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"Painting White Roses Red"

Pairing - Chishiya Shuntarou x Reader

Summary - The story of meeting, learning, loving, and unlearning Chishiya. You help each other get through Borderland, and when you kiss it goodbye along with your memories, there's nothing you can do to stop yourself from finding him again.

You, someone who could find beauty in someone like him, teach Chishiya to find beauty in life.

Warnings - Violence, blood, injuries, death, cursing

Word Count - about 18k

~~~

a/n: This includes 23 chapters, and an original game!!

Chapter 1: Prologue

Notes:

Beware!! Don't be blinded by simplicity. This fic has layers, I promise.

Life in Borderland was beautiful. It was unlike the sterile, familiar dystopia you were used to seeing in the media. It was imperfect. And as someone who was obsessed with the thrill of the rush, it was terrifying. You hated it; but really, could you deny the beauty of it?

Life with Chishiya was beautiful. Despite his standoffishness, there was a quality to him that left you and everyone else confused; he had charisma. He had the spark that makes you wanna be on his team. Perhaps part of that was not wanting to have him as an enemy, but his distaste for most people and indifference toward life was interesting, and somehow, made him likable. Ever since you ran into him during the tag game, he had amused you, and quite honestly, left you pretty speechless. It’s not like he seemed that smart; he was just so unbothered.

He was manipulative.

It wasn’t hard for others to come up with examples of times he had used his god-given advantage against people. He was amazing in the games—almost untouchable. No one could know if he really lacked empathy, but if it weren’t for the fact that he could never be bothered, even at gunpoint, he may have been dead already. And you were grateful for any universal force (as survival) that brought him closer to you.

You also weren’t hesitant to praise him for his intellect. That was who you were. Easily impressed, sure, but more so, you weren’t afraid to romanticize life. Who else finds beauty in such a shithole? He couldn’t even find beauty in living.

This was refreshing for him, who may have been the asshole once or twice.

You were clever, too, but you had a certain sparkle to you that drew people in. As Chishiya had power over a room and the minds within it, you had power over a room in the way it lit up when you entered, no matter your mood. Your dynamic may have even been considered cute if the circumstances weren’t so dire. He wasn’t bad, but he wasn’t exactly a good guy—not by his own definition, anyway.

Loving him wasn’t traditional; you just couldn’t deny the beauty of it.

Chapter 2

You padded across the worn-down streets of Tokyo to The Beach. It was not like the thousands of beaches Japan has to offer, but a building filled with party animals who orchestrated the scene with ideas of freedom and happiness—but there was no freedom and happiness in a world like this, at least not anything lasting.

“Chishiya-kun!” You called after him as he exited the 5 of spades game venue. Right, he gave you his name.

~~~

You crouched low and ran toward the edge of the balcony floor, where a man was waiting. He had waved at you when you came around the corner.

“Hey, what’s up?” You greeted, attempting to calm your nerves. It was hard considering your heart had a beat in your head. You hated the feeling. You didn’t use to be the kind of girl who locked in under stress. You were the self-righteous wreck, at least that was until you came face-to-face with the universe you’d always longed to find. Why was that again?

He nodded to you, his signature, tiny smirk lingering on his lips.

"What's your strategy?" you asked, filling the space at the edge beside him.

He pointed down at people to demonstrate, “Here you get a clear view of what’s going on everywhere.”

You smiled to yourself, “That’s what I had in mind.”

A comfortable—well, nothing was quite comfortable here—silence fell over the area, and you soon took out your lipstick and reapplied in this free time. The only things you had on you when you saw the fireworks were, embarrassingly, your lip combo and maybe a half-full lighter. Upon finding some abandoned drugstores, though, you restocked on eyeliner and whatnot, toiletries, as well as snacks, which you stored in a cross-body purse that you could bring with you wherever you went. After a couple of days in the borderlands, you were wearing the same outfit. A little floral dress, fleece-lined tights, weathered boots, and a button-up cardigan that may have been big on you. You’d lie awake at night with a pit in your stomach, really pondering what has happened. People you’d met were still in denial about borderland and its existence. But you knew where you were wasn’t government-run, wasn’t a dream. You had always wished you could escape from the real world, but at the risk of your life, was it worth it?

He didn’t bat an eye at your lip maintenance. It was sort of funny the way nothing you did could bother him, but you were hyper aware of him and his lack of action. You tapped on his shoulder, getting his attention as he had done to you with his wave earlier. “What’s your name?”

He glanced at you with hints of that permanent, unimpressed yet amused look, then back at the view of the ‘playing field,’ “Chishiya.”

“Ah.” You looked at him all over, an excuse to observe all you could about him. “[last name].” You were stunned by the man already, and he hadn’t even done anything just yet. In observation, you took in his blonde hair that just brushed his shoulders, his cat-like features, a hoodie you could tell wasn’t one he’d give up easily, and an honestly normal outfit. Poking out of his pocket, though, was an earbud; your assumptions weren’t quite off about him. He didn’t seem to have any social issues or doubts, really, but he kept to himself.

He repeated your name, trying it out softly before gunshots were fired. He spoke in a generally calm, carefree manner. He seemed to talk to himself, little things about what was going on around him. For example, when the little short-haired girl jumped and climbed up the side of the building to move quickly, he mumbled, “Wow, a climber.”

Your heart rate started to calm by a small margin. “Is this really a ‘game’ to you, Chishiya-kun?” You smiled a little, but maybe you were also a little disturbed at his point of view. He shrugged a little. “That’s what it is, isn’t it?”

You chuckled a bit. “You like watching people blindly kill themselves?”

Chishiya’s eyes flicked toward you, unreadable as ever.

He leaned back slightly, hands in his pockets. “People show their true selves when they’re cornered. Fear strips away everything else. That’s when you see what’s real.”

A faint smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Maybe that’s what makes it interesting.”

You almost smiled when you looked away, but the reminder that people were dying in front of your eyes, as you spoke, tugged a bit harshly on your heartstrings.

“You’re quite interesting,” you added, watching more bullets pop.

The corner of his mouth lifted out of reflex. “I would say the same,” he murmured.

Chishiya was one who looked down on most. Even his companions, some of whom he actually respected, had a kind of henchmen aspect in their relationships. All this considered, he didn’t yet patronize your crazy.

“You met me up here to say the least,” he mentioned, maybe earning a flush of blood in your face. “Maybe that’s why you’re still alive.”

~~~

Hands in pockets, he stopped but didn’t turn around right away, fading light gleaming over the hints of hair he had out. “[last name]-chan.”

“You’ve heard about The Beach?” You called, almost catching up to him. He slowed a bit for you. “Sure.”

You brushed your hair back before the light wind picked up. He wasn’t exactly an open book. “You headed there?”

He looked over his shoulder, expression unreadable. “I am,” he said simply. “Why? Planning a vacation?”

You frowned. “I was thinking of going, too.

He chuckled, and you caught up to him for a few steps.

“So? Think it’s worth it?” You asked.

He glanced sideways at you. “Depends what you’re willing to trade for comfort.” Then, after a beat, almost like an afterthought, he calmly told you, “If you do end up there… try not to trust anyone too easily.”

Interesting.

You let him on his way, still sort of following his trail.

Chapter 3: The Beach

The Beach.

You didn’t anticipate that Borderland would resurrect the party girl in you, but it sure attempted to.

You were greeted with a wristband with a number on it. You had to wonder what this would mean. But the swimsuit policy? You may have been a bit at war with the idea at first, but it was quite unique, and there were many to choose from. You ended up kind of loving it. The beach at least took your mind off the games every few seconds you were there. Though when your impending doom flickered back to mind, you seemed to gain another pit in your stomach every time.

Rummaging softly through the pile of swimsuits by the entrance, you kept your eye out for maybe a swim skirt to cover some of your thighs. You settled on a little black skirt and a black and white floral bikini top.

Your senses were immediately bathed in the muggy scent of carpet and inebriation, and a kind of bustling atmosphere you hadn’t stumbled across in a while. At least since the real world. You decided to explore.

Soon, an onslaught of ‘friendliness’ surrounded you in the party room. You could immediately read that the residents were under the belief that they were living out the last days they had, and when you thought it through, they weren’t entirely wrong for that. You were a bit tempted to go along with it, but your dignity demanded answers before you lost it all grinding upon a stranger to Japanese house music.

You stayed a bit, though. You scoped out the type of people who stayed and if there were any outliers. You spotted a pretty, tall girl with dreadlocks that reached her waist. She had discomfort written lightly over her features, contrasting the bright colors of the disco and of her bathing suit. You caught her eye and gave her a smile that she reflected back at you. You approached the girl and sat with her, sitting in silence—which was the boosted bass of the club music—before complimenting her, “You’re really pretty.”

She slowly met your eyes, and her lashes fluttered a bit before remembering she was supposed to answer. “Thank you.” You would never reckon she didn’t get that a lot, but it seemed as if she didn’t believe it. Every time.

Strange, you thought. She smiled, warming up a bit. “Have you seen Chishiya?”

Suddenly, you had butterflies. “Chishiya-kun? You know him?”

“Yeah, he told me to look out for a girl with colored hair.” She straightened up. “Thought we could...” she hesitated, smile unfaltering, but nervous. “Get along.”

You mirrored the soft grin with nerves of your own. “That’s cool. Especially since I instantly gravitated toward you, haha.”

She laughed along in agreement and turned her head back to watch the flashing lights.

Little did you know, it was never about making friends.

Chapter 4: Cards

You found Kuina beside Chishiya, observing as the crowds went wild at Hatter’s fingertips. You tapped his shoulder, unafraid of touch. His head tilted a bit, then he faced you. “Ah, [last name]-chan.”

You beamed a bit, “Fancy meeting you here.”

An innocent, classically unimpressed grin tugged at his lips, and Kuina glanced at you, a plastic rod resting on her lip.

You looked out at the commotion. “Idiots, huh?”

This earned a concurring chuckle.

He leaned over to your ear and told you lowly, “Gotta talk to you later.”

Curiouser and curiouser.

—

Soon, you were in his hotel room contemplating plans.

You heard keywords: cards, breaking, entering...you were anxious.

Kuina chimed in, “Chishiya here already took most of the cards.”

Your eyes flicked between the two.

“That’s right. We just need you to find the last of them,” he stated, side-eyeing the girl, evoking a nod.

“We’ll distract the militants so you don’t get caught,” she reassured.

You warmed up to the idea. So far, you were inclined to have loyalty for Chishiya and his cute companion. You flashed a smile and agreed.

You figured it would be nice to gain intel on the beach, especially on how to get the hell out of here. What was in it for you? You didn’t know why, but a subconscious part of you hoped it would be to leave with the man you were so strangely loyal to.

So close, you thought, creeping along the walls of the hotel room. You laughed softly into the walkie-talkie, “You owe me dinner after this, genius.”

Little did you know, you were misled, and inches from being pretty damn trapped.

Chishiya watched over you on the cameras he hacked, taking his break from communicating on the walkie-talkie. Before he consulted with you, he had been observing you and how you acted, as one does. But only as he does, he evaluated your strengths and how your weakness was trust. You trusted his judgment, his path to the beach, and you somehow agreed to partake in this risky mission. It wasn’t an ego thing, but your attachment problem had many advantages for this clever man.

But when he saw Niragi and his group walk dangerously close to the door you were meant to exit from at the exact wrong time—the door you were left behind—he faltered. His face wouldn’t dare fall, but for you, it would soon be a matter of fight or flight that you couldn’t counter. “Stop. Don’t move.”

Your smile fell, a sudden tingle rising in your stomach. “What?”

“You’re about to walk into a death trap.”

“You said there’d be no guards.”

“There weren’t. Now there are.”

You cracked the door open and spotted a man with a machine gun and a black giraffe print shirt with his back to you.

“Dammit, Chishiya, what is this?”

“Leave it, it’s not worth it.”

You silently fled into a nearby room inhabited by a couple of harmless girls and sat in their bathroom. Confusion flooded you; hurt even? You pried at the man over the communication device about what the fuck he’d been thinking. You weren’t quite angry, just fired up, but you soon would be both.

—

The plan took place after the betrayal of Arisu and the retrieval of the majority of the deck. Copying the first trick out of pure laziness, Kuina would infiltrate the real holding place of the cards while you make your own mess in distraction.

In the end, Kuina stole them, with all the risks—the ones you were meant to eliminate—included. She harbored her own feelings against Chishiya at the time, regarding her endangerment, but she was smart enough to respect the fact that you would be the one hurt in the end.

—

On Chishiya’s end, he—for one of the first times as of late—didn’t know what came over him. In his mind, he would let it play out—use the distraction, and let you deal with the fallout. It was as if he froze up when he came to the realization that you were in danger and that he was the one putting you in that position.

You’d never felt smaller, and neither had he.

“You were using me, weren’t you?”

His cheshire grin was nowhere to be seen.

“Thought we were friends,” you commented, feigning calmness, but not trying to hide your hurt. In truth, you weren’t that damaged in the aftermath; your spite just needed satisfaction, and he needed to be humbled.

His lips parted to speak, but he found himself silenced. Normally, he would give a shit-eating hm, and tell you you should’ve anticipated it. That’s life.

“You’re not wrong. I was going to use you.”

You took a soft breath.

“Why stop now?”

He looked around, head moving ever so slightly from side to side.

You left.

—

Your rage had subsided, but you couldn’t watch him.

—

He sighed.

Chapter 5: Beach Rooftop

As the borderland reached the late hours, you found yourself running hot, clammy, and unable to sleep. You were under a tremendous amount of cumulative stress, as your visa was set to expire the next day. So, you quietly left your room, trudging along the staircase to the roof. Back home, you often found yourself outside on sleepless nights. The stars gave you hope that there was something for you, and here, something after death.

But you were soon hit by the weight of Chishiya waiting up there for you.

You abandoned your doubt and anxiety and approached the edge of the roof.

“Boo.”

He turned his head, barely startled. “[last name]-chan.” He gave you his little smirk, though a bit softer now.

You sat with him and leaned back against your palms, with your bare feet dangling off the rooftop. You hadn’t planned to have company up here, and you were wearing only a larger t-shirt, panties, and a zip-up hoodie. You didn’t presume he’d mind, though.

He looked out at the lights in the city. No matter what time it was, there were always city lights. Here, and there.

“What brings you here?”

“Can’t sleep.”

He hummed.

You didn’t expect him to apologize. But you also weren’t gonna leave it like it was. You began after a beat, “Why do you use people? I have a feeling I wasn’t your trial run.”

He huffed amusedly, “I’m doing what I can to survive.”

You sighed at his indifference. “I trusted you.”

“Trust will get you killed in this world.”

After studying his countenance, you chose not to be entirely infuriated by it. You grinned ever so slightly, in spite of yourself.

“Trust is all we have in this world.”

