#sextpert

[seniorgasm]

i could never be a mother because if I was I'd name my kids "Youusedtobesemen" and "Ishouldveswallowedyou"

[billnyetherussianspies]

OKAY. STARTING A NEW DIET TODAY.

*7 minutes later* is that pie

[seniorgasm]

person: u should really limit how much you're eating

me: you can't limit happiness

[seniorgasm]

one time I got so high I forgot I had legs and every time I looked down I was surprised

[seniorgasm]

so I was in line at a bakery and I was asking which food had no dairy and eggs in it since I’m vegan and the guy asked where I get my protein from and I looked him dead in the eyes and said “cum”

[seniorgasm]

The reason women don’t have pockets in any form of clothing is because women are expected to just put their stuff up their vagina? Keys? Put it in your vagina. Makeup? Put it in your vagina. Just stuff it up your vagina. Put i t u p u r V A G I N A

[seniorgasm]

one time I got so high that I thought if I moved around English would become a foreign language I couldn’t understand

[seniorgasm]

bruh