cw for grouching about transphobia/transmisogyny specifically. and kind of homophobia its all variations of the same bigotry soup.
Im watching the great british sewing bee. from a couple years ago. And one of the sewists (not sewers GBSB omg) is using a floral fabric and the presenter person comments on it being feminine, and then says (not the exact quote) "Oh I feel a bit sexist for saying that, men can like flowers". So the sewist (a woman) offers a story to the presenter about dating a man wearing floral socks, and ends the story with "and I married him!"
Presenter: "I wonder if you'd have to watch your underwear." and laughs.
And the contestant does that barely perceptible freeze, assumedly realises that 1. she's being filmed for national television and 2. doesnt have a good response ready, and pastes on a laugh. And in the editing they stayed on that laugh a little too awkwardly long. For both of them. Because it wasnt a funny joke it was a power joke. In fact the editors didnt need to include it at all.
And what I find interesting in probably an intellectualising-so-it-hurts-less kind of way, is that she was trying to be generous about gender roles, she was feeling sexist assuming that florals were only for girls. And then its like that social conditioning kicked in and she was compelled to make a transphobic joke, so everyone around knows you're 'safe' ie agree with the perceived-powerful-majority and you're not to be bullied. Which is what power jokes are all about, firmly cementing the in-group and the out-group and which side you're on.
Oh a man likes floral? Man-in-a-dress must be a sex pervert getting off on wearing womens underwear. Its the 'failure at being a man' and simultaneous 'but a man who's a failure at being a man, definitely not a woman failing at being a man". And the underwear thing is also autogynephelia though I think its unlikely the presenter knows that term but its the whole sex pervert thing.
Perhaps an ok response could have been "why? he's perfectly capable of buying his own." Taking it back from the shame implication and normalising. Not that I think this woman did anything wrong, we've all been in that situation where we freeze and seem to go along with it because our nervous system chose freeze instead of fight. Zero blame on this contestant who wasnt expecting that kind of comment and didnt know what to say.
And with the presenter, like, she said what she said and is responsible for it. And I definitely think (well,feel) less of her now. Its just interesting to me how she was trying to be inclusive and then its like she tripped her own protective wiring and fell back on transphobia for perceived safety. The moving forward thing to do would be trying to notice and correct those thoughts when you have them so its less likely to pop out your mouth, assuming you agree ofc. Im not absolving her. It also didnt seem incredibly malicious on her part. not excusing, just observing.
