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Writer’s Block 1

Pairing [Fuckboy! Jimin x Writer! Reader]

Genre [college au, strangers to lovers, slow burn, coffee shop au, future smut]

Summary [You’re the unknown author of the popular web novel called ’coffee and milk’ that everyone around campus talks about. The fans expect you to write a steamy sex scene next but there’s a little problem, you’re a virgin and you’re not confident in your skills to deliver so you turn to your best friend who’s an expert at smut writing and she hooks you up with a cherry popper aka the biggest fuckboy around campus, Park Jimin to get your experience. However, things don’t always go accordingly when he witnesses something that you’ve been keeping a secret for a long time.]

Warnings [strong appearance of a mental illness (GAD), panic attack, anxiety, mutual pinning, smut in the last part]

Word Count [8.2k]

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⤷Writer’s Block [Masterpost]

Coffee and Milk. The name taunts you. It’s been a couple of days since your last update of the novel and you know your fans anticipate for things to escalate considering the palpable tension between the pages and you can’t blame them for it.

Mina gave you a few pointers before how to build up the sexual tension between your characters and you thought that you’re ready to try out a different writing style as your previous novels only consisted of a lot of fluff and angst. It’s untouched territory for you. Mina encouraged you to try out a different couple dynamics and your fans love it, you love writing it. It’s a challenge but you managed to overcome the problems along the way until now. This new story has the best reviews so far and your most popular work even though it’s still ongoing and you’re afraid to disappoint your readers when there’s so much excitement seeping from each comment under your latest post.

Your recent female character is a cunning person who goes for what she wants and works for it until she gets it, in other words, your exact opposite. Everything seems easy on paper but you would never have the balls to do the same. You’re a typically shy and nerdy student who actually hates studying but seems smart from an outsider’s point of view because of your glasses and oversized hoodies. Daring and sexy is not something you’re associated with. You easily blush when a cute boy tries to talk to you and you have a bad habit of overthinking everything you say.

You came up with the story sitting inside your favourite coffee shop while it was heavily raining outside and there was a cute exchange between the barista behind the counter and a cute girl.

The girl seemed shy but interested when the boy winked and called out her name to take her order clearly flirting and the moment inspired you to write about a shy college boy and a popular girl, manifesting everything in a story. Reversing the roles you wanted to encourage your female readers to be more comfortable with going for the things they like and for you, you just wanted to experiment with the concept and do all the things that you’ll never have the guts to do in real situations but maybe someone out there could find encouragement in your words and get lucky.

Normally you’re able to write a big chunk of words, never too behind the releasing date of a new chapter but this time you have to admit that you’re stuck. Your female character is mocking you from between the virtual pages of your novel, rewriting and erasing became your new best friend throughout this week and you have only one week left before you need to give something to the readers but you keep hating the words you type into your computer and in the end, there’s only an empty document for you to stare at.

You get easily frustrated when the actions became forced and unnatural. Your lack of experience is showing as you’re not sure how to make them behave or what they should feel during supposedly heated moments, it’s not only the act of sex that looks forced but the whole scene looks off from the beginning. Mina serves as enough confirmation as your sex scene seem like it was written by a twelve years old girl when she dead ass laughs in your face and slaps her thighs comically. A frown makes its final appearance on your face and Mina almost looks at you with apologetic eyes.

”Honey, this is terrible. Technically speaking it’s correct they do the deed but there’s no emotion behind this. It feels like she’s having a fuckbuddy instead of the love of her life under her and why is she so stiff? This is not fem dom, it’s barking orders and don’t let me start on your dirty talk…”

You straighten your lips into a thin line accepting her harsh criticism with a forming pout and heavy heart. You spent a whole week to come up with this and all she could give credit for is that it’s accurate but lifeless like a scientific document from Wikipedia about human reproduction. You knew already that it’s horrible. What you want to hear is how to fix it.

You heave a sigh and turn the laptop to face you again, your brain works overtime to come up with ways to fix the weirdness between your characters but you’re not sure a new rewrite will magically fix it. You’re stuck on this one and you’re afraid that you won’t finish it on time.

