#shit+borderlines+do

[sifuckbal]

I don't even know if I should really exist or not. My family is mentally disturbed due to me. I'm toxic. I am causing harm to others. And i can't handle the feeling. It's so hard to see your loved ones getting hurt because of you.

[dandelionpuppy]

borderlines; reblog this with your most ass backwards maladaptive daydreaming scenarios. 

my most common ones are; past friends/fps show up at my door after being mugged/thrown out and i graciously forgive them and react like a caring neurotypical and tend to their injuries/let them cry on me.

[tired-af-p]

BPD awareness month day 1 - post a selfie of yourself! I dont take selfies, so this is hard for me! But for the sake of it, im posting this and excuse the messiness. Or better not. Bpd is messy so... Borderline Brilliance Selfie

[ayliffe]

brb cutting myself off from all of my friends

[shitborderlinesdo]

Help dispel BPD myths!

Your blog has helped me better understand my disorder and inspired me to write my final paper on the misconceptions faced by those with BPD. If you could share this on your page, it would really mean the world!

In honor of Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month, I will be writing my final paper for an Illness and Therapy course on the disorder’s perception, as well as the stigma faced by those with the disorder (such as myself). If you have BPD or know someone who does, please take a moment to fill it out. It’s very short and would go a long way in helping dispel myths and misinformation about those with the disorder in my college community.

http://bit.ly/1EZEmTV

Thank you so much!

[shitborderlinesdo]

Alright, we got a very long text heavy submission asking for advice, so I will be putting my response under a cut so I don’t overwhelm your dash.

I had a carpooler (colleague) with BPD traits. We commuted 100 miles a day for 18 months. We connected early on and became “close”. As months passed, she became distant and wouldn’t talk to me during the ride. I invited her to a WNBA game over the summer. She said she couldn’t make it. The day of the game, I told her that I’d like to leave work 15 minutes early to meet my friends for the game. Well, she got to the car 20 minutes later than our normal departure time. She got in the car in an intense mood. I asked if she needed more time. She said, “No” and commenced to engage in her cellphone six inches from her face during the long ride home, and never looked at me or spoke to me. When I dropped her off, she hopped out of the car and said, ” …have fun at the game” and slammed my car door”. We had numerous intense silent bouts like this over the course of our commuting.

I didn’t understand the mood swings and things were becoming more intense and darker…but without words. After 16 months, I wrote her a note saying that I couldn’t take the intensity anymore and thought it best that we didn’t carpool. I had just endured two months of silent treatment during our commute and it affected me emotionally. I had become angry, but didn’t want to show anger toward her. So I attempted to walk away…. After a couple of weeks and a hellacious commute, I reached out to her to try again. Plus, I missed her. After all, we drove 100 miles a day together, four days a week. She agreed. Our first day back commuting together, the morning ride was understandably quiet. The ride home was tense. She said we could ride together, but not talk. She said we were only “carpoolers”… “like car and pool”…She was visibly tense and I could feel her internal rage, but it never surfaced. In fact, we never argued and were never mean or rude to each other. We genuinely liked each other. I told her that I thought we had a friendship. She said “we didn’t”. Ouch! But I knew that wasn’t true. I was driving and stayed calm. I told her at that moment that I would never argue or fight with her and therefore, would respect her wishes…The rest of the ride was quiet. I had already fallen for her…obviously. Later that night she text me to say that she was not going to work the next day, but if I still wanted to, we could carpool together the following week. I was still hurt by her decision not to talk during future rides and also her false revelation that we weren’t friends. I sent her a “thanks, but no thanks text” and told her that my friendship had been unconditional and I was over the mood swings, lies and chaos. Almost four months later we haven’t driven to work together although the commute is brutal without the carpool lane…we ride alone. I’m not interested in carpooling with anyone else. Neither is she. We see each other in  passing at work, but don’t speak and the intensity is still there. I see and feel her pain. I want to take care of her. I miss her terribly. I used to give her mason jars stuffed with her favorite candies before all this happened. Well, I’ve left large mason jars stuffed with candy on her desk on two occasions since we parted ways. Each time I expected to find them back on my desk, but she kept them. I’ve sent her a few texts, but she never responds although they don’t require a response. She’s a loner at work and keeps to herself. I’m the opposite. We had these “feelings” for each other that we didn’t address early on. She’d drop hints. I’d drop hints. But we kept the feelings under wrap. She was conflicted about her religious upbringing and other things and I didn’t want to push the issue. Especially after researching her moods and BPD. I feel her watching me/my actions from afar and wonder if she hates me or just doesn’t know how to approach me. She mimicked a lot of my behaviors and shared bits and pieces of her journey with me. I’ve pieced it all together now, but it may be too late.  And I feel a lot of guilt knowing she believes that I abandoned her. That I may have also triggered her moods by not sharing my feelings. I’m a very strong girl, but this ordeal has touched my core deeply. I want to reach out to her. Help her. Be there for her. Carry her. It pains me to know that In her mind, she thought “I was the one” if only for a little while. But I let her down when I walked away… Any advice would be very much appreciated. THANK YOU!

