i'm in a very good mood tonight so let me share this drabble i wrote the other day between midnight and 1am while watching New Girl and thinking damn this should not be Jess and Nick, this should be Seungmin and Hyunjin (they share NO similarities except my lizard brain picturing them everywhere)
tags: alcohol game / kissing / pining (lots) (is it a seungjin written by me without pining?)
sorry for the mistakes etc. etc.
oh and i also posted this on twitter
Hyunjin can hear all their friends cheering for them to kiss from the opposite side of the door, his whole body is combusting. Not only is it an extremely embarrassing situation but the worst is the fact that he has been dreaming of kissing Seungmin for months now but never had he thought that it would be in this situation.
He had imagined it after a cute date maybe, if he ever had the strength to ask out Seungmin for real. Or maybe it could have involved a bit of alcohol, for courage, but definitely not a drinking game on a night he was trying to actually have sex with someone else, and Seungmin is in a more or less committed relationship with another man.
“We don’t have to do that,” he says with a laugh that he hopes sounds casual.
Seungmin sighs and the voices outside the room chant even louder, “well…”
He chews on his lower lip, and gosh why can’t Hyunjin stop staring at it?
“I can kiss you on the cheek and say we kissed? Take a picture of it,” he offers. Even the thought of his lips on Seungmin’s lip is enough for him to drive him crazy but Seungmin really does not seem like he wants to be kissed by him.
And Hyunjin does not want to lose his first kiss with Seungmin through a stupid game. It was supposed to be a trick to kiss Changbin so Felix would stop trying to steal his one night stand. It unfortunately backfired in the worst way possible.
“That’s a good idea,” Seungmin smiles. He feels like he is about to melt onto a puddle of love because of how cute he looks. “Kiss on the cheek, it is.”
(He has admitted now weeks ago that this is not a normal way to feel about your roommate platonically)
He buries all these thoughts deep down and takes out his phone. Seungmin awkwardly gets closer to him and quickly Hyunjin can feel his warmth in his personal space, he internally screams.
“Why is it so weird?” Seungmin laughs, “we live together, we’ve seen each other through everything but kissing you on the cheek is suddenly so awkward.”
“Right,” he swallows with difficulty, trying to focus on unlocking his phone and opening the camera app. His ears are ringing so loudly that he barely hears the chant anymore. “You ready?”
“Should I…? Kiss you?”
Hyunjin really hopes he is not blushing too much or that alcohol has made Seungmin completely oblivious. Which is possible considering everyone and their mothers know about Hyunjin’s delirious crush on him, but Seungmin does not.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll take the picture.”
He waves his phone like a loser and Seungmin giggles at it. He takes another step closer, “ready?” it is a whisper now almost on his neck, and it really is torture at this point. He just nods and puts the phone up, he tries to focus on the phone and not on the fact that Seungmin has to get on his tippy toes for his mouth to reach Hyunjin’s cheek and then the feeling of his lips on his skin. His lips are so soft and warm, and Hyunjin needs all his focus to actually take the picture and not just let himself appreciate the moment. It only lasts a few seconds because those smartphones really are quick to take a picture and Seungmin immediately breaks the contact when it is done.
Hyunjin stares dumbfounded at the wall in front of him, not even controlling the smile on his lips and the overall excitement at the fact that it might have been the closest physically it has ever been to Seungmin.
“Is the picture okay?”
“Mh?”
He glances around to see Seungmin looking at him with amusement in his eyes, “they’ll lose their voices if they keep screaming like that, we should send them the picture now.”
“Oh! Yeah right.”
He quickly sends the picture to the group chat they have. For a second there is a silence on the other side of the door and he feels relief and a bit of regret, sure, at the idea of being freed from this situation.
“THIS IS NOT A KISS!!” Felix yells with his deep voice, and Hyunjin will make sure he is going to pay for that. The chanting comes back even stronger.
Seungmin sighs, “IT IS!”
“NO!”
Hyunjin stays still, paralyzed. Seungmin groans.
“Fuck,” he whispers and it feels like it is the first time he hears his roommate curse like that.
He shakes it off and bangs loudly at the door, “hey, guys,” he says loudly, “that’s enough, just let us out!”
Everyone boos at that, he exhales.
