fuckbuddy!shidou who shows up at your place unannounced late at night. he’s got zero patience for small talk and is already pushing you right against the couch.
he grinds his half-hard cock against your thigh through his pants, telling you how he’s been thinking about this all day.
fuckbuddy!shidou who loves leaving the darkest hickeys on your neck and inner thighs. when you’re putting on makeup to cover them, he’ll grab your chin, slightly tilting your head to get a better view of the marks. “don’t cover these, they look good.”
fuckbuddy!shidou who is a nasty eater. he’ll eat you out for what feels like hours. his fingers digging into your hips to keep you from squirming away, your arousal and his saliva dripping down his chin.
he doesn’t come up until you’re twitching from the overstimulation. it’s all about making you feel good. the whole time he’s rutting against the mattress, chasing his own release and spilling onto the sheets.
fuckbuddy!shidou who sends you blurry dick pics or voice notes of him jerking off, followed up with texts like
ryuu 💕: this is what ur doing to me :(
ryuu 💕: wanna come n fix it ??
fuckbuddy!shidou who gets sooo needy when you suck him off. he’s biting his lip hard and threading his fingers through your hair, letting out these shaky, whiny moans he tries so hard to hold back.
fuckbuddy!shidou who loves fucking you in front of the bathroom mirror. bending you over the counter so you both watch every filthy detail of him slamming into you.
“l-look at you.. takin’ me s-so well, huh?” his hand is on your jaw, refusing to let you turn away.
fuckbuddy!shidou who sometimes fucks you in semi-public places. the car, bathroom at a bar, a balcony — the risk of getting caught makes him even more turned on. he’ll cover your mouth to muffle your noises and keep on going.
fuckbuddy!shidou who pushes your head into the mattress as he fucks you harder from behind, growling “f-fuck, yea, j-just like that..”
fuckbuddy!shidou whose aftercare is weirdly decent-ish…? he’ll throw you a towel, toss you water bottle, and then start scrolling his phone like “that was insane, babe.” he’s not very cuddly, but he won’t leave you immediately.
fuckbuddy!shidou who never really stays the night… except for the one time you fell asleep on his chest after sex and he ended up staying until morning to make you two breakfast.
𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: After a match, you check up on your boyfriend who never goes to the team medic after an injury. ✰𝗦𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲.ᐟ
─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────
The goal was incredible, as always. Shidou had scored the leading goal with the nastiest kick, back facing the net and all. Every time he scored, he’d look for you in the crowd. But this time, he didn’t do that immediately. In fact, he fell on his face after that crazy kick and it took him a second to get up. When he did get up, he looked at you with a grin that was a little less intense than expected. Then you noticed the red tint brushed around his nose.
He has a nose bleed. You thought to yourself. He took a second before getting up to try to wipe it away. If they knew he was injured, they’d pull him off the field and he couldn’t have that. But you knew your boyfriend too well, wincing on his behalf when his teammates tackled him in celebration. Looking at the clock, you saw there were only 5 minutes left. Shaking your head, you knew he’d stay on. Lead or no lead, Shidou would never give up the chance to score again.
And score he did. Rin took the ball past the midfield before linking up with Karasu who passed it to Shidou for him to blast it through the net again. Thankfully, he landed properly this time. Three whistles later, the game was over. 5-3 for PXG. Shidou stayed on the field for a little, jumping like a maniac as he watched you make your way out of the stands, more than likely on your way to meet him outside of the locker room.
Going through the tunnel, Shidou entered the locker room.
“Those last two got me throbbing.” He stretched. Rin wacked him with a towel, already back from the showers.
“Always so crass.” Karasu shook his head, watching as Shidou just stuffed his belongings into a duffel bag. “Y/n waiting for you?” Shidou bit his lip as he smiled.
“I’ll never understand how someone so sensible ended up with this devil.” Rin muttered as he slung his own bag over his shoulder, leaving the locker room. As he left, he saw you leaning against the wall, waving with a smile. He nodded at you. “Your freak is on his way out.”
“Haha, thanks Rin.” You laughed as he walked past you. Barely two minutes later, your boyfriend walked out, clearly harassing Karasu.
“Y/n please take him so I can go home.” Karasu sighed, hunched over. You patted his shoulder sympathetically.
“You’re free to go.” You said as Shidou wrapped his arms around you. “And you…” you turned in Shidou’s arms, facing him as he grinned down at you.
“Hi baby, liked the game?” He lifted you slightly and spun you around.
“Yeah, up until you fell on your face and got a nosebleed.” You narrowed your eyes at him, holding his face to look at the red tint around his nose. He stilled for a moment.
“Nosebleed? I didn’t-” you interrupted him.
“Don’t even try it, Ryusei. That’s why you took so long to get up. If you didn’t hide it, they would’ve pulled you off the field.” You smacked his arm lightly. “I’ll look at it and clean you up when we get home.”
“What would I do, without my personal nurse. Wear that little costume for me, will ya?” He slung his arm around your shoulders.
✮⋆˙ ˙⋆✮
You could hear the shower turn off as you fixed the stupid white hat on your head. Was this a mockery of your profession? Maybe. But you didn’t mind as long as your coworkers at the hospital never saw. It was the only way Ryusei would let you check him properly and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t like the way he looked at you in the sexy little nurse dress.
“Ready for my check up!” He sang loudly as he emerged from the bathroom in a pair of shorts, shirt no where in sight. He whistled lowly as he watched you tug the dress down. “I always luck out with the hot nurse don’t I?” He bit his lip.
“Shut up and sit down, Ryu.” You huffed and pointed to the bed. He chuckled lowly but did as he was told.
“Don’t be too mean now, I’m already hard just looking at you.” His hand found itself rubbing up and down the side of your dress as you grabbed a couple things from your med kit that was laid out on the bed next to him.
“Hold still.” You grabbed his hair to yank his head back— definitely unnecessary but you had to get your own fun out of it. He moaned because why wouldn’t he? Realizing the game you playing, he grabbed your hips and pulled you into his lap, letting you feel just how hard he actually was over something so stupid.
“You’re playing with fire, baby.” He whispered as you properly cleaned the dried blood in his nose.
“Oh no! I’m so afraid of getting burned.” You said sarcastically as you rolled your eyes. Using your pen light, you make sure you cleaned all the blood before releasing his hair. “All done.” You kissed his lips quickly. Well at least you tried to be quick.
The moment your lips met his, one of his hands held the back of your head. The other stayed on your waist, both keeping you from moving as he deepened the kiss. Groaning into your mouth, he laid back onto the bed with you on top of him. He rolled the two of you over and pulled away, hovering over you.
“Think it’s time for your check up now.” He smirked.
𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: A couple months into freshman year of university, you realize it may not be smart to walk around at midnight.
⋆Prequel to 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭?
─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────
You were a little too locked in to realize what time it was. Taking the canvas from the studio and back to your dorm to continue a piece you’d been working on for your art class. You sketched it out at the studio then finished the line work with marker in your room. Just as you’d started to slap some paint on there, you realized you were out of red. Of course you were out of the most important color— to be fair you used it quite a bit. Since it was a primary color, it’s not like you could’ve mixed a few things to get what you needed.
So thus began your trip to the craft store, it wasn’t ridiculously late when you left. But since you didn’t have a car, you got there 13 minutes before they closed. You made a beeline for the acrylics and grabs two bottles just in case. You also picked up some extra brushes and tried your best to avoid the crochet aisle. What? You were naturally crafty. After checking out at 10:59, the lone cashier locked the door behind you and you began your journey back to campus.
You’d ventured quite far since this was the only craft store open this late. Two train changes later, the main entrance of the university came into view around 11:45. But you still had a good bit of walking to do. The campus seemed dead, it was the middle of the week. Most people were in their dorms, only a few hooligans lingered outside. Those who wanted to smoke without getting in trouble with their RA. And those who were way too drunk for it being the middle of the week, the kind of drunk that made them catcall a girl who wore overalls covered in paint and pencil shavings.
“Hey doll, whatcha got there?” One of them stood up as they saw you approaching. It was too late for you to cross the street so you tried to sidestep a little, but that put you in arms length of the one who leaned against the lamppost.
“He’s talking to ya, answer him.” The one under the streetlight grabbed your arm. “Oh that’s the face of a freshie if I’ve ever seen one.”
The original guy stepped in front of you, his finger pulling back the edge of the plastic shopping bag. “Paint huh? Why don’t we take this off so we can paint you like one of those French girls.” He winked as his other hand brushed the strap of your overalls.