~~~

So what if you were naive? You were two stubborn people, and you didn’t exactly deserve what almost came to you that night. In your mind, if anyone was naive, it was he, to believe he could make it to the end with only himself on his side. If you could make any impact on him, to tap at his shell any amount, it would be worth his scoffs and condescension, you thought. His mind was beautiful, but his mindset was far from ideal to your liking—to anyone’s, for that matter. After mulling over it in bed, you accepted the possibility that you may have been too soft for this land. But you weren’t the problem; the only new thing was that he may not have been either—God bless your maturity.

You started again, “Besides, you always know the odds, right? So why stop me?”

It took a second.

“Because for once, I didn’t want to be right.”

You expected to meet his eyes when you looked at him, but his were actually on his lap, and soon back outward. Had you made him crack?

You instantly softened. It was true, you had the dignity, sure, but you had a thing for bad guys—not that he was all that bad. You forgave him, and this is because you could read that he hadn’t planned this; and he was always the most calculated in the room. He wasn’t the kind of man who fixes things with an apology or an embrace. His words could’ve been just words. But you, the clever girl, the hearts specialist you were, you knew this meant he was trying.

You got close to moving closer, but stopped yourself. “Thank you.”

Chapter 6

The short-term recovery phase might include hanging around him and Kuina, with little backhanded exchanges and bites that lessen over time. Like, you’d cling to him in a crowd while you evaluated some possible ‘predators’, and he’d tell you, “You don’t trust anyone.” You’d retort, “Neither do you.”

“Difference is, I admit it.”

Kuina would slowly turn her head to you guys. “You two talk like you’re in a chess match. It’s weirdly romantic.”

Maybe she was right.

Knock, knock.

With your eyeliner finally done, you peered through the peephole of your hotel door. Oh, the only one who did better eyeliner than you: Chishiya. Steeling your nerves—that likely originated in your lack of usual makeup, and clothes for that matter—you opened up and greeted him with an in-character smile. “What’s up?”

—

You soon remembered where your nerves were really rooted; you had a game today. Right, that’s what you were mainly getting ready for. You were grateful for his distraction.

—

He held up a walkie-talkie with half-lidded eyes. “For you.”

He tossed it to you, earning a triumphant sparkle in yours. That was another thing about you. People used to tell you you were ‘easily amazed like a child.’ You’d hoped it was charming.

You gave him an open-mouthed smile and told him, “I’ve always wanted one of these.”

He chuckled, eyes dropping to the burgundy carpet before focusing back on your gratitude. “Figured it’d be good for communication.”

You nodded, moving behind him to shut the door, beckoning him in. He was surely seen more with Kuina, but he sometimes would check on you like this when he had the time—and boredom. But you had gotten along with him and hadn’t been the type to resent him for the way he was. You kind of admired him, actually. In the back of your mind, you’d always kinda wanted parts of his vibe. The unaffected, quiet, almost respectable image. When you were unapologetically you, though, as you mostly were, you were quite different than him. For one, he wasn’t a try-hard like you, and you were anxious to survive. You also—and it was one of the things people loved about you—wore your heart on your sleeve for the majority of the time you were around. The only aspect of himself regarding his sleeves were the tricks up them.

You suddenly remembered you were only in a bikini top, skirt, and an unzipped black hoodie, but also that you hadn’t caught any skeptical or observant gaze from him, so you didn’t think too hard about it, and let your subconscious self-consciousness be.

“So,” you began, moving back to the mirror to finish up your makeup with some bright teal eyeshadow you’d found on the bathroom floor. “You got some new master plan?”

His lip quirked up softly—reflex. He shook his head, hand finding his pockets again. This time, he pawed at something in his swim trunks and pulled out what looked to be a janky water gun. Your keen eye soon found the catch: a lighter messily, but heftily duct taped on. “Whoa, what d’you got there?”

“Flame gun.”

You lit up, “Wow, that’s so cool! Is there gas in there or something?”

He nodded, smiling at the ground before back at you. “Couldn’t hurt to have this.”

“Only you would say that.”

Chapter 7: Flames

Soon, as anything you ever thought could be permanent did, the Beach went up in flames.

You watched from a ways away, mouthing an unbothered little, “Wow.”

Well, the cards, your previous only false hope, were gone. Your shelter was gone, and the partying was over. You couldn’t know if the chaos was too, but you had made it this far. You and Chishiya had ideas that the completed numbered cards were just the beginning.

You also sure as hell didn’t presume the blimps depicting face cards were ‘Congratulations! You’ve won!’ signs.

Chapter 8: Back to Shibuya

You gasped, covering your ears on instinct.

It was only a second ago you were loitering with your newfound friends Arisu, Usagi, Kuina, and Chishiya, again, through an empty Shibuya in broad daylight, below the digitalized game marker you came to know all too well.

Now, you were being shot at.

“What the hell?” You exclaimed, jogging to hide behind a tree. You spotted a ton of players getting killed, and you had to avert your eyes. You could never watch the deaths. As someone who’d seen a few installments of the Saw franchise, you somehow always thought you could handle the sight of gore and guts, but you were dead wrong. The moment you smelled it, the moment you processed that the victim was a real person, you were almost brought to tears every time.

Chishiya wore an expression you’d never seen on him—slight surprise? If it weren’t for the imminent danger, you may have made a joke in your head that he was forcing himself to react, considering nothing truly swayed him. He was jogging away from the bullets with his hands in his pockets, for god’s sake.

Meanwhile, your heart was beating loud enough in your ears that, without the deafening gunshots, your hearing may still have been temporarily impaired.

When bullets separated you, you sprinted in the opposite direction from your friends. You yelled out, “Gotta flee, love you all!”

You ran like hell from the sound source. “What the fuck kind of game is this...” you whispered to yourself, finding yourself hiding alongside a building. But soon, the King of Spades was on your trail, and you had to run back toward the gang.

Oh, good; that intelligent girl from the Beach, An, had grabbed a car. The only problem was that you were bombed before they could pick you up. And on the other side of the smoke was Shuntarou Chishiya. Too unbothered to run fast enough into safety.

“Chishiya?!”

“[last name]!”

His yell was a bit hushed, but still a call. You ducked at another gunshot and sat once more with him, catching your breath.

“We tend to gravitate to similar spots, huh?” He started, finally calming down and offering a smirk.

You perked up. He was actually very correct. First, you met with similar ideas on how to survive Tag, bonding over the people who played like headless chickens. Next, it was at the Beach with your mutual friends and soft spots, where you’d even found each other on the rooftop by coincidence. You softened even more at the moment, though, at the recollection that your old destination was ash, and he—your only takeaway—wasn’t temporary. In fact, he was everywhere, which was ironic because God knows Chishiya’s primary goal was never visibility.

You beamed a little, “Haha, you’re so right.”

And, bang! You were out of there again.

Chapter 9: The Mall

You bolted toward a building, when Chishiya suddenly yanked you around its corner by your arm, just as a few bullets cut through the fleshy part of your side.

“Fuck!”

