. You’re ready.”

“Come on, Rey, we’re going to walk to the med bay, okay?”

“Okay.” Rey said, nodding and letting Luke help her up. As they made their slow progress to the door, Rey asked, “Master?”

“Yes?”

“Are you going to stay with me?” Rey had never felt the love or protection of a parent, but she needed it now.

“Of course, Rey.”

“Thank you.”

[smallenoughtofit]

Legacy - Chapter 2

Updates Every Other Tuesday For Now.

Rey did her best to sleep while she waited to be put on the ship. They’d given her new clothes, a Resistance prisoner jumpsuit, but let her put her old clothes in her bag. Rey wondered if Skywalker and Organa had totems of Ben Solo still, just like she had Kylo’s sircoat. Curling the strap of her bag around her first, she wondered if some soldier would toss her bag into the trash chute on their way to the Glass Blue just to spite her.

Rey looked up as the door slid open. The mirialan and his squad walked in, followed by Finn. Rey took a deep breath, gripping her bag tightly, and stood up, “Is it time to go?”

“Yeah.” Finn said, holding out a hand for her bag. Rey passed it to him, watching as he handed it to a woman with a shock of magenta hair. Rey settled her eyes on the woman for a moment, swiftly searching her feelings. The woman winced at Rey’s presence in her mind.

“Stop it!” Finn snarled, grabbing Rey’s arm, but she kept at it. She could tell the woman was young, compassionate, and full of honor. She was intimidated by Rey, but didn’t hate her automatically. She was more concerned with grand ideas of the Resistance and the First Order than individual grudges. She joined out of a sense of duty, not a personal tragedy. Rey’s prized possessions were safe in her hands. Relieved, Rey pulled out, making sure the woman could tell she had her mind back.

Rey turned her head to see Finn glaring at her, “Don’t do that!” He snapped. Rey shrugged, but said nothing.

Finn glared at Rey for a moment, then grabbed a piece of cloth from his pocket. Rey looked down at it. She hadn’t noticed it before.

“What is that for?” Rey asked.

“We don’t want people to see your face,” Finn said, stepping closer and pulling at the edges of the cloth, opening it. It was a hood.

“Don’t put a hood on me,” Rey snarled, rearing her head back. Finn rolled his eyes, “Just keep quiet.”

Rey closed her eyes as the hood was put on her, then opened them. She wrinkled her nose against the rough fabric of the hood, trying to see anything through the threading.

“Take this off me!” Ray said, “I’ll use the Force, make myself unnoticable-”

“And escape?” Finn said, “I’m not stupid. I don’t think so. Now, shut up and let’s go.” Rey felt hands on her arms, clapping her handcuffs on her, and leading her towards the door.

Rey panted under the hood. She hated being unable to see and breathe clearly. That had been the worst part of life on Jakku: the oppressive and cloying heat under the cloth she’d had to endure to keep sand out of her lungs. Rey swallowed, hemmed in under the dark hood, as large hands lead her roughly through the corridors of the ship. Rey heard a door open somewhere to her right and had a heartbeat’s notice before she was lead through it.

Cool air brushed the exposed skin of her neck under the hood. She took a deep breath, glad for the fresh air, and resisted the urge to wriggle free. It would be so easy to call on the Force and send these overconfident fools flying. Instead, she was forced to endure a humiliating walk across a near-silent hangar. She nearly stumbled when they reached the loading plank of the ship, but her guards kept a firm grasp on her, forcefully marching her up onto the ship. They walked her down several tight turns and through a door that slid open with a soft noise.

Rey tried not to gasp when Finn finally lifted off the hood, sateing her burning nerves with deep, calming cool breath instead. “Come on,” Finn said, walking over to the bed and leading Rey along

“What now?” Rey asked, looking around her room. It was Spartan- a simple bed with a plain headboard, a desk, a dresser, and a pair of doors that likely lead off to a ‘fresher and a closet.