“Ew, back off. You reek of beer.” You shoved him back. He stumbled, not expecting resistance from a first year. His embarrassment led him to anger as the guy under the streetlight yanked you back and the other two on the steps stood up as well. The four of them boxing you in.
“You’re gonna regret that, bitch.” The first guy said as he moved towards you. As you tugged your arm towards yourself to bite the hand of the guy holding it, a fifth person came in from nowhere. A blur and a gust of wind passed as someone rocked the absolute shit out of the first guy. A loud crack could be heard as he was punched square in the jaw.
You sunk your teeth into the arm of the streetlight guy, shaking your head to tear the flesh like a rabid dog. The mysterious punch thrower spun a back kick to the next guy closest to him, encouraging you to remember your own training as you released streetlight’s arm from your teeth only to hit him with a tornado kick straight to the gut. He keeled over, joining the other two on the floor. The fourth creep seemed to sober up immediately as he ran off in the other direction. The guy who jumped in to help you almost chased after him before deciding he was already too far ahead.
“Pieces of shit.” He spat on the first creep as he stood over him. You looked at him in the light, blonde hair with pink tips, crazy lines around his bright pink eyes that you weren’t sure were permanent or just eyeliner. He looked more rabid than you did earlier, the lamppost making him look like a devil under heaven’s light. His fist were clenched and his chest heaved under his, wait— is that a jersey?
“Hey, uh… thanks.” You said as you fully faced him. It looked like he’d only just remembered you were there as he made eye contact with you.
“No need, they were begging to be pounded.” He brushed you off, you looked down at his cleats.
“You’re an athlete right? Don’t want you to get in trouble for fighting.” You said as you scratched the back of your neck.
“As if they’d ever bench me, I’ve been waiting for something explosive like this since I got to this place.” He smirked. “Ryusei Shidou.” He nodded at you.
“Y/n L/n.” You stuck your hand out, he shook it much softer than you anticipated. He gestured ahead and fell into step beside you as you both walked over the fallen creeps.
“You’re a bit explosive too. The way you chewed that guys arm and did that spinning kick? So hot.” Shidou said bluntly. Your face grew hot.
“I did martial arts growing up, black belt and all but sometimes I panic and resort to biting first.” You laughed slightly embarrassed.
“Martial arts, huh? Girls who can lay my ass out are sexy.” You almost choked as he spoke, he really said whatever he was thinking. “You’re cool, ankle biter.”
“What about you, huh? That kick of yours was definitely meant for a ball. You play soccer?” You asked him.
“Yeah, I’m gonna be the greatest striker there ever was.” He smiled confidently.
“Really? Remind me to get your autograph then.” You smiled back.
“Funny way to ask for my number.” He stuck his tongue out. Your heart skipped.
“Wait, I wasn’t-” he didn’t let you finish.
“I’ll give you an autograph and my number if you let me paint something with you one day.” He motioned his chin towards your bag from the craft store. “Just promise you won’t use my popularity to sell it when you’re a struggling artist.” You laughed at that.
“You get to be the best in the world but I’m gonna be a struggling artist?” You raise an eyebrow, reaching to the front of your dorm building. You’re surprised when he scans his card to enter, meaning he lives in this building too.
“If your art is as good as your fight, maybe you have a chance.” He shrugged. “You live here too? What room?” You nodded.
“Trying to invite yourself over? 212” You replied.
“Maybe I am. I’m one floor up and across the hall, 313.” He said as he pushed the elevator button. You laughed and shook your head before getting in the elevator with him. As the door closed, he held his hand out. “What?”
“Somebody owes me their number.” He wiggled his fingers and you placed your phone into his hand. The elevator reached the second floor and he followed you out as he typed in his contact info and texted himself before handing your phone back. The two of you stood at the end of the hall in front of your door, which had a big glittery red DANGER sign for Halloween. “I’m gonna call you sparkles instead of ankle biter.” You rolled your eyes.
“Alright, Mr. Explosion.” You shot back.
“Together, we’re a firework.” He was too smooth with that one. You stuck your tongue out at him.
“See you around.” You said as you opened your door.
“Bye-bye, pretty.” He winked before taking the stairs right next to your room.
You closed your door behind you and sighed as you dropped the paint next to the canvas and threw yourself onto the bed, think you like this one.
Warnings/Tags: 18+ mdni, fluff and smut, gn reader, no use of y/n, friends to lovers, kissing/making out, thigh riding (sae’s part), grinding/cumming in pants (shidou’s part), mutual masturbation (yukimiya’s part), hickeys, praise, possibly ooc, first attempt at writing actual smut proceed with caution, originally written at 2 am so formatting might be wack
Itoshi Sae
Sae thinks the whole situation is stupid.
“What are we, 13? This is pointless.”
He’s practically holding his breath as the bottle lands on him, before he’s pushed into the closet with you by Shidou.
Things are awkward and tense and stuffy in the closet. He shoves himself into the corner, standing stiffly pressed between coats.
“That doesn’t look comfortable,” you tease, leaning against the wall across from him. He shuffles awkwardly.
“I am…not sure what to do now. The whole game is lukewarm,” he says. You laugh awkwardly, heart panting at the rejection.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. I won’t be offended, I promise!” You hope you sound reassuring, ignoring the heartache.
He pauses.
“…..I don’t…mind being here. If it’s you.”
You freeze.
“…oh!” you gasp.
He’s standing much closer now, practically looming over you.
“The game is about kissing, right?” he asks, face unreadable. You gulp
“I mean, yes, technically, but you don’t have to it’s kind of just what people usually do-“
“And what if I want to kiss you?” You blink up at him, searching his face for any sign of a joke, any uncertainty, even a hint of teasing.
All you can see in his eyes is a deep, hungry yearning, one you’ve felt yourself many a time.
You nod and his eyes soften in the dim light, half lidded as he leans in.
Your lips meet as his arms box you in, one forearm leaning on the wall next to your head as his other hand gently holds your waist. The kiss is soft, gentle, sweeter than you thought he could ever be, until it isn’t.
He pulls away, panting, eyes searching your face before leaning back in.
The hand on your waist clenches your shirt, dragging you in, grounding and possessive. He steps closer, a leg coming between yours as his other hand drops to grip your ass, crushing his whole body to yours.
His knee presses to the junction between your thighs as the hand on your ass slides you back and forth, grinding you along his thigh, catching your moans in his mouth hungrily.
The friction of his thigh catches at your center, making you shudder in his arms as pleasure sparks up your veins.
He licks into your mouth, groaning as your hand finds its way to his hair, tugging slightly
“I’ve needed you. Just like this, for months now,” he pants into your mouth. You whine.
“I’m all yours Sae, I’ve been all yours.” He groans in response, low and animalistic.
You almost forget where you are until you’re thrown into the light.
“Alright lovebirds, your time’s up-“
You get a clear look at Sae, panting, flushed, hair and shirt messy, pupils blown as he hides your body behind his.
Shidou wolf whistles at the sight
“Damn, you guys looking for a third?”
Sae slams the door in his face, plunging you back into darkness as he presses his body against yours.
Shidou Ryusei
As soon as the bottle lands on him he’s grinning
“Oh FUCK yeah” he cheers, jumping to his feet. “You ready baby?” He waggles his eyebrows at you.
“You know, I was hoping I’d get some time alone with you,”
“Oh yeah? And what were you hoping to do, exactly?” You run a hand up his chest teasingly
His hands land on your lower back, kneading the flesh there as he groans.
“You’re killin me here baby,” he practically vibrates as your hand runs up into his hair, yanking slightly.
He moans, loud.
You lean in, lips practically touching, as you whisper;
“Then take what you want,”
And that’s all it takes before he’s on you.
He’s practically folded around your body.
His hands move, jumping like they can’t decide where to land, moving from your ass, your face, your hair, your waist, anywhere he can grab he’s holding you tight. You nip at his lip, sinking your teeth into the flesh as his eyes roll back.
Tilting his head with your hand in his hair you deepen the kiss as he slips his hands up your shirt, moaning as he feels warm skin-on-skin.
You feel him start grinding against you, cock twitching in his pants against you.
He grabs one of your thighs, lifting your leg and wrapping it around his hip as he slots between your thighs. Pleasure lights up your body as he rolls his hips against yours, moaning as he drops his forehead to your shoulder.
He licks and sucks and bites at your neck as you move together, leaving dark marks trailing behind him.