You stumbled but hastily ran farther and made it under the roof of an abandoned mall just in time. Chishiya followed just beside you, panting softly. “You’ve been shot?”

You nodded, tears threatening to spill down your cheeks. Your ears started ringing. You felt extra weak, crying to him, but it was true. You didn’t fare well with pain.

You carefully sat, wincing, grateful for your ability to move. He backed you against a wall and gripped your hoodie, checking your face before removing it. He then jogged to the next aisle, immediately finding sterile material to put pressure on and take care of your wound. It seemed that you had chosen to camp pretty nearby a drug store, luckily. He pressed it to your side firmly, implying that you hold it for the moment before he came back with cleaning supplies this time. You complied. You were a crybaby, sure, but the injury was actually quite deep. You could bleed out if it weren’t for your little medic.

He squatted down beside you to examine it while you bit your arm, breathing heavily. Once your breathing was almost regular again, you attempted a smirk; it ended up softer than intended, though. “What did you do in the real world?”

“Pediatrics.”

You perked up, head jolting softly to the side. “Deadass?”

He looked at you and began to smile a little as he worked.

“That’s actually so cute,” you laughed softly, still wincing. “And sweet.”

His almost sweet glance shifted to your side, and his eyes narrowed so slightly as he took over for putting pressure. Some long minutes went by, that you were waiting for the bleeding to end, or for the pain to subside a little. When it did, he was examining the visible bullets. It was no ER; he didn’t have gloves, there was no operating table, but the main thing was that you trusted him. He wasn’t unbiased.

“I’m not gonna remove these bullets, okay?”

“What? Why?”

“It would hurt you more. You’ll be okay.”

Skeptical, you watched as he prepared disinfectant.

“This is gonna hurt.”

“Oh shit.”

He watched your eyes, then gave you a 3, 2, 1 before dabbing at your gash. You let out a high-pitched whimper, squirming, but forcing yourself to stay put.

—

You were back to trusting him. This clever, no-good pediatric doctor.

—

“Ah- dammit. Chishiya-kun,” you choked out as he held you there for just a few seconds more. Your wound felt so raw, nothing like your usual injuries. You almost laughed, your failed poet’s mind considering it was symbolism to your ‘vulnerability,’ and Borderland ‘stripping your ego from you.’

“You okay?” he questioned. Your eyelids were stuck shut, but you nodded.

He refocused and grabbed some tweezers from his cluttered pile of supplies. “You’re lucky the shrapnel left here is shallow.”

“Shrapnel? God, get me out of here.”

You squeezed your eyes closed and took a few breaths as he finished up. “Did you have a main focus as a doctor? Or just like check-ups?”

“I pursued, uh, cardiovascular surgery.”

“Holy fuck,” you laughed. “Chishiya-kun.”

He finally grinned. “You know, you’re very lucky you were shot with an assault rifle. That guy started with an anti-tank rifle. You won’t need stitches.”

“Oh god, I’ve searched up wounds from those. It looks unlike anything I’d ever imagine.”

You exhaled shakily and regained composure after a minute. “You have a feeling this mass shooter is meant to scare us into getting on a grind?”

He clicked his tongue, head tilting to the side as he pulled a soft white dressing from his pile. “Guess so.” He placed the pad on your wound, and you held it in place as he wrapped tape around your torso. You found your eyes on him again. You had learned Chishiya like—you liked to believe—most hadn’t. He did good for you, and bad, and let you be when you expected judgment.

Chapter 10: A Night Together

As the day drew to a close, you weakly approached the man you’d spent it with. “Do you think there’s soft things to sleep on around here?”

He thought for a moment, silently agreeing that you shouldn’t sleep on concrete. “There might be some furniture.”

He walked over to another shop and found little mattresses, muttering an ah, and signaling you over. After grabbing some blankets for both of you, you joined him. You blinked slowly. “Let’s sleep here. I’m tired,” you suggested, earning a nod.

—

You braided your hair to keep it together, then used some makeup wipes you’d found in the drugstore section. He actually watched you this time, observing as the vibrant color left your face. He didn’t quite understand why you did it. Sure, eyeshadow was fun, but nothing was fun anymore.

He combed through his blonde hair a bit with his fingers and tucked himself under the blanket, eyes shutting peacefully. As tired as you were, your eyes were glued to him and his movements. The nonchalant man who saved your life. He didn’t lack empathy. He just used it sparingly. You wondered if he ever got lonely. You wondered a lot of things. Like if he’d leave you if you moved your mattress closer to his. You wondered why you were cold.

He opened his eyes, meeting yours, with wonderings of his own:

How could you survive in a world like this?

—

“Can I come closer?” You asked, voice small.

“Lonely?” He lightly raised a brow.

You whispered, “Lonely.”

“..Alright.” He let you move your mattress closer, and he didn’t even stop you when you moved halfway onto his. When he’d start to drift in and out of consciousness, you’d lock hands, and he would whisper, “We’ll be safe here.”

You’d wake up alone.

You were satisfied. Still sore, but you had gotten more accustomed to the sharp pain in your torso. You knew there were games to push through, but you had a friend. A friend you had held all night.

You sat up, brushing your hair out of your eyes. The sun filtered in from the window, and before you got all warm and itchy, you stood up. You hissed at the feeling. “Chishiya!” You called out softly. You adjusted your clothes, then padded across the peeling tile until you’d found a hint of his ashy blonde hair peeking out from behind a wall. “You hiding from me, Chishiya?” You smiled.

His head quirked up. “Hm? Maybe.”

You chuckled dryly. “You tryna hit up a game today?” He nodded.

“Saw a Hearts one nearby.”

Your eyes widened; you already knew. You paused before speaking up, “You know, I would say cover more ground, but I’m fucked in the games if they aren’t hearts or diamonds. Can I tag along a little longer?”

“[last name], I don’t mind,” he stated.

Chapter 11: Hearts

Jack of Hearts.

You and Chi had gotten stupidly lucky with this one. The sad part was watching people being so helplessly baited. Especially a timid boy named Ippei. He trusted Chishiya, who never even lied to him, but was so naive that he ‘let it all go’ as he saw the betrayals.

Sitting, knees up, against the wall as Chishiya plopped beside you, you sighed. “Cruel, cruel world.”

He hummed.

He pulled out a bag of biscuit cookies that he’d recently opened. “Want some?”

Soon you were out of there, tired out of your mind, as you'd stayed up all night to complete the Jack. One heart down, next to go.

The King of Hearts—will you let survival of the fittest rule, or remember the bigger picture?

You, your companion, and several others approached a rugged concrete building with a soft blue light glowing from the doorway. Upon entering, you were greeted with walls of glass on either side of you, with fish of all sizes swimming freely beneath them. There was a slightly leaking, large, open glass tub in the center of the room, filled with a warm pink-tinted water. Along with that, there was a mini table by one of the corners with a few sharp weapons to choose from. Above the locked door to the next room, a screen lit up with the familiar word you may have loved from an aesthetic standpoint if this weren’t your life: GAME.

—

GAME: Blood Bath.

“Oh shit,” you mumbled.

Chishiya hummed, “You say that before every game.”

“Every game is terrifying.”

The PA system boomed again, “Objective: Make it through the 5 rooms to the exit. Rules: You will have 15 minutes in each room. After the allotted time, the room will be flooded. To proceed, the water must run red. Good luck!”

“What the fuck...” you exhaled shakily. The white-haired man grasped softly at your arm, pulling you aside with other things on his mind. You turned to read him, and his eyes were narrow, searching the room.

His gesture was a small effort to make you invisible, as he was—at times—skilled at being.

You began looking around, already spotting people arguing over who the ‘sacrifice’ would be. So much for sticking to hearts games, you thought. Your eyes scanned the room to find some things lying around. You could see grimy corners of the room, where a dingy lamp was housed, along with dust bunnies. You also watched as the timer was down to 10 minutes. Soon, a particularly aggressive guy grabbed a blade from the stand and stabbed a weaker player. Just the rules, simple as they were, sent a chill through your bones.

“Dammit, Chishiya, what are we gonna do?” Your eyes were blank as you tried to block out the murder you were witnessing.

“For now, stay hidden.”

The burly man bent the other man over the pool and bled him into the water. It took more than just a squeeze to add enough blood. It took a life.

—

“PROCEED.”

You hesitantly entered the next room, eyeing the crimson mess made of the room. This next room was identical to the last. Okay, same thing.

You dissociated a little and were finally uninvolved, which kept you safe for the time being. “Chishiya,” you said, arms crossed, staring out at the swimming fish with the tone that said, ‘Welp, we’re fucked.’ “Why do you think the water’s pink?”

He leaned over to you with a calmer cheshire resting face. “I was thinking that too.”

“Think it’s a pH thing?”

He nodded, his barely-there smirk reinventing itself, and never quite facing you.

The big guy was already being snuck up on by some more timid players, but he was stabbed pretty soon in the side of the neck, and quickly pushed into the water tank.

—

He was unresponsive, so the scream that came soon was not his.

—

You jolted, while Chishiya just hummed, “Ah.”

There was the catch.

In a messy attempt to shove the large man over the tank, some of the liquid splashed up onto the pusher. While fine at first, as the droplets sat, the person’s skin began to sizzle. It wasn’t water, it was acid. You caught your breath to speak, but the PA announced it was time to proceed. The timer reset as you moved into the next room.

Suddenly, everyone’s eyes were on you after a short bit of murmuring. A young woman spoke up, “Hey, you. You haven’t said anything since we got here.” She stepped forward. “Why don’t we sacrifice you next?”

Panic reached your eyes. “Oh my god, please don’t,” you choked out, stepping backwards. “I think there’s another way.” You looked around expecting to find Chishiya defending you, but he wasn’t where he had last been. Shit. “I think the game is meant to make us think it’s about killing, but it’s not,” you proposed, buying time, but not really lying. You were onto something. The girl raised her eyebrows, giving you time to breathe as you searched once more for Chishiya, only to find him rummaging in the corner of the room. Definitely more energy than you’d ever seen him exert.

“Enlighten us,” the woman crossed her arms, condescendingly.

“Well, the water’s pink. That has to pique your interest.”

She frowned, but then Chishiya stood up, causing a halt, wide eyes narrowing once more when he got your attention. He held a gallon of vinegar, used for cleaning. “She’s right. There’s another way.”

“You just wasting our time now, blondie?” the woman taunted.

He smiled at the ground, shaking his head, then looked back up. You had stars in your eyes as you met his, mouthing a silent thank you. “So it’s a pH thing?” You whispered, earning a nod.

“You’re suggesting it’s not a blood thing?” A player asked nervously. This time, you nodded.

Chishiya started again, “The water is acidic, that’s why it burned this lady’s skin last round. Probably around the level of highly concentrated citric acid. Assuming there’s a pH identifier liquid that caused this pink color, we can hope it’s sensitive to change, especially considering pink is more of an in-between color on the pH scale.” He took a breath. “So there’s a possibility that this vinegar, which is the most acidic thing I could find in this room, could turn the water red.”

