im kinda afraid to talk about this irl but ive been having auditory hallucinations a lot lately. like voices in the sounds of the air conditioner and the sound of furious typing when there's no keyboards in sight. ive always had hypnagogic hallucinations but im fully awake when these are happening. last night there was this beeping and crashing sound when I was out looking for bats that my sound anxious dog did not react to. im not sure what do do about it but like. I know no one is calling my name in this empty office.
well fuck i had to take my uniform out of the closet because im going back to school today but i thought about it so much that i thought i did it but actually i didnt hahahope i wont be late
Turns out the face I make when scrutinizing my own flaws in the mirror actually looks pretty okay 🤘
(Anyway, jokes aside; that wasn’t a joke! Like - by my standards anyway - that’s actually a really affirming statement to be able to say! Lemme explain:
I took these snaps tonight ‘cause I had an out-of-the-blue burst of real intense self-image anxiety - (the likes of which are thankfully fewer-and-farther-between for me these days, but certainly not unfamiliar. Gotta love the lifelong side effects of ur negative childhood experiences, amirite fellas!) - and didn’t feel like I could trust my own reflection. But actually seeing the pictures I took made me realize I didn’t actually look anything like the actual cave troll my brain was making me feel like. I just looked like a person. And that was such a fuckin’ relief!
So yea, I know this might sound fake deep or whatever, but this was honestly a bit of a random epiphany that ended tonight’s anxiety p much instantly: turns out that when you’re having major anxiety about your appearance, taking shitty, no-filter-or-makeup-or-whatever pictures of yourself in the state you’re currently self-conscious about can actually give you some real clarity and make you realize that you don’t look anywhere near as gross as you might’ve thought.
Note to self, and anybody else who might need to hear it rn; You’re okay!)