“You agreed to the game at first, you have to play!”
He turns to Seungmin apologetically, “I’m sorry.”
It is his fault after all, he wanted to kiss Changbin at first like that, he had not expected for Seungmin to be pulled, it was just him being horny for a guy he had just met that had brought all this on Seungmin.
“Let’s just do it.”
“What?”
“Let’s kiss, this is nothing right? We just lost a game.”
“But,” he mutters pathetically, anxiety piling inside him like legos, “uh.”
The way Seungmin looks at him, waiting for him to do or say something but Hyunjin does not know why.
“Friends kiss all the time for fun,” Seungmin keeps explaining and it is logical and rational, exactly like Seungmin is, “it does not mean anything.”
Except nothing is logical and rational in Hyunjin, and surely not the fact that he wants to kiss Seungmin but not because it is a game, and not because it does not mean anything.
“I’m not sure…” he starts.
His roommate tilts his head, “why?”
“Because,” he stutters in his words, “I just…”
Seungmin stares at him with even more expectation and it makes him lose it completely, panic completely taking over his brain.
“I don’t want it to happen this way!” he almost screams out.
He immediately regrets it when he sees the way the other man's eyes change and confusion is readable on his face.
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” Hyunjin chokes out. He turns around to the door and starts banging against, “hey, open the door, now, this isn’t funny anymore!”
Seungmin grabs his arm when he is about to hit the door again, forcing him to turn around. He had never thought the latter could have this much strength, “Hyunjin, answer me, what is this about? That you don’t want us to kiss that way?”
“Because it’s uncomfortable for both of us,” he tries to justify himself, “that’s… that’s what I meant! They should not force us to do anything we don’t want.”
“I don’t think this is what you meant.”
“Well, it is,” he retorts before going back to banging on the door, “Felix!”
It hurts his fist but at this point he would do anything that means he would be able to get out of this situation. His heart is racing in his chest and the alcohol is not helping with his panic attack, making it hard to breath, even harder to think. All his body just begs to get out.
“Hyunjin..” Seungmin whispers behind him but it is barely heard as the door finally opens.
Felix looks at them with a sheepish smile, “you’re both losers for that, you know?”
“I know,” Hyunjin just answers and then immediately rushes to the kitchen.
At some point Hyunjin loses track of the night even more than before the kiss incident. He knows Seungmin’s boyfriend but not-really-boyfriend arrives and they leave to his room, and it only makes Hyunjin drink more. Felix side eyes him all the time but he rejects every tentative that he tries to talk to him. Of course, Felix ends up making out with Changbin and Hyunjin is not even jealous about that because all he can think about is Seungmin. He wants to disappear. Eventually everyone leaves.
“So,” Felix sits down next to him at their kitchen table, “what happened exactly?”
Hyunjin groans. The alcohol makes him dizzy.
“I thought all you wanted to do was kiss Seungmin.”
“I hate you so much right now.”
Felix puts away all the glasses that are still filled with liquor away from Hyunjin’s grip.
“I want to, of course, but not like that!”
He immediately puts his hand in front of his mouth, glancing around the bedroom corridors but no one comes out.
“It’s Seungmin,” he goes on, this time whispering, “I don’t want to kiss him because of a stupid game, I want to kiss him because I like him and because he likes me!”
He moves his hand toward the corridor, “but he does not,” he whimpers, “and I panicked because he was saying stuff like let’s kiss and I told him that I didn’t want it to happen like that. I’m stupid.”
“You’re not,” Felix tells him empathically, “you’re a romantic.”
Hyunjin rolls his eyes, it makes his head hurt, “now he knows and it will change everything.”
“I’m really sorry,” his best friend says, “I didn’t think this would lead to that.”
“It’s not your fault, we were playing.”
“Still,” he pats his arm with affection, “for what it’s worth I think it’ll be okay.”
“Whatever, I’m going to sleep.”
He gets up, waves Felix goodnight and goes toward his bedroom. He is about to open the door of his own when Seungmin’s door opens. He closes it carefully behind him.
“Hey,” Seungmin whispers in a sleepy voice.
“Did I wake you up?” he asks, trying very hard not to look directly at him and his cute pajama set.
“No, actually I was…”
Hyunjin waits a moment for the end of that sentence but nothing comes.
