WHY HAVE A TAEMIN X WENDY COLLAB WHEN WE CAN HAVE ANOTHER TAEMIN X SEULGI COLLAB SO THAT THEY CAN GIVE US ANOTHER GOD TIER BANGER LIKE HEART STOP OR ANOTHER ICONIC STAGE LIKE DRIP DROP WJSBFJFK
Pairing: Jinyoung X Jaebeom ft Seulgi of Red Velvet
Genre: Fluff, Angst
Word Count: 2,217
Summary: Jaebeom is gone and Jinyoung is broken. But there's one last thing that the elder left for his best friend.
Warning(s): sad Jinyoung, mental breakdown, eulogy
[a/n]: I know this part is pretty late but it’s been sitting ready for a long time and has been up on my ao3 for a while but I hate posting stuff here cause it never shows up in tags :/
Jinyoung’s memories of his last few days were hazy at best. He only felt the reality of the situation sink in as he was on an airplane, flying home. He didn’t remember leaving the hospital, the only thing that was on his mind was the news report. Even though he didn’t understand a word of it, the picture of Jaebeom, face down on the road plagued him.
Jaebeom was gone. Jinyoung wished he could wake up from the horrible nightmare he was living through but regardless of how many times he pinched himself, Jaebeom was still not in the room next to his. He tried to tell himself it was just Jaebeom ignoring him again, but the sound of the elder’s mother crying was enough to tell him that it was real.
Jaebeom was dead. The funeral was held three days after he passed away, in a small cemetery close to their house. Jinyoung thought of the day they had come to bury Jaebeom’s cat in that very same place. Jaebeom had been devastated through it, Jinyoung sat there by him, letting him cry on his shoulder for hours as the evening turned to night.
Jinyoung had to physically drag Jaebeom home because the elder refused to leave. He was 21 at the time, still high off the success of Icarus. Jaebeom had loved her a lot and letting her go was one of the hardest things he had to ever do. Or so Jinyoung thought, blissfully ignorant of the sword of Damocles hanging over his head.
Jaebeom’s mother had been able to get him a spot right next to his cat, where the two had often joked they would lay to rest together when they were to die. There was still a spot empty next to Jaebeom but Jinyoung tried not to think about it. He was supposed to give Jaebeom’s eulogy but all he could do was cry. Jinyoung was never one to cry but seeing Jaebeom like that, knowing that it would be the last time he would ever see him, it burst the dam inside Jinyoung.
As he was beating himself up for not being able to say one word about Jaebeom to the people crowding around him despite the fact that he was Jaebeom’s best friend, a pat on his back pulled him out of his head. He turned around to see Seulgi standing there, a sombre smile on her face.
“He promised me to never tell you. I was the one who blocked your number, I was the reason you weren't able to get to Jaebeom. I hope you don’t hold it against him, he just wanted you to be happy, Jinyoung'' Despite Seulgi’s attempts to calm him down, her words just multiplied the guilt in his heart. Of course Jaebeom would never ignore him just like that, how could he have been such a fool? How could he have hurt Jaebeom so bad? Coward, Jinyoung thought as he looked at Jaebeom’s father trying to console his mother. He didn’t even have the courage to say a word about Jaebeom, a man that meant so much to him.
Jinyoung took deep breaths as he felt himself sink into his mind, it had been happening a lot since Jaebeom left. Jinyoung found recluse in a part of his mind aloof from the real world, he spent hours there, not thinking, not feeling. He didn’t know what else to do. Thinking about the days he cried about his hyung not being in the other room felt like a lifetime ago, because he knew Jaebeom was never coming back.
The memories of Jaebeom rushed to his mind, from the day they had first met to their time in school together, random moments from high school, scenes from Icarus and it was just too much. Just as they were about to leave, Jinyoung cleared his throat, looked at the ground where Jaebeom was resting and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.
“I met Lim Jaebeom when I was five,” Everyone looked up in shock at Jinyoung but the younger continued, just thinking of the elder, “He was the most grumpy, lazy, good for nothing, kind, caring, and talented people I had ever met in my life. We had our ups and downs, sure; there was a time we both thought our friendship was done, sure; but not once did he ever not be the rock in my life, the only person that kept me going when things were hard. He never told me about his illness because he knew it would hurt me. That was the man Jaebeom hyung was. He was selfless to a fault, and he took my rage because of it. There are a million things I want to apologise to you for, hyung, and a hundred times as many things for which I want to thank you. I couldn’t possibly ever truly be able to express everything that you were to me, but I can say this much; thank you for always being there for me, even when I was horrible to you. Thank you for loving me when I hated myself. Thank you for coming into my life and showing me a world that I never knew existed. Thank you for being you. I’m sorry I was never good enough, but I will try to live on, just for you, because that’s what you would have wanted. I love you, hyung, and I always will. Look after me from up in the sky if you can.”
Jinyoung hugged Jaebeom’s mother tightly as he helped her into the car, waving her and Jaebeom’s father off as they drove away. Jinyoung didn’t want to go back home, it reminded him too much of Jaebeom but he didn’t have much of a choice. He wanted to return Jaebeom’s possessions to his parents so he had to pack everything as soon as he could.
But that didn’t end well, because less than five minutes in, Jinyoung was curled up on the floor with Jaebeom’s leather duffle bag clutched against his chest, tears streaming down his face. The item still smelled like him, Jinyoung thought, picturing Jaebeom with the bag slung over his shoulder as they boarded the plane to Hokkaido.
It was too difficult to even be in a five meter radius of the room, let alone going through Jaebeom’s things. Just being in the same space that the elder was in not days before made Jinyoung’s eyes well with tears. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t part with the things that showed that Jaebeom was a part of his life for so many years. Even though he would always be in Jinyoung’s heart, he had already seen what the room looks like when empty and he hated the mere thought of it.
It took a while for him to muster up enough courage to tell Jaebeom’s mom that he wouldn’t be able to return his things, but she immediately shut him down, telling him that she wanted him to have Jaebeom’s things. She knew how much they meant to Jinyoung and wanted him to keep them for as long as he wanted them.
Jinyoung took two weeks off work to put himself back together and spent the entirety of it in Jaebeom’s room. The place had become a sort of safe haven for Jinyoung, reminding him of Jaebeom enough for him to still imagine that the man was alive. He cleared up the mess in his room, folded and arranged all his clothes, dusted his shelves of records.
Just as Jinyoung was finishing up with Jaebeom’s closet, he noticed a box at the back of the shelf. Pulling it out, he realised it was the box for Jaebeom’s watch, and the tears were in his eyes before he could even process what he was doing. Placing the elder’s watch which Jaebeom’s mother had given to Jinyoung at the funeral in the box, he closed it shut and shoved into a corner, not wanting to look at it ever again. His own watch had mysteriously started counting the same second over and over again, the time same as that of Jaebeom’s death and burial; 1:31:23.
Looking through Jaebeom’s desk was probably the hardest task of all. The drawers were full of photos of the two of them at various points in their friendship, from the photo Jinyoung took of Jaebeom with his father’s camera when they were five to selfies they took with a disposable camera in Paris while Jinyoung was shooting a movie. Memories that Jinyoung knew he would never get to relive ever again. Jinyoung cried more than he probably had in his entire life in those two weeks.
Jaebeom’s computer was just as bad, full of more videos and photos of the two of them, including a couple of songs Jinyoung had never heard of. He thought they were by some indie artist Jaebeom listened to but after seeing the producing software and notebooks full of lyrics, he realised what they really were.
Listening to one was painful enough, Jaebeom’s deep voice reaching Jinyoung’s soul, talking about people he loved, about feelings he had, the hardships he faced. There were at least fifty songs that Jaebeom had written that Jinyoung had never known about, just one mildly familiar one which he realised was part of the score for Icarus. He had never questioned where the song came from, never realising it was part of Jaebeom’s craft.
After having gone through every bit of Jaebeom’s room, Jinyoung downloaded a copy of Jaebeom’s songs on his phone and grabbed just the watch box and Jaebeom’s duffle bag before stepping out of the room and locking the door behind him. He was still to go through said bag before he was just too scared to. It was the last thing that Jaebeom had on him before he left Jinyoung, the younger was just not willing to part with it.
He wanted Jaebeom’s parents to have something of his present, or at least recent past, other than the things they had for Jaebeom’s childhood. The watch and bag were his best bet at something symbolic enough that they didn’t resent him for keeping that part of Jaebeom away from them. The bag especially, Jinyoung remembered the smile on Jaebeom’s face when he’d received it from his dad.