Alright, so the first thing I would like to address is whether or not you know for a fact that your colleague has BPD traits, or are you armchair diagnosing them? From the sounds of it here, “Especially after researching her moods and BPD,” I can only assume you have not talked to her about BPD, and only looked it up to explain her mood. If I am wrong, cool, but if I’m right you better never do that again. It is not your place to diagnose people, especially people you only know within the interaction of a carpool. It is an extreme disrespect to decide someones health and state of being for them if they have not asked you to.

Overall, you seem to be very presumptuous of everything she has felt and continues to feel, even though by your accounts, she barely spoke to you after a while. I don’t want to assume anything negative about you, but I’m getting a lot of red flags with how you speak about her. You treat her as if she is some tragic problem that needs to be fixed and that you specifically should be the one to do it, even though everything you say she did seems to show that she did not want you to get so personal. She stopped verbal interaction and even asked you to stop, left the carpool, denied any sort of relationship with you to your face, and cut all contact with you at work. Nobody owes your friendship. Nobody. No matter what you have done for her, she doesn’t owe you personal time and a deep emotional connection, that is her choice. Honestly, you don’t know the entirety of someone and their emotions and reasons for behaviour just by carpooling for a while, especially when they barely speak to you. You need to get your head cleared and realize that she is her own person and she does not appear to need you and that she does not appear to want you either. She doesn't need you to fix her or save her, she obviously does not want to be friends with your or to be around you. You can’t decide that someone is your friend unless they feel the same way, and the fact that you call her stating her boundaries about your (lack) of friendship a “false revelation” is very invalidating and extremely worrying. It hurts when someone doesn't return your feelings, but you sound like you have very intense feelings for her that she did not reciprocate in the least. Maybe that’s why she got so cold and distant? Your entire paragraph about your assumed feelings for each other is terribly concerning. You’re speaking for her about things you have no idea are true or not. You’re deciding her emotions for her based on actions and behaviours which may or may not even be hints. You cannot do this to people. You cannot decide how they feel when everything is pointing to the opposite response. I’ve been given gifts by people I have turned down who refuse to leave me alone, and I usually give them to someone else because returning them opens up an opportunity for them to try to interact with me again. You’re assuming shes keeping them and that it must be a sign of her desire for a friendship with you, but it could be the opposite. When someone attempts to cut you out of their life, you listen. It would be kinder if she explained to you why, but you don’t seem like you would really care about her reasons and you would push for a continued relationship. You would probably deny her reasoning as false anyways, if your reaction to her saying you weren't friends is any evidence. At the end of the day, if someone doesn't want you in their life, you listen and you leave them alone. At most you can ask for closure, but closure means asking why and then letting them go when you have your answer. I hope you can get over her and move past this, but by everything you’ve written, you haven’t dealt with this well at all. You pressured her to be personal and to have an emotionally intimate friendship she didnt seem ready to have. You have tried multiple times to contact her, and she has not attempted to contact you or return you messages once. Please leave her alone and stop viewing her as someone needing to be saved by you. She is probably fine and even if she isn’t, it doesn’t seem like she wants your help.

-kenzie

[shitborderlinesdo]