“We’re going to cuff you to your bed.”

“Excuse me?” Rey asked, turning on her heel.

“We’re going to cuff you so you don’t get free.” Finn said, “Come on. Don’t fight. This isn’t about humiliating you. It’s about keeping you still. It’s Organa’s idea.”

Rey paused for a moment, feeling frustration bubble up inside of her. She hated this- all of it. She walked forward to the bed, sitting down and refusing to look at Finn as she placed her wrist against the metal of the bedpost.

This was utterly humiliating. Rey allowed Finn to slip the handcuffs around the bedpost to cuff her there, “Why are you gagging me?” Rey asked.

“because I’m mean like that,” Finn muttered, “We have to keep you quiet, whatever happens.”

Rey let Finn tie the cloth over her mouth, keeping it closed. She didn’t want to cut the corner of her mouth. Finn’s eyes lingered on her face, but he found no satisfaction in seeing her like this. She closed her eyes as the troops filed out and leaned the back of her head against the metal headboard.

As time passed, it took everything she had not to fidget. Whenever possible, Rey sat very still, leaned back against the headboard, and watched people pass by her door. The cuffs dug into her wrists and the cloth Finn had put over her mouth cut in a little, but she knew it could be so much worse. Rey rested her temple on her hands, watching the footsteps of the people loading supplies onto the ship.

It took ages for them to keep unpacking everything from supply or wherever. Rey hoped they were bringing on was good. As the noise of the crew passing through settled into a low hum, Rey let her mind wander to her own body, taking stock of herself. Her stomach rumbled; she’d need food very soon. Other than that, the aches in her body weren’t pressing and she could probably get by with a long break in the ‘fresher and a decent night’s sleep.

After a while, Rey allowed her mind to wander, thinking back to the last time she’d had any real sense of security, before she’d found out she was pregnant. She could remember that moment exactly: when she’d first woken up in the morning, exactly two weeks before she’d left the First Order. She closed her eyes, settling back into the memory, letting the comfort and warm wash over her.

She hadn’t opened her eyes immediately, choosing to curl up tighter under the thick blanket on her bed instead. Ren had sensed her waking and reached out tentatively, tracing up her arms and into her hair, “You have to to wake up.” He had murmured, bringing his face closer to hers so his breath brushed over her ear.

“You’re the one who wakes up late.” Rey had reminded him, allowing him to pull her closer and wrap his arms around her. “Why are you so happy?”

“I don’t know.” Ren had actually sounded unsure, but his doubts had scattered when she buried her face in his neck.

The serene peace she felt evaporated as the ship rumbled into life : they were taking off. She opened her eyes, looking around as her body slid away from the headboard and her weight settled on her wrists. She yelped, trying to turn her hands and grip the metal bedpost, fighting against the pull of gravity on her body.

The least they could do was actually secure me, rather than just chain me up, Rey thought, grimacing around her gag at no one in particular.  She heard a dull roar as the engines hit the atmosphere and sighed when the weight on her wrists eased and they leveled off.

Footsteps echoed in the hallway next to her for a moment before her door slid open with a hiss. It was Finn, blaster drawn and trained on her. Rey rolled her eyes; it wasn’t as if she planned on trying to escape. He didn’t need a weapon unless he planned on hurting her, which would be uncommonly stupid. He crossed the room, settling on the bed next to her. The lamp next to her caught the beads of sweat on his dark forehead. His frustration, anger, and anxiety rolled off him with a strength that caught her off-guard.

“If you bite me, I will punch you.” Finn said reaching behind her to untie the gag. Rey rolled her eyes at his dramatics.

“Why are you so angry?” Rey asked, watching Finn’s dark eyes. He didn’t look at her, but ground his jaw, glowering.

“You’re a prisoner, not a project.” Finn said, “I don’t know why they don’t just drop you in some high-security box, snag your kid, and leave you to rot.”