Jaebeom had joined their school athletics team after Jinyoung had gotten selected for it, which Jinyoung realised was something he probably did for him knowing how bad running was for his condition. He unfortunately only had a tattered, old bag he carried to school for his shoes and uniform, while all the other members had owned fancy bags from big brands and they had often made fun of the boy for it. Even though he never told his father anything about the incidents, he received the bag for his birthday and it was one of Jaebeom’s favourite possessions ever since.
So the bag for his dad and the watch for his mom, Jinyoung thought, standing at the edge of the pathway at the edge of the road that led to their house. Before he got too far in though, curiosity took over Jinyoung and the strong urge to look inside the bag latched onto him.
Sitting down there, on the gravel on the pathway to Jaebeom’s parents’ house, Jinyoung zipped open the bag to find a few pairs of clothes, a small notebook and an mp3 player with a pair of headphones. Flipping over to the first page of the book, Jinyoung saw the familiar scribble of Jaebeom’s handwriting. But instead of it being a normal diary entry, it was a list of instructions, addressed directly to Jinyoung.
With shaking hands, Jinyoung followed what was said, and before he knew it, he was having a full mental breakdown, crying his eyes out and scratching at his own face as he read, and heard, what Jaebeom had to say to him. He couldn’t hate the elder he realised, he knew that well, but he did have hatred in his heart, towards himself. Knowing that he’s the reason Jaebeom lost so many precious moments of his life, he’s the reason the elder suffered, it was enough to make Jinyoung lose his mind entirely. He saw the watch box next to him and it tipped him over the edge, Jinyoung used his hands to dig up the mud around him and bury it in the ground, never wanting to look at it ever again.
The next thing Jinyoung knew, he was being shaken awake by a woman he’d never seen before. She kept calling him by his name but he didn’t know how she knew that. He looked around himself and he had no idea where he was. He just had a soft song playing in his ears, a deep voice singing about losing himself, and Jinyoung liked that voice. He wanted to listen to that song live someday. The woman kept trying to pull him out of his world but he didn’t know her. He realised he didn’t know where his own home was, who his parents were, he just knew his name and a ghost of a name that he couldn’t bring himself to say it.
Summary: Seungwan tries to fulfill everything in her bucketlist and Joohyun helps her with it.
Inspired by a favorite movie she watched when she was young, Seungwan made a little bucketlist. She listed down the things she wanted to do in the future and vowed to accomplish them one by one. She did this thinking that if she fulfilled her goals, she'll have everything she wants and finally feel a sense of true happiness.
Number 15 was to acquire a guitar and she did just that, albeit doing odd jobs in the summer and running small errands for her parents.
Ticking off number 13 from the list, she snuck out late on a Wednesday night just to attend a party. She didn't know why it made the list. Maybe her state of thinking was influenced by her teenage rebellious phase. No matter, she regretted it the day after. Hangover was a bitch and she got grounded for a month but hey, at least she accomplished another goal.
Crossing out number 9: Graduate with flying colors felt so satisfying. She could still remember the day she stepped on the podium to deliver her speech as the class Valedictorian. The sight of the adoring crowd and the proud smiles of her friends and family was something she'll never forget.
When Seungwan found a stable job and saved enough money, she went backpacking across Europe just so she could check off number 7 from the list. She saw different scenic spots, learned interesting cultures from various countries and tasted lots of delicacies. She was glad she got the chance to explore the world at such a young age.
Meet the love of your life was at number 6 and Seungwan honestly thought it would take a long time before she ticks off that number from the list. Boy was she wrong. On that fateful night, during the party Seulgi threw to celebrate her landing a job on a law firm, the blonde met the one person that would forever make her complete. Love came in the form of Bae Joohyun and they complemented each other easily like puzzle pieces finally coming together.
Seungwan wondered why she travelled all over the world searching for something when Joohyun was the only destination she ever needed.
It took 5 years for Seungwan to cross off number 5: Get married. Joohyun finally said yes and they spent quality time in a small cabin by the countryside for their honeymoon. The blonde honestly wanted to do something grand like going on a cruise or dining in a fancy restaurant but Joohyun preferred the simple things in life. Seungwan couldn't complain. How could she when Joohyun feasted on her like a ravenous beast during the wedding night.
Accomplishing Number 4 was easy. Make Joohyun happy was something Seungwan loved doing. She would gladly spend a lifetime just to make Joohyun smile. It was in this moment that she finally felt true happiness. So she stopped making the bucketlist.
For she already had everything she had ever wanted.
Number 3 was the only one she'd been dreading to do. She woke up sweating one night when a crushing sensation lodged onto her chest. She couldn't breathe. It's like her heart was being squeezed like a sponge. Joohyun was away from a business trip and won't be coming home for 3 days so no one was around when Seungwan hurried to the bathroom and heaved until the every content of her dinner was expelled from her stomach.
No one was around when she started coughing out scarlet liquid from her mouth until she was choking from the metallic taste of her own blood.
No one was around when Seungwan saw white spots from her vision and promptly fell to the floor as she lost consciousness.
The next day, she went to the doctor and discovered that she had an underlying heart disease. One that's congenital and will only give her about 3 months to live if she didn't have surgery. Seungwan calmly processed the information within and managed to hold herself together until she got home and broke down crying.
3 months.
She only had 3 months to live.
That night, she went to bed with tears cascading down her cheeks while she gently caressed the photo of her and Joohyun on their wedding day with trembling fingers.
Number 3 was something she didn't like to do but she had to tell her everything. When her wife finally came home from the business trip, Seungwan broke the news and watched as the light slowly die in Joohyun's eyes.
"But you're going to be fine right? You're going to get that surgery?" Joohyun barely concealed the tremor in her voice.
"Yes." Seungwan didn't like causing her wife so much devastation so she agreed. "Yes I will."
And Joohyun made love to her to make up for lost time, leaving trails of fire with her kisses and marking her skin with featherlight touches. It was only three days since they were apart but it felt like forever. As they lay on the bed, satisfied and spent, Joohyun stared deeply into her eyes and made her a promise.
"Don't leave me alone."
Seungwan never had the heart to turn down her wife so she vowed to make that as her priority. Stay with Joohyun forever became bucketlist number 1.
"I will."
She sealed her promise with a kiss.
No amount of surgeries ever saved Seungwan and she slowly deteriorated day by day. There were nights that she would wake up gasping for air and days where she would almost pass out from the crushing sensation on her chest. Joohyun stayed by her side the whole time and held her hair while rubbing her back soothingly as she coughed out pools of blood that tainted the floors with menacing red.
Her condition had gotten worse and it came to the point where she had to be admitted to the hospital. Machines and fluids were the only things keeping her alive now and despite her body slowly succumbing to the illness, she still managed to put a strong front in front of Joohyun. She knew that her wife was breaking. Her eyes looked haunted each time she cradled Seungwan's limp body, always careful not to break her with her touch, treating her as if she was a fragile glass.
"I'm dying Hyun."
Seungwan said one night, when she was nestled within the comfort of her wife's embrace. She felt Joohyun stiffen beside her and heard the unmistakable tremble in her voice when she responded. "No you're not."
Seungwan merely rolled her eyes. Joohyun could be quite stubborn sometimes. "Yes I am. I think it's time both of us accepted that." Even speaking the last line caused so much effort on her part. She heaved a breath and fought down a cough threatening to surface.
"No you're not!" Joohyun replied harshly as her hold around Seungwan tightened, like she was afraid her wife might disappear at any second.
"I'm tired Hyun." Seungwan's admission of defeat came out like a broken whisper. "I don't want to spend the rest of my days cooped up in this hospital."
"This hospital is keeping you alive." Joohyun trailed her fingers along those blonde locks and breathed in the sweet scent of jasmine that her wife always embodied.
"I want to rest." Seungwan sighed and snuggled closer into Joohyun's embrace.
There was a beat.
A moment of truth.
The sound of acceptance.
A silent defeat.
"Watch the sunrise with me."
***
"Bucketlist number 2 better be worth it."
Joohyun grumbled under her breath as she carefully laid Seungwan on a bench overseeing the sea. Somehow, she successfully managed to sneak out her wife from the hospital and took her to the small cabin by the countryside where they spent their honeymoon. It was a four hour drive and Joohyun was glad they still had time before the sun completely rose.