Your coffee sits next to your things on the table untouched and cold. Feeling defeated and tired after another failed try, the negative emotions are etched into your features with a permanent marker and Mina appears to take pity on you and beckons your body to lean closer like she’s about to spill the secret to the universe and judging your desperation it might be it for you.

You hold your breath while you lean across the table uncomfortably not caring that the edge of the table digs into your hipbone. Anticipating her secret, you’re eager to discover how she can write such heated scenes within record time and wait for her lips to curve around the words that could save your pathetic attempts at smut writing and saving the ending of your novel.

Her next words are like someone dumped an ice bucket of water over your head.

You know she’s technically right but you refuse to accept it. You’re not like your main female character, you can’t just woo someone and have sex just like that. The movies always make it seem like a piece of cake but no one tells you the dread that comes from the potential rejection. You never had a real boyfriend before and your first date after you finished high school was a big disaster that almost made you lost your hope in humanity. Ok, maybe that’s a strong word for it, it wasn’t that bad but not particularly good either.

Then and there you realised that dating is not your fort and you should instead stick to romance novels and fanfictions scattered around the internet that you find at 2 in the morning to read. Boys don’t usually ask you out, your friend is the more popular one and she had multiple boyfriends before even though she’s currently single like you are and maybe that’s why she can write about sex that feels realistic and engaging. There were only two boys who wanted to take you out since you started going to Uni but things just didn’t work out. It was probably your fault that they didn’t work out.

”Don’t be so horrified. I actually have an idea.” Mina smiles and discreetly points at the blond guy behind the counter. My eyes follow the boy’s movements as he works, making lattes and cappuccinos for a couple and a younger girl that looks like she’s in her first semester here. His dirty blond hair looks familiar to you but can’t quite remember where did you see him before this coffee shop until Mina tells you his name. He started working here a couple of months ago, you were a regular here so the new barista easily caught your eyes. Considering that you hate every change around you, he disturbed your routine but you know he didn’t mean to. He seemed nice and friendly, you always felt bad when his attempts at small talk failed because of you. You never bothered to ask so you don’t even know his name.

”Park Jimin?” You repeat his name coyly and your eyes widen after a minute of silent thinking and then you seem to remember something out of the blue. Maybe it’s your fault for not knowing considering that he probably has a name tag on his apron but you had no idea this cute barista is the campus fuckboy. Everyone heard about him, even you.

”Wait. Park Jimin? The one with the virgin kink?” You try to keep your voice down but a few tables turn around to see what’s going on and you bashfully look away from the prying eyes and focus your attention back at Mina keeping the panic out of your voice this time around. You’re painfully aware now that you’re facing the counter with a clear view to see where Park Jimin takes the orders and makes coffee. He looks good, there’s no point denying that he’s a very handsome man and a lot of people go for him for obvious reasons.

He has a reputation that he likes to collect virgins and pin their names onto his wall (hopefully figuratively and not physically) and unlike what they tell about Jeongguk who handles his virgins a little roughly, Jimin is very sweet about someone’s first time and wants to make the experience unforgettable for them.

It would be almost sweet if it weren’t for the fact that he’s another fuckboy from a sketchy fraternity house that only cares about three things and that is: girls, sex and attention. The holy grail for boys like him.

There were rumours last year that Jeongguk and him had a bet going on about who could get more virgins to sleep with them and the loser had to run circles around campus completely naked. You were not interested enough to ask who won though and thankfully you didn’t see anyone running around campus butt naked either. You’re a little sceptical about how sleeping with Park Jimin would help you write the new chapter of your romance novel but you were the one who asked for Mina’s advice in the first place so you should at least hear her out before rejecting the idea. Honestly, you try not to meddle with other’s business, you like to be behind the scenes and you only know things because Mina likes gossips. You don’t know Jimin at all and as much as you gathered while you sit here inside the coffee shop is two things. First, his coffee is really good and second, he seems like a nice guy, he’s respectful with the customers and always has a nice serving smile on his face when someone approaches him to order.