“Careful,” Rey said, trying to smooth away confusion at the venom in his tone. He’d been angry at her from the moment she arrived, probably since her desertion nearly four years ago, but she hadn’t expected him to be so blatant about his desire to punish her, “that sounded almost like something a darksider would say.”

“You’d know, wouldn’t you?” Finn said, hauling her ungraciously to her feet when her hands were free.

“I would.” Rey said, standing up a little straighter. His discomfort at the comparison hadn’t been lost at her. The man was untrained and probably had no idea how much he was projecting and how vulnerable that left him.

Walking up through the main curling hallway, Finn kept one hand on his elbow and marched Rey into the main room, sat down, and chained her to the table.

“Am I going to be tied up everywhere I go?”

“Yes,” Finn said immediately.

“If you prove that you’re a threat, we’ll give you more leeway.” Luke said, sighing, walking back in the room, “She’s our charge, not our prisoner.”

“I’m not going to be putting up much of a fight for long, anyway,” Rey said. “You’ll definitely have the upper hand before long.”

Rey glanced down at her bound hands.

“Your wrists are going to be bruised tomorrow,” Dr. Chi said, sighing. “Please be nice. I don’t want to have to treat hairline fractures in your wrists in a few weeks.”

“I’m not the one being mean!” Rey said, “I haven’t done anything to deserve this!” She said, wiggling her restrained hands.

“You mean besides D’Qar?” Finn asked venomously.

“That’s different.” Rey said quietly, “that’s war.”

Finn snorted and crossed his arms.

“Can we focus?” Dameron chimed from his place at the far end of the table, taking a swig of his cafa.

“Right,” Finn said, his tone becoming much more businesslike. There was the Commander Finn, cog in the bureaucracy, that Rey had been looking for, “We’re going to have to work together to maintain the ship,” Finn said, “all of us.”

Rey rolled her eyes, “Of course. I’ll scrub freshers with my hands in cuffs because I owe you all so much for saving me.”

“Someone will have to handle meals…” Finn said, glancing around. His eyes settled on Chi for a moment too long and snorted.

“You think I’m able to cook because I’m a woman? I went straight from school, where I had no money for food to cook, to the Resistance, where someone else did the cooking.” Dr. Chi said, raising an eyebrow at Finn.

“I’ll do it!” Rey said.

“No.”

“I fed myself for years.” Rey snapped, “Just because-”

“Alright! Alright!” Finn said, “Rey will handle feeding everyone and we’ll just have to trust that she hasn’t poisoned us. Anyone volunteering to scrub ‘freshers?”

“How about we approach it this way,” Skywalker said, sitting down at the table next to Dameron, “Everyone is responsible for cleaning their own room, we’ll work together on the training hall and-”

“Has anyone checked if this ship has any maintenance droids?” Rey asked suddenly.

Rey heard the dull sound of BB8 rolling over to her, “Designation [GENERAL ORGANA] has equipped transporter [BLUE GLASS] with maintenance droids.”

“Any cleaning droids?” Rey asked, turning to attention to the droid.

“Series [CL CLEANING DROIDS] : Model [CL 89] : Designation [CL 89-607], Designation [CL 89-609]. Series [T3 UTILITY DROIDS] : Model-”

“It’s okay, BB,” Rey cut across her, “I just needed to know about the cleaning droids. Thank you.”

“What did she say?” Finn asked, looking down at BB8.

“You still don’t know Binary?” Rey asked, frowning, “You’ve been friends with her for 4 years and you still can’t understand her?”

“That’s my business,” Finn snapped, “What did she say?”

“There are two cleaning droids on board. That should be more than enough.” Rey said, “They’re CL Cleaning Droids, so they’ll engage on a regular schedule.”

“Well, that simplifies my life.” Dameron said, leaning back in his chair and grinning, “I’ll just focus on flying this thing.”

“Good enough for me.” Dr. Chi said, rubbing behind her ear thoughtfully. She glanced over at Rey, “When did you last eat?”