Draping a warm blanket over their bodies, Joohyun wrapped an arm around her wife and held her close. Seungwan had been sleeping during the entire trip and only stirred awake when they arrived. She glanced over the surroundings and a small smile graced on her lips when she realized where they were. "You're such a hopeless romantic Hyun for taking me here just like in our honeymoon."
She heaved a cough and droplets of blood stained her pale lips. Joohyun took her time wiping away the scarlet stains. Nevermind the tears that threatened to spill nor the trembling fingers that couldn't keep the fear at bay. "You wanted to watch the sunrise to I brought you here." She fought the sob that almost escaped her mouth.
Death was nearing.
It's time she finally accepted that.
"Thank you." Was all Seungwan could manage before she closed her eyes and leaned into the safety of Joohyun's embrace.
Birds started singing a little lullaby that enveloped the couple in a haunting tune. A soft breeze passed by which made Seungwan shiver. Joohyun held her close and gently nudged her awake. "The sun is almost out Wan."
And when the blonde opened her eyes, she saw the sun peeking out of the horizon, painting it with shades of orange and immersing the world under the lilac sky. She had never seen something so beautiful. A serene expression graced her immaculate features as she closed her eyes and basked in the warm rays. Even in sickness, Seungwan still looked breathtaking.
"Hyun?" Her voice came out as a whisper.
Joohyun laced their fingers together and intertwined their hands in an everlasting hold. "Yes my love?"
Seungwan took a deep breath and smiled for one last time.
Summary: Lucas Wong is your best friend. He’s also the dumbest motherfucker you’ve ever laid eyes on, a realization you come to after one faithful drag race.
Warnings: dangerous driving (wear seat belts and obey the speed limit, kids) , drinking, cussing
Word Count: 2k
Genre: fluff, angst if you squint?
A/N: I’m curious, who are all y’all biases in NCT? Do you have a bias? Is it even possible with 21 crackheads? This is also unedited, so have no expectations.
If you drove east for 15 minutes from where you lived, there was an abandoned lot on the edge of town, surrounded by a wire fence. Something big used to stand there, but it was torn down over 20 years ago. Over that time, it became many things. A place for kids to make out, do drugs, throw up graffiti, even the focus of an ill-funded effort to clean the city up. But most recently, someone from your school had realized that this was the perfect place to race cars.
And so the tradition of Friday Night Racing started, high school and college kids bringing their cars down to gamble with money and their lives. Their was a certain level of secrecy about the whole thing, as everyone knew a snitch could land everyone in jail. Kun, the most reluctant and most trustworthy, set the dates and handled the lineups and money.
It was definitely not your style. The place always smelled like stale beer and cigarette butts and almost every other week some kid would get hurt, but every week you still waited by your window, phone charged in your pocket and backpack ready with a first aid kit for Lucas to pull up in his Mustang.
Lucas, Yukhei to his friends and Xuxi to you and you only, was your best friend since the eighth grade. You had both landed in detention and you had managed to get both you and him out with an excuse about needing to visit the nurse that the poor substitute teacher watching over you both bought. You got slushees on the way home, him paying as a thank you, and ever since then you’ve been friends.
Lucas races. When he entered 9th grade he fixed up his dads old Mustang and entered his first race. You called him an idiot, but you still fixed him up when he came back slightly banged up with the money he one clutched in his fist. He was good. You knew he never lost a race on purpose. Sometimes he fudges up on purpose to fuck with the other racers, but he’s still always the first person crossing that finish line.
He knows you hate the races but that doesn’t stop his dumb smile as he pulls up in your driveway. “Can’t forget my lucky charm,” He tells you every time, with a wink that makes you smack him on the back of the head. As if dragging you along isn’t enough, before every race starts he taps his cheek and turns his head for the mandatory good luck kiss that you’ve never failed to give him.
Maybe it’s because you’re in love with him. Have been ever since he dethroned Jackson Wang from the spot of best racer in a one on one race. You remember how his car had barely come to a stop before he jumped out, and you could barely yell at him about safety before he had picked you up and spun you around in a big hug, placing a big kiss on your forehead. Fuck, you had thought at the way your heart was beating. Fucking hell.
And so here you were, mid July waiting in your bedroom window for Lucas. Like always, he was bordering on being late. Your backpack was thrown over one shoulder, wearing a Nirvana t-shirt and ripped jeans. It was too hot for much else. Finally, you perked up at the sound of a car engine as Lucas slowly pulls his red mustang into your driveway, so as not to wake your parents. “Come on, Rapunzel,” he grins as he climbs out.
“You’re late,” you call down as you toss him your bag, climbing down the downspout and jumping onto the ground. “Again.” He rolls his eyes as he tosses your bag in the bag, jumping over the driver side door as you do the same on the other side.
“Oh, your highness I’m so sorry to have inconvenienced you, what a pity to be late to something you didn’t even want to go to-” With a laugh, you punch him in the side and he pulls out of your driveway. The Mustang purrs smoothly, Lucas steering with one of his hands wrapped around the wheel. The other one rests on the dash, long fingers tapping out the beat to a song you don’t recognize. The ride should take 15 minutes but when has he ever followed the speed limit. It’s just a suggestion, you remember him saying to you with a dumb smirk.
The races are pretty much already in full swing, some of the newer racers already shooting off. Someone’s playing music out of their car and there’s definitely alcohol. “No drinking!” You slap Lucas’s arm as he reaches for the bottle of vodka. “Go win, dumbass, and then I’ll let you get shitfaced.”
“Nice to see your confidence in me, shortcake.” He bends over as he speaks to you and boops your nose. You’re two seconds from jumping him when someone taps his shoulder.
“Lucas,” Jackson Wang smirks, ignoring the girl basically throwing herself at him. “Just the man I wanted to see.”
“Wang,” Lucas stands to his full height and you roll your eyes. “Came to see me win again?”
“Actually I have a proposition for you.” Putting two fingers in his mouth he whistles and the music stops. People turn their eyes to the three of you. “One on one, you and me. 2 laps around the lot. What do you say?”
“Didn’t you get enough fun of me beating you last time? What fun do I get out of proving what everyone here already knows?”
Jackson chuckles, and it almost sounds dangerous. “How did I know you were gonna want to bet? Okay, how about this. Loser leaves the races. Forever.”
“Throw in the winner’s car.” Lucas interrupts, looking over at Jackson’s sleek black Corvette.
“Deal. And the winner...” Jackson looks around and you almost recoil when his eyes land on you. “Gets a kiss with L/N.” Lucas’s smile drops and your eyes widen. Jackson smirks at Lucas’s reaction, giving him a smug shrug of his shoulders. “Seems fair to me.”
“What the fuck-” Lucas shakes Jackson’s hand, dead seriousness written on his face as his knuckles turn white. They both head to their cars. “Xuxi!”
“Relax, Y/N/N, I’m gonna win, so you don’t have to worry about kissing Wang.”
“This is stupid. And ridiculous, you already beat him once, you know Jackson plays dirty-”
“You do realize all this is going in one ear and out the other. I’ll be back in two laps, and then I’ll have a new black Corvette. Might even let you drive it.” He winks with a dumb grin as he tilts his cheek. You kiss him before he can even ask. Then you give him another. “Two? Wow, I must be special.”
“No, you just need double the luck. Go. Don’t die, or I’ll kill you.”
Seulgi, as usual does the honors as she walks up to the starting line, red handkerchief in hand. “Racers ready?” Her response is the simultaneous revving of two engines as Lucas and Jackson reach the starting line. She raises the make shift flag, and with a wave, is left in a cloud of dust and smoke as both cars take off.
For most of the first lap, they are neck in neck. Jackson’s obviously fixed up his car since the last time they raced. But as they reach the first turn, Lucas hits the gas and pulls ahead, drifting around the roundabout and shooting off. Jackson has to swerve to avoid being hit and regains himself before following. You can basically hear the smug smirk on Lucas’s face.
He stays ahead for most of the first lap but as they reach the second, Jackson pulls next to him and bumps his car, making him go off the road slightly. As he pulls back in, Jackson shoots off, Lucas racing to catch up with him. Your heart’s beating in your ears, nerves builgingup with the prospect of Lucas being banned from the races. And of course, kissing Jackson Wang.
100 feet. 80 feet. 60 feet. They’re 40 feet from the finish line when Lucas pulls ahead and turns his car completely sideways in front of Jackson’s, drifting across the finish line. He straightens himself out and stops the car before jumping out. Hey, at least he stopped this time. “What did I tell you, shortcake?” He preens, bending over to be your height as he pokes your forehead. “You’re not kissing Wang and I get a new car, it’s a win win.”
