Ship Awareness - Leo & Fiat
(Don’t Say No the Series)
Note: Instead of doing a complete analysis like I planned, I decided to do a ship awareness because I felt like I was repeating myself too much in the analysis, probably do to points I’d already posted during viewing the show and so I ended up writing several drafts and liking none of them 🙃 So instead I decided on a Ship awareness piece which focus on the breakdown of just the pair’s relationship rather than a complete break down of the show as well. So…without further ado 😶
Leo’s style of love is Care. People tend to think of care as defined as an emotion, where it means to have an affection or liking for, rather than the care as it is defined as an act. The type of care I mean when I talk about Leo is the provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance and protection of someone (or something). When Leo is opening his home because Fiat has been kicked from his own, when he’s switching homes because Fiat feels uncomfortable, taking responsibility for his needs & having the last say on his health related decisions during his injury, dealing with his stalker, mother and King, playing middle man during his conflicts with his father – all of these are times we see Leo supply or have control over Fiats health, welfare (emotional & physical), and protection. And much of this goes hand-in-hand with his dominance because a large part of that is about instructing (guiding) giving care.
It’s not about sliding into a role society has given him, so much as it’s a part of who he is. This concept defines his ideology of love. If he doesn’t work within the frames of it he feels incompetent or as if he’s failed his relationship and Fiat. This is why when Fiat tells him that he can’t help him, that what happened with his mom is in the past and he doesn’t wanna rehash it, what Leo hears is that he’s useless because he feels it is his duty to provide for Fiats wellbeing.
Leo’s deepest desire is to make Fiat happy, to make him feel loved and he does that through these acts, through giving himself up Fiat in this way.
“All I care is right now, this moment, you’re mine and I’ll take the best care of you.”
Leo doesn’t require servitude with his dominance, he requires complete surrender of Fiat – body and heart. In return he’s willing to do or be anything Fiat needs to feel safe, taken care of and happy. That’s the exchange he’s committed to giving Fiat.
He’s devoted to the plight of making Fiat happy, so much so that he can fall into an extreme or become self conscious. We saw an exhibit of the former early in their relationship when he did all that research and kept love bombing Fiat verbally and with gifts. An overwhelming slew of loving and guess work instead of accessing and communicating. We see it again when they have their big blow out. Due to Fiats happiness and pleasure being of the utmost importance to Leo, he doesn’t seek to stop Fiat or overturn the decision he feels Fiat has made. Once again he indulgences him despite the pain he himself is obviously in as he tries to force his way back into the mindset of just being friends again. In the latter, that consciousness has him second guessing himself and his own needs, at one point it being so bad that he’d outright try to deny himself. His desire to please Fiat can sometimes lead to an overindulgence that can be detrimental to their relationship.
During times like these Fiat has to slide into coaxing Leo out of it without seeking to control (when he seeks to come from a place of control it just puts them into a far worse position – i.e the 4 years of him seeing other people). I think the further into their relationship they get the more Fiat understands the facets of the way Leo indulges him and this allows him to understand what Leo needs at those times. We see this when they try to move into having s€x again. Leo’s novice & making sure everything is okay makes this a slow process and they end up getting stopped a lot. It isn’t until Fiat initiates the act himself, declaring that he won’t be shy anymore, that progress is made. He’s able to do things this way, initiate with the knowledge that this will lead Leo to follow through and take over. He knows that if he shows that it’s something he absolutely wants that Leo will feel more comfortable giving into it. We see this again when Leo’s insecurities and fear about his own desires presents themselves and Fiat verifies that he’s not only okay with those needs but implies that Leo can take it even further.
Fiat may have had to say I love you first, or initiate things to convince Leo he’s ready, he may have to be a bit more ‘courageous’ but it creates a space where Leo feels comfortable, where he feels he’s centering Fiats wants & needs while being allowed his own. Fiat, as they grow, understands the balance he creates within Leo.
“I’ll let you do anything to me. Only you.”
Because Leo’s love style is so prevalent in the everyday feature of their relationship, it’s sometimes easy to miss the fact that Fiat centers Leo just as much as Leo centers him. Fiat has a sacrificial love style when to comes to Leo. It’s not just his body that Fiat submits to Leo but all aspects of himself. He’s always planned his life around Leo & the concept of maintaining a ‘them’. The first clue to this was the reference to him giving up ice skating for the sport Leo favored. Mind you he didn’t just join to ride the bench, no he surpassed Leo’s position. He became not only the scorer of the team but also the captain. How much dedication he had to have to go from a sport so drastically different from his own and become a fundamental part of the team that they couldn’t get rid of. He didn’t just join the team, he made basketball a them, a Leo & Fiat thing. He gave up what could’ve possibly been a dream and at the shortest was something he enjoyed and was good at given Leo’s claim that he could’ve gone pro.
