#shockpool

[michelle-manips]

Darcy Lewis/Wade Wilson Graphic

[dresupi]

TNT - Darcy/Wade

Ship:  Darcy Lewis/Wade Wilson For: @unicornsshitrainbows81 Song: TNT - AC/DC - 1975 Rating: M Length: 589 Other Tags: Language, Wade Wilson’s Potty Mouth, Established Relationship, One Shot

Summary:

Eggplant.

Not the emoji, just the word. Eggplant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darcy’s phone pinged on her desk. A text from Wade.

Eggplant.

Not the emoji, just the word. Eggplant.

“Oh boy,” she said, swiping her screen to answer him. “Eggplant what? Are you growing some, or is this your idea of a cute booty call?”

Yes. Winky face.

Again, it was spelled out.

Your phone got smashed and you couldn’t afford a replacement with emoji capabilities, right?

There were a few seconds to spare before he texted back. Four texts in rapid succession. 

Blingo.

Duck.

Duck. 

FUCK. BINGO.

Smirking, she leaned back in her desk chair to take a quick lookout in the hallway. Mostly everyone was gone. Plus, Tony knew who she was dating. It wouldn’t be a big deal for him to show up here. As long as he wasn’t covered in blood again.

Not again. Not after last time.

You can just come up here, you know. I just have a couple more things to deal with and then we can leave. Go back to my place? Leave autocorrect out of the conversation?

His reply was a long time coming, and if she had to guess, it was because his phone only had T9 texting. Maybe she’d head out with her shiny new Stark salary and buy her boyfriend a new phone. 

If he’d let her.

He wouldn’t.

U sure that’s not copyright infringement? Me showing up where U work?

She wrinkled her forehead in confusion. Copyright infringement? What the hell was he talking about? Maybe he hit his head on top of smashing his phone.

Pretty sure it’ll be fine. So long as you’re not all bloody again. Are you?

His reply was pretty instant this time. No. Ish.

Rolling her eyes, she swiped a reply. Come on up here, then.

It didn’t take him long, in fact, if Darcy had to guess, Wade was probably already in the lobby when he started texting her. He was wearing a hoodie and cradling one arm.  At least the hoodie was black. As were his pants. Because once he entered her office and closed the door, she saw why his texting took so long.

He had to do it with one hand.

“Wade! Oh my god,” Darcy jumped up and he waved her off. 

“It happened this morning, it’s already growing back.”

“What happened?” She asked. 

“I’m not at liberty to say… but there were some fireworks, beer, and bets involved. Unfortunately, I lost. My fucking arm and my fucking phone. And the eighteen bucks I put up for bootleg fireworks.”

Darcy chose to ignore most of the things he’d said and just move on to the next thing she could think of to comment on. “You were booty texting me with one hand! What even.”

He waved the injured arm vaguely, the sleeve flapping a little. “That might have been a typo and I just rolled with it. I mean… the hand’s regrowing, so you’ll have to be on top… but I’m not gonna turn you down, Darce.”

She sighed. “Well. Let’s just go, then. I’m pretty sure I can get time off for your regrowing arm.”

“Oh, for real? I was just kidding around…” He hopped to his feet.

“I was just saying so you could go rest… I mean… are you even up for that?”

“Nothing wrong with my dick, sweetheart. It’s full-sized and everything,” Wade grinned.

Call her a weirdo, but she wasn’t about to turn Wade down either.

“Just… come on…” she replied. “And can you not involve the tiny hand this time?”

[leftennant]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Here’s my first fic for the Darcyland April Fools Smut Challenge!!!!

[dresupi]

Darcy /Deadpool

Pairing: Darcy Lewis/Wade WilsonPrompt:  “Quick, hide behind the sofa!”

“Quick, hide behind the sofa!”

Darcy knew enough about Wade Wilson to know that when he said ‘hide behind the sofa’, you throw your ass back there.  It doesn’t matter if you’re dressed to the nines, in the middle of sex, or in her case, carrying a homemade lemon meringue pie.  

A homemade lemon meringue pie that she was now wearing while dodging gunfire.  

“Is that lemon?” Wade asked. “Holy fuck, I’m gonna eat you after this. Promise. This author lady owes me one.”  

“What?” she asked, peeling the pie plate off her boobs and sighing at the mess. “Never mind.  I have meringue on my cashmere.”

