"Quit smiling at me, I can't stop messing up my sentences when you look at me like that." With Caddimoose??
Hate quadrant ships are always interesting~
//
Ian knew he would regret ever asking Caddy for help. Even if he was desperate, Caddy was certainly not his last option. However, something had led Ian to knock on the Brit’s door, and Ian had only himself to blame.
“Quit smiling at me, I can’t stop messing up my sentences when you look at me like that.” Ian frowned, running a hand through his hair. Why did he ever even take a public speaking class?
“You’re doing fine. Continue?” Caddy gave him a thumbs up and Ian groaned. This wasn’t helpful in the slightest. He sighed, starting the speech once again. He let it trail off, however, blinking down at the shaking paper in his hands. He couldn’t bring himself to speak.
“Moosey?” Caddy stood, moving to grab Ian’s hands in his own. Ian stared down, his eyes blank and unfocused.
“Ian. Ian, look at me. You’re doing great, okay? You can do this. Do you wanna take a break?” Ian nodded slowly, Caddy’s tight frown reminding him of where he was. He sat down slowly, Caddy following. Not once did he let go of Ian’s hands.
“I’m…”
“You’re fine, Moosey.” Caddy gave him a small smile, and Ian nodded slowly.
Brutaltown and "you look really cute in that sweater"? 💜
You’re the only reason I’m trash for this pairing while also being trash for bham god bless
//
Ian hated Christmas parties. Hated was an understatement. They were loud, bright, someone always brought out some form of alcohol, and he despised receiving presents. He just didn’t show his emotions very well, and trying to show his happiness when people gave him things…. It just didn’t go well.
Thus, Ian found himself in the corner of the Fabre residence, nursing the one and only glass of wine he planned to have that night. His headache was growing by the second, and Ian warily eyed the mistletoe hung in the doorway to the kitchen. Did he dare try to go through? As the yelling from the group in front of the TV began to grow, he raised a shaking hand to his forehead and decided it was worth the risk.
Moving quickly, he watched for anyone who looked to be heading the same way before setting a foot on the threshold. Just as he stepped on the hardwood floor, he was sent backwards from another body carelessly blocking his path. He teetered dangerously, a curse slipping its way from his mouth before he braced himself for impact. It never came, however, as a strong arm threw itself around his waist, stopping his descent.
Ian blinked slowly, looking blankly into the eyes of Luke.
“Oh gosh I’m sorry! Are you alright?” Luke frowned, worry crossing his face. Ian said nothing, his own expression reverting to a vague boredom. Luke watched him before seeming to realize the precarious position they were still in, moving to allow Ian to support himself once again. They watched each other, Luke becoming increasing flustered with Ian’s lack of response until he glanced up, face going red.
“I… oh.”
“Yeah.” Ian shrugged, picking slowly at a loose thread on his sweater. He knew the blush was slowly creeping up his neck, as much as he was trying to force it away. Everything felt like it was slowly disappearing until it was just the two of them and the mistletoe. Luke rocked back on his heels slowly.
“So uh…. You look really cute in that sweater.” Ian glanced up sharply, and Luke was left to decide between looking at Ian and looking anywhere that wasn’t Ian. Ian sighed.
“Just kiss me, Sizemore.” Luke’s eyes widened, and he nodded slightly before moving forward, their lips coming together gently. It was short, barely enough for either of them to even think about it, and yet it left Ian breathless. They stood there for a moment, the room around them slowly coming back into focus.
Ian couldn’t stay. No matter how hard he tried, he knew that he’d always have to leave eventually. It was just how things were. He messed up and ran because there was never anything else to do. He was well versed in the sciences that came with writing goodbye letters, in the art of disappearing.
He never expected the tables to turn.
“Luke?” Ian had been looking for him all day, finally checking their dorm. He was just… gone. No sign of the discarded hats and clothes that were normally left laying around, bunk as clean and blank as they day they moved in. Ian stopped, mouth agape, before he spied a single piece of paper on Luke’s cleaned desk. He walked quickly, snatching it up before reading.
Ian,
I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I had to leave like this, I’m sorry I had to leave you behind. There’s a lot of things I’m sorry for.
But I’m most sorry for falling in love with you.
That sounds bad. I’m sorry. I just…. I promised myself I wouldn’t let anyone break my heart. But here you are, and here I am. Did you notice how I never dated anyone, while I was at Asagao? How I distanced myself from everyone in that aspect? I had good reason to, and it’s not just because I didn’t want to. Believe me, I wanted to.
I’m in a relationship, Ian.
I know what you’re thinking. “You never told us about this? Why didn’t you say anything?“ except with more cursing. And yeah, I’ve thought about it. But something held me back when I thought about telling you guys. I don’t know what it was, but it doesn’t really matter now. She loves me. And I love her. She’s kind, smart, caring.
I just never meant to fall in love with you as well.
Ian had to sit down. His entire body was shaking, hands trembling so badly that he could barely read the paper. He took a deep breath, hands running through his hair as he tried to think.
Luke couldn’t just be gone. He had to be somewhere. Maybe this was all and elaborate joke, some stupid prank… No. Luke wouldn’t do that. Ian slowed his breath, steadying his hands as he picked up the paper once again.
She depends on me and I can’t let her down. I love her a lot Ian. But I love you as well. And I had to choose. You or her.
I’m sorry.