He looked a little frozen, as did everyone else. The woman spoke up, “Okay, then try it, pretty boy.”

He clicked his tongue, then approached the tank, no fear in sight, and uncapped the bottle. He poured a little, and after only a bit of pouring, the hue began to shift. “Oh wow,” you smiled, softly clapping your hands together. When the PA system dinged, you exhaled so much tension you absentmindedly held. As everyone entered the next room, Chishiya’s hoodie pocket-warmed hand nudged yours and held it lightly.

He let go when you were in, and the timer restarted. Some more timid guy—who had regained some confidence at the knowledge he wasn’t next—teased Chishiya, “Genius wouldn’t budge till she was at stake.”

He resented these sorts of comments, but he also feared that this group of strangers knew him better than he did. But better not to get caught up in that. Soon, barely 2 minutes in, the round was cleared by someone else. Breezy, right?

In the center of the next, the final room, there was a large open glass tub filled with turquoise-tinted water.

“What...” you muttered, stomach dropping. Your face was lit up by the bright lights of the last screen.

Rules: In order to proceed, blood must be detected in the bath.

You squatted down, then fell softly against the aquarium window. Shuntarou bent down next to you and patted your shoulder, looking around the room. “This was planned. We’ll be fine,” he whispered, soon standing back up. He stepped closer to the tank while the rest of the players just kinda trembled. Gears were turning, your breath was calming. You beat into yourself the fact that this man had a tendency to not die. It was true for the most part.

“So, turquoise?” You mentioned, shaking off a shiver. “Too basic to turn red with what we...have.”

He crossed his arms and backed against the window you were sitting by. You turned to watch the fish swimming in harmony. To take your mind off things, you started to gain a sort of protectiveness toward the swimmers, making a silent promise you wouldn’t blow up their home. You could only assume that’s what it meant when the game said the room would ‘flood’ upon failure.

You took a walk around the room to contemplate, but regretted it the second you felt some hands on you, again. You winced as that bitch grabbed your waist, right where you were wounded. She hissed at you. “Well, I’m ready.” She reached at the weapons table, grabbing the lone butcher knife and gripping it nicely before—

—she was stabbed through the heart.

It was from the back. A “why me” had already bubbled at the surface of your lips, but a small woman had gotten her at the very last second. You let out a big sigh, “Fuck, thank you.” You rubbed your face, then rebuilt your winning smile and hugged the lady. “Was sick of her ass,” you commented as you pulled away. This earned you a collective laugh. You put your hands on her shoulders, pausing, but then making eye contact with the other man alongside her. “We’re gonna figure it out.” You locked eyes on the screen, seeing as the timer was at 10 minutes already.

“Red, red-orange, orange, light orange, yellow...” Chishiya mumbled to himself, counting on his fingers. How ironic, you thought. You rejoined him. “What are you thinking?”

“The classic pH scale,” he muttered, just as the others were despairingly preparing themselves for a blood bath. “Blood is slightly alkaline, right about neutral, which is 7. Blood is between 7 and 8. And by color...”

“Oh shit.”

He faltered, “What?”

“Oh, nothing. Just, you know, a me thing.”

He almost laughed. This was really stressful.

“So after yellow, it’s what? A yucky green, right?” You sparked.

He smiled.

You mirrored him, “Like a chartreuse?”

“That’s right. Then bright green. Then grass green.”

“That’s eight already, though. And not yet to turquoise.”

You felt your nose burning up. Was this it? It was easy to kill, but, God, you wouldn’t believe that a Hearts game of this caliber could be that simple. If you were the King of Hearts, you’d game over the players at this point just to spite them for being carnage-loving imbeciles. But they weren’t. They’d heard you out once. There had to be a way.

Chishiya grabbed your arm. “Red is 0.”

Puzzled at first, you caught on quickly. “Oh, joy.” Steeling your inhibitions, you called out to the others. “Hey, everyone! We think we know what the fuck’s happening here.”

Their heads shot up, apprehensive and stripped of their being and will to live; that was hearts. Plain and simple from the start. You began again, “The water is already the pH of blood. It’s more than likely that the sensors are detecting pH. W-we should be able to get away with leaving it how it is.”

The man commented with a tremor, “How do you know?”

You stepped forward, hands cold, and somehow gathered the courage to reach into the tank and feel. You removed your hand, shaking off the liquid. “Well, I’m fine.”

Tears streamed down the woman’s face pathetically, “We don’t wanna kill anymore.”

Aching, you replied, “That’s why we’re gonna wait it out.”

Silence.

Waiting it out was implied, but hearing you say it sounded crazy. Like a broken record in your mind, you heard “This is Hearts.”

So you waited it out.

In the last ten seconds, you were pacing, bracing yourself for death by drowning. It would be painful. Surely one of your most feared deaths. You’d heard a while back that drowning was the process of your lungs exploding. That sounded horrifying.

Chishiya was calm—what else was new? Sometimes you wondered if he even wanted to live.

When the timer hit 00:00, you heard a cheerful ding from the PA system. “Game cleared.”

You gasped, then exhaled all the air you were holding in. “Oh my gosh!” Eyes still on the blinding white screen, you grabbed Chishiya and hugged him in a way that could have popped his lungs even faster than drowning. “Oh, god, thank you.”

He didn’t really know what to do with his hands, but he gave in and patted you. As you parted from the embrace, he nodded, smirking, hands finding their home in his pockets once again. “It’s reading pH, not plasma.”

Soon, your fellow players hugged you in gratitude, too. You had sparked so much happiness in Borderland. It made you wonder about yourself. In no other game had you seen such pure emotions evoked. It was always just kill or be killed. You were getting ahead of yourself, though.

As you watched the other players rejoice temporarily, you got a bit stuck in your thoughts. "Hey, I'm starting to think...On that last level, we would've cleared the game no matter what, right?" You pondered out loud to Chishiya. "If we stabbed each other, made a real blood bath, and sampled the blood...we would've passed. Either way it's an 100% pass rate as long as we don't all die before the timer runs out. What's with that?"

He took in everything you said.

You thought hard on it for a second more. "You don't suppose the king was like us...?" Stripped of his will to live. "He probably had a heart. He wanted to mess with us, but..."

"I think you're overthinking it."

You smiled to yourself. "I'm realizing."

—

As the two other players went on their way in a newfound companionship, you clung close to Chishiya and went on your own path through rugged Shibuya.

Chapter 12: The Abandoned Hotel

You strolled through the overgrown city.

“Chishiya?”

“Hm?”

“Did you live in Shibuya before all this?”

He grinned and nodded. You mirrored his position and dug your hands into your pockets. “What’s your first name?”

He chuckled, “What’s this?”

“I should know you better.”

“Right...Shuntarou.”

“That’s your name?”

“Yes.”

“Chishiya Shuntarou..." you mused. "Pretty.”

He smiled down at the fresh, overgrown grass in the cracks of the sidewalks.

“I’m [first name],” you added.

“Ah. Where are we going?”

“Good question...” you hummed, bumping his shoulders a couple times as you walked. “We should try to find a hotel. I could use like, a shower.”

You regretted not showering every chance you got at the Beach, but perhaps there were things to do. You imagined seeing Shuntarou with wet hair and what it might be like to sleep in a nice bed for once. Maybe if you’d shut the blinds, you could forget where you were. There probably wasn’t even running water, but it was nice to start fantasizing again.

“Ah,” he rasped. “A h1otel.” Looking up, you could read the words of salvation plastered up on a tall building. You gripped the arm of his jacket and gently guided him in with you. “Come on!” You kept him on his toes.

You took the stairs to the second floor, just to stay a bit of a way away from whatever went on on ground level. You weren’t ready to get shot again, and you were secretly excited to spend another night with your intimidating ally. Especially peacefully.

Your feet were quick on the staircase, eager to get a room (no innuendo).

You settled on a room number you’d remember and carefully opened the creaky door into the room. The smell of mildew and clean sheets greeted you immediately. Though weathered, it was as homey as it got. Tiptoeing at first, you dropped all your doubt and ran to the farther bed, plopping down on it with a moan of relief. “Beds!”

Shuntarou tapped the bathroom door open, and after a moment, you heard a jet stream flowing, then off again. He emerged, still hushed, but with a little start, “Oi, there’s running water!”

“Yeah?” You face lit up with a beam, following him into the room and marveling at the few unopened hotel necessities you could utilize. You stepped back onto the carpet and scoped out the bedroom. There were some clothes scattered across the armchairs, and small suitcases with clean pairs. You were still in your outfit from the Beach, and you thought you’d take advantage of that. Him too. “So, do you wanna shower?” You asked. Processing your question for a moment, he looked around, then back at you. “You don’t wanna go first?”

“Oh, no,” you laughed. “I take forever.”

He nodded with his smirk of second nature. It was almost like manners to you now.

You left him to it and laid down for a minute. He wouldn’t bring you what you wanted in life. He wouldn’t be affectionate, sweet, generous; but you didn’t care. He wasn’t a bad man. You didn’t know about his selfishness or ego; you didn’t know he could betray you as easily as you could say hello. Quite frankly, you didn’t know anything about him. But you wanted to. And that was starting to be clear.

—

He emerged, damp, with a towel around his waist. He was relaxed, and you hoped the hot water could make you that way too. So you took off your shoes and went into the newly empty bathroom to take your turn. You sighed shakily once you’d turned the knob shut. You touched the mirror and swiped away the mist left by Shuntarou. In the mirror was a girl with tangled hair and grime on her face. She was low, hurt, and heartbroken; but not yet defeated. You smiled at her despite yourself, maybe just glad to hold up. You turn on the shower, which was still quite warm. You removed your clothes, hesitating at your bandaged side. Cursing, you cracked open the bathroom door and called timidly, “Chishiya-kun..?” He was just done pulling on some black sweatpants when you spoke. “Hm?”

“What do I do? With my wound...”

His chin lifted a bit, and he searched the room, thoughts shifting behind his eyes. He soon turned to you, “You should be fine to keep the dressing on, just don’t use super hot water.”

“Okay. But can you change it after? It’s itchy.”

He grinned. “Gotcha.”

“Great,” you responded softly, retreating back into the bathroom and soon into the shower.

—

After god knows how long, you wrapped up in a spare towel and came out. He nodded in acknowledgement and went back to building god knows what.

You raked through the suitcase with women’s attire and found some soft black leggings, and dug a little deeper to find jean shorts to pair with them. When you did, you smiled happily, as you could express fashion the same ways again in this other dimension. You dug more for a blouse or something cute, and found a nice purple one, floral, just like everything else you’d worn around here. You whipped your head to the side, and Chishiya looked up, locking unbothered eyes with you. “Don’t look.” He shrugged and went back to his project. You let the towel fall to the carpet and slid on some of the undergarments you had also found.

When fully dressed, you jumped onto his bed, lying on your stomach while he was settled cross-legged against the headboard. He was tinkering with another one of his DIY explosives. “Is that a bomb?” You asked.