“Yeah, shut up idiot. Come on, let’s grab slushies.” You try to ignore the dull thump of dissapointment in your chest. The bet was that the winner would kiss you. But he’s chosen to forget that apparently.
Jackson climbs out of his car, tongue pressed against the inside of his mouth as he rolls his eyes at Lucas. “Sorry L/N maybe another time.” Lucas lunges at him, but stops as a voice breaks through the air.
“COPS!” The whole place goes silent as someone yells, and there’s the faint noise of sirens down the street. Everything goes to hell the next second as screams break out and racers run for their cars, people who came on foot jump into other’s cars or start climbing the fence.
“Come on, haul ass!” Lucas yells, grabbing your hand and pushing you into his car. “Seatbelts-” he cuts himself off by putting the car in drive and hitting the gas, pulling out of the lot just as the first cop car turns the corner.
***
Lucas pulls into a stop right in front of your house, eyes wide as his hands relax around the wheel. “Jesus fucking christ, my heart’s beating so hard.” Without hesitation, he grabs your hand and places it over his chest, leaving you to ignore the less than platonic thoughts in your head. “Jesus, do you think they’ll shut the races down?”
“No,” you speak with certainty as you move your hand. “All the racers got away, I’m positive the only people they got were the kids who got shit faced. The most they can do is fine them for underage drinking.”
A comfortable silence fills the car as you both catch your breath, but of course it doesn’t last as Lucas takes your hand in his. “Good thing you kissed me twice, huh? Or we probably wouldn’t be lucky enough to get out of there.”
Know what, fuck just being friends. Fuck Lucas Wong when he says shit like that that makes you question if he really just likes you as a friend. You’ll never know what you both could be if you don’t try. “I love you, Xuxi.” You’re not looking him in the eyes. You expect him to drop your hand and stutter out some excuse or an apology, but what you don’t expect is that he lets out a laugh.
“Aww, Y/N I love you too,” He puts his head on your shoulder. “Where would I be without my best friend, huh? Now go get some sleep, it’s almost morning.” It feels like a weird dream as you stumble out of his car and climb the downspout, giving him a fake smile before he pulls out with a wave.
Today’s been exhausting. Flopping down on your bed, you turn to see the photo on your table. Both you and Lucas on the top of the ferris wheel at the carnival last year. Your tongues are blue from slushies and you’ve got a big plushie he won at the bottle toss. His arm is around you and you’re both grinning like idiots. “Why are you such an idiot, Xuxi?” You whisper, rolling over and burying your face in a pillow.
If anything good came out of today, it was one piece of knowledge.
1. Lucas Wong is oblivious.
A/N: Should I make a second part? I feel like this could be a oneshot but idk if people want a second part to this. Requests are open.
Chapters 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 (Finale)
Words: 6.5k
Genre: Angst, Grim Reaper!Au, Ghost!Au
Summary: If someone could see what you could, they’d pass out. But you don't blame them. Who would ever expect for a ghost, a priestess and a grim reaper to be together - much less be rescuing others.
Warnings: Death and topic of illness.
If someone could see what you could, they’d pass out. Maybe they’d try to claw out their eyes, scream to the high heavens or simply….perhaps they’ll think they’re high on some sort of drug. That it’s all one big delusion, hallucination or a dream. You wish it were that way.
Who would ever expect for a ghost, a priestess and a grim reaper to be sitting smack dab in the center of a high school play, surrounded by young children and parents? It’s an unconventional trio, if you do say so yourself.
“What did you think?” A bumbling student comes dashing your way as the crowd filters out. His grin is bright, dazzling even and it makes him look his age. As you predicted with your intuition, Taehyung is indeed a louder boy, drawing in people naturally with his demeanor. And now that he isn’t so quiet anymore, you can truly see the extent of his radiant personality.
“It was good.” You bring up your hand, ruffling the blonde strands of his hair. You’re not used to complimenting or praising others, being affectionate but it’s not as awkward as you thought it would be. “Really good.”
Taehyung’s smile widens even more and then he leans in, “Have I melted your cold heart?”
Your hand falls from his head and you lift an eyebrow. Taehyung laughs and asks what the other two thought about it. “I thought I was going to get a heart attack!” Hoseok says dramatically and you almost begin laughing. The ghost rambles on while Namjoon shrugs.
Taehyung hasn’t fully recovered and he never will. Jimin’s death is not a wound that can heal with time or medication. The impact and mark it’s made on Taehyung has shifted his entire life but he’s slowly learning how to confront the pain by focusing on the memories. No longer fixated on ‘what could have been done’ but the things they have done together since they were mere kids who knew less than babbling.
The guilt - the self-deprecation - the resentments of being left behind - the endless questions that can never be answered - the worry that Jimin hates him, they have all but dissipated. Taehyung will never forget Jimin, his greatest friend. Now until forever. And he will never forget about what it means to live, to die.
The blue rubber bracelet around Taehyung’s wrist serves a reminder on the boy with the crescent eye smile, the bubbly giggles and the compassion of an angel who is still with him no matter where Taehyung goes in his life.
“Taehyung!” Seulgi pokes her head out from the red curtain. “Get your butt back in here! You need to help clean up!”
“Alright.” He draws out in exasperation before she disappears. The boy looks back at you with a smile, blinking twice to soak in all your features. Then, suddenly, he pulls you in for a hug. You let out an ‘oof’ from being crushed but Taehyung soothes your back, nuzzling into you.
“Thank you.”
Taehyung lets go a second later and runs off, turning his head just a bit to shoot a wink and a ‘see you later’. You wave him off and Hoseok wonders what it would be like if he, too, could embrace you. If every time he reached out, his skin didn’t pass through yours. He wonders what it would be like if he could feel again, touch, truly breathe. He pounds his head for memories on what that was like but he comes out with nothing.
“Where are you going?” You catch him straying off by himself and Hoseok softly smiles, ignoring the impulse of pulling you in his arms, an impulse that he cannot fulfill.
“I’m going to clear my mind for a bit.”
He tries to remember, he bulldozes his brain, traces back to anything...anything at all. But he can’t. Hoseok leaves the school grounds in tears, running for his life. A way to release his fear and to get away before you can see him break down. The one thing that he’s most afraid of...is being taken. From his memories. From you.
He can’t focus on anything else but trying to recall the past.
“What is the afterlife like?” You ask Namjoon whilst staring up at the sky, wondering if Jimin is watching.
He chuckles, a smirk on his lips as he matches his pace with you. The black hood has fallen to reveal his face but the ends of the cloak drape the ground as he strolls. “It’s whatever you want it to be.”
“That’s a vague answer.”
“To be frank. I don’t know.” The Grim Reaper focuses ahead down the path. “Whether souls live again….if they wander aimlessly in another dimension or if it’s a second Earth. Heaven. Hell.”
Namjoon sighs, “I’m just a messenger, a deliverer. A bridge to send souls from one place to another. All I know is that people must face the choices they have made over their lifetime and the consequences of those choices.”
For the time frame that you’ve known Namjoon in, you’ve noticed. With your curse of empathy, you felt it inside your very core - absolutely nothing. You’ve felt nothing. His emotions are never strong ones. You’re not even sure if Namjoon has emotions. He’s always solemn, apathetic, neutral. Perhaps that’s what the best Reaper should feel...nothing.
Namjoon is a vessel to be used - to send the dead to the other side. Just as you’re a messenger for the dead. The two of you aren’t so different.
“Do you ever wish to be human?”
“Do you ever wish to be a bird or a rabbit?” He replies with questions of his own, his smirk glued to his lips as he contemplates aloud. “My mind wanders occasionally but in all honesty, no. I don’t wish to be something I’m not.”
You let his answer sink in, how his indifference even belongs with his philosophies. In the silence that follows, Namjoon is the one who nabs at the opportunity to ask you something he’s been mildly curious about. “Why do you keep lying to yourself?”
You don’t respond.
“You hate your ability, yet, you still help others by using it. You’re self-sacrificial but not from your own will. You’re far from being a saint but you can’t hide your sympathy underneath your cold and serious exterior. Why?”
“Why do you hate helping people so much? Is it not what a priestess like you should do?”
You shake your head, the chickadee birds chirping waking you up from your trance. “I don’t hate it. I do it because it feels like a moral obligation, a responsibility.” You meet his hardened eyes that hold no colour. “It’s exactly as you say. Because it’s what a priestess like me should do.”