She knew enough about Wade Wilson not to question his bizarre fourth wall breaks either.  

[dresupi]

Cotton-Headed-Ninny-Muggins

Pairing:  Darcy Lewis/Wade Wilson For:  @georgiagirlagain Prompt:  “I’m a cotton-headed-ninny-muggins.” Word Count:  1033 Rating:  T

[Read it on Ao3]

Check out the [25 Days of Darcyland Masterlist] for more holiday themed fics!  I’m posting one a day until December 25!

Darcy wasn't exactly sure what happened and in what sequence.  All she knew was that one minute, she was taking a nice, well-deserved shower and the next, her bathroom contained one more person and they were legit trying to hide under her vanity.  

A flash of red and black clued her in on the who.  Not that it really surprised her.  They had an open door policy, she and Deadpool. Of course, it was a relatively new policy and she'd kind of been hoping that the first door he'd open would be her bedroom door, but that was splitting hairs.

"Wade… for the love of Thor…"  Darcy peeked out of the shower curtain.  "What the actual fuck, dude?  Please don't tell me you're hiding from an assassin in here.  Because that puts me in danger, bro."  

"Don't call me bro…" he whined.  "It makes me feel like an asshole… like I watch Rick & Morty for fun and tell people on Reddit how smart I am."

"Are you hiding from an assassin in my bathroom?"  

"Since you previously told me not to tell you if I was hiding from an assassin in your bathroom... no?"  

"Is someone going to come in here guns-a-blazin'? Because dude, I've had enough blazing guns for one week, I just wanna sit down and relax.  Maybe make some cookies later."  

"Okay.  You don't have to worry about blazing guns.  It's Clint who's after me.  Clint and Natasha. Mostly Clint, Natasha got bored because she kept winning."  

Darcy sighed.  "What's the game?"  

"It doesn't really have a name?  It's just… the loser has to wear this ugly sweater with a quote from a very popular, very cheesy, very Will Ferrell holiday film, and I don't want to be the cotton-headed-ninny-muggins again, Darce…"  The last bit was definitely a whine as he rummaged around under her vanity, pushing her tampons and various hair accessories out of the way to see if he could jam himself under there.  

"Is the hide-and-seek based or tag based?"  

"Both.  But if you get tagged, you lose."  

"Right.  So you're already losing because if he finds you, which he will, that's a terrible place to hide, you won't have anywhere to run.  You need a better hiding place."  

There was a thump outside the bathroom and both of them looked towards the door.  She reached for a towel, one of her fluffy, luxurious bath sheets.  Wrapping it around her body, she motioned for Wade to join her in the shower.  "Just come in here… he wouldn't ever expect that you'd be in here."  

Wade paused for a moment, but nodded, stepping into the shower and staying a respectable distance from her as a hand knocked on the door from the outside.  

"Darce?"  Clint called.  "Can I come in?"  

"Clint… hasn't anyone ever told you that it's rude to disturb people in the shower?"  she asked.  

"Yeahhhh, and how many times have you barged in on me to find out where I keep my Pop tarts?"  

"Listen.  I barge because I care.  And you know pop tart shortages are a thing when Thor's in town."  

"Okay, well.  I'm looking for someone.  Mind if I come in there and give a quick look around? I'll stay away from the shower."  

"Fine dude, but I warn you. It's just me. AND there are tampons."  

He scoffed.  "I'm Hawkeye, world-class-archer.  Member of the Avengers.  I ain't afraida no tampons."  

His search was pretty thorough, considering there were maybe two places Wade could be hiding.  Well, three, if you counted in the shower.  

Wade was squatting down on the floor of the shower, arms crossed as he was pelted with backspray from her shower head.  

"Cool, thanks Darce!"  Clint said, rapping twice on the wall.  

He started to leave and Darcy sighed in relief.  

"Oh...uh… Darce?"  

"Yeah?"  

"I put a dry towel on the rack for you, since you've got the other one in there with you."  

Her heart leapt into her throat.  "No, I don't."  

"Yes you do.  I know you wouldn't let Wade in the shower with you if you were completely naked."  

"How did you--"  she started, her eyes closing as she leaned her head against the tile.  "Sorry,  Wade."

