#shacerio

[channellecerio]

Patawarin ako, mahal ko, sapagkat ako’y nasasaktan parin tuwing aalalahanin ang iyong mga dating minahal. Iniisip na maaring may konting nararamdaman pa rin.

[channellecerio]

I thought I’m angry. I thought I’m sad. I thought I’m abused. I thought I have to fight back. But those were just the feelings inside me. And no one made me angry. No one made me sad. None abused me. And none I have to fight back. I fucking hate this kind of feeling though.

[channellecerio]

Too stupid that I’ve been hurting the person that loves me more than anybody did and does.

[channellecerio]

Hanggang Dito Nalang...

Hindi man tayo naghiwalay, tingin ko nama’y lahat din ay nagbago. Nakakapagsalita na ng mga salitang noon ay hindi natin inakalang masasabi natin sa isa’t isa balang araw. Ngunit ganun pa man, pilit parin nating itinutulak ang hangganan, pilit na tinatakpan ang mga sugat, kunwari’y hindi na dumudugo at kunwari’y hindi kumikirot. Dahil sa paniniwalang wala nang iba pang makatatanggap ng mga bagay na tinanggap natin sa isa’t isa noong bago palang tayo.

Aminado man tayong mahal na mahal natin ang isa’t isa, aminado rin tayong palala na ng palala ang sakitan. Dati’y malinaw na malinaw ang daan na tinatahak nating dalawa magkasama, ngunit ngayo’y parang di na natin matanaw. Kaya pilit nalang nating binubuo sa isipan ng isa’t isa ang mga detalye ng tingin natin ay patutunguhan natin.

Ngunit para sa pagmamahalan, para sa pangakuan, pilit paring pagkakapitin ang mga palad na puno ng malalalim na sugat, puno ng dugo. Hindi pumapayag na may iba pang gumamot ng mga sugat mo na dulot ko. Hindi ko kakayanin. Ang puso ko’y disedido nang ialay sa’yo hanggang sa dulo ng mga buhay natin.

Mahal na mahal kita. Oo, mahal na mahal. Kaya’t sana’y hanggang dito nalang.. Hanggang dito nalang ang pagsasakitan, ako sana’y patawarin, mahal.

[channellecerio]

He took you away..

Once upon time, back when innocence was real..

We used to believe that writing is a key to unlock freedom. We used to write to express. And we even believed that we were just about to change every teenager’s perspective to life. It might not be in a good way, but at least in the right way!

We used to hang out inside the comfort room, the weirdest place we are always in favor of, we used to take ourselves inside, close the door and .. and cry. And burst out of anger. Shout. Scream. And cry because of that circle of friends we both were in. We always knew they weren’t real, but we still chose to explore how it is to die in a mr-and-ms-populars-in-campus circle of friends. Friends?

But then one day, it all changed. We hung out in the comfort room, shut the door, and cried. You shouted. You screamed. And this made me uncomfortable. ‘Cause that day, you were crying, not because of those stars of the campus (I mean those we used to call friends), but because of that guy. That guy who took you away from me. That guy who took your lovely childish personality away. That guy who took you for granted.

We cried. We BOTH cried. I hugged you and told you, “You took risks. You sacrificed your SELF. I miss Sally.” You hugged me tighter. You told me, “I knew you’ll never understand.” I looked at you in your eyes, held your hand, “Make me understand.”

You then pulled out the campus newspaper we just published and flipped the pages to entertainment section.

You made me sing the song you pointed your finger at. I said I don’t know how to sing it. And then you sat closer to me. You made me look at the lyrics of the song printed in that glossy paper you were holding.

You started to sing these lines, “Seems like there’s always someone who disapproves. They’ll judge it like they know about me and you. And the verdict comes from doors with nothing else to do. The jury’s out, but my choice is You. So don’t you worry, your pretty little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard. Steaks are high. The water’s rough. But this love is ours.”

Seconds.

Minutes.

Hours passed.

And that song was still playing on my mind with your voice.

I never knew this is how matured you became. I know he’s too old for you. He really is! I told you he’s not good for you. It’s not healthy. He’ll take away your innocence. And he’s … he’s married. Divorced. And you can’t just love him.

You always acted like you never heard those words from me. You just hug me every time and ask me if I’m hungry. I always am back then! But then days passed and I kind of missed your hug.

I missed your childish laugh. Your annoying voice. The way you play my hair. I missed seeing you on your chair and table, 2 columns away from mine, playing weird things or writing, freaking out because of deadlines given to us, or owning the stage (your table) by the time you plug in your headphones.

One day I realized, I lost you. I lost Sally. I lost my bestfriend.

Haven’t talked to you in a while then. Nor have I seen you. I cried when I knew parts of the reason why.

He took your immaturity. He took your childish side. He took over your world and took you for granted…

I told you so…

I wish you just listened..

I wished you just went out of the box even for once to take a glance of where you were…

And I wish I could just see you in the crowd.

Now I'm in college. And I hope I could take you here with me so we could still do crazy things we used to love doing during early high school. The fact that I've been writing this for an hour, is that my words were too limited. I just can't tell everybody how you went gone and never made me feel you were still existing.

I miss you… .... I miss you

I hope you're still existing..

I hope you’re still alive.

[channellecerio]

I want her back..

I miss my old self.

I miss those times when I know my goals everyday. I mean, those times when I am aware of my goals and the process of getting in to it. Well, now, I’m lost in the middle of it. Heading to a goal I never planned even once.

I miss how I write down my feelings before. I miss how my tears were making sense. But now, I am stuck in a box of world. Plain. And my words are just .. senseless.

I want my old self back. A world of myself, my hobbies, waking up early, planning the day, better grades each day, .. I want the wise girl back.. I want her back.

[channellecerio]

Sunrise by the Farm

Oh how beautiful the sunrise is! The battle of orange and yellow that touches the end of the land. The light cold breeze that plays through every strand of my medium hair and my white chiffon short flowy dress. The fresh oxygen that fills my lungs. That hopeful vibe that touches my mood. There really is a new life every morning.

While the sun gradually shows, I took the chance to enjoy the moment. Standing by the wide farm, watching the chickens and the cows as they greet the morning. I opened my arms as wide as I can and feels every air that tries to go through my pores.

“Hop in the van! We gotta go.” Carrying the big brown back pack by my shoulders, I excitedly ran to the van and hopped in. Placed myself along the window and said goodbye to the beautiful view of sunrise.

Everything is great. Everything feels great.

[channellecerio]

How soon do I forget how I felt? Dealing with emotions that never left.