Namjoon muses to himself out loud, “it sounds like a burden.”
“It is.”
Life likes to play jokes. You’ve learnt that the universe becomes bored every now and then. When that happens, the subject of its toys are humans. When you say one thing, life may give you the complete other. When you deny something, refuse it, it always comes back to slap you across the face, appearing in abundance. All for life’s own amusement.
You once knew a boy who hated to eat spinach. It was the irony of things when he ended up working at a spinach farm part time and he often brought spinach home to eat when he couldn’t afford much else. His fridge became stocked with spinach despite his hatred for it.
In the same way, by constantly reminding yourself how much you hate becoming involved, how much you despise and condemn your curse, it comes back more and more to haunt you.
“Don’t you think you could cut me some slack?” Hoseok hums out, skipping ahead before twirling around with a smile. “You don’t have to take me….right, Namjoon?”
“That’s not my choice to make. It’s the list...” Namjoon sighs out and frowns in distaste, “And since when have we become comfortable enough for you to call me by my name? Do you not know the power of a Grim Reaper’s name?”
“I’ve been spending so much time with you two…” The ghost’s eyes land on you and his smile melts into a sheepish and soft one. “Are we not family now?”
You keep your gaze pinned on Hoseok and you answer without missing a heartbeat, “we are.”
“Are you sure you want a Reaper as a family member?” Namjoon throws his head back and chuckles. He tugs his sleeves to reveal his fingers and he wiggles them, surprisingly being playful to the ghost. “That means I can take you in the middle of the night and drag you to the depths of hell, right? Because we’re family and you’ll be understanding.”
“No!” Hoseok yelps and then pouts, looking over to you for help. “Tell him not to do that, Y/N!”
You don’t reply. Your feet have stopped, eyes pinned elsewhere. The errands that your grandmother sent you on fleet away from your mind, slip from your grasps. The pair of them exchange looks before following where your irises have lead you-
A boy. Who’s walking uphill across the empty street, tugging on his bag that’s slung across his body. He keeps his eyes downcast, an emotion of utter despair takes hold of your breath. If the colour blue could be embodied into skin, that would be him. Bleak. Misery. Without hope.
The wind chimes ring.
A middle-aged woman is following behind the boy, the few wrinkles of her face showing the decades she’s held. She waddles after him, faltering but determined steps. Worry mars her face and the woman doesn’t even notice you, far too concentrated in her task.
“Y/N?” Hoseok momentarily forgets that he cannot touch you when he reaches out to catch your hand. His skin passes through yours and he gnaws on his bottom lip. “Y/N?”
You’re not sure what compels you. For the hatred of your abilities to the bitterness of implicating yourself in matters that do not affect you. Namjoon is curious - Hoseok is bewildered - you take a step forward across the road, following the woman in silence.
“Y/N? What are you doing?”
“There’s just...something about this ghost.” You whisper to him, not able to shake off the feeling that’s overwhelming you. “I can’t put my finger on what it is.”
Namjoon summons a black book into his hand, scrolling through the crisp pages while stealing glimpses of the woman. “Jeon Junghwa. Born May 18, 1969. Death by illness and disease.” He hums and the object disappears into thin air. “She’s been wandering for three weeks.”
The three of you follow the ghost who’s trailing behind the boy. Neither of them turn around, too occupied in their own thoughts. “A hospital?” Hoseok frowns and tilts his head as he watches them enter.
Namjoon smirks, “My favourite place.”
The boy twists and turns in the ivory hallways, already knowing his destination by muscle memory. He enters a vacant room where a nurse is waiting for him and he is handed a box of forgotten things. He bows his head and takes it within his thin fingers as she scurries away. A few moments later, a doctor enters and you catch the words, ‘payment’ and ‘sorry’, watching as the white coated man deeply bows his head. There’s only so much you can piece together, lingering outside without grant.
The doctor leaves the boy, letting him absorb in whatever information was given to him. And slowly, the ghost stumbles out with tears in her eyes. She doesn’t notice you or the other two, turning and walking away.
This is your chance.
The snapshot in time you’ve been waiting for. Where you, too, can walk in the other direction and pretend that this never happened. It’s an opportunity where you don’t have to involve yourself. There are no obligations, no pleas or begging, no one on their knees in front of you, desperate or angry. This isn’t your responsibility. You can finally escape.
Hoseok calls you gently to shatter your reverie, “Y/N.”
You meet his brown orbs, the ones that are full of fondness and curiosity. He doesn’t expect you to do anything and neither will he urge you to. Hoseok is too aware that it must be of your own will. He just wants to know what you’ll do, what you’ll say. If you’re truly the person he thinks you are.
The person who he cherishes with all his heart.
“Excuse me.” You pick up your pace when the woman doesn’t perceive your voice. “Excuse me-”
“Is there something wrong, dear?” She stops to look at you as if you hadn’t just spoken to her. You blink twice to make sure she’s a ghost; the transparency of her flesh, the sickly colour of her skin, the way her movements are fluid and her feet are almost hovering over the floor. It’s unmistakable.
She’s not surprised, not like every spirit entity that you’ve met thus far. “D-do you need my help?”
“Your help? I..I don’t need anything….at least not at the top of my head, dear. Thank you for asking me but- oh!” Her eyes twinkle when she smiles and her pupils flicker to the boy whom she was following earlier. “My son.”
“Your...son?”
The boy is dragging his feet. A messy mop of brown hair hidden behind the navy hood of his sweater. He has doe eyes that match his youthful face, resembling that of a rabbit with a button nose. Despite his lean figure, his hollow cheekbones and chapped lips tell you that he is left starving, that he’s forgotten to care for himself, that he’s lost.
“Jungkook.” She smiles tenderly as she calls his name, letting each syllable lay on her tongue. “He’s my son.” The woman says proudly, watching as he leaves the building. “And if you can help him - you’re helping me.”
Namjoon says nothing, letting an exaggerated sigh leave his parted lips. Hoseok gazes at you, finding it strange that you’re the one who is taking the step forward, willing to aid instead of being asked to. Every time Hoseok makes an assumption about you, can finally pinpoint the details of who you are - he’s wrong. And it makes him yearn to know more about you.
It almost hurts that time is ticking.
You knock once, Namjoon to your left and Hoseok to your right. The two figures tower you in height and if the boy could see what you could, he’d surely faint on the spot. But he doesn’t.
A few seconds, a ‘crash’ sounding from inside and a tired “coming” later, he opens the door. “Can I help you?” His voice is groggy and he speaks slowly with exhaustion.
“I’m a neighbor.” You shove yourself inside and it’s too fast for Jungkook to keep up with. “Just moved in, nice place. My name is Y/N.” Hoseok laughs at how intrusive you are and even Namjoon smiles. Jungkook’s mother comes out of a room and if you didn’t know what you did, it would look like she’s still alive, simply a mother full of concern that’s walking around her home.
When she sees you, she lights up.
“S-sorry for the mess. I’m Jungkook.” He scratches his head of hair, eyes swollen from sleep. Despite the amount of rest it seems like he’s gotten, he’s still tired. “Where exactly did you move?”
“Down the street.” You brush him off quickly, moving to pick up the clothes off the floor.
Mess is an understatement. It’s chaos and mayhem, the town dump paling in comparison. Clothes are thrown on the floor, chairs and the old couch. Dirty plates and utensils are joined with them, the trash not taken out and overflowing. The curtains are covering the windows, shades pulled down to plunge the wreckage in darkness.
“W-what are you doing?” Jungkook’s rounded eyes double as he watches you take out garbage bags from your bag, collecting trash in the middle of his shabby living room. He looks even more like a child, confused and lost as he blinks at you. “Why are you cleaning?!”
“I’m a maid.” You lie to him, “It’s bothering me too much. I hope you don’t mind.”
His hand curls around your wrist before you can pick up a paper bowl. “I-I can’t pay you.”
“You don’t need to. Just think of it as a kind gesture that I’m doing for meeting my new neighbors and for joining the neighborhood.”
He can’t protest when you begin to roll up your sleeves, pounding down to work. Namjoon sits on a stool, pointing to things for you to pick up. “Right there, Y/N. You missed a spot. You missed it again!”
Hoseok pushes him off and the intimidating Grim Reaper falls to the ground, curling his knee to his chest with a loud ‘ow’. “Don’t boss her around!”
“You stupid ghost! I’ll take you right now if I have to!”