We see another large example of this when after 2 years of living abroad with Leo for grad school, Fiat rejects a job to continue to be freelance so that he has ability to pick up and go if Leo’s job ever requires travel or a complete move from Thailand. He does this despite the struggle with homesickness he had during the 2 year stint abroad, despite the happiness of returning to Thailand. He and Leo don’t want to do separation, even if it’s temporary. And it’s not about clinging to one another, they just understand what conditions they deplete at and which ones they flourish under. Leo’s parents have jobs that require them to separate at times through travel and they live happily under that scope but that wouldn’t work for Leo and Fiat because they prefer existing in unity. I know some people look at that as codependency and that’s fine but I also think it’s important to understand the nuance of the pair themselves. Leo and Fiat have been together for almost their whole lives. Neither of them feels their highest level of achievement through career or education, they feel their most accomplished when their significant other feels loved, satisfied and taken care of.
For Fiat it doesn’t matter what day, time frame or era, no matter what’s up against Leo he’s always gonna choose Leo. So while we as outsiders may see these as acts of sacrifice, he himself likely does not. He’s just doing the things he needs to take care of Leo and their relationship.
We’ve also seen what the extreme side of this looks like for Fiat in that first situation with King (Leo & Fiat friendship era). Despite having no interest, affection or desire for King, Fiat decides to sacrifice his body because he didn’t want Leo’s own dream impacted. Because Fiat’s love style is the way it is, his every action is influenced by the concept of the love he has for Leo. Even when we break down the sexual habits of his past the contextualized point is that Fiat sought out relationships in the hopes that anger, jealousy or yearning would produce a response from Leo that would result in him transitioning their relationship from friends to lovers. It didn’t matter if others got hurt in that process, cause he certainly wasn’t genuinely interested in them. Many times these relations were done to avoid his own emotional distress related to Leo. Several times we see these engagements stem from a knee-jerk type of reaction after Fiat feels rejected by Leo. Even the infatuation with Type was based in the desire and love he has for Leo.
Be it good, bad or mistake, it all comes down to Leo. This is why he himself needs certain things when it comes to the one guiding him, because he’s the type that can lose himself in his love or in his Dom. We tend to view Fiat as a bit self-centered but when it comes to Leo he is anything but. Somewhere along the way he’s learned to read Leo’s physical signs and anticipate his needs. It’s imperative that Leo checks-in constantly with his emotions because Fiat is the sort that no matter how much he says otherwise will allow his own discomfort if the end game means Leo’s pleasures. There are bouts of him not admitting to his own pain or making choices that are not the most healthiest. Fortunately, Leo is the type that is obsessed with taking care of Fiat, with maintaining his welfare, happiness and protection. He manually checks on Fiats emotional level and needs, both verbally and by taking note of none verbal cues. No matter how small he will ask if it is okay to touch Fiat, to hold him, if he’s open to talking. He refuses to allow Fiat to sit in discomfort even for him. I think one of my personal favorite presentations of this was the decision to move houses because Fiat was not longer comfortable in the main home. Most people, like Fiat’s friends, would find this a bit extreme because won’t Fiat just get over it after a while and learn to adapt to the feeling? However, for Leo there is no extreme, there’s only placing Fiats emotional welfare first. And the matter isn’t actually small, they even change themselves due to this need. They give up the aspect of maids and such all together, choosing instead to be more independent based in the care of their home by learning to clean & take care of all other needs themselves. One thing I’ve always found interesting was Leo making sure the other room was accessible for Fiats personal need, even in this new home of theirs. I think most fans would claim that Fiat is confrontational but he’s really not, when it’s something that really causes him pain or discomfort he actually seeks to isolate himself and sit with his emotions alone. Even so much that there are times Leo literally had to search him out. So him allowing this other room to in a way be Fiat’s, is just Leo being conscious and considerate of Fiat’s needs.
