Something for My Sonic MetalSwap AU where Sonic and Metal Sonic swap roles. Inspired by @big-robot-fan's Andy and Steel AU
Neo, going over Cobalt's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative. Cobalt: Yes Neo: Okay... may I know what you create? Neo: Problems.
Neo: I’m going to take you out Cobalt: great, it’s a date! Neo: I meant that as a threat. Cobalt: See you at five!
Cobalt: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait. Neo: You and me!!! Cobalt, tearing up: Okay.
Neo: Nothing feels better than winning Monopoly. Not love, not sex, not free pizza, nothing! Eggman: I’m sorry, have you tried pizza? Neo: Yes, and it doesn’t compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friend’s eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate. Cobalt: I like you.
Neo: Eggman won’t come out of their room! Cobalt: Just tell them I said something. Neo: Like what? Cobalt: Anything factually incorrect. Neo, shrugging: If you say so. Eggman, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?
Shadow: That's ridiculous, Cobalt doesn't have a crush on me. Neo: Yes they do. Amy: Yes they do. Cobalt: Yes I do.
Shadow: Why do you look like that? Neo, laying face-first on the floor: Like what? Shadow: Like you’re dead. Neo: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish. Cobalt: Neo accidentally called Amy “babe” in front of everyone today. Neo: sobs into the floor
Amy: I'm so happy, I could kiss you! Cobalt: Um…Neat. later Cobalt, lying face down on their bed: I said "Neat," Neo. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid. Neo, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Cobalt. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Shadow confessed their love for me? Cobalt: Didn't you thank them? Neo: closes the book and looks at the ceiling I fucking thanked them.
Amy, driving and singing to the Little Einsteins theme song: We’re going on a trip- Shadow: In our favorite piece of shit! Cobalt: Doing 95! Neo: We’re gonna fucking die!
Amy: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS! Cobalt: And here we have a capitalist. Neo: Did you just- Shadow: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.
Cobalt: about Shadow and Amy They make a cute couple, huh? Neo: They certainly are standing next to each other.
Cobalt: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. Shadow: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. Neo: A realist sees a freight train. Amy: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
Shadow: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call? Cobalt: No. No, Shadow, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Shadow calls Neo. Number five: Amy gets eaten by a shark. Amy: I’m Amy, and I approve the order of that list.
Neo: My stomach growled super loud in French. Neo: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class. Cobalt: Bonjour. Amy: Le growl. Shadow: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.
Neo: Oh gosh I wish I got more sleep I only got six hours! Amy: Six? I only got three! Shadow: You guys got sleep? Cobalt, comes stumbling out of their room and grabs a jug of coffee before saying: What year is it??
Neo: Bad news—Cobalt locked themself outside of their own house. Neo: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith. Neo: Bad news—Amy finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute guys/girls/enbies. Neo: Good news—a cute guy/girl/enby saw me do it. Neo: Bad news—it was Shadow, and since they’ve already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, they’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. They know.
Amy: Do you love Cobalt? Neo: Yeah, I do. Amy: Shadow! I told you I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks! Shadow: We all love Cobalt. You should've asked if they were IN love with them. Neo: I thought that was implied. Shadow: … Amy: … Neo, looking straight at Shadow: Congrats Amy, you just won 100 bucks.
Neo: Who would you swipe right for? Shadow or Cobalt? Amy: I would delete the app.
Cobalt: How would you guys deal with a toxic friend? Neo: Tell them how you really feel. Amy: Slowly distance yourself from them. Shadow: Engage in a 1v1 sword battle and if they lose they have to stop being toxic or pay the price. Cobalt, being handed a sword: …well heck.
Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle. Amy, with Neo and Cobalt behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?! Police: Yes…three. Amy: Oh, my God— What the fuck!? Police: Wha- Amy: Shadow FUCKING FELL OFF!
Neo: Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Amy. They're mad at you. Amy: No, it's Shadow. They're just being gramatically correct! meanwhile Shadow: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them. Cobalt: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'. Shadow: I stand by my choice.
Cobalt: I haven't slept in seventy-three hours. Neo: Eighty. Democratically elected leader of insomnia. Shadow: Bitch, it's been ninety for me. I'm going for an even one hundred. Amy: You guys are fucking terrifying.
Shadow: Truth or dare? Neo: Dare. Shadow: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room. Neo: Hey Amy? Amy, blushing: Yeah? Neo: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Cobalt.
Neo: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco. Amy: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy. Shadow: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance. Cobalt: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.
Cobalt: Why do you look like that? Amy, laying face-first on the floor: Like what? Cobalt: Like you’re dead. Amy: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish. Neo: Amy accidentally called Shadow “babe” in front of everyone today. Amy: sobs into the floor
Cobalt: Shadow, I have a great idea. Shadow: Let’s hear it. Cobalt: We trick Neo and Amy to go out on a date together. Shadow: YES! Shadow: And hey, if that doesn’t work out, maybe you and me could go out, get some drinks— Cobalt, hitting them with a book: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Cobalt: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything? Neo: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital. Cobalt: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you. Neo: But I heard a siren. Amy: That was Shadow. Shadow: Sorry, I got nervous.