“It’s been awhile.” Rey admitted.

“Hang on,” Dr. Chi said, standing up and walking to the galley storage cabinets. She snagged a packaged bar and tossed it to Rey, “It’s standard rations. It’s not very tasty, but you need the nourishment more than taste right now.”

Rey took a bite of the compacted bar, chewing slowly. It was solid, tough, and rather tasteless, but she was glad for something.

“So where exactly are we going?” Dr. Chi asked, leaning her arms on the table.

“No idea,” Dameron said, leaning back in his chair, “We didn’t actually set out with a clear course. The General just said ‘aim for the Outer Rim, don’t die, and don’t get caught’.”

“Simple, yet profound.” Luke said, nodding.

“The Galaxy’s Best and Brightest, ladies and gentlemen,” Rey muttered. She brushed some falling strands of hair behind her ear, debating whether she should just go back to her room. They might not even let her go on her own, but it was worth a chance, just to get some peace.

Rey stood up and saw Finn’s hand move to his blaster, “By the Force,” She snapped, “I just wanted to go to sleep. Can I do that without an armed guard?”

“Well, you’re not exactly a good person, are you?” Finn said, standing up, “so we’re not gonna let you go.”

“Then unchain me and walk me back!” Rey snapped. She felt the darkness rise and twist around her. There was a sharp snapping noise and the pressure on her wrists lifted dramatically. She looked down and saw that, in her anger, she’d snapped the loop Finn had fed her handcuffs through. She heard a small mechanical whine and turned her eyes towards Finn. His blaster was trained on her, charged.

“Finn…” Skywalker’s voice was calm yet firm as he stood up, “Leave her. She lost her temper, that’s all.”  

“Kylo Ren loses his temper and destroys whole comm panels, why would she be any different?” Finn asked.

“You have to trust-”

“Trust her?” Finn snapped incredulously.

“Trust me.” The aging Jedi said seriously.

Finn turned his eyes onto Skywalker, searching him for a moment, then back to Rey. His gaze flickered over her face for a second, and then down to her abdomen. She followed him and realized she’d put her hands protectively over her front without realizing it. Finn sighed and put his blaster back in his belt, “Sorry.” He muttered.

“Is there anything else you need, or can I go?” Rey asked, trying to put aside the fear that had

“Actually, Rey,” Dr. Chi said quickly, “I need a private interview with you.”

“Why?” Rey said, so tired she didn’t even care how whiny she sounded.

“Basic information about your background, your health care, and things like that.” Dr. Chi explained, waving her hands.

“Why not them?” Rey asked immediately, nodding at Dameron and Finn.

“This is about your prenatal health, Rey,” Dr. Chi said, “I have their most recent physicals, anyway.”

“Do I have to do it with these on?” Rey asked, holding up her hands.

Dr. Chi said “no” at the same time that Finn said “yes” and Rey resisted the urge to stomp her foot or use the Force on the cuffs.

It was Dameron, actually, who broke the tie. He stood up, snagged the key from Finn’s belt and slowly unlocked her cuffs, looking her in the eye, “Here.” He said gently, watching her.

“Thank you, Dameron.” Rey said, rubbing her wrists. She nodded to Poe, then turned and walked back to her room, “Doctor, if you want an interview, you’re coming with me.”

Rey didn’t bother to see if she followed or say a word or look back at the doctor as she walked down the hallway back to the room she assumed was hers. She tried to appear at least somewhat confident as she walked in and sat on her bed, rubbing her hands together, “What do you want to know, doc?”

“We can do a more in-depth exam later,” Dr. Chi said, leaning against the doorframe, “I just want to have a basic idea about your health and the father’s health, to keep in mind for the future.”

“Fine.” Rey said, grinding her teeth a little. She just wanted to be alone, just wanted to forget about everything for five minutes; Rey was so tired and frustrated she could feel the darkness scratching at the back of her mind.