He sticks out his tongue to mock Namjoon. “I’d like to see you try.”
“Are you okay?” Jungkook lowers himself to meet your eyes. “Why are you smiling?”
“Oh, nothing.” You brush him off, continuing to pick things up. Jungkook rushes over and helps you, taking his laundry into a basket properly and trying to do whatever he can, completely embarrassed that a stranger is cleaning his home. He’s utterly bewildered and baffled but has no strength to question you or make you leave. You seem much too determined for some strange reason.
“Thank you! Thank you!” Jungkook’s mother hurries past, instructing you in every moment. “The mop is in the closet over there. And oh! The laundry detergent is on that shelf, I’m not sure if he remembers. If you need the dustpan, dear, it’s in this bottom cabinet.”
She does everything within her power to assist you. So does Hoseok but he can’t pick anything up and it frustrates him to no end, reminding him that he’s no longer suppose to be here. He’s not suppose to be on this side of the living. “Can’t I possess objects?”
“You’re a ghost.” Namjoon hums out, “not a ghost or a spirit from some fancy movie.”
Between the banters of Hoseok and Namjoon, the worried scurrying of Jungkook’s mother, you find yourself stifling back some laughter. Jungkook becomes even more skeptical.
He wonders if his mother is watching such a bizarre event unfold.
After five hours, the house for the most part is in better shape. Right when Jungkook is anticipating your exit, you head to the kitchen to make lunch upon his mother’s request. Apparently he hasn’t been eating well and you’re adamant about making a meal despite Jungkook shrieking that you shouldn’t while you insist you should.
“How do you remember?”
Hoseok is sitting with the middle-aged woman who looks well beyond her years, the folds on her bony hands showing the struggle of her life. He’s been searching for so long, blaming himself for being incapable of withholding any memories of his life. Every spirit or ghost he’s met, the handful that he’s seen with you, have all retained some ties to their past. Why doesn’t he remember?
All Hoseok wants is to find answers. To know.
“How could I forget?” Junghwa croaks out as she observes her son with sad eyes. “When I woke up in that hospital, he was there. When I followed him, I began to remember again.” The woman turns to the other ghost, “was there anyone there when you woke up?”
He bites his lower lip, ignoring the sting of his chest and his eyes. “I was alone...I..am alone.”
She laughs, shaking her head and Hoseok follows her eyes to you and Namjoon hovering over the kitchen counters with Jungkook. “No, you aren’t.”
As you’re constructing a sandwich together haphazardly, you lift your face to meet Hoseok’s eyes. He thinks he’s caught a smile, your crinkled eyes, a slight pull on the corner of your lips. You look unrestrained, not burdened or hiding away from the dilemmas that go seeking for you. He’s caught you in a moment where the brick walls and barriers you’ve surrounded your heart with don’t exist. They’ve fallen on your own accord.
Hoseok thinks to himself that if he could still live, if he could have his life back in his hands, he would want to spend the rest of it with you.
“I’ll be back tomorrow.” You tell Jungkook at the doorway, entertained with how confused he looks. “We haven’t finished yet.”
“Tomorrow?”
You come and go as you choose, not plagued by a spirit or persuaded by one. “Tomorrow.”
Jungkook’s mother waves to you, immensely thankful for what you’ve done today. And for once as you make your path towards home, your mind doesn’t cripple the abilities you were born with.
The morning air is brisk, the coldness of the ground not yet melted away from the warmth of the sunlight that still peaks over the horizon. But Hoseok wouldn’t know what it would feel like for the sharp bite to nip at his skin, wouldn’t know the freshness of a large inhale to fill his lungs. He can only watch as you slightly shiver, tugging the sweater closer to your body, and he wishes that he could only somehow wrap his arm around you to provide some warmth.
Hoseok clenches his fist, looks the other way and blames himself for being so powerless.
“Why?” Hoseok manages a tiny smile, trying his best to paint over a calm facade. “Why are you helping her so willingly?” Namjoon listens carefully too, curious as to what you’ll answer.
“That woman.” You keep your eyes trained ahead. You’ve been asking yourself the same question and it only occurred to you when you bidded your grandmother goodbye. “She reminds me of my mother.”
“Your mother?”
“She passed away and had abilities like I did.” The curse that runs through your blood, tainting your future and your eyes. But she never saw it the way you did. She always called it a ‘gift’. Something you’ll never understand and unfortunately, never have the opportunity to ask why.
Your mother was a kind woman, so much so that it came at the cost and expense of herself; generous, charitable and selfless in the ways that you’re not. And she loved her child too much - she loved you more than you actually deserved. Your father was benevolent in the same way. But the memories you do have of the two of them are far and few between.
You wish you could remember. But at least they remember you.
“You’re here early.” Jungkook’s eyes are reddened like fire as if he didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. “C-come in.”
Namjoon enters while whistling, not bothering as he flops down on the couch. Hoseok greets Jungkook’s mother, asking if the night went well and if she needs anything at all. You take your time slipping off your shoes, lugging in your plastic bags. When Jungkook stares intently at them, you lift them for him to see. “Groceries. I’m making food.”
“Y-you are?!”
He stares at you in such wonderment that you can’t help but raise your hand and brush his messy hair. Jungkook’s eyes widen and he looks like a deer in headlights with his rounded orbs. You walk past him, right into the kitchen. And he’s left there, grounded into the floor, reminded of the way his own mother used to ruffle the strands of his brown locks.
“Are you going to stand there all day?” You hold up some leeks and the boy comes scrambling over.
“I’ll help! I’ll help.” He begins to wash down the vegetables and he grins. “So...is this our first date?”
“I don’t date young brats like you.” You tease him back as he pouts. “Only strong men who fight for their life.”
As he begins to chop the carrots, he leans over. “Should I join the army then?”
You stifle back a laugh. “You wouldn’t last a single day.”
“Hey! I’m a man, you know! I’m not a minor anymore.” The banter goes back and forth while Namjoon takes a nap that he doesn’t need, Jungkook’s mother is listening with a smile, watching as her son brightens up and Hoseok is content with you just being happy.
“What is this?” Hoseok asks as he looks at the spinach floating in the pot. “It looks disgusting.”
“Are you a child?” You scold him with a scoff. “You’re not even the one eating it. Move aside.”
He whines and you’re about to give in, scooping it out to appease him but then Jungkook returns from the pantry with a frown. “Who are you talking to?”
“No one.” You say quickly without a change in your blank expression. “Mostly to myself.”
Jungkook shoots you a strange look but doesn’t say much else. You don’t either, not when you’re listening to his mother. She hovers over your shoulder, instructing you like a nurturing teacher. Her recipes are ingrained into her mind and she tells the correct measurements of each ingredient, how long you have to cook it for, each and every detail to create the dishes she wants. You become the ghost’s hands.
It takes hours before you’re done cooking the meal. And you set it up nicely on the table, sitting across from Jungkook. “This looks...amazing.” He sniffles and swallows hard, meeting your eyes. “Thank you.”
His silver spoon dips into the familiar warm soup and he brings it to his parted lips, taking a sip.
As it registers inside his head, he drops the utensil. It ‘clacks’ against the bowl and in the stillness of the air, Jungkook bursts into tears. The droplets stream down his cheeks as he casts his face to his lap. It tastes exactly like how his mother used to make it.
“Happy birthday to you.” You begin to sing quietly. “Happy birthday to you.” The boy lifts his head up and stares at you past his water soaked eyes. “Happy birthday, dear Jungkook.” He wonders who you really are. “Happy birthday to you.”
In your eyes, the orbs that can see beyond, Hoseok is sitting next to you. Namjoon is on your other side and Jungkook’s mother is sitting beside her son, clapping her hands and grinning past her own drenched cheeks.
But in Jungkook’s eyes, in the entire home, it’s just you and him sitting around the dinner table.
[Four Months Ago]
Day in and day out, Jungkook is working.
He is tirelessly working until his hands have peeled from scrubbing mountains of dishes in the kitchen. Until his feet have bled from waiting tens of tables, all while slapping a smile on his face to appease customers. He has never been the child he should have been, accompanying his friends after school, fooling around and laughing without restraint. Jungkook has never lived the life of freedom that people his age should live.
Each hour that he wastes is money lost, sleep lost, studying that needs to be done.
“So, you can’t go tonight?” A coworker of his asks, hope diminishing as she analyzes his face.
“I’m sorry.” He turns around and masks his own disappointment, “I have a thing to go to.”
And that thing...is his mother.