“More or less.”

“You’re so awesome.”

He let out a small laugh; the first one you’d heard in a while, other than your own. It was mostly just an exhale, but you were taking what you could get.

Chapter 13: The Rooftop

“Can we go to the roof? It’s a bit warm in here,” you suggested, setting down a book of Sudoku you had so luckily found before boredom drove you to madness. “Claustrophobic.”

“You just love it on the roof, huh?”

He followed you up despite any teasing you thought would hold him back.

In the slow elevator, you admired him shamelessly, taking in anything you could. “I gotta know the hair journey,” you commented, earning his dropped jaw.

You laughed, “I just have to know what toner you use. Mine turns orange too often.”

—

You climbed the fire escape to the very top and sat on the dusty floor. You patted beside you. It was a beautiful night with redder skies and an outline of the moon that wasn’t always there in this country. You wondered if the night would be as beautiful if Shuntarou weren’t there.

—

“Why do you reckon you’ve stayed by my side this long?”

Chishiya’s words caught you like a warm gust of wind on the cold night. Overlooking the city, he and you sat at the rooftop of the abandoned mall where you’d chosen to stay the night. The lights weren’t like home. And neither was the quality of ‘concrete jungle’ that felt almost laughably literal. You’d watched your home change. And he’d watched you.

You weren’t a timid girl, but this man, as he did, could be intimidating. Every time he smirked—which was 98% of the time—there was a pit in your stomach. Something that came with the day your visa expires, or the knowledge that you’d signed up for a game completely out of your wheelhouse.

And it was funny he’d say that, as he’d protected you up to this point.

“I thought you said you didn’t mind having me around?”

~~~

You moved closer to the man, gently gripping his arm in sleep. He was halfway out of consciousness, while you lie awake, anxious. “Sorry, I cling to you so much.”

“I don’t mind,” he murmured, only a soft sigh. Calmer, you tapped on his cheek after the reassurance, but he was out.

~~~

“I did.”

You let out a half-hearted chuckle. “So, does it matter?” You paused rhetorically, unnaturally calm. Exhausted. You turned to let the lights shine on your face, “Maybe I’ve got a crush on you.”

You didn’t see him laughing.

His face flashed with that expression that was foreign to him. Not the contemplation but the uncertainty. Maybe he was stunned by your honesty. I mean, as someone who ‘trusted no one,’ he wasn’t left with much stress to decode your lies. You just weren’t a liar.

After some years' worth of seconds, his grin resurfaced.

“I was wondering if you were ever gonna say something.”

You scoffed a little, but not in frustration; you smiled to yourself. What an asshole. You hated him for it, but you suddenly hadn’t a clue which instance your insane heartbeat was more present in: now, or during the actual death games.

“I didn’t know you read romance,” you retorted.

He glanced at you and then back at the view. The smirk was still there, maybe softer, but it lived in his lips and was always lingering if not present. Lingering as you did wherever he went. Even if he ignored you, you would just enjoy the feeling of being near him.

—

You knew what that was like. Basking in the feeling of your person and whatever they felt for you. It would make your stomach flutter, just that they had feelings toward you.

—

In your world, you found beauty in everything, which included rejection. Although at the very moment, you had an inkling that sadness was not the only beautiful song you would sing; you had a feeling that he had found beauty in you.

You clicked your tongue, chuckling to yourself, eyes on your lap, never at him. “So that’s it?”

“What?”

Your eyes flickered slowly to lock with his, which were already on you; classicly condescending with a newfound innocence that cancelled out the smug; you were struck. “I-” you paused, eyes wandering, then back on him with purpose. Confliction. That was until he gave you a glance, not a very meaningful glance, but a glance you’d take for granted. Your eyes fluttered like the butterflies he’d never admit to.

You leaned in quickly and feather-lightly.

The kiss was short; so much so that when you parted, it almost seemed as if it didn’t happen, but it left both of your lips tingling. He hummed softly. “That’s a new one, [last name].”

You were flushed, but upon hearing that, you burst out in soft, whole laughs at your lap. “You don’t mind.”

“I told you I didn’t.”

Chapter 14: Another Night Together

You shared a couple kisses when he patched you up, too.

He anticipated, didn’t initiate; but the way he kissed you back was so tender, so knowing and barely-there. It made you smile. Had you done it? Had you found love? He wasn’t predictable, and neither was this. It was as if all this immoral winning you’d done to live had led up to this: the win that gave you reason to live. You wondered how much it all meant to him.

“Thanks, Chishiya. Feels better.”

“Your wound?”

You laughed sweetly, “Yeah.”

—

You slept in separate beds that night. But Shuntarou had an idea that you might change that a couple of hours in.

—

“Chishiya?” You whispered from across the room. You were lucky he was restless, already sat up against his headboard, his breath coming softly. “[last name].”

"How do you feel?”

His eyes flicked to you, lying on your side with newfound calmness written over you. He looked into space again and repeated your question softly to himself, a little satisfied smile coming over his face. “I’m alright.”

“Temperature?”

“..Cold.”

You squirmed to get more comfortable, letting out a quiet hum. “Right? I’m too chilly all of a sudden.”

“Maybe you just seek warmth tonight.”

A soft pause came. “Don’t you?”

He looked over at you, then peacefully to whatever surrounded you. “..Yeah.”

“Then, could we share?”

“Share body heat?” He asked, cracking a chuckle.

You smiled fatiguedly. At this, he shook his head and took the seat beside where he previously slept, and smoothed out the sheet where he sat. He glanced back at you, almost expectantly. You laughed with him and stood up slowly to trudge over to his bed. Once situated, your eyes searched him and met his while he stayed sitting. You smiled, “It was nice the last time, wasn’t it?”

“..Yeah, it was.”

He was reluctant to you, but he was warming up—for sure. Especially when you held him that night. You wouldn’t fathom he was touch-starved, but he didn’t put up much of a fight, to say the least. He tensed when you first put your arms around him, but relaxed when you fit your head into the nook of his shoulder. He smelled sweet. It was all the same amenities you’d used, but your stomach fluttered in spite of it. You gently touched his neck with your cool fingertips. He pressed his cheek to your hair, eyes falling shut in relaxation and exhaustion.

You’d found death, sadness, and suffering in Borderland. But you’d also found love.

Chapter 15: Spades Again

Bang!

Every time you tried to reunite with Shuntarou, a bullet hit the ground at your feet. “Dammit!”

He jogged off behind a building, calling to you around the corner, “[last name]! I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Chishiya!” You frown in discomfort, perhaps with a hint of hopelessness. You had gotten attached to him. It wasn’t just the fact that you thought you could survive better with him by your side. You had a connection.

Grumbling, you accepted the fate and ran off to find a game to save you from this one.

Chapter 16

After yet another grueling face card, you went off to find your old allies before the King of Spades would arrive. You missed Kuina, and An, Tatta, Arisu, Usagi, and not so much Niragi. You tried to see the good in him, but he was such an asshole that you could only spite him.

After around an hour of walking around, you paused just to admire the city you loved. You noticed you did this a lot, but it had become so green and overgrown; it was straight out of a fantasy novel. You wondered if you were the only player who thought like this.

Turning the corner of an old barbershop, you spotted another girl with color in her hair. “..Kuina?” You mumbled. Eyes widening, you called, “Kuina!!”

An coming just soon behind her, Kuina perked up and then jogged to you, beaming. “Ah, [last name]-chan. Are you doing okay?”

After just staring for a second, you attempted a sweet smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I am. Are the others alive?”

She paused, “...Tatta. He didn’t make it.” Your face fell. “Tatta?” You felt your nose burn up. That boy was so good. “...How? How did he die?”

She laughed humourlessly, “He sacrificed himself for the rest of us.”

“...Sweet.” A muggy, melancholic pause floated in the air around you while you eyed the flowing grass like tumbleweeds. “...The blimps are drawing closer. The King and Queen games are soon, I reckon.”

“Yeah...” Kuina mumbled, wearing that not-quite-there look she had when you met. She looked up, squinting at the sky, where the silver blimps gathered. “I don’t know about this...”

You nodded, swallowing. “I’m not tryna die this way. From the King, I mean. Where even is the strategy? They’ve been killing us off for nothing after all we’ve done to get this far,” you trailed off.

Kuina wiped sweat from her brow. “Is Chishiya alright?”

Your head shot up, as did a flush in your cheeks. “Yeah, he’s alive.”

“Good...”

Suddenly, the sound barrier popped with the impact of a bullet. You jerked, heart rate rising exponentially. “Spades?”

But it wasn’t the King. Not yet, at least. It was a shoot-off in Shibuya Square.

Chapter 17: A Shootout in Shibuya Crossing

Bang! Bang!

Chishiya stumbled to the ground, chest in his hand. He was only just having a chat with Arisu, who he’d found similarly entering the middle of Shibuya Crossing. He had something to say. Something he knew only Arisu would understand. But he never really got to be real with people. Now was a prime example.

He sighed, exhaling a laugh, “Did you mean to miss a vital organ?”

Such a smartass, even in whatever milestone this moment was. Probably: first gunshot wound, kinda nervous.

“I didn’t want to end things with a surprise attack,” Niragi yelled, a homicidal grin painted on his scorched face. “Why don’t we play one last game, huh? Like we have anything better to do here.”

Arisu’s features twisted into a look of utter disbelief and disgust for Niragi’s lack of light. His only glow was of rage, and passion for anything immoral. With everything he did, Arisu, naive but so not, didn’t feel hatred for Niragi. The same went entirely for Chishiya, on Arisu’s end. In fact, according to Niragi, the three weren’t all that different at all:

“The three of us are the same. Social outcasts. Losers,” Niragi declared, gripping a pistol at the intersection. “Yet we still want to know how it feels to be alive, more than anyone.”

Hand still plastered on his gash, Chishiya’s eyes softened just so slightly as he squinted. Normally, he’d be saying, “Your point?” But if he thought it, he kept it to himself, along with other thoughts.

He recognized Niragi as someone uncannily similar to him. That’s part of why he burned him. So if anyone knew that Niragi was intelligent, it was him.

When about to speak again, Niragi coughed up blood. “I don’t have very much time left. Do me one last favor. Come on, one more game!” Niragi, amused and beat up beyond belief, flung a pistol to Chishiya, who was just sat up enough to watch what went on. He eyed the gun with consideration and soon stood up leisurely and limped over to pick it up. He grounded himself and smiled, unbothered as always. “Sounds like fun. Arisu, what do you think?” His white hair blew with the wind; the wind that signaled something coming any minute.

“What do you mean?” Arisu shouted, outraged at the idea, and stumbling over his feet to steel himself under the weight of his gun and the situation. After everything, this?

“Come on, don’t play dumb. I know you’ve got a bone to pick with me,” Chishiya commented, raspy. “We might as well deal with it now. We can settle things once and for all.”

This didn’t suggest Chishiya would win. He’d never shot a gun, anyway.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Arisu exclaimed.