“Fuuuuck sweetheart, wanted to do this from the second I saw you, so much better than I ever dreamed,” he pants close to your ear, hips still grinding against yours as he kneads your thigh.
“Dream about me often?” you tease. He smiles wolfishly.
“You have no idea.”
“Guess you’ll have to tell me all about it next time,” you say with a smirk.
He pauses before whining, crashing his lips back onto yours, hips stuttering.
You blink at each other.
A conspicuous wet spot spreads across the front of his tight jeans.
“…did you-“
“You just have that effect on me,” He grins proudly, nuzzling against you and lacing your fingers together.
“…so you’re just gonna leave me hanging like that?” you tease.
“Nah, I can be a gentleman.”
And at that he drops to his knees in front of you, kissing his way up your thighs.
*bonus: outside the room*
“It’s been like half an hour. Do we like, tell them their time is up?”
“Oh hell no, I’m not going anywhere near that closet til they’re out of there.”
Somewhere in the distance a picture frame next to the closet falls off the wall. Everyone present pretends not to notice.
Yukimiya Kenyu
As soon as the bottle lands on him quirks an eyebrow across the circle, smiling warmly. He offers you a hand like a gentleman, helping you to your feet.
As soon as the door clicks behind you, plunging you into shadow, Yukki laughs breathlessly.
“It’s all a bit cliche, isn’t it?”
You hum in agreement, trying to get comfortable in the cramped space.
As much as you wiggle around there’s always something in your way. A pile of shoes under your feet. Coat hangers poking you from behind. Shelves you narrowly avoid slamming your forehead into.
In all your shuffling you trip
He reaches out at your yelp, catching you smoothly in his arms and bringing you close to his chest.
“Are you okay?” he asks, breath brushing over your lips as he stares wide eyed into your eyes.
You nod, gaze dropping unwittingly to his lips, slightly parted and glossed with a slight sheen of chapstick.
He sighs longingly, pressing his forehead to yours.
“When you look at me like that you make it very hard to pretend I don’t want to kiss you,” he murmurs. You inhale sharply, processing his words.
Raising a shaking hand to his face you huff out a relieved laugh.
“Oh Yukki…you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”
You have no idea who leaned in first. All you know is that suddenly, his lips are on yours, sweet and desperate, as though pouring your mutual longing into the kiss.
His hands slide up to cup your face as he slowly backs you up, gently crowding you against the wall.
The kiss grows hungrier, needier. You sweep your hands down his front, pulling him in by his waistband.
“Is this ok?” you murmur against his lips, fiddling with the button of his pants. He groans, dropping his forehead to yours.
“Please, I need you to touch me,” he sighs as you work your hand down the front of his jeans.
His cock jumps against your hand, twitching as you run your fingers teasingly over his length. He lets out a sigh, mouthing his way down your neck as his hands drop to your hips.
Your heart pounds as you work him out of his boxers, fingers curling around him as he thrusts against your hands. He’s already impossibly hard and wet with precum just from kissing. You roll your thumb against his tip as he hisses, biting at your neck harder than he meant to.
Now it’s your turn to jump as his hands make their way to your center.
“You can’t have all the fun,” he says teasingly
You both moan as his fingertips press against you, warm and pulsing against him. He rolls his palm against your core as you whine, grinding against his soft hand.
“Yukki, please, I need more,” you whine. His breath catches in his throat as you moan his name.
“I know sweetheart, I’m sorry,” he coos. “You’re gonna have to wait a little while longer, when I finally have you we’re gonna do it right.”
He raises your other hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly. “I’ve wanted you for so long, I’m not taking you in a closet at a party. You deserve better than that.” He brushes a lock of hair behind your ear, pressing his other hand against you more insistently to watch your eyes roll back.
“Just be patient, love. I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”
Your heart pounds in your ears, eyes glassy from the pleasure as he steals your lips for another kiss.
Far too soon, a knock on the door rings in your ears, shattering the moment as you jump away from each other startled.
He presses one last light kiss to your lips as he straightens your clothes and hair for you.
Opening the door he links your hands, gazing at you warmly as you step back out, together.
a/n: the brainworms got me. this is my first ever attempt at writing smut instead of just suggestive fics and it’s been rotting in my drafts for a week, part 2 with Kaiser, Hugo, Ness, and Karasu (the loves of my life) coming soon I just wanted to post at least part of it now lol!! As always tysm for reading and requests are open (read my rules if you do)
yo...haha...i know you only write for haikyuu here but like...what if you started bllk so we could get some shidou action...hahahahahahaha shidou...hahahahahahaha shidou shidou shidou shidou
texts w/ shidou, but he’s pathetic as fuck.
a/n — this somehow helped me get rid of hangxiety 🧘♀️ anyways first bllk post.. we ALL cheered
↳ the coworker’s gender is intentionally left ambiguous to leave their identity open to interpretation.
cw: nsfw, oral receiving m, face fucking, praise & degradation, possessive behavior, he’s mean
a/n: YUUUUUP. the way i ripped open my laptop as soon as i saw ts in my inbox. and thank u for reading my fic 😜.
it was very apparent that shidou ryusei wanted your very essence all to himself. there was never a passing moment where that notion had ever fallen through, and he made sure of that.
in your recent days, you have grown close to a coworker. it wasn’t something you willingly tried to do, and it certainly wasn’t an endeavor you purposely went out of your way for.
you both had gotten along quite well, interests that aligned, forms of expression that were almost identical—it was refreshing to be within the company of someone who seemed just as passionate as you.
you saw it as harmless. simply a platonic relationship to help you feel less alone. of course you had your boyfriend, shidou ryusei, but he’s been terribly busy as of late, his career the driving force of his life, so naturally, no competition was to be had.
so nothing was wrong with indulging someone else, right? on the sole purpose of conversation…nothing more, nothing less.
you sat curled up on the opposite end of the couch, sinking further into the cushions as your eyes remained glued to your phone, engrossed in the brewing conversation.
“what are you doing.”
his harsh voice instinctively pulled your attention forward. it felt like a question, but it didn’t sound like one.
you sputtered at the deep-rooted, concentrated stare he gave you. it almost felt accusatory, too.
“on my phone…?” you answered, uncertainty laced through your tone.
the reason for your reluctance wasn’t because you were hiding something, no, but because shidou gazed at you so intently it shattered your wits; ensnared in his slitted eyes.
his eyes shift down at your phone, contemplation written all over his face.
“whatcha doing on your phone that’s so important, you couldn’t hear me callin’ your name?” he tilted his head with dangerous curiosity.
you hadn’t heard him talk to you at all until now, let alone sense his lingering stare. shidou fully faced you now, his gait suggesting that he was irritated—irritated at the fact that you ignored him.
it was warranted, you guessed. he’d been gone for a couple of days, and as soon as he got back, you merely gave him the slightest glance. and your neglectful behavior was finally starting to reflect in him.
your brows furrow, matching his energy. why does he get to pout over a reunion that didn’t go his way? there were so many instances where shidou came home, barely giving you the time of day, so what's so wrong if you did it?
“talking to someone, since you’re so worried,” you sneer, returning to your phone.
you heard nothing back in response, not a grunt, not even a snarky retort. it was painfully silent, and you were starting to regret your words.
your focus was in disarray, no longer engaged in the conversation on your phone, ears straining for the slightest hint of movement.
slowly, you heard him rise from his position on the couch, listening as his feet padded along the length of the couch to reach you. shidou stood in your peripheral now. a flare of tension ignited in your chest, anxiety running rampant.
you didn’t bother shutting your phone off; a part of you wanted him to see. but his looming presence hindered you from looking up, refusing to meet his gaze.
“huh,” he says it lowly, as if something dawned on him. “who’s your friend, babe?”
“a coworker,” you deadpan, mustering up the courage to tilt your head up and meet his eyes.
shidou effortlessly looked down on you. blond-tipped hair fell in unruly strands against his face; his irises flooded with that bold pink, his slitted pupils dilating as soon as you looked at him. he smiled cruelly; amusement was the only emotion you could sense from him the most, a prominent thing you could almost smell.
“and you think this ‘coworker’ deserves your attention more than me? aw baby…i’m hurt~” he ridicules you, giving you a comical attempt of feigned heartbreak.
your lips part to speak, but nothing ever comes. you hadn’t seen him become this agitated in…god knows how long. but sure enough, somewhere in your wicked mind, it was gratifying to know how easily you could rile him up.
but with that come grave consequences.
a knowing smile breaks out across your face as you shrug. “sorry ryusei…it’s just…they were giving me the attention you can’t.”
you knew the nature of your relationship with your coworker. it wasn’t romantic in any way, but the way shidou immediately ceased his antics and looked at you? only then did you understand the gravity of what was going to happen next. you couldn’t help but rub your thighs together in anticipation.