“It’s nothing,” Seungmin ends up saying, “you should sleep.”
It is like his brain is not the one controlling his muscles because when Seungmin turns away, Hyunjin grabs his wrist and pulls him close. For a second neither of them move, he can feel Seungmin’s heart beating under his chest. He dares to move his fingers from his wrist to his hand and Seungmin lets him do it so he gets a bit bolder and tilts slightly his head forward.
He is not sure why he is doing that, maybe all the alcohol he has drunk all night finally reached its peak and this is the thing he will be mortified of tomorrow morning. But right now, he does not care because he feels even more intoxicated by how close Seungmin is to him, and the fact that he is not moving away.
“You can,” Seungmin whispers very quietly.
Hyunjin does not think any more and he grabs his chin with his other hand and crashes his lips against Seungmin’s. It is not exactly like the first kiss he had hoped for with him but it still feels like a fire is burning in his body, and the way Seungmin reacts makes him even more eager to deepen the kiss. During the time of the kiss the rest of the world suddenly disappears, nothing else is real except how Seungmin’s body feels near him, how his lips taste. Everything is warm, everything is exciting and soft.
When their kiss ends, they stare at each other again for a while, breathless, lips swollen. Seungmin pulls away.
“Goodnight, Hyunjin,” he says.
Hyunjin watches him go back to his room, feeling like the world has collapsed around him now that he can not hold onto Seungmin.
hii im doing a thing called slowtober (made by @/oeildesaturne on instagram, french speaking folks check it out!! although be aware of tw mental health and eds talks) and i’m posting on twitter a seungjin au per word
for the ninth days (october 23nd - 27th) the word is "nostalgia" and it's the end of this challenge for me!!
It's the last day to post, it was hard to get inspired I thought of the usual exes to lovers trope but there really was something missing, so I went with a reincarnation/cursed trope
Tw: implied angst and death (thus the reincarnation)
in a full fic the ending would be happy
AND if you enjoyed this challenge who is now over you can vote on this form for your favorite that I’ll be writing into a full fic on ao3! (“soumettre” is “submit” btw)
if you want to check all the drabbles you can go here
thank you for your interest for the whole challenge or just this drabble it was fun to do:)
When Seungmin falls asleep he sees it all.
The first life he has been with Hyunjin, the one life he had thought love was easy, love was given, like he earned it simply because he was alive and so was Hyunjin. They got a bit cocky. Defied the gods because they thought love, their love, was stronger than anything they could throw at them.
They took Hyunjin away from him. Cursed him to remember it in all his next lives and in spite he swore to never stop looking for Hyunjin in those other lives.
When he closes his eyes he sees it all. Diseases, hate, wars, everything the gods threw at them to make sure they could not see happiness through their love. Seungmin remembers them all, feels it over and over as they replay in his mind, all to taste Hyunjin's love for the little time the god would allow him in each life. It is all worth it.
After all this time Seungmin has learned that it was no use to search the world for Hyunjin - the life he had spent working as a sailor months on the sea, was carved in his mind like a tattoo - he knew the gods' sadistic little games would make them cave and eventually put Hyunjin in front of him, when he does not expect it most of the time. He is just a pun in all of it, all he can be grateful for is that Hyunjin does not know anything about it.
All he can be grateful for is that in every life he loved Hyunjin and Hyunjin loved him back over and over, again and again. While Seungmin knows all about him, and wholeheartedly loves everything about the man, no matter which name, no matter which story he carries, Hyunjin always had to learn to love Seungmin and he never failed. It makes Seungmin open his eyes, every time.
In comparison to some of his other lives, this one has been calmer, but awfully lonely. He has never spent so many years without meeting Hyunjin, at least once. He tries to keep it together, and follow his hope and guts that he will eventually end up on him, as he replays in his mind every time he has met Hyunjin.
In a church. In a pianist concerto. In a painter workshop. In the street. On a bus.
Hyunjin would smile at him, their eyes would met, a strand of hair would fall on his forehead, Seungmin would have to stop himself from touching him, his heart would beat the same way it always does, like it has been broken all the years he’s spent without him and gets suddenly fixed, back to life when their paths cross once again. Seungmin vowed his eternity to Hyunjin and gladly carried it more like a blessing than a burden. No matter what the gods try to punish him from, he would endure the pain, he would remember the pain, he would be swallowed by the nostalgia when he is by himself and he waits for Hyunjin to bring him back to life.