Niragi only egged him on more.

Arisu trembled, “There’s gotta be a better way!” That was when Niragi took the first shot of the game. It smoked at Arisu’s feet, causing him to retreat behind a car. Then Chishiya began, standing up straight, and with heavy but tense eyelids, aiming at Niragi eagerly, and missing.

“Niragi!” Arisu screamed. “Stop this!”

“I’m just acting like you guys. Doing whatever I feel like,” Niragi retorted, standing upon a car like an imaginary pedestal. He wished he had leverage. He whipped around and shot at the ground where Chishiya stood. And with a foreign urgency, Chishiya flew behind a car, banging himself up against the side with a whimper of discomfort.

“Every time you open your mouths, it’s just to talk about yourselves,” Niragi yelled, like a threat. “I’ve had to listen to your bullshit this whole time. Stop acting like you’re better than everyone just because you’ve seen people die.” Niragi’s face contorted into a twisted grin, “And don’t say you’re trying to survive for someone else, because I know that deep down, you’re just as selfish! The only thing that matters is that we come out on top.”

Silence.

Arisu grinned humourlessly, morbidly. “...Yeah, I guess you're right.” He paused. “Maybe we’re all just supposed to kill each other in this place.”

“Now you’re starting to make sense,” Niragi chuckled, swaying back and forth.

“Niragi...I know what you’re trying to do," Arisu said. "But it won’t work. You’re trying to wear me down.”

Chishiya was cool, loosely gripping his gun, loosely gripping his life. His eyes were soft and focused, squinting as the springtime air entered through.

“Except now, it won’t work. I won’t be weak or selfish ever again.” Arisu stood in resignation. “I won’t pull this trigger to save myself.”

Chishiya’s shoulders relaxed, face blissed with that call of death. But he was too strong, too important, and now, he knew too much. His eyes fell to the ground, and he blinked. The idea of Arisu, the idea of not saving oneself. He had this idea, but it wasn’t his. He tried this idea, but it didn’t work. He recalled Kuzuryu.

His opponent, a noble man who knew all about law and equity—so much so that his game took place in the Supreme Court—decided that thoughtless victory wasn’t what he wanted to end with. Chishiya, at the cost of his own life, guaranteed this man success. Kuzuryu, the King of Diamonds, declined. Sure, Chishiya had his way of manipulation, manipulating the quality of fairness Kuzuryu was obsessed with finding in the darkness of the world, showing Kuzuryu that he was willing to die. The King was faced with the decision now to take that win. But would you take that win? As an honest man at heart, when offered the choice by someone who has proven to be your equal, especially as both of you are at -9 points, just one loss away from dying and being passed on into the other’s head as a mere memory, would you not volunteer? Would a true king take advantage of Chishiya's life being offered up? It was manipulative, but to manipulate in this way, Chishiya had to be fully willing to die.

Kuzuryu chose this because he knew when he had faced Chishiya that everything he’d learned was to be passed on. For his ideals, he paid the lessons he learned forward, because in the end, the system wasn’t right. He believed that once Chishiya sent an undoubted win his way, the decision to refuse it, for the sake of refusing it, set him free, and the interaction with Chishiya was worthy of being the forthcoming of his reversion of fate. The two of them were the same, both people who would learn throughout their lifetimes that their idealism wasn’t enough to save the people who actually deserved life. In the end, the thing that set them apart killed the King. Kuzuryu was naive. The cruelty of the system caused Chishiya to grow apathetic and accepting, while Kuzuryu continued to search for the value of a life. What made one life more worth saving than the other? The sad thing was: neither of them knew.

Kuzuryu was the type of man who made you wonder if the citizens of borderland had the choice whether or not to do what they do. But he also made you wonder if he stayed just to seek something to fill the hole left by the hope he had for the world.

—

Chishiya glanced outward as the ache in his chest set in.

Niragi lowered his gun with a scoff. “You ruined it,” he spoke up to Arisu. “Thanks a lot, asshole.”

The heart rates of the three almost dropped as the weight of the situation did.

That was when Usagi entered cluelessly, still tentative, but unknowing of what was happening.

“Arisu?”

Her eyes wandered from Arisu to Chishiya, both of them returning her gaze, becoming more alert than before, as if to prepare to warn her, but never do. She saw Niragi, a man who’d come in contact with her one too many times for all the wrong reasons. She wasn’t scared of him.

Still uncovered, in the open, and vulnerable, she met Arisu’s now-horrified eyes again. “What’s going on here?”

Straight across was Niragi, the point of the diamond, with the other two on either end. It was a death match, and she’d joined in.

The scalded man atop a car smirked to himself at the thought that the game wasn’t yet over. There was the girl who’d rejected him one too many times. “Oh yeah. I almost forgot about you.”

He raised a confident pistol and just missed her feet twice, sending her stumbling. Her lover screamed for her, but still too far away to take meaningful action. What he did have, though, was a shotgun, and he aimed it, cowardly, straight at Niragi. “Stop shooting! She’s got nothing to do with this.”

Niragi switched his aim to face the boy. “Games need a heroine to rescue. This one should die.” Sore loser much?

Chishiya shook a bit. For once, he was at a crossroads. Would he stay where he was and preserve himself a bit longer with no one telling him he was an asshole for staying put, or make the change he so desperately craves? No one could know what he meant to say to Arisu before NIragi showed up.

“If I kill you now, everything can go back to the way it was,” Niragi breathed, setting his sights back on the girl. “You...just get in the way.”

A clean shot popped from Niragi’s pistol, as a large shotgun bullet flew at and through him. The echo lasted several seconds and was heard throughout all of Shibuya.

Usagi panted down at the floor and gasped softly, as she was unharmed. With slow eyes, she was met with Chishiya turned away from her, standing, shaky. Right where Usagi would’ve been in the crosshairs. At the realization, her shock stayed, but her brows relaxed, mouth ajar, and eyes turning glassy. He fell to the ground.

“Chishiya!” She screamed, running frantically to his body. Arisu mirrored her reaction when he saw it, and kneeled beside him as well. Gasping, making quick attempts to pressure the wound, Usagi exclaimed to him, “Chishiya, you saved me!” He exhaled breathily, eyes falling open.

“Why did you do it?” She asked, her nimble hands both pressed to the place he was shot.

“I wanted to do something a bit out of character.” He chuckled, which was more of a breath. “I know it’s thanks to the people I met here.” He let his eyes rest. “Like Kuzuryu. Arisu-kun, too.”

He hummed, a soft frown gracing his features, but only for a moment.

“Hey,” Arisu prodded. “Before, what were you gonna say?

After a slight whimper of discomfort, Chishiya mouthed. “Oh yeah.” He sighed. “Honest people...always seemed pretty stupid to me.”

He continued, “I always loved messing with people who try too hard at life. I hated selflessness.” He breathed shakily. “It’s probably because I was jealous.” He smiled a bit. “They all had something I was missing.” He looked up at Arisu for a brief moment, finding forgiveness staring right back at him. “It was like they could always see...what a pathetic and small-minded person I really was. I was always afraid.”

Chishiya was smart; too smart for most to keep up with. He knew this was all foreign to him, and he was smart enough to know exactly what he wanted: to understand.

He wanted to get it. Arisu’s love for Usagi, the sacrifice Arisu had countlessly made and would make again. He wanted to understand their will to live and make sacrifices. Their will driven by their ideals. That hope for something greater. He craved it more than anything in this world. And what was there in the end? There was himself. There was a choice he had to make: to keep living life a ghost, someone who haunts others from a distance—the shadows—or to make a change. It was for Usagi, sure, but it was for him as well. For the newfound ideals that he had for himself. He never had much hope for the world, so the most he could want was to be better.

That glimpse of real, pure living had brought him closer than ever to death. Beautiful death, where he could finally be free. Not free from the grueling days of life, but from that jealousy. From the one thing others knew that he didn’t.

He looked almost...sleepy.

“I get you,” Arisu whispered.

Chishiya looked up, “Yeah, I thought you’d be the one to understand.”

And whether he’d die or not, he would have taken the first step to his liberation.

Chapter 18: Reuniting

Bullets on metal were soon what you were used to hearing. Your ears softly rang all the time now. You hid behind a sedan, several cars away from Kuina, closer and closer to the previous battlefield. A steady patter of gunshots popped in the distance.

You spotted a hint of white hair illuminated by the midday sun, hidden behind a silver car, and gasped. Chishiya? If you could just make it over to him, thank him for everything he showed you, you would end your life in borderland, or life in general, contentedly. You could hide away with him and rely on others to complete the last games. After your previous game, you were majorly paranoid about him. Your game had made you vulnerable and worried about him, even considering his supernatural competence.

But there he was. With a better angle, you could see it was him. His expression was something of someone in bliss, but the blood soaking his white jacket alerted you that his calm was a result of blood loss. He was a white rose painted red.

When the King turned his attention away to a few randoms, you started a jog over to Shuntarou.

A familiar ache cut through your skin, right below your heart. You stumbled, eyes flickering over to the shooter who was now distracted by Kuina’s headlock on him. The King of Spades had gotten you again. You were still considered one of his luckier victims, but the pain in the moment was near unbearable. “Jesus, another?” You cursed, tears pricking your eyes again as you fell backwards against the hood of a car, not quite in view of Shuntarou. You caught your breath shallowly and braced yourself to run the rest of that small distance to your partner. A pistol shot at your thigh just as you were obscured by your goal: his car.

“Chishiya...” you breathed as you braced yourself, dropping to kneel beside him, your voice betraying a whimper following the shakes in your hamstring. Face as relaxed as it had ever been, he cocked his head to look at you. “Ah, [last name],” he blinked, “Came back for me?”

You smiled sadly. He really didn’t know the half of it. “What kind of girl do you take me for?” You asked rhetorically, your pained smile not keeping under the pressure of the sight of his blood. It seeped through his fabric slowly and begrudgingly, and he appeared too calm for your liking. You didn’t want him to reach the prime state of tranquility. You didn’t want perfect peace for him. Not yet. It didn’t matter to you anymore how selfish it was, the way you wanted him alive by your side, or far away, with you on his mind. He didn’t seek death desperately, but he wouldn’t have minded if it took him. That was what set him apart from Arisu and Niragi. He wasn’t selfish for the sake of his survival. He was just selfish.

And you were selfish right now. You wanted him all to yourself. You didn’t care what he wanted; you wanted him down on earth, grounded, with you.

Lucky for you, he wasn’t close to leaving. Like Niragi, that motherfucker just wouldn’t die. You’d never know, but Chishiya wasn’t exactly careful with his life. In his last game, he gave it all up. With a smirk.

Chishiya’s careless, maybe well-thought-out plan had succeeded. But instead of shrugging his luck off, resenting the system for making him endure more earth, he had learned something too. What he learned was that there was something to be learned from this, this carnage, these selfless people. He felt all too connected to the ones who were as immoral as they got, as well as the ones he couldn’t fathom being as moral as. He felt a connection at the cost of disconnection, where he stood, viewing from a point only he could reach. But in the end, he, too, was free; he had found connection.