“what did you just say?” he sounded unsettlingly calm, like the quiet before a storm. all the humor in him faded, not even blinking.
his face was contorted into pure lividity, not matching the tone of his words. shidou was starting to go beyond rationality, and you could see that plain as day. all it required was one more push, one more for him to descend on you and truly show you the attention he had to give.
“i said,” you lean in closer. “they give me the attention you can’t.”
he only stared at you for what seemed like an eternity.
then, his hand immediately rises to grip your jaw; nothing too harsh to hurt, but enough to redirect the control of the situation in his hands.
“you don’t think i can give you the attention you deserve, baby?” his eyes slowly rake down your figure before stopping at your lips. “i can think of a thousand fucking ways to show you.”
both of you should be two very smart communicable partners in a relationship, and discuss the lack of quality time you've had with each other, but the desire to sort things out another way plagued both of you.
you pushed his buttons, and he was more than willing to push back.
the tension became so thick that it became suffocating. your own body heat gets trapped within the confinement of your clothes, and your mounting arousal did little to help.
his hand drops, releasing you as he steps away. you watch him hungrily as his shirt whispers against his skin, becoming a thing of the past. his lean muscles flex angrily as he battles with the very thing holding his pants together.
“i’ve been a pretty shitty boyfriend, huh?” he says breathily, his head tilting backwards. “does that shitty coworker know how pretty you look when i fuck you?”
“no.” you answer, eyes greedily taking in the sight before you as his member finally springs free from his pants.
your attention spurs him on as he grasps his shaft and pumps himself languidly.
“yeah? they don’t know a goddamn thing.” he chuckles to himself, his eyes falling shut, his face lost in bliss.
you stare dumbly. the image of him stroking himself in front of you was a lewd one, and one you were happy to memorize. your core felt like a smoldering coal, burning hotly, your arousal saturating your panties.
one eye cracks open. “don’t keep me waiting. i want you takin’ all this with that pretty mouth of yours.” the curl of his lips returns.
as if you were hypnotized, you rise from your place along the couch, phone and text messages left abandoned. you saunter up to him, stopping close enough to feel the head of his cock poke your front side as your lips almost graze his.
shidou gazed at you for merely a second before a firm palm settled on your shoulder, forcing you down onto your knees as your attention was immediately replaced with his hard erection prodding at your lips.
“look at you, all mine—” he sucks in a harsh breath, the muscles in his abdomen clenching as you run the flat part of your tongue along the underside of his cock, looking at him through your eyelashes.
“so fucking eager to keep my attention.” he mutters through a haze-filled expression.
you moan, unashamed, taking the head of his member into your mouth, sucking him before you take all of him into your warm cavern.
he lets out a strangled groan, head jerked backwards. his hand comes to cradle the back of your head, attempting to spear your mouth further with his cock. you suck him ravenously, gaining tremendous amounts of pleasure from this alone.
“you wanted my attention? you got it—slobberin’ all over my dick.” he peered down at you, breathless as he offered a smirk, flashing his teeth.
you had a clear view of his core muscles and the way his bronze skin prickled with moisture. he looked at you, pouring all his attention into you. and hell, you were too.
shidou thrusts into your mouth; you gag around him, but never falter.
“you’re all f’me, understand? i don’t want you talkin’ to another fucking loser who ain’t as good as me.” both hands latch onto you now, driving you further down his shaft. you moan loudly against him, breathing steadily through your nose as he fucked your face; your hands dig into the muscles of his thighs, silently begging for more.
“m’ so close—fuck—” he throws his head back, his hips picking up in speed.
your eyes are already on him when he finally looks down. your lashes were damp and thick from the tears you spilled, the evidence stained onto the globes of your cheeks.
“look at me when i cum in your mouth; i want all your attention,” he hisses.
you oblige. holding his brilliant, rose colored eyes as they bored into you. you could feel his body tense beneath your hold, his cock pulsating in a desperate plea to release.
you suck harder, willing him to spill all in your mouth—and he did.
shidou’s mouth parts in a silent moan, hips stuttering as he pulsates. sticky ropes of cum coat the inside of your mouth, and you obediently take all of it. his hands leave you—except one—tenderly stroking the top of your hair, sliding himself out of your mouth.
“be a good girl and swallow.” he watched the bob of your throat intently, indicating you had done what he asked.
“please…” you whimper hoarsely; the agonizing pounding of both pain and pleasure resonates within the deepest parts of your core.
shidou hums, lazily pulling his pants back up, hanging low around his waist. “please what?”
you stand, joints achy and the surface of your knees stung. your hands grip onto his bare skin, keeping him where he stood.
“please fuck me, ryusei.”
shidou leaned in, close enough to kiss you. “nah. go see if that coworker can grow a bigger dick than mine to fuck you with.” he steps away from you, bending down to retrieve his shirt from the floor.
“or you can wait until you have my attention again.”
꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ↳ you met shidou ryusei under fireworks, unaware that the person who made you feel less alone would become the person you feared losing the most. he doesn't want to be your everything; he wants to be your only thing.
୨ৎcw: nsfw, angst, slow-burn, fem-reader, toxic relationship dynamics, codependency, emotional manipulation (he's evil in this one guys), unhealthy attachment, possessive & obsessive behavior, p in v, dub-con, unprotected sex, dirty talk, praising
you met him on the fourth of july. a distant, booming flicker of light erupting into the sky, spreading its joy like wings.
everyone will leave your life eventually. you’d accepted that long ago.
people come and go like seasons, and some are fortunate enough to remain with you forever, an interminable bond untarnished.
people arrive with promises, laughter, exchanges that are deceiving enough to make you think that they’d stay. but they would quickly become someone you used to know.
naturally, you began to convince yourself that you were used to it. that you didn’t expect people to stay anymore. that wanting someone to choose you was childish.
which was why you were surprised when shidou ryusei found you alone; and it wasn’t because you were difficult to find, it was because you didn’t desire to be found.
oftentimes people would tell you to stop looking and let miracles come to you. and it did. on the 4th of july.
fireworks were supposed to be a spectacle. everyone around you seemed to think so.
everyone had someone, and you had…no one. it wasn’t because you hated being around other people; it was just easier to maintain yourself emotionally.
there was something painful about standing beside someone during a moment that was supposed to be special, and wondering if they were already planning when they would leave.
so you sat on the edge of the hill, knees pulled up to your chest, watching the fireworks arch up into the sky and bloom across the blackness. each one was beautiful, and temporary.
“wow.”
a voice suddenly cut through your muddled haze, turning your head to look at the stranger who stood a few feet away, hands tucked into the pockets of his onyx jacket, staring at you instead of the fireworks.
he had wild, blond, pink-tipped hair with a grin that only suggested trouble. his irises were a startling pink that were peculiar but…alluring. he sported eyeliner that framed his eyes, along with lashes that fluttered softly whenever he blinked at you.
“you look miserable.”
your spine straightens, completely dumbfounded as you struggle to comprehend his words. had he really just told you that?
“excuse me?” you force out your words, strained as you continue to stare up at him.
he tilted his head up at the fireworks. “you’re lookin' like someone you knew died up there.”
you gap at him. who even said things like that? let alone to a stranger? but most people wouldn’t have commented at all, let alone spare you the slightest glance.
“i’m not miserable,” you huff.
“sure.”
“i’m not.”
“uh-huh…”
his grin widened. “you have the saddest face i’ve ever seen at a fireworks show.”
you should be annoyed. you should’ve told him to mind his own damn business. but instead, somehow, you laughed—a light chuckle that could be picked up by the shake of your shoulders.
his expression changed immediately, like he had been waiting for a reaction like that.
“there it is~” his grin gets impossible wider as he points at you.
you frown. “what?”
“that—what you just did,” he trails off, sauntering up to your spot along the grass. “you looked less dead when you did that.”
you roll your eyes, returning your gaze to the open field, waiting for the next round of obnoxious fireworks.
“you always talk to strangers like this?”
the stranger plops down next to you, giving you his undivided attention as he grins at you.
“only the ones i find interesting.”
the answer came out so naturally it caught you off guard. interesting, he said. it was such a simple word, but you couldn’t remember the last time someone looked at you like they actually wanted to get to know you, and not out of convenience or boredom, but because they genuinely wanted to.