These ideals on how they love is found at the core of their every intimacy as well. I would say that their intimacy is defined by comfort but I don’t want people to think I just mean that it exist in a place of discontentment so instead I’ll describe it as being from a place of giving and receiving warmth. I don’t mean warmth as in heat of passion, because while their sexual intimacy usually tends to lean towards passionate expression, everything else comes from a sense of sheltering or act of care. When you assess how they touch outside of the perimeters of sex there’s rarely any gliding, gripping or lingering touches. There’s a lack of the desperation that’s so often present with new or young love. A lot of their touch is focused on embracing, be it hugging, cuddling or how they hold hands. An embrace is one of the easiest ways to share a sense of closeness. They’re so used to making the other feel surrounded in love and giving a sense of protection, shelter or consolation. The way Leo and Fiat hold hands as a form of embrace is fascinating to me. They don’t hold hands like most pairings who more often use the interlace method. Instead, Leo & Fiat has the habit of using the two-hand hold method wherein the giver holds the hand of the receiver with both of their own. This hand hold style is more often done from Leo to Fiat but there’s instances from Fiat as well. When Leo tends to do it, it’s always a face to face gripping while he glides his fingers over Fiats. The face to face with this kind of hold relays to the receiver that they have the other persons full attention. The grip gives a feeling that allows Fiat to feel safe, secure and comforted. While the gliding is about feeling loved and connected. It’s the same when it comes to kissing, Leo preferring to kiss the top of Fiats head and the back of his hand. The former is about giving assurance and allowing the receiver to feel safe under a sense of familiarity. This kiss style is often done by a parent or guardian but can be done by a lover who, like Leo, seeks to give his partner constant assurance no matter if it’s verbal or nonverbal. The latter, kissing the back of someone’s hand, also is a conveyer of assurance as it means affection, trust and usually is done to show utter devotion to the receiver. Fiat on the other hand doesn’t do many side kisses outside of cheek kisses which are all about showing affection. The one particular kiss that’s noteworthy for him is the forehead kiss he gave Leo (in the post Special) because while he chose to do this kiss in the midst of s€x, the kiss style itself is nonsexual and all about emotional closeness. It conveys that you respect the receiver, that you see them as more than a sexual being. It presents as appreciation or a way to give consolation.
This of course isn’t the full extent of their touching but the longer you watch them the more you realize just how much the concept of ‘embrace’ is at the core of their touch system and how this system exist as such because of their ideology about love. Every pair has their own touch system, when I spoke about KaengPuth from Y-Destiny I expressed how their intimacy was all about reverence. That their touch system was a burning passion where the movements were slow and lingering because it was only during the act of s€x that they could honestly express their love for the other. Leo & Fiat however differ from Kaeng & Puth in the fact that their touch system manifested over years of friendship before they moved into a sexual space. Like I said their touch is about warmth – it presents as being cozy because they’re both already so comfortable in its exchange or presence. Because of this, because their touch system was already founded in giving care, comfort, warmth, or love when they switched over to a romantic relationship they verbalized the fact that their physical exchange may be the same but it no longer is tucked under the guise of friendship. This for a small time is what caused the worry inside of their transition when considering s€x because there were question if the other would understand that the touch is now romantic since it was the same, or would advancing into more sexual areas make them perceive one another differently (in a bad way). Of course it doesn’t and it helps that their intimacy also includes openness to dialogue.
In fact, their sexual intimacy while still grounded in caring for one another shows up quite differently in the touch system. Their intimacy outside s€x is mellow, cozy, and looks like old love but their intimacy inside s€x is all new. The aspect of passion and desperation that is missing in their nonsexual intimacy is often at the center when it comes to their sexual exchange. There’s a lot of exploration, be it through hands or mouth. There’s lots of gripping and gliding which infers a desire to be closer, to be connected in every way. However, rather than this being about them sharing a new experience I’d say it’s more of a greed thing. Leo and Fiat are quite the touchy pair in their own right and when that transfers over into s€x it elevates to a whole other level. I say this because there’s always a kick up in this expressionism when there is a real gap in them engaging in any form of intercourse. The longer they go without the exchange the more impassioned they are, the more they exhibit that desire for connection.
Due to them being in a 24/7 lifestyle variation of D/s, their elements of dominance and submission never takes a break and resides in both the sexual and nonsexual sectors of their relationship. D/s is about energy just as much as any intimacy, and because it comes with a commitment to roles, duties and such that energy is felt no matter how minuscule. Basically what I mean here is that no matter the nonsexual element it will most likely still have a kink element or vibe to the exchange. For example, feeding, or clothing one another. Feeding and clothing a lover can be an intimate thing all on its own, but what I really wanted to focus on here was how the energy is different dependent upon which one is giving the act. This may be a way one or both of them chooses to care for the other but they still come from a very different place when engaging with the action. Leo is a dominant so his energy or acts come from a place of dominance or features aspects of dominance while Fiat’s come from a place of submission. I know this sounds like common sense but so often I see people tie the concept of initiating to dominance so they can infer that Fiat is being dominant or is the dominant in that moment and that’s not true at all.
