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Oct 25, 2019; Toronto, Ontario, CAN; Toronto Maple Leafs forward Ilya Mikheyev (65) and forward Mitchell Marner (16) and defenseman Jake Muzzin (center) celebrate a goal by Toronto Maple Leafs forward Auston Matthews (not pictured) against the San Jose Sharks at Scotiabank Arena. Toronto defeated San Jose. Mandatory Credit: John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Sports
Swimming with the great! Collage 50x70cm. Photo not scan.
Types of Queer Sharks:
(tag yourself)
Basking Shark - Well-dressed and doesn't say much. You sort of suspect he's a secret republican but then when you have a conversation you find out he's literally a card carrying socialist. You feel bad because they're also almost inevitably non-binary masculine presenting and you were misgendering them by accident the whole time.
Blue Shark - Vegan, lives in a communal household, rides a bike, and makes a lot of lists. You have never, never seen them in any kind of relationship whatsoever. You aren't really sure how they are living a maximally cruelty-free lifestyle because they have no income and don't have a well-off family. Yet somehow there they are.
Bull Shark - Looks well-dressed like the basking shark, but somehow makes it look cheap. Is an actual republican, will talk to you about how democrats are the party of slavery and de-regulation helps protect queer people. Found at every single republican social event because he's the only queer guy anyone knows.
Bullhead Sharks - Surprises no one at all when they come out of the closet, but were absolutely sure no one knew besides a few close friends. Iconic bad fashion sense, constantly pestered by lesbians who want to know where they shop, but has no idea what they're doing. Non-queers are mystified how it is Bullhead Shark queers have the hottest significant others.
Carpet Shark - Butchest of the butch, yet low key. The "fix anything" queer, skill sets vary but there is a 100 percent chance no matter when or where you meet one, something of yours will end up repaired without your ever asking. Catch phrase "hang on a second" followed by pulling out a small toolkit from the car and fixing your broken dryer in ten minutes before you leave the house.
Cookiecutter Shark - Raver kids, roaming from one party to the next. Might not sleep, no one knows for sure. Trashy as a Bullhead Shark but everything is bedazzled. Will literally fuck anyone, but never seem to get permanently attached or hurt anyone for real.
Dogfish Shark - Iconic elder gay, usually considered "classy" by their peers until they come out at age 60+ at which point they are suddenly “flamboyant.” Sometimes strong allies for young queers, but also can hold dangerously outdated prejudices.
Frilled Shark - Goth as fuck, shitloads of tattoos, obnoxiously perfect and incredibly ostentatious makeup at all time. No one knows what kind of personality the Frilled Shark queers have because frankly they are too fucking intimidating to approach. Are they even queer? Fuck, we hope so, desperately.
Goblin Shark - Openly into serious kink, and would be as intimidating as Frilled Shark queers except they're just too damn outgoing. Will run right up to you and demand you become friends. Knows literally everyone in every walk of queerdom yet has the most mundane orientation in their peer group. Still identifies as queer because for example they don't want to say "cisgender allosexual lesbian woman."
Great White Shark - Mom friend shark, who either is over six feet tall or somehow always feels like it. Intimidation factor off the chart but has the personality of an actual marshmallow. Most prepared of all queers, has literally anything you need in their bag. Despite intimidating looks, not necessarily keen on fighting, but you are unshakably certain they could flat out kill a dude, and possibly have done so before.
Hammerhead Sharks - The actual iconic queer sharks, best looking, best dressed, bleeding edge of fashion every time you see them. How? No one knows. Like Goblin Shark queers, seems like they know everyone, but unlike Goblins no one seems to know or be friends with them. Unexpectedly reveal they are good at something at the weirdest moments, the queer version of defusing a bomb with one second on the clock. Impossible. Absurd.
Mako Shark - An unholy combination of the Goblin Shark and Cookiecutter Shark queers, with none of the charisma. Desperately trying to be liked, flitting from person to person, never finding acceptance. Tragically, they are not bad sharks or even malicious sharks - they just have a a hard time connecting with other people's personalities. Get unfairly maligned and deserve a chance if you can get one to stick around for longer than a week.
Nurse Shark - Lazy as fuck but reliable for any time you need a night with one or two friends spent in, watching movies and eating ice cream. Always has a couch free in their comfortable apartment, literally never seen working. Somehow never for you but the rumor is they are the best lay anyone has ever had.
Reef Sharks - The generic gay, 20-35 year old white middle-class cis male who votes democrat and has nice bumper stickers and is super kind. But has literally never met a single black person, trans person, non-xian person, etc. Nice enough but... well, they just don't know.
Sawnose Sharks - Second most butch, but very high key. Not quite as good at fixing stuff as the Carpet Shark queer, but can literally fix anything with duct tape. More intimidating than Great White Shark queers, usually no taller than 5'8" at best. Will absolutely fight you - don't start anything unless you're looking to get damaged. Otherwise the sweetest and kindest of queers.
Sevengill Sharks - The "wait, he's gay?" queer shark. Looks so, so, so very straight but apparently isn't. You have never gotten "straight vibes" so strong from actual straights. You could be having kinky wild queer sex with the Sevengill Shark queer and feel like you're having heterosexual missionary position sex. No one knows where these queers come from.
Thresher Shark - Extra. So very extra. And so very hot. But so, so stupid. I'm sorry. I know, you're desperately in love. We're all desperately in love with these bold, beautiful morons. Would be more iconic and stylish than Hammerhead queers, but such magnificent idiots that it radiates an aura negating roughly 5% of their cool-factor. We love them though, madly and hopelessly.
Tiger Shark - Loves trash, some kind of nerd, the hardest of hard femmes. Drunk aunt and will fight you like a Sawnose queer but way, way worse. Don't even show up with a bad attitude because Tiger Shark queer will actually cut you up and leave you to bleed out. Not secretly gentle, but will drive across state lines at midnight to help you if you call them when you're in trouble.
Whale Shark - The biggest bisexual, loves everyone, wears their emotions on their sleeves. Perennially single but when they find the right person it's love for the ages. Everyone assumes they don't need to get to know these soft queers because they seem so open, but they have much that is hidden and need a strong connection before they open up. Friendship bonds are almost unbreakable with Whale Shark queers.
Nov 30, 2022; Toronto, Ontario, CAN; Toronto Maple Leafs forward Mitchell Marner (16) celebrates his empty net goal with forward Auston Matthews (34) during the third period against the San Jose Sharks at Scotiabank Arena. Mandatory Credit: John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Sports
After escaping an attack by what he claims was a 70-foot shark, Jonas Taylor must confront his fears to save those trapped in a sunken submersible.
scribbles in school i colorized
