Don't Trust Your Gut: Using Data to Get What You Really Want in Life (Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, 2022)
“Among more than 11,000 long-term couples, machine learning models found that the traits listed below, in a mate, were among the least predictive of happiness with that mate.
Let’s call these traits the Irrelevant Eight, as partners appear about as likely to end up happy in their relationship when they pair off with people with any combo of these traits:
Race/ethnicity
Religious affiliation
Height
Occupation
Physical attractiveness
Previous marital status
Sexual tastes
Similarity to oneself
Recall that I had previously discussed the qualities that make people most desirable as romantic partners, according to Big Data from online dating sites.
It turns out that that list —the qualities that are most valued in the dating market, according to Big Data from online dating sites—almost perfectly overlaps with the list of traits in a partner that don’t correlate with long-term relationship happiness, according to the large dataset Joel and her coauthors analyzed. (…)
If I had to sum up, in one sentence, the most important finding in the field of relationship science, thanks to these Big Data studies, it would be something like as follows (call it the First Law of Love):
In the dating market, people compete ferociously for mates with qualities that do not increase one’s chances of romantic happiness.”