His sick mother who has been this way for as long as he could remember. Hospitalized. Pale. Vomiting. Incurable. He doesn’t remember when it began like this, when he began to despise seeing his own mom. Jungkook loves her and it hurts to see this way. But he’s tired.
He’s exhausted of fighting for her at the cost of himself.
“Jungkook.” His mother softens into a smile, several tubes running in and out of her arm, one sticking into her nose. She can’t even lift herself off the bed to greet him. And she doesn’t know how the last ten hour shift has made him detest her even more.
“H-how….” The woman is out of breath. “Was...sc...hool?”
Jungkook scoffs and rolls his eyes in disbelief. She doesn’t know how he stopped going months ago. She doesn’t know anything at all. She can’t do anything on her own. His mother is useless, getting sicker and sicker...throwing up…. disgusting.
“It was fine.” He brushes her off. “How are you?”
“F...ine…” She smiles at her son and Jungkook sighs.
He finally knows the word. The word to call his mother-
Burdensome.
“You’re not my neighbor, are you?” Jungkook wipes his face, “I-I looked into it and no one has moved into this neighborhood. So...w-who are you?”
You take a large inhale, bracing yourself to reveal the truth. “I’m fulfilling your mother’s last wish.”
The boy across from you nods as he begins to cry again. He nods again and again, gnawing on his bottom lip to try to retain his emotions. “I believe you.”
Tears begin to flow and you can feel his heartache, the agony that makes his entire body shake. His mother is by his side, worried that he’ll become sick from crying. She brings her hands to wipe away his tears but upon remembering that she cannot touch him, she leans over to grab a tissue. That, too, passes through her hands and she sighs softly.
The unconditional love she shares for her son torments you and stitches you back at the same time. It makes you whole. It makes you desperate. As you watch the woman fuss to her child that cannot see her, ignoring her own sorrows and tears….You can feel it.
It’s the fuzzy blanket that is wrapped around you, shielding you but then it is ripped away. It’s the touch and kiss of an infant that coos in your arms. But as you pull the baby closer, it dissipates into thin air. You’re walking blindly in the dark, arms out in front of you, screaming into the oblivion, asking yourself when this all went wrong. You’re begging for an answer.
You know this regret.
[Three Months Ago]
“Sh-should….we celebrate….your…” His mother wheezes once but still forces her words out. “...birthday together?”
Jungkook scoffs, “Why?”
“I’m….so...rry…” Her shaking hand tugs the oxygen mask off and she smiles. “I’...m….no-..t...the mother….I’m...suppose...to...be.”
He sighs and looks away from the window, finally to his mom who’s laying in her bed. “It’s not your fault.” And it really isn’t. Jungkook knows she has no control over her sickness. If she did, she wouldn’t be in this situation and he wouldn’t either.
“For my birthday…” He hums and thinks for a while. “Let’s just have a meal together. I think that would be nice. Cake, too, maybe?”
“O...kay…” His mother nods slightly, “I promise...you.”
With doting eyes and trembling fingers, she slowly lifts her arm to brush her son’s hair. But before her fingertips can make contact with his brown strands, Jungkook slaps it away.
“Don’t do those things.” He bitterly looks elsewhere. “I’m not a kid anymore.”
She lowers her hand, smiling at him. “Okay.”
//
The doctors don’t leave her room with good news, never entering with it either. They simply look at her charts, shaking their heads and mumble under their breaths. They don’t tell her but she doesn’t need them too. Maybe it’s because she felt like she saw a black cloak appearing at the corner of her eye and the scent of disintegrating ash lingering in her nose, but she knows.
Time is running out.
“Are you sure this is alright for you, Mrs. Jeon?” The nurse asks as she places the birthday cake on the table in front of her.
“Y-yes…” She gasps out. “G-ood.”
“I think your son will really appreciate celebrating his birthday a bit in advance.” The woman in scrubs takes a glance at the clock. “He should be here soon, right? As usual?”
“Yes…”
But Jungkook doesn’t come that evening. He decides that it’s the day he’ll give in to his friend’s invitations, be a normal boy his age; eat a warm meal, wander around, sing at a karaoke bar, laugh and not be restrained by time. And Jungkook truly enjoys it. There’s nothing holding him back. Nothing that’s….burdensome.
“Are you joining us to the next place?” His coworker asks and he takes a peek at the time.
“You know….maybe next time.” Jungkook decides he’ll check in with his mother, despite already visiting her every single day. The responsibilities and obligations don’t disappear as much as he wants to ignore them. “I have somewhere to go.”
As the crowd draws away with him, he turns around and asks himself why he can’t join them...why he’s always weighed down by-
“Jung...kook…” His mother wheezes, having waited for him for hours on end. She smiles sheepishly. “You...made it…”
And before he can ask her why a cake is there, why she’s not sleeping yet and why the lights are still on - his mother slumps down and her heartbeat flatlines. She’s still smiling. “Mom?” It’s a constant beep, one that burns into his ears. Jungkook is frozen in his spot, the universe swirling around him.
He opens his mouth to say something...anything...but the doctors push past him. “Incubation!”, “Her pressure is falling!”, “Dial up to five hundred!”. In the swarm of strangers, Jungkook limps forward and crashes beside her.
“Mom. You….promise..d...me-...”
He didn’t get to become a good son.
Jungkook didn’t get to apologize.
He didn’t get to say his goodbyes.
“Mom!” He didn’t tell her that he loves her. “Come back!”
The food is still on the table.
Jungkook’s mother, Namjoon, Hoseok and you surround it while watching Jungkook sob out his eyes and releases the grief he’s held with a tight grip. “I didn’t...I didn’t treat her well.”
“I never got to fulfill my promise, Jungkook.” His mother shakes her head while you repeat her words slowly. “I’m sorry. No son should have to watch his own mother die like that.”
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t ever healthy. That I could never take care of you. I couldn’t even pack you lunches, pick you up from school...I couldn’t even follow through with my promise and celebrate your birthday. What kind of mother am I?”
“The best mother that I could ask for.” Jungkook weeps into his hands. “I-I miss you and I love you, mom. I’m-...sorry. I was a bad son. I was a bad son.”
“You aren’t.” She laughs and one that is full of life. “You’re my son. Which makes you the best.”
Jungkook mourns her death and you slowly go over to him, embracing his trembling frame. He grabs onto you, muffling his wails and whimpers into your clothes. His mother raises her hand to try to stroke her son’s hair, hovering over slightly. You mimic her actions, brushing your fingertips through his strands.
“I made you work hard but you can rest now, Jungkook.”
That night, Jungkook eats each and every dish on the table. He cleans it completely like he’s been starving for months, furiously as he cries every now and then. The boy savours the taste and imprints it into his mind as his mother’s last cooked meal for him. You watch him, across the table, knees gathered together.
Jungkook eats and eats until the clock strikes midnight and his birthday is over.
His mother’s last wish becomes fulfilled and she is able to leave onto the other side in peace.
Her arm is looped around Namjoon’s and she smiles joyfully. “You know the last time someone held me like this was my husband…”
The Reaper smiles, “Is that so?”
The woman turns back again, beaming at you thankfully before murmuring her last words to her son. When the white door to the other side disappears and the house is as quiet as Jungkook’s ears, you echo the soft syllables.
“Happy birthday, Jungkook.”
When people die, it’s difficult to imagine the aftermath.
Some worry that others will forget them, an empty funeral, a grave left abandoned. They try to make a lasting impact or they fret and worry. Others don’t care at all. And a few disregard the people they love and those who love them. They forget about those they’ll leave behind.
But even if the entire world does not shift over a single person’s death, the memories they leave behind with a handful, a dozen, a bunch or even one doesn’t change. It lasts.
Death is not the end. The story does not end. It continues. And the legacy isn’t forgotten.
Jungkook is kneeling at his mother’s grave, sponge in hand and water-filled bucket by his side. He uses his strength to scrub down her gravestone, cleaning every inch of it off. You’re crouched beside him, taking care of the weeds.
“Do you think she left to the other side peacefully?” He asks you as he wipes away his sweat and scrubs harder. Jungkook doesn’t care if his hands will peel or his feet will bleed. The pain is taken away by the memories he spent with her, laughing in her small room, holding her wrinkled palm, letting her fingers smooth over his hair.
He remembers the birthdays that they did spend together.
You look over to Namjoon and the Reaper nods. “Yes. She did.”
“Good.” Jungkook grins, his doe eyes no longer telling a story of being lost, wandering blindly in the dark. His eyes rather resemble his mother’s. “That’s good.”