“you’re just sitting here?” you blurt out the question; because him sitting next to you didn’t fully register until you felt his gaze burn into your skin, and the heat of his body radiating onto yours.
“yeah.”
“…why?”
he looked genuinely confused by the question.
“cause i wanted to.” he shrugs.
that was it? no hidden agenda, no expectation, no obligation; he just…stayed.
a new batch of fireworks flew into the air, painting the sky with a burst of color, but you found yourself watching him instead.
the way he smiled at the explosions, whenever he laughed under his breath like a child experiencing something special for the first time, and the way he seemed completely comfortable with you next to him, someone he barely knew.
“i’m shidou ryusei,” he said after a moment, before turning to face you with that big, dumb grin on his face. “just call me ryusei.”
you told him your name.
he repeated it once, drawing out the syllables in your name with a savouring slowness, like he was testing how it sounded.
you hated how much you liked that.
“you see that?” he asked, watching another firework bloom.
you glance at him. “yeah?”
“the best part is when it explodes.”
a firework exploded above you, painting his face in hues of blue, white, and gold.
“it’s right before everything goes quiet, and turns into nothingness.”
you didn’t know why that interaction stuck with you, perhaps it was because a part of you had been waiting your entire life to prove someone wrong, to show you that people could stay in your life.
or maybe it was the mournful expression that etched his face that night, saying those words.
shidou didn’t promise anything. he didn’t tell you he’d never abandon you. he wasn’t that kind of person. if anything, he was the opposite.
he was practically a warning disguised as a man.
but that night, sitting beneath a sky full of disappearing lights, you were too blind to notice the danger within him.
you only saw him as someone who noticed you in your state of limbo, someone who stayed for you when they didn’t have to.
and for someone who had spent so long being left behind, that was enough to make you addicted to the feeling he gave you.
that night, you expected that to be the last time you ever saw him. most conversations with strangers ended that way. just a brief exchange. then they dissolve into a memory, becoming another face you’d struggle to recall a month later.
you figured shidou ryusei would become one of those people, but instead, you saw him. again. on that same hill.
you nearly dropped the cool beverage sitting in your hand.
shidou was sprawled across the same grassy hill from four nights ago, one arm thrown behind his head, lounging as he watched you freeze halfway up from ascending the elevation.
“what?”
shidou only looks at you. “you usually get here before sunset.”
you gap at him incredulously. “i’ve…literally only been here once.”
“twice now~” he sings, grinning. “so technically, you’ve started a pattern, babe.”
you blink stupidly. babe? a warmth pools in the pit of your stomach, sending tingles through your body.
“are you serious?” you couldn’t help but ask.
shidou thinks over it for a moment. “no.” he pauses. “mostly.”
you laughed softly at that, again as it came easier this time. shidou turns to you, his smile fading into something almost hungry. “there you are.”
your smile faltered. “…what?”
for the briefest moment, something unreadable passes through his face, something that tightened your chest, though you couldn’t explain why.
then it was gone.
“nothin’.”
you shake your head. “you say weird things…”
“i do?” his laugh echoed in front of you, unbothered and unrestrained. you found yourself smiling before you realized it.
that look he gave you seemed…misplaced; and it was a look that stuck with you longer than his words did.
—
seeing him became normal.
you’d always venture up on the hill right before sunset in hopes of seeing him waiting for you. sometimes, he’d already be sitting on the hill when you arrived.
sometimes you’d find him wandering aimlessly through the convenience store by your apartment complex with an armful of snacks he definitely didn’t need. other nights he’d appear beside you out of nowhere, greeting you like you’d only been apart for five minutes instead of five days.
“there you are,” he’d say.
it was always the same. like he’d expected you to show up eventually, like he never questioned that you would. because he knew you’d always show up.
you weren’t sure when you started looking for him first. maybe it was after he remembered your favorite drink without asking—the one you always brought with you, clutched in your hands as you sat together on the hill. or when he complained that you skipped dinner with him because your stomach hurt when you were stressed.
you had never told him that.
shidou was alarmingly observant, internally cataloguing every little thing you did when you were lost in thought, or in excitement.
one day you had simply asked shidou how he knew what he knew about you. he simply shrugged and said “i pay attention.”
three simple words, and yet, you carried them home with you. i pay attention. nobody has ever said that before.
people forgot things about you all the time: your birthday, the songs you loved, your favorite things—the way you picked at your skin whenever you were anxious.
shidou ryusei remembered all of it. every little thing, every habit, every expression, every silence, all of it. he began to notice things that should’ve rang a thousand alarm bells in your head, keeping the knowledge of things that seemed far too intimate, almost as if he were watching you. it should’ve unsettled you, but instead, it felt…nice. like being seen for the first time.
and his true nature was something you were never able to see.
“you know,” shidou said one evening, tossing a pebble down the hill, “you’re hard to read. y’know that, babe?”
you looked over at him, trying to conceal the way your stomach flipped at the mere mention of him calling you that name, or any name, for that matter.
“i thought you said you notice everything.”
“i do.” shidou donned a look of surprise before quickly masking it with a smile. “but that doesn’t mean i understand it.”
his words linger in your head like a thick fog. “what don’t you understand?”
he was quiet for a moment, his vibrant eyes finding yours. “you always look surprised when i show up.”
you quickly avert your gaze. “i guess…”
“you think i’m gonna disappear.” he murmurs. staring at a fixed point along the dark horizon, rolling a smooth pebble between his fingers.
his rhetorical question left you staring dumbly at the tips of your shoes. you swallowed.
“i never said that.”
“ya didn’t have to, baby.”
he tosses another pebble as you watched it skate downhill, landing with a thud. it reminded you of how quickly someone could be discarded and forgotten—just like that pebble.
shidou watched the pebble without much interest. “you keep waiting for me to get bored, hm?”
you remain silent. watching him.
“or find someone more interesting.”
“or stop texting you.” he chucked another.
and then finally, he turned to you once more. it was unnerving how directly he looked at you, his slitted pupils dilating as if he had discovered your worst nightmare, and maybe he did. “you expect me to leave.”
the honesty of it stole the air from your lungs. because he wasn’t wrong, and could he blame you? blame you for the accumulated fear latching onto you because of the people who had abandoned you before? shidou made you feel alive and wanted within the few days you’ve known him. a miracle you could finally hold onto.
shidou stared at you for a long moment, then he reached over and flicked your forehead. hard.
“ow!”
“you think too much, babe~ loosen up!” he grinned at you, propping his arm over his knee before he stood up, brushing blades of grass from his pants.
“c’mon.”
“where?”
“...food.”
your brows knit together. “shid—ryusei, it’s almost midnight.
“so?” he held out his hand like the answer was obvious. “you comin’ or what? or do i have to drag your pretty ass across this field? either or is fine with me.” he hummed contentedly, looking down at you.
you look at his outstretched hand. then at the impatient grin on his face. for a second, you almost didn’t take his hand. not because you didn’t want to, but because you were afraid of wanting to. afraid that if you reached for him once, you’d start reaching for him every time.
shidou wiggled his fingers at you. “you gonna leave me hanging all night?”
you smiled despite yourself. then, before you could overthink it, you slipped your hand into his, shidou’s fingers closing around yours effortlessly.
his hands felt warm and steady. you would remember that feeling long after you forgot what you ate that night. though, maybe that was the first sign something was changing; because when you got home, kicked off your shoes, and crawled into bed…the only thing you thought about was how empty you felt without him.
—
the funny thing about habits was that you never noticed them while they were forming.
it started with a glance toward the top of the hill before sitting down. an extra beverage you took from home, just for him. checking the weather—not because you cared if it rained, but because you wondered if he’d still come anyway.
you forced yourself to believe you just liked the view and not because he was your driving motivation almost every single day to get out of bed.
the fireworks had ended weeks ago and the park had returned to normal. there was no reason to keep coming back. yet every evening, almost without conscious effort, your feet carried you there.
sometimes he was already waiting. sometimes you arrive first. and the outcome was always the same, like you’d only seen eachother yesterday.
“you’ve got a staring problem.”
your eyelids flutter rapidly, becoming fully cognizant of the man before you. “what?”
shidou didn’t look up from the vending machine, one arm braced against its side as he jabbed the button for a sports drink.
“you keep staring at me, baby.”
heat singes your cheeks. “i do not.”
“huh?” shidou finally looks at you, clearly unconvinced, with a cocky grin spreading on his face. “you just did.”