You’d got through to him.

“Chishiya,” you cursed, ironically soft, especially as you tugged at the ends of his hair. After a while of sitting with him, his eyes had fallen shut, and you, the paranoid girl you were, were trembling. Your wounds contributed to that as well. His eyes snapped open, lips incredibly relaxed in his habitual shade of Cheshire. “[last name].”

“Tsk, you keep making it seem like you’re dead.”

He chuckled in spite of himself, coming out as a soft cough. “You’re not going anywhere, are you?” His voice was casual. The question felt loaded.

You shook your head, “No.”

“Good.”

The words were simple, and they explained everything. It was almost funny the way that was, as you would do anything for an explanation of this, this land, if in simple terms or not. But now, something that truly mattered to you, more than this godforsaken place, didn’t have to be difficult.

But this was difficult. You didn’t have a clue whether he’d live or not. And you had made it this far. Both of you had.

Even with the squint his eyes held, he could observe the way you winced as you attempted comfort against the car door, and how your hands shook when you touched him. “Hurt again?”

You hummed, finally falling into the least painful position that still faced him. You squeezed your eyes shut when you blinked, then watched Shuntarou. He smirked a bit, “Need help?”

You scoffed with a smile of your own. “Shut up, you’re hurt worse...I think.” You tentatively reached out for his jacket. “Can I see?” He raised a brow at you. “Go ahead.” Through a few agonizing movements, you managed to scoot closer, and you peeled away the punctured cloth. You lifted your arm to cough, taking in the blood again. You’d seen so much of it in this world, but something about now disturbed you even worse.

You caught your breath and clumsily untied a handkerchief tied to the belt buckle of your jean shorts, bundling it up and pressing it hesitatingly to the shot. He blinked slowly and whispered with a nod, “It’s okay,” signaling that you could be rougher. You applied firmer pressure to his chest, relaxing your seated position, as you’d be there for a moment. Hoping to take either of your minds off it, you began, “How was your last game?”

His eyes awoke behind heavy lids. His blissful smirk that he wore from now on, from fatigue and something else you didn’t want to think about, was starting to make you wonder if it took his facial muscles to maintain, or if it was just the way he rested. You supposed that you didn’t pay that close attention when you slept beside him. Other than that, though, you didn’t regret your time with him. If he was going to die right now—hell, if you were going to die too, you thought you’d made the most of meeting and learning him.

“It was fine.”

He let out a little whimper as you kept a strong hand on him. You smiled a bit, “Just fine? Who’d you battle?”

“...Diamonds. The King.”

“Wow, you beat the King of Diamonds,” you mused proudly. “That’s impressive as hell. Not that I doubted you. What was he like?”

He seemed different. More reserved than before, maybe even softer. “I could learn a lot from that man.”

And that was all he told you.

“Okay...” You lay off his injury, only for a bit. “How’d you get shot? You tend to get lucky around here.”

He clicked his tongue. “You’re asking all these loaded questions.”

“Sorry, just curious.”

In his mind, he was proud of himself for finding such a smart girl to like him.

“Don’t apologize. I suppose I could tell you that. It was...” he chuckled to himself, “Niragi.”

You would’ve laughed too if this knowledge didn’t fuel the fire you had inside, giving you a newfound hatred toward that immoral whore of a man.

“Niragi?” You exclaimed quietly, turning the handkerchief over to put a cleaner side on him. “I knew he was no good.”

Shuntarou just smiled.

“Why?” You asked. “Just gone nuts?”

“Pretty much. Thought it’d be a new, fun game to have a shootout at the crossing.”

“I’d laugh if you weren’t on your last gasp.”

“Wow.”

“Did you get him at least?”

“...Not exactly. But Arisu did.”

“Oh, Arisu? I like him.”

“Yeah, he was there too. I...like him too.” Chishiya spoke slowly and softly, which was good. He should conserve his energy as long as possible. And though it was kind of a lot for him to say, the atmosphere made it seem like normal conversation.

You started, “Where was Usagi? She’s usually with Arisu.”

A beat. “She came in in the middle of the...game.”

“Is she okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I mean, Niragi was ready to kill her off but...” He sighed, face pale. “She was fine.”

“Niragi’s not exactly a stoppable force.”

“I stopped him.”

“You stopped him?”

“Well, I stopped her. Or...the bullet.”

Your eyes opened just wide enough for him to see right through your thoughts. Could Chishiya really have done that? There was no use in manipulating you now, so you just kind of let it settle into your brain. He had a kindness to him, there was no doubt about that from what you’ve seen, but did he have the guts to do what you could only infer?

“I don’t even think I could do that...” you trailed off. “That’s sweet. That’s...noble.”

“Noble?” He laughed. It was funny; he’d never think he was sweet either, but you’d already cleared that up when he patched you up for the first time.

“Sure. I mean, I guess I don’t know all that much about you,”—which was also funny, because you knew him better than just about anyone did—“but from what I’ve seen of you, you’re a good guy.”

“Good...” he whispered to himself, eyes falling shut. “That’s funny.”

All so funny. You guessed that that was all it could be anymore. If you let it be anything else, you’d break down bawling.

You settled beside him, almost nuzzling at his shoulder, with your hand weakly holding his chest still. There was also his side injury to account for; you just weren’t sure which was more important. Maybe you should’ve worked on both. But again, you only had one handkerchief, and you weren’t trying to infect his open wounds with your hands. “Should I kinda alternate between your gunshot wounds?” You asked softly.

“Doesn’t matter,” he breathed.

“Chishiyaaa..”

“Worry about yours.”

You tried to sit up, but the pain had set in badly. You grunted, glancing back over, but your lover looked at peace. You decided you’d just lie down and hope for the best.

Chapter 19: Nightfall

The afternoon came in like a soft breeze, and the echoes of your comrades putting up a fight died down. You hoped this meant victory. Though even while you, Chishiya, and Niragi still lay there alive, there was a lack of pattering bullets in the distance.

But soon enough the King of Spades blimp exploded, and Borderland was down to just one.

The night came with the agony. After soaking in your injury, you’d grown greatly and gruelingly lightheaded. It wasn’t too bad, though, because at least you got to lie down. The ambiance was even peaceful, especially in contrast to the sounds in afternoon. The streets were still dimly lit, the main source being the Queen’s venue. But that was soon gone, as a gradual boom disrupted the silence. You gasped a bit and craned your neck to check, and a big unapologetic smile bloomed across your lips. “Arisu...Usagi,” you muttered, taking a barely-there hold of Chishiya’s hand. “They did it.”

“So they did,” he hummed.

"...What now?" You whispered. More games? Would everyone magically teleport back to...Tokyo? Earth? Or was it all a dream? Maybe we’d have to stay after all this, and it was just some big, hilarious joke.

Then the next explosion came in the distance. But only this time, you didn’t need to turn your head to see it. It was all around. Fireworks. The ones that preceded all this. Well, these were colorful and intentional. Not to say the first ones were accidents, but these made sense. Could it be the end?

You smacked him again gently. “Wake up, look.”

“I’m awake...jeez...” His eyes flicked up to watch the lights stream down from the sky. “Fireworks.”

That was when the salt started to come down your cheeks. You sobbed quietly at first, until you regained righteousness and rode out your emotions. You bit your lip and realized just how much you were hurting. Your guts were wrenched, and it was as if your first bullet wound was fresh again underneath the dressings Chishiya made for you. You’d tasted blood for the last 3 hours, and it was hard to accept it was your own. You were fighting to keep your eyes open.

You were happy.

—

A standard deck only has 52 cards. Whatever came next would be different. And different was good enough.

The bright colors popped in unison, and you heard the agitating PA sound once more, dinging like a lifeline, and you had an ounce more patience for it this time.

“All surviving players will be presented with two choices. Players must now all decide whether to accept permanent residency in this country or decline it. Once again, players must now decide whether to accept permanent residency or decline it.”

You smiled a little to yourself. Would anyone stay?

“I want to turn it down...I think,” Chishiya breathed. “You?”

“Hell no. I decline.”

He smiled a bit as well.

At his face, his tranquility brought your feelings resurfacing, slightly. With glassy eyes, you shakily found his fingers, holding on ironically, for dear life. “Don’t forget me, okay?”

He let out a soft sigh, one you finally could be sure was not his last. His eyes fell shut.

...

“It’d take a lot to forget you.”

---------------------------------

Chapter 20: Oblivion

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Your eyes shot open, taking in the bright cascade of sunlight that shone through the blinds. Your lips still tingled from a tensed lip you’d slept with. You felt...full. A dream. A beautiful dream.

For the most part, you’d forgotten.

The room smelled of alcohol; the clean kind, which always had a quality of feeling almost too clean. Something was too clean. Your face was dry. You squeezed your eyes as you blinked and wiggled to make sure you weren’t still dreaming. You stopped abruptly as a sharp pain bloomed in your midsection. And your leg was incredibly sore.

The hospital was definitely the right place for you to be at the moment, but where did any of these injuries come from?

Backtrack: What were you even doing before you woke up? You must have blacked out.

A deep pang shot through you as you tried to remember. You could recall pretty lights in the sky; fireworks. You were leaving a coffee shop at the time. There was no holiday, no rhyme or reason to what you’d seen. But there must not have been time to process it thoroughly, because then, you were here.

You turned your head, which still worked fine. Next to you was a man with shaggy black hair, asleep with grime on his face. You could only imagine what you looked like.

You gathered that you weren’t the only one here. A nuke, maybe. That would make the most sense. But how likely was it that Japan was going to war in this day and age? You had so many questions and too little energy. You let your eyes fall for one last time.

There was a shiny quality to the world at the moment. You were in your own bubble, one you’d pop soon enough once you were fit to leave this bed. You’d had beautiful dreams before, but your recollection had held you back this time. And disappointment flooded you.

Chapter 21: Him

The doctors told you it was a meteor.

It was absolutely insane that such a rare occurrence could happen, let alone in a major sub-center of one of the biggest cities of trade in the world. You accepted it, though, as you were too sore to overthink anything other than your broken ribs. Speaking of which, the doctors also told you that wreckage had fallen and left an impact on your body and damaged the muscles in your thigh. You’d left the room on crutches about an hour after you woke up. You were in a daze that this had all happened, and you felt you’d only blinked. You’d blinked, and were now all kinds of broken.

Incomplete.

It was almost ominous how empty you felt. What were you missing? Your dignity? You laughed to yourself at how short a period it took for you to go from content and complete to not at all. It was as if after you’d left the room, you’d stepped into the real world again.

Or maybe you’d just seen him.

Eyes dry and dusty, you squinted as you spotted a man at the hospital vending machine. It was the boy who’d gotten you through your...coma—not that you’d have known at the time. The man who was now so sweetly—so deeply—embedded into your subconscious, to the point where when you saw hints of his blond hair when you passed the threshold, you knew you must know him. ‘Must’ as in had to, and also, had to have. When you saw him, the effect of the dream began blooming in your chest. All you could think was that you needed to talk to him, and all you felt was drawn.