The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword Cobalt: Rude. Neo: That's fair. Shadow: Not again. Amy: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?
Neo: Which country has the most birds? Neo: Portu-geese! Cobalt: That's a language. Neo: Portu-gull? Cobalt: Good recovery. Shadow: I think you mean good re-dovery. Amy: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?
Amy: Time sensitive question how flirt boy. Shadow: Throw rocks at he. Cobalt: Hot Dogs. Neo: Kill him. Amy: Thanks guys.
Cobalt, pointing to the wall: What color is this? Shadow: Gray. Amy: Grey. Cobalt, turning to Neo: Now tell them what color you think it is. Neo: Dark white.
Cobalt: falls down the stairs Shadow: Are you okay? Amy: Stop falling down the stairs! Neo: How’d the ground taste?
Shadow: Go on, give Cobalt a compliment. Neo: How do you expect me to do that? Amy: Just say something that you wish someone would say to you. Neo: Uhh… You are now unbanned from Free Ham Sandwich Day! Cobalt, sobbing: Nobody’s ever said that to me before!
Amy: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions? Cobalt: Put spaghetti in it. Amy: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you. Neo: Put spaghetti in it. Amy: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two. Shadow: Put spaghetti in it. Amy: I am no longer taking suggestions.
Cobalt: Where’s my chair? Shadow: Neo broke it over Amy’s back while they were wrestling. Amy: Correction, Neo was wrestling. I was eating soup.
Cobalt: Alright, what pizza toppings should we order? Shadow: Anchovies and pineapple. Amy: I like beets! Neo: Have you guys ever had a cheese-less pizza? Cobalt: I’m disowning all of you.
Neo: What does “baka” mean? Amy: Moron. Shadow: Idiot. Cobalt: Stupid. Neo: The fuck did I do?!
Amy: tapping fingers on table Cobalt: taps fingers back furiously Neo: …What’s going on? Shadow: Morse code. They’re talking. Amy: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - Cobalt: slams hands on table YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Shadow: How is the most beautiful person in the world? Neo: blushing I— Cobalt, butting into the conversation: Amy is perfect, thanks for asking.
Cobalt, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down. Neo: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven… Amy, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven? Cobalt, spraying Neo: You FUCKING DUMBASS! Neo: Dude, I forgot- Cobalt: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!? Shadow: Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.
The squad is visiting a store late at night to return a DVD for Amy Cobalt: I forget—what happens if we don’t return the DVD before midnight? Neo: Then Amy gets charged extra. It’s called a “late fee”. Shadow: Or was it zombie apocalypse? Eh, I don’t remember, but we can’t afford either.
Neo: I love you. Amy: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that. Neo and Amy kiss passionately Cobalt, to Shadow: You owe me 20 dollars.
Shadow: Neo, keep an eye on Amy today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Neo: Sure, I'd love to see Amy getting punched. Cobalt: Try again. Neo, sighing: I will try to stop Amy from getting punched.
Cobalt: Neo, I have a couple of words to say to you. Shadow: Please let those two words be “I’m sorry.” Amy: I’m ready with the bleep button if not.
Neo: sees Amy and Cobalt together Neo: They're cute. I would put them on a boat. Shadow: You mean… you ship them?
Cobalt: Isn’t it weird how we pay money to see other people? Amy: You mean movies? Neo: Concerts? Shadow: Prostitutes? Cobalt: Wha…N-no, I mean glasses, what the fuck-
Amy: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk? Neo: sighing Shadow. Shadow: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die. Cobalt: wiping away a tear So inspirational.
Amy: What the hell was that? Cobalt: picks up a flashlight Only one way to find out! Neo: Wait a minute! You don’t go TOWARDS the spooky scary banging! Shadow: Yes we do, Neo. We always do.
Cobalt: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems. Neo: Weight loss? Drink water. Amy: Clear skin? Drink water. Shadow: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.
In a horror movie situation Cobalt: I've got no service in my phone here. Shadow: Shoot, my battery just died. Amy: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer. Neo: Guys, my phone is a book.
Neo: is hugging Shadow Amy: Hey! It's my turn to hug Shadow! Amy: grabs Shadow Cobalt: kicking down the door What do you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now is my time slot! Neo: No, It's still my turn! Shadow: suffocating Guys, I love you, but just because I'm the smallest doesn't mean you can be hugging me constantly! Amy: But we need the moral support! Neo: And you're small! Which is cute! Cobalt: If I don't hug you right now I think the depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning. Shadow: close to tears Well- I, I guess.
Neo: ARE YOU- Cobalt: Fucking. Neo: KIDDING ME?! YOU- Cobalt: Fucking. Neo: IDIOT! Amy: …What was that? Cobalt: Shadow banned Neo from swearing, so I’m helping them out.
Note: Other characters swap roles in this AU as well e.g: Shadow and Amy Swap because I said so. I'll work on the designs and basic plot later