“i was looking at the vending machine.” you quickly retort.
shidous pink eyes rake over your figure before meeting your eyes. “liar.”
he retrieved the drinks and wandered over, holding one out to you.
“i’m not staring.” you press, forcing your chin up
shidou cocks his head to the side. “no?”
“no.”
“hm.” shidou nods to himself, eyes darting to your lips. “then let’s test that theory.”
before you could ask what he meant, he hastily stepped forward, closing the distance in two swift steps. he was close enough that there wasn’t enough room to comfortably look anywhere but him.
“what are you doing? you can’t just—”
he tilted his head up, clearly amused. “back up, then, baby.”
you stare up at him. he’s so close—you could almost kiss him—
“you can.”
your mind is suddenly brought to the present. you realized, with a jolt, that he was right. nothing was stopping you. no wall behind you, no corner trapping you, just a single step backward to rid yourself of his invisible, anchoring hold on you.
but your feet stay planted. his grin faltered, only slightly, tempered with curiosity. “you didn’t move?”
your pulse fluttered. “i didn’t think i had to.”
“didn’t want to?”
you swallow your saliva. “...maybe.”
for an aching heartbeat, neither of you spoke. then, almost absentmindedly, shidou rested both of his hands possessively over your waist, reeling you closer into him. his predatory eyes searched yours with the same shameless curiosity they’d had the night you met; and his hands on you weren’t making matters any better. arousal shooting straight to your core at the contact.
his grip felt…strong and assuring. his thumbs shifted a fraction, simply adjusting where they rested.
“you ever been with anyone before?”
your body shudders, heat lancing your face, your heart beating wildly like a caged bird.
you looked away first. “not really.”
a quiet laugh escaped him. when you glanced back, he wasn’t smirking like you thought he would be, instead, he looked satisfied.
“i would’ve guessed.” something barely perceptible passed in his irises, a dark glint, almost.
“...what’s that supposed to mean?” you asked, a part of you wanting to pull him right back when he released you, as he created a distance between you that was sickening.
instead of giving you an answer, he picks up the sports drinks he set on a nearby bench, shoving one of them in your direction with a grin. “c’mon baby, let’s get you home.”
—
you hesitantly ignored the fact that he didn’t answer you, afraid to lose the moment you both were sharing.
you reached up, unlocking your door as you stepped inside. you turned around to see shidou still there, leaning against the railing. waiting.
you gave him a small wave, and he returned it with an exaggerated grin and a wave before finally turning to leave. you watched him disappear down the sidewalk until the encroaching darkness swallowed him whole.
only then did you close the door.
you stood in the silence of your apartment for a long time. until your phone buzzed.
ryusei:
made it home?
he’d left less than three minutes ago and watched you set foot halfway into your apartment. you smiled before you could stop yourself.
you:
i literally just walked inside
the typing bubble appeared instantly.
ryusei:
good
would’ve been awkward if you got kidnapped after i walked away ngl
you:
you’re ridiculous
you smile boyishly. you couldn’t remember the last time talking to someone hadn’t felt like work. not wondering whether you’d replied too quickly, not re-reading your messages before hitting send, and especially not worrying if you’d said the wrong thing.
conversation with shidou moved like water.
your thumb hovered over the keys before moving to type again.
you:
thanks for walking me home
the typing bubble appeared. disappeared. the appeared again.
ryusei:
no problem baby
besides
i wanted to
something warm settled somewhere beneath your ribs; something that continued to grow, something linear that wasn’t fleeting.
before you could respond, shidou already sent you a group of text.
ryusei:
wait
forgot to ask
same hill tomorrow?
you blink at the screen, confused. it really wasn’t a question, he’d already assumed the answer. for some reason…you liked that.
you:
yeah :)
ryusei:
cool
go to sleep now. i know how u get 😒
you:
goodnight, shidou
there was a pause. longer than usual, just enough to make you wonder if he’d fallen asleep or if you had lost his attention to something else. what is he doing? you shake your head. the conversation has clearly ended, he’s not necessarily obligated to say anything else, but you want him to at least say something—
ryusei:
night
see you tomorrow
the tempest in your chest abruptly left you upon those words. your chest tightened in a way you couldn’t explain. there was something strangely comforting about knowing someone expected to see you again.
tomorrow, someone would be waiting for you. as he always had.
the thought lulled you to sleep far quicker than it should have. eager for the suns rays to come peaking through the blinds.
—
the next morning arrived too quickly.
sunlight spilled through the narrow gap of your blinds, warm bands of gold stretching across your bedroom floor. normally, you would’ve buried yourself deeper beneath the blankets, bargaining for another twenty minutes of sleep.
but today? today you were awake.
it was like any typical day, yet today felt different. you found yourself lingering in front of your closet far longer than usual, dismissing one outfit after another before eventually settling on something simple. there wasn’t any reason to care, you weren’t going anywhere special.
just the hill. with him.
the realization made your cheeks warm. you shook your head, almost embarrassed by yourself.
you’d known shidou for what? two weeks? maybe a little longer. hardly enough time for him to become the highlight of your evenings. and yet, somehow he had.
he was already there. half-asleep on the grass with one arm tucked beneath his head, the afternoon breeze stirring unruly strands of pink-tipped hair across his forehead.
as if sensing your gaze, one pink eye cracks open, immediately landing on the spare drink in your hand; a crinkle under his eye as he grinned at you.
“you bought me one.”
you look down. “i guess i did.”
his laugh was quiet this time, the tranquility in his face almost tangible.
your days blurred together after that. the days blending into one, nice memory.
a convenience store dinner shared on the curb outside because shidou insisted on basking in the warmth of the retreating sun for a little while longer.
an evening spent wandering through downtown, ducking in little shops neither of you had the funds for.
a brief summer storm that left both of you soaked, standing beneath an awning of a closed flower shop, laughing as rain pelted on the pavement.
some nights shidou talked enough for the both of you. some nights, you both sat in comfortable silence, enjoying the company within each other.
one day, you simply realized that your life had begun to revolve around another person. your priorities had become muddled, prioritizing shidou over yourself. his actions would dictate your emotions.
you had solely become dependent on him to make your life shine.
one day, the hill was empty.
you noticed the lack of vibrancy that would usually be sprawled along the grass, smiling at you.
your eyes search the familiar stretch before you even reach the top. dread settling in your stomach like some insurmountable weight.
you slowed your pace. maybe he was late?
you check your phone. five minutes, not unusual. you sat down, continuing to glance around for a familiar sign of the blond.
you opened the beverage that you brought, as the second one reserved sat cold.
you waited as the sun began to dip lower, shadows stretching along the grass like spindly fingers. people came and left.
you checked your phone again. nothing.
you frown, the small knot in your chest amplified with each passing moment of not knowing where he was, what he was doing, anything.
its probably nothing, you tell yourself. he’s practically never punctual.
he’d probably gotten distracted—but you knew deep down that even that excuse was far fetched.
eventually, you forced yourself to get up, glancing around the vicinity before you started your lonely trek back home.
it was just one evening. that was all. people tend to get busy, plans that change, you knew that. you’d spent your whole life knowing that.
so why did his absence affect you this much?
you step into your apartment, without thinking, you picked up your phone, looking at your notifications.
nothing.
a soft laugh escapes you, almost ashamed. “he’s probably just busy…”
it sounded convincing enough.
until it wasn’t.
—-
three days. three stupid days.
people disappeared all the time, people got busy, phones died, plans changed, life happened, shit happened. so why did it feel like something inside you had been hollowed out?
you rested your elbows on your knees, rubbing tiredly at your face. “...you’re pathetic.”
the words slipped out before you could stop them, and you hated how true they sounded, how penetrating it felt.
three days ago, your evening had looked exactly like this: a quiet apartment, dinner alone, the occasional movie playing in the background while you scrolled mindlessly through your phone, clinging onto some sort of hope that shidou never left you.
you’d spent your entire life convincing yourself you didn’t need anyone. then shidou wandered into your life, smiled at you, and treated you like you’d always belonged there, with him; and somehow managed to make loneliness feel new again.
it hurt differently now, because you had something to compare it to.
you squeezed your eyes shut. you were done with this, you thought.
the conviction of the voice in your head sounded feigned, but you said it to ground yourself—convince yourself that you could move on from this, and not hole yourself up in your apartment, cowering at the thought of living the life you used to.
you would be fine by yourself, right? despite the relationship you experienced with shidou was like no other.
a knock echoed through your apartment.
startled, you lift your head, staring at the door. could that be…?
another knock raps across the door, slow and unhurried. you frowned, checking the time on your phone. nobody visited you this late.
you padded toward the door, peering through the peephole. bronze skin and…pink?
your breath caught. the lock clicked before you could register it, swinging the door wide open. shidou stood there, a familiar silhouette leaning lazily against your doorfame. his pink-tipped hair slightly tousled by the nightly breeze, his jacket hung open, hands buried carelessly in his pockets.
his big, vibrant orbs found yours immediately.
they swept unapologetically over your face, lingering just long enough to drink in the exhaustion beneath your eyes before settling into that infuriating, crooked grin you’d memorized.
he looked exactly the same. not an ounce of guilt etched into his expression, no frantic apology waiting on his tongue.
three days had carved sleepless circles beneath your eyes, stolen your appetite, and hollowed something out inside your chest.
and those shitty three days you’d suffered? it didn’t reach him at all.
