A Letter to the Girl Who Wants To Disappear
Hey Beautiful,
I know right now everything seems so much, too much in fact. I see you struggling with that constant battle in your head that thought of ‘being too much’ or ‘not enough’... Let me tell you now baby girl that voice in your head is full of bullshit. How many times did it tell you, you wouldn’t pull through something and yet you did? How many times did it tell you that you were too much or not enough and yet... You were still perfectly right.
I know how your backaches, your muscles so clenched tight you don’t ever think they will relax. Your eyes tired, heavy and stinging from the crying you’ve done. Yet it all feels so flat, so unbearable. I keep seeing you remembering how the world used to feel even a week or so ago when it was multicoloured, warm, bright and beautiful and today it’s black, white, hallow and numb. It feels like you’re standing in the middle of your own life while everyone else keeps walking past you- like the world didn’t stop when you did. I see how you’re struggling with the noise of the world and the disappointment it keeps bringing you.
You’re tired of waiting.
Tired of Hoping.
Tired of being the one who always has to be strong first.
I see the anger bubbling inside you like a little witch’s cauldron in the pit of your stomach- Every disappointment another ingredient, every silence another stir of the spoon, every let-down another spark under the fire. I know you should be angry, let yourself be angry because you need to be... You hold so much for everyone else, but when you need it, who has you? Who helps you pick up the pieces? Let me guess... No one, that’s not because they don’t care it’s because you don’t let them. You don’t let no one ever see how bad you’re truly breaking because you don’t want to be that burden that is too much, but you don’t have to carry this all on your own. Because even when you feel like nobody has you-
I do.
I always have.
I know you still want that big bright beautiful future... That one where you can just exist and be your beautiful little self, but I know how exhausted you are carrying that hope and struggle of getting there. Just take a little break from yourself.
Put the weight down.
Unclench your jaw.
Let your shoulders fall.
Feed your soul, make yourself smile if only for a second because you need it and you look so much better with a smile on your face. Remember... I’m always here.
With Love,
The part of you that is still here.