“Is this your first pregnancy?” Dr. Chi asked.

“Yes.”

“Any history of-”

“Family history is out.” Rey said, “I don’t know my family or anything about them.”

Dr. Chi closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Good, she’s frustrated, too.

“When was the end of your last cycle?” The doctor asked, speaking in a forced pace.

“About 8 or 9 standard weeks ago?” Rey said, closing her eyes and thinking.

Dr. Chi pulled a small holopad out of her jacket and scrolled through it, “General age of first cycle?”

“Sixteen.” Rey looked down as the doctor looked up at her. She knew it was late. Most of her preeteen years were spent on the verge of starvation. She’d never had enough spare nutrients for things like reproduction, not until she got good, in her late teens. The doctor said nothing, nodding and moving on.

“Drugs or alcohol use?”

“Nothing regular,” Rey said, “I’ve had Corellian wine, but drugs aren’t my thing.”

“Father’s age?”

“I told you I don-”

“I mean the baby’s father.” Dr. Chi said gently.

Rey said nothing. Skywalker, Finn, and the General may have known she was with Kylo, but she wasn’t telling this strange doctor anything about him. It would be too easy to reveal a weakness they could use against him.

“You’re not going to tell me who the father is?” Dr. Chi asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, not you.” Rey said defiantly, leaning back on her hands

“Look, could you at least tell me about him?” The doctor countered, moving off the wall and walking closer to where Rey was sitting, “I want a general idea of what I’m dealing with, health wise. I know he was or is Resistance, because Leia gave me redacted files from when he was born, so I can do digging and waste my time and learn more than you want me to or you can answer my questions and we can move past this.” Her dark eyes looked into Rey’s. She wasn’t bluffing.

Rey ground her teeth together, fighting the urge to kick her, “Fine.”

Vox looked down at her holopad, “How old is the father?”

“Early 30s”

“Height?”

“6’2”, I think.” Rey said, “We never actually sat down and discussed our medical history.”

“So you don’t know him well.” Dr. Chi said, raising her eyebrows.

Rey felt a hot spike of frustration cut through her and curled her hands into fists. Of course the doctor would assume this was a fling, “I never said that. We were busy fighting the Resistance and didn’t spend our free time taking our measurements.”

The doctor sighed, “I didn’t mean to insinuate anything, Rey. I’m sorry. I know the First Order has basic physical standards all Stormtroopers have to make, but I doubt you’d have a relationship with one of their footsoldiers. Is the father from higher command?”

“Yes, but he was active,” Rey said, the corner of her mouth rising in a smile she couldn’t completely stifle, “Part of our free time together was spent training sparring.”

“Did he have any chronic illnesses or genetic conditions that you know of? Something that wouldn’t be in his file from birth?” The doctor asked.

Rey shook her head. No, Kylo was healthy, even with the scars on his face and body, “I don’t have anything either. Or, not anything that I’ve been told about.”

“I think that’s all I need,” Dr. Chi said finally, putting her holopad away, “I’ll get more about your history when I do an in-depth exam later on this week.” She turned and paused at the doorway, biting her lip, “I do have one more question. It’s a bit personal, but it’ll help me gauge your mental state.”

“What is it?” Rey asked, staring into the doctor’s dark eyes.

“Do you love him?”

“I do.” Rey said, nodding and pressing her lips together. Emotion flooded through her, clouding her judgement and reminding her how much she missed Kylo. She turned away from the doctor, partly afraid she’d start crying and partly afraid she’d start talking about him and say too much. She heard the doctor exit the room and she sighed, hoping finally for some peace.

Rey was able to sit in still silence for about three full seconds before she sensed someone walking down the hallway : Skywalker was coming to see her.

“What do you want?!” Rey groaned, flopping back on her bed.

“I wanted to forewarn you. I am going to work with you while you’re on this ship.” Luke said, standing in her doorway, arms crossed over his chest.