“you…” your words trailed off, your pulse lurching violently beneath your skin.
his head tilts. “hm?”
“where were you?” you seethed.
shidou looks else where, seemingly unbothered by your anger-filled expression. “my phone died.”
“...that’s it?”
he shrugged. “pretty much.”
you stare at him in disbelief. was he aware of how his absence affected you? how much suffering you had to endure?
“for three days?”
“yeah.”
“you couldn’t borrow someone’s phone? or come see me? you know where i live,” your exasperation leaks through you, gesturing wildly at his figure standing in the door. “you clearly know where i live if you decided to show up now."
shidou didn’t answer. he studied your face instead.
“you couldn’t—” your voice cracked. “you couldn’t at least try to communicate with me?” you swallow, shaking your head. the words lodged painfully in your throat. you hated how pathetic they sounded before you’d even finished saying them.
“i though you left—i waited for you.” your vision blurs, ashamed. “i couldn’t eat, i couldn’t sleep.” you pressed the heel of your hand against your eyes.
“i kept thinking maybe i’d said something wrong.” the confessions spilled out all at once. “i kept wondering what i’d done to make you leave.”
every frantic word seemed to settle somewhere behind those bright, slitted eyes. his expression growing quieter and quieter with each confession. a strange stillness overtook him, then, he laughed. it wasn’t his usual boisterous laugh, it was quiet.
your head snapped up. “what?”
you watched, a tingle of terror licking up your spine to see that slow realization spread across his face.
shidou’s gaze drifted over you, taking in the trembling of your hands, the shine gathering in your eyes, the way your voice cracked every time you said his name.
the way you looked at him. god. the way you looked at him. as if losing him had genuinely broke something inside you. he wished he could just take you right then and there, and tell you that all you needed was him.
his eyes softened—not with sympathy, but with an unsettling, possessive kind of affection. he liked hearing this, and you saw that written all over his face. he looked thoroughly pleased; because somewhere beneath that attentive gaze and sharp grin, there was a boy who had just learned exactly how much power he held over you.
“so…you really do need me.” he drawls.
your breathing rattles your chest, realization dawning on you far too late.
“you couldn’t sleep.” he counted on his fingers. “couldn’t eat, couldn’t stop thinkin’ about me, and you waited three days.”
he stepped into your apartment without an invite, swiftly closing the door behind him.
“you wanna know what i was thinkin’, baby?”
you couldn’t answer. he stopped right in front of you, close enough that you could feel his warmth.
“i was wondering how long it’d take.” he reached up, brushing away a tear that had escaped down your cheek, lifting that same thumb to his mouth, his tongue darting out to taste it. “i didn’t think it’d be this fast.”
a shiver ran through you; unable to discern whether it was fear or arousal that skated along your skin.
“i—” you couldn’t even bring yourself to formulate a single word.
he grinned wider. “i like this. the way you look at me.” his shoulders roll back, an almost erotic expression strewn over his face, like seeing you desperate for him was titillating. “like i’m the only person in the world that matters.”
“shidou…”
“i like knowin’ you’re waiting for me.” shidou’s hands find themselves gripping your waist, slowly guiding you backwards until your spine kisses the wall. “i like knowin’ nobody else gets this version of you.”
his hand cups the side of your face gently, regardless of how you felt, you couldn’t help but lean into his palm.
“i want you to need me.” his voice was low, a declaration. “i want to be the first person you reach for,” his hand shifts down, forming a U around your jaw, tilting your head up to capture his wild gaze.
“you see? i ain’t the one to share what’s mine.”
you should’ve shoved him away and told him he’s fucking sick. every instinct screamed that this was wrong. but instead, your eyes search his desperately.
“what if i can’t?”
the question came barely above a whisper, though, his grin widened.
“good.” his answer was immediate. “let everybody else leave you, like they always do.” his eyes locked onto yours, before moving to stare at your quivering lips, slowly leaning in with the tilt of his head. instinctively, you raise yours, lips parting to accept him.
“i won’t.”
he wasn’t promising to save you, he was promising to become the only thing you’d ever fucking need, and some lonely part of you wanted to believe him.
shidou closes in the remaining distance, giving you a slow kiss that was bruising and deliberate. he gave you a brief opportunity to pull away, and when you didn’t, his hand settled more securely against your jaw, snaking around to cradle the back of your head, holding you with unmistakable firmness.
his fingers lingering on your waist dipped beneath the fabric of your top, lightly brushing your skin. you moan against his lips, shifting your body closer.
“ryusei…” you whisper against his mouth. both of his hands are on you now, pulling at the fabric of your top.
“fuck i love it when you say my name baby,” he moves his head to the crook of your neck, kissing the sensitive flesh with the lick of his tongue.
“say it.” he mutters into your skin, his hands explore your body with eagerness, reaching down to smack your ass with a firm grip. you gasp against him, fingers clutching onto him tighter.
“say what?” you ask breathlessly, unconsciously leaning your head back to give him more access to your flushed skin.
“the one thing you don’t wanna admit,” he licks a long stripe up your neck, resting his lips by the shell of your ear. “say that you need me.”
you shudder with need, his body the only anchor keeping you up right.
the words refused to come out. because you never needed anyone. your walls had come down rapidly with him, and now he was within them. he got far too close.
he pauses, and slowly reels back to look at you. he looks…disappointed. shidou immediately replaces it with a grin.
“you don’t wanna say it?”
you gap at him soundlessly, hands still holding onto him like he’d fly away.
“hm.” he looks around until his gaze lands on the open door leading to your bedroom. his smile lights up tenfold. “i’ll make you say it, then.”
before you could even ask him anything, he’s got you thrown over his shoulder. everything happens in an instant: the change of gravity, the switch of location, it was all obscure.
your back lands unceremoniously onto the covers. you immediately scramble up into your elbows, peering straight at shidou.
the room suddenly felt much smaller. his knees dug into the edge of the bed as he discarded his jacket; drawing your legs up to cage him in, caressing your thighs.
you’d seen his smile thousand times, but this was a variant you’d never seen.
he was completely still above you, save for the absentminded strokes he gave to your legs, hooked around him. his gaze swept over you, not hungrily in the obvious sense, but with an unnerving patience. it lingered on your tear-stained cheeks, and the way your chest rose and fell with your breath.
shidou ryusei was thoroughly captivated.
as if he snaps out of his trance, he leans down to hold the side of your face, thumb brushing away the last piece of evidence that you cried.
“you look at me differently now,” his eyes track lower and lower. “i like that…”
shidou pushes your shirt up, revealing your stomach, kissing above your naval.
you inhale sharply. the heat coiling in your gut becomes far too unbearable. your legs squeeze around his midsection.
“i fuckin’ love you. y’know that baby?”
you shake your head, unresponsive.
“want me to show you?” he grins. his fingers dip underneath your waist band, painstakingly pulling down your bottoms, along with your panties, kissing your skin in its wake.
you sigh, filled with pleasure as his lips press just beyond your mound.
“i can’t hear you.”
“yes. show me—“
your bottoms get ripped off entirely, and chucked somewhere into the abyss of your room. your legs instinctively close in on themselves, being so exposed to another was something you weren’t used to.
shidou forcibly pries your legs open, leaving you utterly exposed like before. you gasp, slowly pushing up further on the bed.
his eyes dart to yours.
“you actin’ like you don’t want it.” he slowly backs away. “well. if you don’t want it…then…” he shrugs.
“wait! no—“ you grab him by his collar, reeling him back in. a quick flash of surprise crosses his face before his usual facade takes over.
