Hello HawkTorah peoples! We hope your Passover is going well and you haven’t caved just yet (we’re counting down the hours until we can break our Passover with delicious Pepe’s Pizza). This week the portion gets a little complicated. Some Jews (most Reform and those in Israel) observe seven days of Passover while other Jews observe eight. Now, usually this isn’t a problem, but it is this year because of Shabbat. Passover started on Shabbat so we read a special portion. For the first set of Jews, Passover ends before Shabbat this week and for the second set, this Shabbat is the last day of Passover. The second group reads another special Passover Torah portion. The first group splits parshat Shemini into two sections so that they do not finish Shemini before the other group reads it. Are you confused yet? It’s okay, so are we. With that, we looked at both options and had some gut reactions to the first half of Shemini so we are going to go with that.
In this first half of Shemini, Aaron’s sons (Nadab and Abihu) are officiating as priests. They start their sacrificing upon the altar, but bring “alien” or “strange” fire to the altar as offering. This fire then leaps from the altar and consumes both Nadab and Abihu, killing them. In the face of this tragedy, Moses says this to Aaron:
"This is what the Lord spoke, [when He said], 'I will be sanctified through those near to Me, and before all the people I will be glorified.”
Leviticus Chapter 10 Verse 3
Aaron was silent in response. Why was he silent? Why didn’t he scream out in grief? This is actually quite normal - in many ways. There is a difference between mourning and grief. Mourning is when a person needs to adjust themselves to be able to deal with life in a world without the person or thing they just lost - it is usually silent and internal. Grief, on the other hand, is people’s outward display of their mourning. Aaron’s display was silence. He couldn’t believe what just happened and how fast it did. He literally just witnessed his two sons being killed by flame. This is where Moses’ response comes in. He basically said, “G-d loved them so much G-d wanted them to be with G-d”. How many times has someone said that to you when you lost someone? That’s right. Too many times. Does it help at all? No, it absolutely does not. However, this is how those people react to your loss. People don’t want others to be upset or sad, so they try their best to make things better.
Everyone experiences loss differently. Some people get angry. Some are silent. Some are unbelievably sad and cry a lot. Some want to be around a lot of people. Some want to be left alone. All of this is totally normal. If you find yourself in the role of Aaron, deal with your loss however you need to. However, don’t let it consume you. Reach out and get help when you need it. Now, if you find yourself in the role of Moses, don’t say what he said. Be careful with your words and support your friends and loved ones in whatever way they need. Don’t push them and don’t just talk to talk - sometimes all that person needs is your presence and not your words. Try not to relate their loss to one of your own, because it is not the same. Every loss for every person is dealt with differently. The best you can do in your role as Moses is just be there, whether physically or emotionally. And the best you can do in your role as Aaron is take the time you need to heal and not let yourself be consumed by it.
Want to know what you do when you experience loss? You buy a zoo. You heard me right folks, no need to adjust those hearing aids or enlarge this text. You buy a zoo.
After the devastating loss of his wife, Benjamin Mee buys a zoo. He also has to deal with his 14-year-old son Dylan acting out and getting expelled. Along with Dylan, there is 7-year-old Rosie who is also struggling with the loss of her mother in her own way. An interesting thing about this movie is how the children are dealing with the loss. Dylan acts out and creates rather dark art. He doesn’t really see the point in being happy and creating uplifting art.
Rosie is dealing with a similar struggle but from the perspective of a 7-year-old. She is dealing with the loss of her mom while noticing that the world hasn’t stopped. She’s sad but everyone else is still happy.
Benjamin decides it’s time for his family to move and him and Rosie decide on a nice house. There is a catch, the house comes with a zoo that’s out back. Benjamin takes on the challenge and is now the proud (?) owner of a zoo.
There are a lot of struggles and it’s a big learning curve. Ultimately the family begins to grow closer together, but there are some growing pains. They aren’t the same people that they were before the loss of their mother/wife. You aren’t the same after loss. One of the best things to come out of this happens to be one of our favorite quotes:
In conclusion, We Bought a Zoo is a great movie and you should watch it.
Moving on, we have one more bonus tidbit of pop culture for you. This one comes in the form of a book (there is a movie but it’s not that great please please please please please don’t watch it until you read the book). The book is “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom aka Marissa’s favorite book (she definitely doesn’t own 3 copies of it….). A quick shoutout to Ms. Lewis (RIP) who introduced this book to me/my class freshman year of high school, it (and you) has (have) changed my life for the better.
For those of you who don’t know, “Tuesdays with Morrie” tells the story of Mitch Albom’s old college professor Morrie Schwartz who was diagnosed with ALS. Mitch visits with Morrie every tuesday and discuss life. There’s more to it than that but you’ll just have to go read it.
Have a great rest of your Passover, however long you choose to observe it!