The merc with a mouth sighed in exasperation.  "It's fine, Darcy.  You tried. Kind of.  I mean, you did give it up under little to no interrogation.  But I mean… it's cool, babe."  

"Wade.  I have a sweater with your name on it.  You cotton-headed-ninny-muggins," Clint called over the still running water.  

Realizing how ridiculous this was, Darcy turned off the water and shooed Clint out of the bathroom. She opened the curtain, clutching her soaking wet towel around her as Wade stepped out onto the bath mat.  

"You can come over tonight for cookies?" she offered.  "Cotton-headed-ninny-mugginses only."  

"Are you including yourself in that group?" Wade asked, his suit squeaking as he made his way to the door.  

"Definitely.  It's obviously the best group to be in."  

"You're pretty swell, Darcy.  You know that?"  

She shrugged. "I do now."

"Whatever, you knew," he scoffed, pulling his mask all the way off and scratching his head.  "I'm gonna go change, unless soaking wet leather suits are a kink of yours…?"  

She shrugged.  "I could get on board with that."  

"But can you get on board with hideously ugly sweaters featuring catchphrases from movies that are over ten years old?"  

She waggled her eyebrows.  "Depends on what else you're wearing."  

"It'll be that sweater and only that sweater, I will be bedecked and bedazzled for your holiday entertainment/pleasure/frivolity."  

"Sounds perfect.  Consider my door and my legs unlocked for your use."  

He smirked.  "I feel like I should warn you.  It lights up."  

"The sweater, or your dick?"  

"If I said both, what would you do?"  

Darcy purred, winking seductively.  

"I will be here with bells on, Lewis.  Oh, and the sweater has bells.  And I'm wearing it the whole time we're fooling around, it's gonna sound like an elf is getting plowed all across your bedroom."  

"Jingle all the way," she countered.  

"Oh my lanta…" He clutched his chest.  "Bad sex puns.  Be still my heart…"  

[dresupi]

You forgot your sleeping bag, but I have mine. Surely we can figure this out.

Pairing:  Darcy Lewis/Wade Wilson For:  @georgiagirlagain Trope:  Bed Sharing

“I’ll flip you for it,” Darcy said.  

“You’ll flip me?  I’m not sure you have the upper body strength, but okay.  Give it a shot.”  Wade folded his arms and waited.  

Rolling her eyes, she pulled a coin out of her pocket.  “Heads it’s mine, Tails it’s yours.”  

“Why do I get Tails?”  

“Do you want heads?”  

“No.  But I’d like to be able to choose for myself next time.”  

She flipped the coin up in the air and they both stared at it as it spun in a circle and stuck in a crack in the floor.  Irretrievable without tweezers.  And completely perpendicular.  

Wade smirked.  “So do you want zipped up side or the flap?”  

She sighed.  “The flap.”  

Other Darcyland Ship Tag:  

@katiehavok, @heartsandwinter, @freudensteins-monster, @anastasia-goddess-of-drama, @evolution-of-magic, @indiana-my-bones, @phoenix-173, @dragongoddess13, @ritamej, @pegasusdragontiger, @arielpink42, @shesegwin

Want to be on my tag list?  Sign up [here]!

[dresupi]

Darcy/Wade Fic Recs

I only have three for you on this ship, but it’s legit just because I don’t read a lot of Wade fanfiction.  No reason other than time.  Something I need to remedy, so feel free to add your own Darcy/Wade recs to this list and I will go read them!  :D

[Softer Word Prompt #31. Darcy/Deadpool] - Not Rated - by @amusewithaview

[“Shh… Shh, I’m here… It’s okay, it’s over…” Wade Wilson/Darcy Lewis] - Not Rated - by @amusewithaview

[Who Needs a Soul Anyway?] - Rated E - by @leftennant

[dresupi]

Deadpool /Darcy

1.  Their New Year’s Resolutions

Wade wants to spend more time at Darcy’s apartment, maybe coming in through this “front door” thing she’s always telling him about as he’s untangling his katanas from her beaded curtains.  

Darcy wants to make some new beaded curtains, since Wade won’t be messing hers up anymore.  

2.  How they ring in the new year

Untangling a strand of beads from Wade’s uniform.  (Seriously, Wade.  Use the door!)

3.  What they’re drinking at midnight

Midori Margaritas.  Because Darcy was out of tequila.