“well now~” he taunts, returning to his position between your legs.
the brisk chill swiping against your bare pussy is replaced by his warm exterior. his concealed, engorged cock rubbing up against you, eliciting a sweet moan from your lips.
“you want it?” he maneuvers his body to sit lower on the bed, his face in direct line of your dripping hole.
“yes ryusei, please.”
he hums contentedly to himself, his hands gripping either side of your thighs.
“wanna hear you say you need me, 'kay?”
without warning, he dives in; his mouth latches onto you with unapologetic hunger. his tongue glides along your slit, collecting your arousal before circling around your clit.
there was something feral in the way he held onto you, and he was fucking messy. your legs quiver around his head, a tight knot forming in the pit of your stomach.
you mewl, doing everything in your power not to push him away from how intense it felt. no one had gone down on you like this, at least, not with the sole intention of pleasing you first.
your hips buck into his mouth, a hand snaking its way to grip the roots of his blond hair. he grunts in your wetness
“lemme hear you say it,” he sucking harshly on your clit now, and your body practically folds in on itself, shooting upright.
“shit ryusei—god.” your words are a jumbled mess, trying to figure out if your orgasm was going to blow over later or right now—definitely the latter.
“say you need me n’ i’ll let you cum.”
your face scrunches up, the pleasure far too consuming, and the fact that you had to tell him something you didn’t want to admit. it was like relinquishing a part of you that you’d held on for so long—and you’d rather suffer then admit to him your codependency.
you shake your head defiantly, silently hoping that he’d let you cum all over his face regardless.
shidou pulls back, leaving your pussy clenched and desperate for release. his expression darkens as he looks at you.
“take that shit off.” he gestures to your shirt, staring expectantly.
hesitantly, you obey. had you upset him? just because of that?
the shirt slides over your head, carefully setting it to the side.
he cocks his head at you. “you think you’re done? bra too babe. i wanna see all of you when i’m deep inside you.”
your core throbs again almost achingly, screaming for a release, the one you were robbed of.
your hands reach to unclasp your bra, falling limp as it slides down your arms. you discard that too, setting it aside, sitting bare before him.
“look at you. all naked and pretty for me.” his grin is unfaltering as he hooks his fingers beneath the fabric of his shirt. “my turn~”
he sheds his shirt with haste, pushing his waistband down to reveal his erection, bobbing and glistening between his thighs.
for some reason, the idea of him being ripped never crossed your mind. he had lean muscle, no unnecessary bulk, he was perfect. and his cock was something you couldn’t tear your eyes from even if you tried.
“you wanna cum baby?”
you nod slowly. “yes.”
“if you be a good girl i’ll let you,” he leans over you, arms on either side of your head, caging you in. his hips were situated in between your thighs, dick prodding at your hole teasingly.
you jolt, shifting your hips upwards to feel more of him.
shidou drags his tip along your entrance, before slapping your clit with the brunt of it. you moan in response, your core spasming from it.
“say what i tell you to say.” he presses a chaste kiss beneath your eye, but his words don't reach the softness of his actions as he pushes in.
your back lifts off the bed, the stretch of his cock filling you was indescribably good; it felt like he was hitting every spot inside you when he entered.
it’s been so long since someone’s mounted you like this.
“that’s it, baby…take all of me. i want you to be so fuckin’ full of me—fuck.” he released a moan of pleasure, relishing the way you squeezed him.
“damn…squeezing me so tight you won’t let go.” he huffs a laugh, fully sheathed inside you.
you feel so full; everything feels hazy and incoherent. you moan helplessly, gripping onto his arms.
“i’m gonna be the only one you need, the only one to fuck you this good, huh babe?”
before you could respond, he abruptly pulled out, slamming back in. your lips part, moaning his name loudly, head thrown back as you feel him inside you. so damn deep it was intoxicating.
shidou moves his hips at a debilitating pace; it leaves you devoid of breath, clinging onto him as he pins you in missionary.
“look how good you take me, stretchin’ around my cock so nicely.”
you empty another shuddering moan, tempted to look down and see his cock being swallowed by your pussy. but you don’t, afraid the image might alter you somehow—forever.
“do you feel good? am i making you feel good baby?” his thrusts get harder and deeper, driving into you with an intensity so overwhelming you didn’t know what to think.
“mmmm yes.” you gasp, daring your eyes to lock on his, and suddenly, you wish you hadn’t.
shidou was already looking at you. his pink eyes were boring into yours, lustful and present.
“there you are.” he grins manically, his hand reaching to grip your jaw, forcing your attention on him.
“look at me when i fuck you. i wanna see that pretty face when you finally admit you need me.”
you whimper, eyes threatening to roll back. it was so good; half his words went through one ear and out the other.
“don’t you want to? just say it.”
you could feel yourself close to cresting over—but as if shidou read your mind, his thumb runs down your skin to massage your clit, giving you generous, soft circles.
“ryusei—please.” you were falling over the edge quick, and the constant drag of his cock against your walls wasn’t helping, and the thumb drawing tight circles in the apex of your thighs.
“nah, you’re gonna say it. i thought you were gonna be a good girl?” he takes his thumb away.
you groan at the loss of amplified pleasure, confliction clear on your face. “i am! m’ good for you, i promise ryusei.”
“you promise? let me hear it.” he moves closer to you, adjusting your legs to sit high on his shoulders. the angle he had you in made dots fly across your vision. it felt like his cock had dug deeper into an uncharted depth that you’ve never experienced before.
the truth sat heavily against your ribs. terrifying and humiliating. but admitting your unadulterated need for him somewhat felt… relieving.
“need you…” your voice barely above a whisper, drowned out by your helpless moans.
shidou perked up, the roll of his hips never relenting. “what baby? use your voice, i can’t—”
“i need you, ryusei—i’ve always needed you!” you cut him off, the mere thought of it causing you to clench down around him.
he sucks in a sharp breath, head thrown back with a face laden with satisfaction. “good fucking girl.”
he pushes in one final time before your squeezing around him; your orgasm hits you all at once, fierce enough to steal the air from your lungs. his name leaves you in a chant, and he answers, spilling inside you with a breathless moan.
it somehow felt much more personal, his cum intertwining with yours, locked together like this. after this, there was surely no way he would leave you, right?
without another word, shidou pulls out, rolling over, drawing you against him.
the movement was effortless, one arm settling firmly around your waist while the other slid between your shoulder blades, pulling you into the steady rise and fall of his breathing.
“so much easier when you stop fightin’ yourself, right?” he smiles tiredly, his eyes fluttering closed.
you sigh, rolling your eyes. “shut up…”
“why’d you leave me?” you blurt out.
his answer comes quick. “cause i wanted to see that when i leave, you’d still choose me.” he trails off, stroking the flesh of your back. “that’s what i like about you. so dependent on me to make you feel better.”
you instantly push up from his chest, gazing at him with horror.
“oh, don’t look at me like that, babe. you were just so easy to read.”
you pull back slightly. “shidou…”
he looks at you, waiting for that sentence to be finished, but you never finished it.
“people like you are rare.” he hums, his eyes looking towards the ceiling, his free arms shoved beneath his head.
your brows furrow. “people like me?”
“people who spend their whole lives convincing themselves they don’t need anyone.” his eyes return to yours. “and suddenly, they realize how tired they were—and that’s the part i like.”
your chest tightens. “what part?”
his smile grows, amused. “being the person they finally give in to.”
there it is. the rude-awakening. you had spent so long believing the worst thing he could do was leave. you never considered that the more terrifying possibility was that he would stay for the wrong reason.
“you like that i need you...?” you mutter, disbelief writing itself onto your face. like saying them out loud would hurt less, but they don’t.
“yeah.” his answer is immediate.
you stare at him incredulously. and for once, he doesn’t bother hiding it.
“i like knowin' i’m the one you come to when things get bad.” his voice lowers, slowly sitting up to become eye-level with you. ”the one who makes it better, and whenever you’re scared, you’ll look for me, right baby?”
the room goes quiet, and all you can do is stare. you hated that a part of you felt relieved. because even now, after everything he had admitted, after seeing the ugliness beneath the affection, there was still a small voice inside you, reminding you that he came back.
"yes..." you whispered to him.
shidou didn’t want to be your everything; he wanted to be your only thing, and he enjoys being the person you depend on; it’s that same, lonely part of you that wants to let him.
because if he’s there, you don’t have to wonder who will catch you if you fall. and maybe that wasn’t even the most terrifying realization of all; it was knowing exactly why he wanted that.
and despite that, you still didn’t want him to stop.