Leo is lenient when it comes to Fiat, and Fiat is what some would call a Brat. So this gives into Leo giving Fiat room to express what ever he needs in the moment but then he always takes back control through changing position, tempo, or the act. More and more I tend to think that this act isn’t about Fiat trying to engage with dominance or be dominant but rather his way of bluntly showing and telling Leo that he wants what they’re doing and that he consents to it. I feel that it’s more about Fiat taking care of Leo through submission rather than dominance because so often during these times we see Fiat literally place himself in Leo’s hands and tell him to do to him whatever he wants. This is important to note because Leo himself at times get caught up in his own fears of his dominance. Fear of hurting Fiat or doing things he’s not comfortable with. Consent is a big element in their intimacy for Leo, both in and out of sex. In fact, if you recall their first sexual exchange or them starting again after the confusion period – Fiat had to initiate both of them because of Leo’s own hesitancy. Like I said previously, Fiat isn’t as self-centered when it comes to Leo, he often temper checks Leo the same way Leo temper checks him. The longer their relationship goes on the more Fiat has grown into his submission and understanding that initiating doesn’t have to come only when Leo is self conscious but can also come when he wants to feel loved and give love. And yes, I do believe that Fiat has always been aware of his submissive nature when it comes to Leo because of the things he used to say during the taunting era of their relationship when he was bitter about the fact that Leo hadn’t chosen to transition their relationship from friends to romantic partners. The idea itself, that it’s Leo’s place and not his to transition them, speaks to how he saw things when it came aspects such as control, guidance, and dominance when it came to their relationship even then. Don’t Say No is in part about sexual exploration and for Fiat that was grounded in delving himself into his submission and coming out in ways that were healthy and fit for him. 3 years into their relationship and you can see how he’s really learned and settled into using these means to take care of Leo.
Both Leo and Fiat believe in concepts of ownership and belonging to one another. They often use terminology that aligns with these ideals such as mine, or yours. Their necklaces sits inside this aspect as well. Despite the charms being a gift from Leo’s Mom, for their anniversary, them deciding to wear each others name is an indicator of ownership itself. Leo choosing to wear the necklace that claims him to be Fiat’s while Fiat wore the one that declared he was Leo’s. Sometimes I really want to compare the necklaces to aspect of collaring but I think the important thing to note about it is the reverence they both have for the charms and the role it plays for them. I placed it in this section because it takes part in all their intimacy ideals, including sexual. The two rarely take off the necklaces and by rarely I mean they only did that one time they took a bath together. The charms aren’t just identifiers to their ownership of the other but also physical representation of their devotion and surrender to one another and the concepts of what makes them, them. So when they include the charms in their most intimate act of making love to one another, it’s their way of paying tribute to it, to their love and relationship. When they are at their most vulnerable, in a painful state and the other is not around they hold tight to these charms the same way the they wish to hold to one another. They treat their necklaces the way a married couple may treat their wedding rings.
Emotional and physical intimacy intertwine for Leo and Fiat’s relationship. Every physical touch, be it sexual or nonsexual, is motivated by whatever emotional landscape they are allowing into their relationship at the moment. They try to also keep the air clear for verbal communication as to take away guess work and both of them have been known to try to go with what they assumed the other wanted rather than questioning and that has caused things to go haywire. Being open and vulnerable isn’t as easy as anyone ever claims, for both Leo and Fiat I think that struggle comes not from the other but from their own internal fears. They both have these expectations and perceptions of themselves and neither wants to be ‘too much’ in the frame of their relationship – Leo with his Dominant nature which is already so stigmatized by society and Fiat with his own worries of if he’s a good or bad person and therefore worthy of the love he receives from Leo. So often this leads to the belief that if one just deals with it on their own, if they push it back and don’t allow the other to see it or know about it then it won’t become a problem. Definitely when you have two individuals who are so driven to be together that they’re willing to lose other aspects. So, to me, I think their intimacy isn’t just about which touch means what, or giving pleasure and happiness. It’s about coming to a place where they understand that the other person will love them no matter what and support them when it comes time to assess their own internal murky waters and that they’re open for the discussion, without judgement, no matter if it’s something so deep that they have to discuss it or handle it more than once.
“I’ll probably never be the perfect boyfriend. But there’s one thing I’m better than anyone, it’s loving you with all my heart.”