“Why would I agree to that?” Rey asked.

“Because you’re going to get more frustrated as time goes on. You’re going to get more emotional, tired, and stressed as time goes on. You need a way to keep the darkness at bay, Rey. I know you’ve felt it at the edge of your mind.”

“I’ve got it under control.” Rey growled.

Skywalker stepped into her room and waved his hand, closing the door behind him, “I know you didn’t mean to break that clasp earlier. You need help.”

Rey looked up at him for a long moment. He looked even more old and tired than he had three years earlier. His face was lined and his blue eyes were sad. She could feel the guilt and worry he felt about her. Serves you right, She thought, I could have been your apprentice, but you were so focused on controlling me that you couldn’t accept my power.

“Why do you care?” Rey said, trying to deflect. Luke Skywalker may be flawed, but he actually had control over the Force. The problem was, she didn’t want to owe him anything.

“If you don’t want your child consumed by the dark side. You have to let go of it.” Luke said.

“Why would I let go?” Rey snapped. She needed this power, even if she couldn’t always keep a perfect handle on it.

“Because you still can. You are not consumed enough that you’re forever enslaved by it.”  Skywalker said, walking over to her. He kneeled down in front of her, “Rey, you went to the dark side for power and safety, but the dark side doesn’t provide you with the safety or stability you want. I want to help you find that, for your sake and your child’s.”

Rey said nothing for a long time, but her voice finally broke through: “How can I let go of this power now? How can I afford to weaken myself?

“You have to. This isn’t about strength, it’s about protecting your son or daughter from the dangers of the dark side, whether those dangers come from Snoke, Kylo Ren, or you.”  

Rey closed her eyes, leaning away from him, “I’ll think about it.”

“There is no thinking about it, Rey.” Skywalker said slowly, shaking his head, “I will be working with you. You don’t have to maintain this after your child is born. I’ll leave you be. You can go your own way, but until then, I want you learning to control the Force my way.”

Rey rolled her eyes, “You just want a second chance to make me your Padawan because, between me and Kylo, you’ve got a great track record.”

“You call Ben by his first name?” Skywalker said, standing up.

“He’s the father of my child.” Rey muttered, “Yes I call him by his first name.”

“I didn’t realize you had a relationship with him.” Skywalker said, “There were rumors, but I never believed them.”

“Well, the rumors were true.” Rey said, “Guess you were wrong.”

“Apparently I was.” The old Jedi said, walking to the door, “Goodnight, Rey.”

Rey sat still for a moment, just in case Poe or Finn decided to bother her, too. When she sensed all of her travel companions settled in the galley, she crawled back into the bed where she’d been bound not 8 standard hours before. Rey paused, reaching out to touch the rut she’d made in the post.

Rey lay back on her bed. They’d given her a real bed, which was nice. Rey sighed, biting her lip and closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her own waist. She felt exhausted in a bone-deep kind of way that made all of her insides tender.

Rey tugged the pins from her hair, sighing as the pressure on her hair eased for the first time in days. She took a slow, deep breath and curled up closer, staring at her closed fist on the bed. She missed Kylo. He would reach out through the Force eventually and realize something was wrong. He was too close to her for her to fake her death, but if he thought she was imprisoned, then she could delay the day he would discover her betrayal. She could delay his eventual hatred of her.

Rey took a deep breath, reaching out through the Force. Across the vast distances, she felt Kylo’s worry and ever-building anxiety. She knew he was probably doing the same thing to her: checking for obvious distress or injury. She made no effort to hide her own emotions- frustration, exhaustion, fear, and the way she missed him. Fury, fear, and excitement flashed through him in equal measure, before cold terror replaced it. He thought she’d been captured. Rey felt the panicked edge to Kylo’s thoughts, but did nothing to ease his worry. She withheld the urge to kick her bedpost in frustration. Pain washed over Kylo and tears rolled down Rey’s face. ‘