The letter ended there. A million thoughts ran through Ian’s mind, but only one stood out clear enough for him to grab hold.
He had to find Luke.
It didn’t take long to find Luke’s hometown online, a small village a couple hours south of Asagao, and the next thing Ian knew he was on the train, leaving Asagao to find his friend. He had a lot of time to think.
Ian had harbored a crush on Luke for a long, long time. He never realized Luke felt the same. Of course, that was Luke’s goal, but Ian still thought he would have been perceptive enough to notice if Luke returned the feelings.
What was he going to tell Luke? Come back to Asagao, for sure. If Luke was uncomfortable around Ian they could switch dorms or something. Ian knew he couldn’t let Luke just leave.
He couldn’t.
An hour later Ian stumbled off the train, the long day catching up to him quickly. He had already hired a driver, slipping into the car that would deliver him to Luke’s door. As they got closer to the house, Ian’s heartbeat sped up. Would Luke even let him in? Would Luke talk to him? The full force of Luke feeling the same way about him hadn’t hit yet, and Ian was still dazed to think that Luke liked him back. Maybe this had been a bad idea….
“Ian?” Luke cracked open the door, eyes red. If Ian wasn’t mistaken, it looked like Luke had been… crying.
“Luke, don’t you dare close that door. I was worried sick about you! What the hell did you think leaving Asagao would do? I can’t believe you-”
“She broke up with me.”
“I- what?” Ian’s spiel died on his lips, hand lowering from it’s pointing. Luke gave a watery smile, choking back a laugh as he wiped fresh tears from his eyes.
“I came back, and told her how I had fallen I love with you, but I had come back for her and she- she called me ‘disgusting’, Ian. She said there was no way I still loved her if I had fallen in love with someone else.” He gave a dry laugh, quickly turning into a sob as Ian stared helplessly.
“Luke, I’m sor-”
“Don’t say it. Oh god, don’t say it. I don’t… I don’t need your pity.” Ian watched as Luke forced away the tears, frowning before wrapping his arms around Luke, feeling as the latter straightened up before relaxing into the embrace.
“She doesn’t deserve you if she’s gonna leave you like that. What an asshole. I mean seriously, who the fuck does that?” Luke moved back, giving a small smile as Ian shook his head. It was a smile, and that was all Ian could hope for.
“Ian, I’m so sor-”
“If I can’t say it, you can’t say it.” Ian gave Luke a stern look before laughing, glad to see that Luke seemed to be better already. They watched each other for a second, something seeming to change between them before Luke moved closer, breath hot near Ian’s face.
“Can I..”
“Please.” Ian gasped, the feeling of Luke’s mouth against his setting his nerves on fire. Maybe this wasn’t completely right, making out so soon after Luke’s breakup, but Ian couldn’t find the thought to care as he moved a hand to cup the sides of Luke’s face, his stubble scratchy and all too perfect.
They stayed the night at Luke’s, making plans to go straight back to Asagao the next morning. Luke worried about the rest of the club, finding them missing, but Ian just shook his head, a hand squeezing gently around Luke’s own as they began to drift off to sleep.
Ian had the fleeting thought that maybe he should thank Luke’s ex-girlfriend.
Sheff for @ejraptor (and @spoolesofthread by default ;3)
“You can’t keep doing this”
“Shane you can’t keep doing this-”
“Doing what?” Shane turned, leveling his gaze at Jeff. Jeff faltered, watching anxiously as Shane moved towards him.
“You can’t-” Jeff swallowed, breathing slowly before closing his eyes and allowing the thought to pass into the air. “You can’t keep pushing everyone away and hiding your feelings.”
Shane stopped.
“I want to help you, Shane. I want you to feel like you have someone to talk to, someone who’s not going to judge you. You’re not alone, Shane. You’re never alone.”
“You don’t know what it’s like.”
“Then tell me.” Jeff was serious, as serious as Shane had ever seen him. It was almost... scary. A serious Jeff was something Shane had never thought he’d see.
“Jeff I’m not.... I’m not worth it, okay? I’m not worth your time or patience or energy. I have nightmares, panic attacks, I wake up and I don’t know where I am and I think I’m with Emily and I panic because I never want to be near Emily ever again and that’s terrifying, Jeff. It wouldn’t be fair to you and I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me or help-” Jeff burst forward, wrapping Shane in a tight hug as Shane broke down into sobs, muffled by Jeff’s shoulder.
“I don’t know who made you feel like this, but you’re so, so worth it Shane. You deserve to be happy and safe, but it’s okay to not be okay. I want to help you, Shane, and I will, if you’ll let me.” Jeff pulled away slightly, giving Shane a small, hopeful smile. Shane nodded slowly.
The lunch room was immune to Caddy and Ian’s tendency to throw insults at each other. In fact, it would be scary to not hear an insult every five seconds. It was more entertaining than anything else, especially since it was so very easy to tell that neither of them meant any of it.
“Oh shut up Moosey. You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Caddy scoffed, rolling his eyes as Ian sighed.
“Right, I’m sure I don-”
“JUST KISS ALREADY” The two paled, looking frantically for whoever had yelled. The snickers and whispered “shut ups” from a table in the corner were all they needed to deduce the culprits.
“Hold me back.” Caddy breathed the words, face a bright red as Ian slowly nodded. Neither of them moved, unsure of what to do or where to go, but they both knew Caddy wasn’t about to go lunging at them anytime soon.