Seungmin waits.
*
On a spring day the city he lives in is always lively. He goes to work and sees a bunch of children going to school hand in hand with their parents, and Seungmun finds himself recalling the very few lives in which he had been able to experience this joy with Hyunjin.
The days are always similar, the nightmares almost keep him up all night long, and he mindlessly falls into his routine. Today something feels different. Maybe it is because he can not hear any birds chirping when he goes outside, or because the sun shines a bit too brightly and there is no spring breeze to cool it down, and time feels like it has been slowed down. Or maybe Seungmin has just been lonely for too long, missing Hyunjin like a part of him had been taken away from him, and his hope slightly breaks a bit more every day.
As he walks down the street, he tries to not dwell too much in the nostalgic feeling, the melancholy that is taking up all the space in his heart, almost taking over the love he feels, the love that makes him not fall completely into madness.
There is a slight ringing of an outside bell that makes him raise his head. There is no wind still the delicate chimes’ noise continues. He looks up to the sign over the top of the boutique and does not recognize the shop. It is an antique shop. He follows his instinct and pushes the front door.
Seungmin wonders if the shop is empty. He sees no one behind the counter and he hears no noise except from the front bell ringing when he pushes and closes the door. The shop is full of different objects, from furniture to decorations going through jewelry and other accessories. It does not seem like it is organized in any kind of logic, all the objects mixing up with each other no matter what use they are but maybe Seungmin does not know any better.
He finds himself recognizing some vintage items that he has used during his past lives and finds it amusing that in this time and life they might be considered as valuable or precious.
Seungmin loses track of time as he explores through the shelves, lost in his memories. He finds what seems to be a twentieth century little metal box that he carefully opens. In it there were a bunch of old letters. The papers seemed to have gone through a hard time, as they were stained, torn in some places, and he could barely read them. The letters feel familiar but he is not sure why. Until he finds under all of them a photograph.
He almost drops it when he sees it.
In all the lives he has lived and been reborn into, none of them had ever crossed. Yet he sees his own face in the photograph and next to him, Hyunjin's. It is an old police school's picture from the middle of the twentieth century that he remembers very well. He had met Hyunjin there and they had become best friends for a while.
There were only a few lives in which he had not had the pleasure and the chance to kiss Hyunjin. This life had been one. With the state of the world, the constant supervision of their officers, two boys being in love was ridiculous. Hyunjin was supposed to marry a girl, the daughter of a family close to him that he had known since childhood.
Seungmin takes on a deep breath. He tries to not grip the photograph too tightly so as to not damage it.
Hyunjin never got the opportunity to love either her or him. The attack that killed him happened a few weeks after this photograph was taken.
"I'm sorry," a voice says behind him, "I didn't realize someone was here."
He turns around and the surprise makes him drop the photograph. It slides down on the floor until it reaches the feet of the one, owner of the shop surely, who bends down to pick it. His black hair falls in front of his face in the motion. Seungmin feels his legs weak like each time it has happened.
Hyunjin looks up to him, photographs in hand and smiles at him. Words get choked up in Seungmin's throat. It has been so long and Hyunjin is so beautiful in this life too. Wearing a casual outfit, headphones around his neck and hair tied up in a ponytail. He looks healthy and happy, eyes sparkling and light makeup on, Seungmin notices.
"Oh," Hyunjin whispers as he looks at the photograph, "you found this? I've always found this photograph very intriguing."
It takes everything Seungmin has to not run to hug the man in front of him and to just move his head, "really?" He asks.
Hyunjin gets closer and Seungmin can smell his perfume all over him. He shows him the photograph and points to his own self, not that he could be aware of that.
"This man's features are so similar to mine," he explains. Seungmin nods slightly. "But I've looked up in my family and I seem to have no connection to him."
Seungmin’s not sure if he manages to utter anything as an answer. Hyunjin points at the box, “the letters are hard to read but some are signed by his name, I found who he was by looking at archives, I think they were never sent."
He seems thoughtful for a moment while Seungmin does not know what to say.