The burial place is an endless green field, vivid and colourful for the dead. The grass grows tall and untamed in between the straight rows of tombstones but the bouquet flowers add hues other than verdant green and gray. When the trees rustle and the leaves twirl down, Hoseok pulls Namjoon away.
“Do you know?”
The Reaper cocks his eyebrow and smirks, about to ask what the ghost means but he already knows. “I have no power to restore your memories and there’s no reason for me to. It would make you and a bunch of others more reluctant to leave anyways.”
“Why don’t I remember, Namjoon?” Hoseok looks around him, ripping his head apart, wondering if one of these stones are of him. If his true body is buried six feet underneath him where he’s standing. All he wants is to know. What kind of person was he. Who it was that was important. Why he’s still here and being held back. “Why?”
You stand up, glancing around to where the both of them have disappeared off to and when you catch them a while away, you raise your arm to signal that you and Jungkook are finished. A smile takes place on your lips and Hoseok gazes at you in desperation. Why?
Why can’t he be with you?
Namjoon exhales, scanning the premise, amazed at the amount of souls he’s taken. Then he vanishes, his black cape whisking him into a shadow.
His voice is the only thing that remains. “Do you need to remember?”
my top 9 albums of 2017... im totally gonna copy kathryns format but n e wayz ndfewkjnew i rlly only listened to... wanna one... and taemin this last month .. what have i been doing !!!!! and then i remember i used to listen to nct albums alot iconic.... before july??? i hav no memory... i was in hs i didnt listen to anything no time..... i got tagged by @48hours and ill tag @jiminuyasha @hwallsgrl @lip2hip and @dehsi U DONT HAV TO READ AL OF THIS IM SORRY I JUST HAV ALOT TO SAY.....
so here are the albums in order:
1. the first - the boyz
i was excited for this.... i remember when i listened to the preview? i was like this is gonna b good...and it was.... boy is good, nice debut. the first 16 seconds?? the best part?? i felt like the chorus of the song could hav went a different way n i felt that way w energetic but theyre both good songs what can i say! walkin in time ... soft... i enjoyed... i dont listen to it as much but its rlly good i rlly love kevins voice.....got it... yoooo.... got it is so good??? like... the first part... kevins voice im gonna die... his voice is like honey... also i rlly like news voice and jacobs n hwalls part???? also towards the end where jacob n haknyeon are harmonizing ?? kings of vocals .. and lastly.. im your boy iconic.... i love this os much... just everything abt it i was so weirded out when i first heard but i just fell in love.. its very unique
top track: .... got it/ im your boy
worst track: theyre all pretty equal honestly!!! i would say NJDKEW DONT HATE ME BUT BOY...... its like... the same rank as the rest but its the one i least listen to
2. move-ing - taemin
this is the repackaged of his second album but it has different songs so im not cheating! this album is way softer than move... definitely... i havent read the lyrics but it sounds like hes in love and in move it sounds like hes not over his ex mood.... but day and night is a cute song.. i love taemin so much :(( snow flower is pretty slow....but its a nice song... taemin rlly has a nice voice that i love n adore... im crying, hmmm i feel like this is the song i listen to the least.. im listening to it rn its rlly good i just prefer pop music sometimes like i wanna dance... and lastly hypnosis hmm i lied i feel like ive never even listened to this kdjewn oh worm... this is a good song.. why is taemin a god???
top track: day and night or im crying?
worst track: i like them all!!
3. nothing without you - wanna one
... pleas first of all the intro is amazing it should hav been a full song and the title track!!!!!!! nothing without you!!!!!!! my kings came back w a repackaged album but w more good songs... ms beautiful ... it was .. underwhelming is that a word... but its rlly such a nice song.. im listening rn its so beautiful?? the choreo is amazing this concept is nice .. i just enjoy this song so much :(( wanna.... gatgo shipeo..... amazing. i love this song so much!! sungwoon’s voice is my favorite and in this song it fits perfectly... 10/10 song sorry fakeables! i never listen to twilight :) the burn it up and energetic prequel remixes r good trust me i didnt like at first but theyre iconic especially energetic......wanna be.. soft... ms energetic.... god u did so much this year.. love u... queen of debut songs... burn it up is good too i love them both... to be one outro NJDKEW I NEVER LISTEN TO THIS BEFORE... it was good ofc
top track: beautiful/energetic... just facts
worst track: i dk twilight im sorry
4. limitless - nct
im talking so much ill stop talking djewnf ms limitless i love u... i orginally had cherry bomb album but this came out the 6th of jan :) queen... cherry bomb era was better in general but i love this album more :( limitless... is so good.. i fell in love w good thing cause i watch the same taeyong fancam and he looks sexy!!!! back 2 u and heartbreaker r both good dramatic songs.. baby dont like it iconic?? taeyongs rap.. kill me... and finally angel mayb top nct song in my opinion!
top track: limitless/angel
worst track: i like heartbreaker but i listen to it the least!
5. move - taemin
oh boy well listen... believe me when i say this deserves album of the year?? it is very rare for me to love an entire album this much like even w1 aka my ult group i dont love love love it... but move is so good n im so happy i got into taemin?? firstable, move... sexy.... very good... the choreo is so nice... i just enjoy this song so much..love... oh my... probably my favorite song on this album? it is so good... why is taemin such a god.??? he is such a great singer im in love with lee taemin.... crazy 4 u.... all of the songs in this album r sexy.. i just hav to say that but srsly... this song is so good...iconic... heart stop w seulgi?? the god vocalist in one song u already kno this is a good song.. this song gives different vibes from the rest of the tracks but its good .. rise... i want this song played at my funeral so everyone knows im coming back bitches!!! its so good.... i love ms rise so so much.. thirsty... taemin gets even more sexy w thirsty NJKDENW i need to stopc alling him sexy im sorry... but those r the vibes!!!! when i see him i think very manly... dancing... rated r!!! stone heart is so good... i love it idk what to say anymore i love each song on this album?? back to you... thi s song is slower than the rest .. but i wanna slow dance w taemin listening to this... why i can do... to get back to u... king... and lastly flame of love... a good song!!!! i listen to this the least i think but i rlly enjoy....
top track: love
worst track: none....
6. moonrise - day6
theres alot of songs on this album?? but ill just talk abt my super fave tracks... also thank u day6 u hav 0 bad songs... what can i do? amazing...be lazy is such a cute song... m y anthem... hi hello mv is nice.. a relaxing song .. i loved you... pleas this is my favorite song from the album i think?? its so good i love kings day6! i need someone!!!! i rlly love this song... wow...
top track: hmm i loved you or i need someone...
worst track: hi hello.. is not my style.. or ill try...
7. dont you worry honey - sir sly
oh welp. i listened to this at 3 am and i fell in love right away dkewj its so weird.. its so good... each song is pretty good like this is the album u wanna listen when ur driving w ur friends in the middle of the night trust me,. listen to it... their most famous song is high its pretty good... it was one of those rare albums.. like u hit next and its another banger??? i m in love with this album.... i understand not everyone liking it but its ... so good.... change is good. &run is funky... idk these peoples but theyre amazing.... this one reminds me of like a modern version of motolovs song dnewkj alter hmm this one is weird ya... but its good... wow....im listening rn wow.... im trying to compare their music to someone? its like.. fun kinda reminds me of franz ferdinand except its not rlly rock dkewj.. so like slower weird ... 2 am... wow... the beginning.. and then how it transitions.... worm... trippin...this one is funky.. this is what im listening too when im high and im stuck in a house when i go through a door i come out through another door dnewkjn thats how it feels.... headfirst... oh worm... i love this album so much wth.. im sorry oh mama is the last one k this one is kinda slow? seems the most normal song
top track: ive only listened to this album like 2 times so i cant choose mayb trippin or 2 am
worst track: astronaut its okay
8. perfect velvet - red velvet
ill b honest i didnt listen to the entire thing but.. i skimmed through it and each song was good ... it was honestly a very good album.. like iw as surprised NDJKEW each song is good i rlly dont wanna comment more until i listen to it fully but its an amazin g album.. queens... i love it
9. universe - exo
yes i included this NDJKWEN why not the war? well bc i didnt listen to it NJDKEWNDEK.... i listened to this album while i was falling asleep and i just remember every song was good.. and idk their voices but they were all soothing thank u exo! im in love w this album i will talk abt it more when i listen to it aagain... its so good.... pleas....
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