I still see takes that imply the title ‘Don’t Say No’ was was built in toxicity and I realize that with these are people who either have not actually seen the show or have an incredible lack of comprehensive skills. So, I didn’t want to leave out the opportunity to speak about this specific topic because I feel that it’s such insight into what Leo & Fiat wish to achieve inside their relationship. Even me, myself, really didn’t get it until watching the theme song video and really taking it in (love this song btw).
We’ve been walking together long time That makes me know no one deserves you But me Only you in my whole heart Trust me I will have only you Believe me Baby please don't say no Don’t say that again
Believe our hearts live together We sometimes misunderstand each other Cause we don’t talk I won’t let you say no Cause I will show you No one loves you As much as I do
(Song: Please Don’t Say No – Subs & Video on YouTube)
Basically the song expresses their desire to not be rejected (emotionally) and their pledge to love the other so well that they’ll never want to reject the other or separate. Both Leo and Fiat reiterates this both direct and indirectly in the series itself. Leo bluntly stating that he won’t let Fiat reject his love and Fiat replying that he won’t reject Leo’s love. Indirect version was,
“I’ll make you so infatuated with me that you don’t dare become someone else’s but mine.”
“I surrender, this Leo is already very infatuated with Fiat.”
“I’ll keep spoiling you until you can’t live without me.”
“Fiat already can’t live without Leo.”
And this is what I was speaking to previously, Leo and Fiat believe in surrendering to their love, to their relationship and to one another. The ideologies of love and how they give it is so tied to everything they do because they’re dedicated to making the other feel so loved, so cared for, that they never regret the decision to say yes and they never feel a need to change it to a no. They take pride in that surrender because it is what allows them to confidently say that they deserve the other, that there’s no one better than them. They make these pledges because they want the other to understand that they may not be perfect, their relationship may have hiccups from time to time, but they’ll be loving the other to the utmost of their ability and with all that they have.
“Yes there is you and me. Theres us.”
Leo and Fiats main goal is to be a them, us, a pair. Whatever word you wanna use that’s synonymous for existing in unity. That was their goal even before transitioning into a romantic relationship and now that they have there’s no desire to go backwards. It’s not difficult to understand why Fiat chose Leo, why he was the one to have such an impact on his life. Fiat didn’t come from a stable home, with parents who showed him how to receive love much less give it. When Leo entered his life he brought with him family, home, security, love and care. Leo was Fiats first experience at love, all love, not just romantic because Leo was the first person who gave him love in a healthy way, a love that was all about him and not founded in selfishness or pain. Leo loved him patiently, completely and unselfishly and in turn Fiat doesn’t just love all aspects of Leo, he accepts all of Leo. Fiat is more bold, more brave even, but he never demeans Leo for that, instead he offers himself up with the knowledge that no matter how Leo chooses to love him it’ll be good. Fiat is Leo’s first in every way, the trust and acceptance is one of the greater gifts Fiat has bestowed upon him. It allows him freedom within their relationship to engage however he pleases. Fiat places nothing above or before Leo. He is willing to sacrifice any and everything in place of Leo. Sometimes I feel people overlook the way Fiat places himself in Leo’s hands, overlook the fight he has for the other man and their relationship, because everyone has their own ideals of what ‘weakness’ is, they see Leo give an act of care or what they view as ‘saving’ Fiat and in turn judge Fiat for what they perceive as weakness. I think that this need to invalidate Fiats emotional distress as some kind of weakness, is unfair definitely when it’s used to diminish what he brings to the table. Both men are devoted to their relationship. Both men exhibit exceeding care for the other. The reason they work so well is that they both give their all to each other, their relationship, and the love they have. They are each other’s most important person.
Leo and Fiat are all about being what the other needs. They’ve always refused to allow others to decided what that meant for them, refused to let outsiders define them. They cultivated their own love and everything that takes places inside the perimeters of their relationship is their own choosing. Others may feel that Leo is too lenient when it comes to Fiat, feel contempt at the concept of him wearing a sign of ownership as well but Leo would never care. He doesn’t allow his own parents much say or allow their opinions to mold the concept of his relationship with Fait, so it’s doubtful he’d let anyone else do so. Fiat belongs to him as much as he belongs to Fiat. It is his right to protect him, take care of him and make him happy because Fiat is his. Same with Fiat, he didn’t care what others thought of his sexual past or felt about him as a whole. Leo is his center and his opinion, feelings, thoughts, and wants are the ones Fiat holds as the utmost important. He allows Leo to lead him because he trust him, because he knows he’ll be cared for. As he told his friend. “Past, present or future it’s always Leo.” He made his decision long ago and gives himself to that decision daily.
“I don’t know if there’ll be a day when I become a perfect boyfriend for you, but I’ll be me who loves you with all my heart.”