"Sorry, I must bore you with all this information," he suddenly apologizes.
"No, no," Seungmin answers, "it sure is a very weird coincidence."
Hyunjin looks at him with kind eyes and then back at the photograph.
"Well," he whispers, "it gets even weirder."
He points at the man in the picture that is Seungmin, the real one holds his breath.
"This man looks like you."
Seungmin blinks a few times. There is a voice in head that desperately screams for him to tell Hyunjin everything. But the few times he had tried to do so, Hyunjin never believed him, or their time together was cut even shorter. However, never had they been confronted with this kind of proof.
“You’re right,” he answers finally.
Hyunjin shrugs, “maybe it is just a coincidence, right? Some celebrities' faces sometimes look like old paintings or pictures, maybe we just have basic faces…”
He blushes, “not that I think you look basic.. not at all you’re not basic, your face is very pretty…”
He hides his own face in his hands, embarrassed. Seungmin laughs quietly.
“Yours is too,” he tells him.
Even behind the hands he sees the blush expand on Hyunjin’s face. Eventually he gains back his composure and looks back at Seungmin.
“I’m sorry, it’s my first time ever opening this shop and it’s been my dream but I’m not quite sure what I’m doing,” he tells him.
“It’s okay. I think it’s very nice that you seem to care about all of it a lot.”
Hyunjin nods, “I sure do. By the way, I’m Hwang Hyunjin.”
Seungmin freezes. This is also a very unusual thing. In all the other lives, Hyunjin, which was his name in their first life and the name Seungmin has carried with him, had multiple different names. It is the first time he got back to his original name. He looks at the photograph, the letters and then the man.
“I’m Seungmin,” he says carefully.
He is not sure what to expect, maybe deep down a sign that Hyunjin would suddenly remember everything. It does not happen. Hyunjin just smiles more.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Seungmin,” and Seungmin adores the way his name sounds in his voice.
It’s always nice to meet you again and again, he thinks.
hii im doing a thing called slowtober (made by @/oeildesaturne on instagram, french speaking folks check it out!! although be aware of tw mental health and eds talks) and i’m posting on twitter a seungjin au per word
I’m late in the updating on tumblr but for the eight days (october 22nd - 25th) The word is "ritual"!
I went with an inaccurately historical au, European (France) 17th century Seungmin is a "witch" like they used to call them and Hyunjin is an apothecary/pharmacist
As a personal tmi I really ADOOORE this period of time and if i get to write this au, it'll be inaccurate for several reasons but I did spend a lot of my free time when i was young reading about it and learning about it sooo! This was so fun
Tw: period related homophobia (implied)
AND if you enjoyed this challenge who is now over you can vote on this form for your favorite that I’ll be writing into a full fic on ao3! (“soumettre” is “submit” btw)
if you want to check all the drabbles you can go here
The clock on top of the front door ticks in a familiar motion. Hyunjin does not bother looking at it, silently counting the sounds in his head and when he finally reaches sixty, the door opens.
He has to stop himself from smiling too brightly. Seungmin is a very predictable person, Hyunjin means it in the most positive way, and with time he had learned with enthusiasm to understand all of Seungmin's rituals. He is not sure if the latter has noticed that.
"Good evening," Seungmin's voice whispers.
The shop is empty. It is a late Thursday night and no apothecary should be open at that time, except Hyunjin's definitely not a simple apothecary.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
Hyunjin swallows back the fact that he has been waiting for him all night long. He just shakes his head, "of course not."
The nobleman seems relieved. The lights in the shop are dim, it would be best for both of them if no policemen starts wondering about the shop activities on the side. He knows very well that Seungmin is also a very careful man and would have made sure to come here in a discreet manner, like most of Hyunjin's clients he has as much to lose as he does. Maybe worse. Seungmin puts his hat and coat on the coat hanger near the door. He watches the way he carefully folds the coat, in an inexplicable yet seemingly very important way, because he does it like that all the time. A man of ritual, Hyunjin thinks.
Hyunjin does not need to tell him anything because he knows his way around and they are both comfortable enough by now. After all they both know each other deepest and most dangerous secret. Sometimes Hyunjin can't help but wonder if Seungmin might keep another kind of secret. Sometimes with the way his eyes linger on Hyunjin when he believes he is not seeing him, or when their fingers brush and his cheeks are colored in a pink tint… sure sometimes Hyunjin lets himself think about it.