You hobbled across the tile, still learning your crutches, and staying on your toes. You cleared your throat, but he’d already sensed you.

“Hey..” you began, attempting a soft smile.

He turned his head halfway first, then his body to face you. “Hey,” he returned, not bubbly, but not cold exactly. You inferred that it was a common misconception about him, being cold and all. “Do I know you?” He asked.

“That’s what I was gonna say,” you grinned, glancing at the ground, then back at him while your feet relaxed. “Sorry, I’m being weird. What I mean is, you seem familiar.”

“Hm, you’re right. What’s that about...” he pondered.

“Wait, do you work here? I’m here often. My friend has a health issue.” Why did you say so much?

His eyes flicked to yours. “No, but good guess.”

“Strange. It’s not as if I often see people like you,” you added, taking in his hair, and the rest of him for that matter. He was not far from your height, and he had a rare expression that was more common on people as the days went on. However, he’d had it since he was a kid.

He frowned, but playfully. “You too.”

“Haha, I’m [last-name].” You offered your hand, and he gladly shook it after hesitating briefly, considering the guard he often had up. His injuries, or just the catastrophe in general, made him let loose a little. Or you did.

If so, this moment wasn’t the first.

“Chishiya,” he returned.

There were stars in your eyes as he let go of your hand, and you watched as he paid the vending machine and grabbed a packet of Japanese biscuits. He turned his attention back to you. The silence was comfortable. He didn’t expect anything fast-paced from you. It was refreshing.

You opened your mouth tentatively, but went on anyway. “Wanna get coffee or something? We can bond over the meteor trauma...and stuff.”

He cracked a slight smile at your suggestion. “Meteor trauma? Well, I’ve got nothing better to do. I’m in recovery.”

Your eyes were nebulae, but you quickly got your bearings. “Just be patient with me and my legs.”

He shrugged and ripped at the perforation of his snack. He shook a biscuit into his palm. “Want some?”

—

You found the nearest cafe and got a seat. He didn’t rush you. You got situated, and when the waitress came around, you both ordered simple mochas.

“Sweet coffee?” You smiled.

“What, wouldn’t have pinned it on me?”

“Hm...honestly, I might’ve.”

“I don’t seem like a black coffee sort of guy?” He chuckled, which was just a huff of air.

“Well, I guess I wouldn’t know,” you replied. “On the surface, yes. But you seem sweet enough already.”

A slight pink tinged his face, and he didn’t believe you for a moment. Or maybe he did. But you could tell he was still warming up to the idea. He regained a smirk that graced his lips in a way that felt familiar to him, but ever so slightly, also to you.

“Guess you know better than most, then.”

“Guess so.”

He studied your face, a ghost of warmth in his expression. He’d really let loose since the meteor; he almost never blushed before it. But again, it could’ve just been you.

“You’re not what I expected either,” he said casually, with maybe some hidden weight.

“What did you expect?”

His thumb absentmindedly traced the rim of his cup, but his eyes stayed on learning your face. “I don’t know. Someone more ordinary, maybe.”

You laughed, not taking offense, as he didn’t intend any. “Do ordinary people ask you out?”

“No, they don’t,” he grinned.

“Well, now you know I’m interested.”

“Oh?” He retorted. “You’re openly admitting you’re interested in me?”

If you’d sat closer, you’d have swatted him.

“You knew!”

“Hey, I was just teasing you.” He leant back in his chair.

“I know,” you responded. You took in the way you clicked with him. It wasn’t that he didn’t click fast with people; you just felt something else bubbling at the surface. Something prettier than companionship. And you could tell he didn’t experience that often. “Doesn’t it feel like we know each other?”

His amusement faded slightly, replaced with something more thoughtful. “...It does.” He was quiet. He had no use denying the truth. You were familiar. “What is with that?”

You shrugged. “Maybe we knew each other in another life.”

He was impeccable at figuring things out with logic; better than just about anyone. But when it came to the psyche, he could—but rarely—find himself struggling to decode things. He didn’t exactly believe in past lives, but he wasn’t ready to reject the idea just yet.

“Maybe.”

“Can I get your number?” You smiled. “I get the feeling you wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t something.”

He grinned a little to himself as you got out your phone in anticipation. He gestured that you signal you’re ready, then recited the digits when you were.

“It was nice to meet you, [last-name],” he said.

Your name rolled off his tongue with such ease.

Chapter 22

Being with him was easy.

When you had a particularly bad nightmare regarding the meteor or whatever happened in the coma, you hit him up, and he had his own stories to share if you made him. He had an air of intelligence, and he often had an answer to your questions. Your conversations also flowed because your frequencies weren’t so far off. You wondered where he came from. You wondered what made him so quiet. You wondered a lot. But most of all, you wondered why you weren’t together yet.

Your finger hovered over a glowing green button under his name, and after a moment’s consideration, you pressed it. You lifted your phone to your ear. It rang for a beat but no more.

“[name]?”

“Chishiya,” you started, unhurried but anxious. “Wanna hang out?”

“You say it like we’re teenagers.”

You smiled to yourself. “Come on, can’t we be? For a night?”

“I’m on my way.”

You hung up and whispered a triumphant ‘yes.’

You waited outside your door. After a few minutes, footsteps drew nearer, and you were met with soft, smug eyes and an apathetic aura that you could only find lovely on Chishiya. He planted his feet in front of you and waved with a previously pocketed hand. “Hello.”

“Hi! I was thinking we’d just go walking.”

He shrugged, not dismissively, but to show he didn’t care. He was just happy to have the company.

Once you’d got going, the summer night air, which was once an oven in the day, hit more pleasantly. You traveled silently with the man and let cicadas hum the soundtrack.

“I work at the children’s hospital,” he stated.

You perked up, “Oh? You’re volunteering information now.”

He chuckled. “It was just...a big coincidence, when you asked if I worked at the hospital, on the first day of the aftermath.”

“Wow, now that’s really crazy.” You let the knowledge set in with the comfortable humidity. You laughed to yourself. “Still funny you trust me so soon. I could be a major stalker, you know? Sakurazawa, right?”

He smiled at the ground and nodded. “Please, why shouldn’t I trust you?”

“I don’t know, trust gets you killed in this world.” You weren’t exactly lying, anyway. The meteor had taught you that much.

He cocked his head to you, then softened once more. “Trust is all we have in this world.”

A warmth flooded your chest. It was indescribable and raw, and the only time you could recall this feeling’s existence was back at the hospital. When you looked back at him, you almost got a glimpse of disbelief on his features that he’d said something like that. But it was quickly replaced with confidence.

“You aren’t wrong,” you added.

“Often the case,” he quipped, and you swatted him for real this time.

Chapter 23: Shuntarou

He knew all the secret spots. You got him to go out more, but he expanded your horizons by a long shot. You started to see each other more in town, which was strange, considering he was more of a ghost in Tokyo. A Cheshire cat.

First, it was a low-income bar, still open for the love of the game, and run by a few of Chishiya’s friends. He was a loner, you could tell, but all these things about him were kinda sweet in a way, at least to you.

Next, it was the rooftop of his apartment. There was no view, just concrete, a few vents, and a sky full of stars. He took you places no one else ever went. Why would he sign you up for uninvited perception?

He never reached out, but every time you did, he had more ideas of new places to go with you. It was as if he had the blueprint for years, but it was only now he’d found someone to map it out with.

Soon, you were together again.

You smiled and fell in line with his steps when he began to walk. You didn’t know where he was going, and you didn’t have to.

—

Whatever this was, it had outgrown the need for a label. You weren’t ready to admit it to anyone, but it was as if the meteor never happened when you were with him. Strange, he’d invade your mind like this, but he was a beacon of light for you—apt to his color scheme.

It terrified you; your teen years led you to not be so quick to love. And it terrified you how much he didn’t terrify you, and how fast this came to be. You normally needed a little more thunder for a spark like this.

You supposed the thunder might have been the meteor.

But the more you looked at him, the more you suspected that the thunder you were searching for was in your coma. What did you dream of? It may have been a stretch, but you must have dreamed of him. You chose to forget about it, but the dream had still left you with the beautiful glow of something otherworldly. The one that only he made you feel.

It was uncanny at this point.

—

This time it was a simple park. It wasn’t all secluded, but it also wasn’t the main Shibuya garden. It was pretty, especially in the climate that was slowly but surely fading into autumn. Hydrangeas and lotus flowers were blossoming around you. “This is beautiful, Chishiya-kun,” you blushed at him. Walking now felt like the good ending. Being a survivor as the weather turns mild, being with someone you were gradually falling for. You didn’t know him all that well. But you wanted to. And that was clear.

He kept his smirk to himself. “Waking up in that hospital, I was ready to live again. It was...strange.”

You turned to look at him. You knew what he meant all too well. “You didn’t want to live before?”

He hesitated, calm as ever. “I was just finally ready for a change. To-”

“To live differently.”

He let himself smirk. “You know, we aren’t so different.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

You were much less the quiet type, but maybe he was right. He often was, after all.

“I never planned on you,” he said thoughtfully.

You laughed, “I exceeded your calculations?”

“You did,” he huffed and grinned along with you.

“You’ve gotta let life come to you. You can’t depend on living the way you plan to.”

He was quiet for a second. “I know.”

He wasn’t lying. Not anymore.

When he locked eyes with you again, the look was mirrored. It wasn’t raw need, and it wasn’t disinterest. It was mutual understanding, and it was happiness, in simple terms. Really, you’d realized it was time to let yourself be happy. You couldn’t read his mind, but you assumed he felt the same. And if you’d just reached far enough into your memories of him, you would have known it. The atmosphere was so filled with tranquility; one you’d break, but not with violence. You kissed him.

—

It was as if your heart had stopped—again.

Chishiya.

~

“Is this really a ‘game’ to you, Chishiya-kun?”

“That’s what it is, isn’t it?”

~

Maybe it was tag.

~

“You’re not wrong. I was going to use you.”

You took a soft breath.

“Why stop now?”

~

Or a game with your heart?

~

“Did you have a main focus as a doctor? Or just like check-ups?”

“I pursued, uh, cardiovascular surgery.”

“Holy fuck,” you laughed. “Chishiya-kun.”

~

What was too clean, those days in the hospital, was your memory.

~

“Lonely?” He lightly raised a brow.

You whispered, “Lonely.”

~

It was all so clear now. Of course, you loved him. You’d loved him since you learned his name. How could you not?

~

It was as if all this immoral winning you’d done to live had led up to this: the win that gave you reason to live.

~

To live.

~

“Don’t forget me, okay?”

...

“It’d take a lot to forget you.”

~

To remember.

—

When you parted, your eyes shot open, only to find everything you felt reflected in his iris.

...

“Shuntarou.”

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