“Full moon’s ritual?” Hyunjin asks him, when Seungmin is ready to listen to him, even if once again, he knows that the answer is yes. Seungmin’s practice seems to be mostly oriented toward the moon and its phases so Hyunjin carefully checks it every night.
“Yes,” Seungmin answers, “and some other things I need. I got a bunch of my, uh, clients asking for my help.”
He slides a piece of paper on the counter. Hyunjin carefully looks at it. Seungmin’s handwriting is neat and precise. He describes exactly the quantity of each plant and other ingredients he needs. Seungmin was actually the only person Hyunjin has ever met who had more knowledge than himself on the subject. Maybe because Seungmin comes from a higher line, richer and more powerful, he has access to information way before Hyunjin could, receiving books and reports from overseas expeditions, places Hyunjin barely manages to imagine in his own mind. He is not sure why Seungmin still comes to him, in his little shop, in a part of the city which probably takes him a while to go to, and risks being caught. Or maybe he does not let his mind wander in the reasons.
Hyunjin has already prepared everything for Seungmin, he just needs to take a few other things in his cupboards. Seungmin waits for him patiently, looking around in the shelves to keep himself busy.
He still remembers the first night Seungmin came to the apothecary. Hyunjin's side practice is not known by many so Seungmin must have been close to one of his most important clients to be there, as there is no way to randomly find about it, Hyunjin always makes sure of it. Seungmin was very shy, and embarrassed, like he was not sure why he had come here at first, or maybe like he was not sure if it was safe enough. Their first talks were mostly in codes, making sure that both of them were on the same page. Hyunjin never ever judges his clients. He has seen it all, and he does not care what they will do with what he gives them. He is far from stupid, he knows the amount of poison murders that has been happening in the high classes and he probably knows he has played a part in those killings, some would say. He sleeps better at night, not asking any questions, only handing the ingredients. What they do with that is far from his worries, once they have closed the door of his practice and he is counting the money. People might die. He gotta live.
Seungmin seemed different. The shyness first of all had nothing to do with most women or men discretion. None of them were really shy. They were commanding, arrogant, haughty, but they knew what they were to lose if they got caught. Seungmin spoke softly, handed him a carefully folded piece of paper, a very beautiful paper Hyunjin had noticed, and the ingredients written on it had nothing to do with the usual... preparations he has been asked to make. Another thing Hyunjin had noticed immediately was how cute and pretty Seungmin was, he kept that to himself.
Slowly but surely Seungmin warmed up to him, because Hyunjin always made sure to make Seungmin comfortable and it was obvious that it made the latter happier a bit more every time. More and more Seungmin would smile genuinely at him, dare to look him in the eye, linger a bit longer in the shop when it was not necessary, brush their hands whenever he had to grab for what Hyunjin was giving, explain to him why he would buy this and that, or make a compliment. More and more Hyunjin would stay awake at night thinking about him, making sure to remember all the rituals he was following, in his own practice or in his life.
Hyunjin looked forward every time he knew Seungmin would cross the back door of the shop.
“Here,” Hyunjin tells him when he is done measuring everything Seungmin needs.
He makes sure to let his hand linger near the package and Seungmin does exactly what he expected and his fingers brush the back of his hand. He is happy with the small touch.
“I have something for you too,” Seungmin says.
“You do?”
Seungmin takes something out of his pocket, “one of my own clients offered me this, you might have heard about it… chocolate powder.”
This time Hyunjin can not hide his surprise, “I’ve heard but…”
Seungmin has a shy smile, “it’s good, and you can make it sweeter.”
“I thought only the people of court had access to it,” Hyunjin comments, staring at the powder like it would have been a magic one, “I did not realize those were your clients.”
Seungmin puts a finger over his lips, “I have a few secrets I might tell you one day.”
Hyunjin stays quiet, when Seungmin winks at him, he giggles. Seungmin puts his own package in his pocket before going back to his coat and hat.
“Good night, Hyunjin,” he whispers softly.
Before Hyunjin can answer anything, the man is gone. Hyunjin gasps for air, his heart beating faster in his chest, and his cheeks burning red.