You’re not saying that his reputation is not part of him because even a naive girl like you knows that everyone has different personas. What you see is how he’s while working, you don’t know anything about him outside of his workplace or personal life to judge his character.

”Just think about it. Jimin loves virgins and knows how to make them feel good for their first time and on second thought you’re writing about a strong and daring female character in your novel. Why don’t you try to take control? His reactions would be a good reference and I think he could be a good sub for you, he’s laid back and non-judgemental. I think this is the experience that you need. I know it’s hard to get out of your comfort zone but that’s the only way your scene will come across as genuine.”

”Jimin will never submit to me, Mina. He’s confident and knows more about sex than I do. How could I even achieve that? He’ll laugh at me if I try. I don’t think I have that quality in me.” You’re not that badass girl Mina thinks that you are, it’s one thing to write about a confident woman and sell it to your audience but being one requires more than what you think you have. You lack the confidence that takes for you to be daring.

This is why you write it down and not make real-life actions for fuck’s sake, it’s called mother fucking fiction. This plan would never work considering that the confident aura that surrounds Jimin makes you cower under his gaze and not the other way around. He won’t take you seriously if you blush and look away as soon as he opens his mouth and that certainly sounds like something you would do. You have a problem with talking to new people and look them in the eye at the same time and it gets even worse when that person is attractive.

”Why don’t you order us some fresh coffee and see how it goes? Just think like you’re the actress starring in your own novel and be blunt ask him to give you his number. Don’t overthink it just do what feels right.” She forces you out of your chair with a not so gentle push telling you her order with a paired up grin before she picks her notebook out of her bag and starts writing something. It’s a clear sign that she wants you to get moving.

You stand there for a while contemplating what to do before you say fuck it and move to the end of the line and wait till it’s your turn. You think about how your protagonist would act in a situation like this and you try to get into the mindset all the while taking deep breaths, calming your heart. Your palm sweats as you approach but you try to ignore it. If you think about all the possible outcomes the worst that could happen is that he says no but the campus is big enough to avoid him and you can easily find another coffee shop.

It gives you a little confidence. ”Hey can I get an americano and a latte with extra foam, please?” Your smile is timid but Jimin’s is comfortingly big and welcoming no wonder this shop is so popular he has a good customer service attitude, you’re confident that the ladies love him. He nods and states the amount that you give him later. Even his voice is nice and soothing.

”I’m sure you hear this a lot but can I get your number?” Your heart threatens to break free from your ribcage as you wait for his answer. You can’t believe you just blurted it out like that. Are you crazy? This single sentence required your whole strength to deliver and you can’t decide if you feel better now that the cat is out of the bag or rather horrified. No, who do you want to deceive, you’re mortified. To your utter astonishment, he looks surprised but his smile comes back as soon as it faded hiding the change of emotion quickly. Why was he surprised? You half-heartedly expected a confirmation or a cocky smirk at least but not this. This is even a good reaction? You can’t tell.

He takes your cup and writes something on it that suspiciously seem like numbers and a name but not yours.

You try to look nonchalant as you wait for him to finish the drinks when suddenly something possesses you to say something you would never consider saying in your normal and uninteresting life. You have no idea where that sudden burst of confidence came from but the words came out easy this time.”How do you know it’s not the latte that’s mine?” You’re kind of curious how does he know which cup will be yours.

You cross your arms in front of you and arch a brow in question the motion of your hands makes his eyes land on your chest area effortlessly. He’s not even trying to be subtle about his staring and your demeanour falters a bit. It’s nothing special, your boobs are not even showing under the oversized hoodie that you’re wearing. What is he even staring at? His smile grows bigger and more fox-like as he slips the coffees over the counter for you to grab. The numbers on the americano’s cup and his name face you this way confirming your suspicion that he indeed wrote down his number for you. He has his hands on the counter leaning a bit closer to where you are in a flirty manner that makes your heart stop beating for a second.

”You’re here all the time and you always order americanos baby.” The pet name catches you off guard but you manage to keep your face straight. It’s the first time someone called you baby in a non-creepy way. You’re fluttered, confused but fluttered.

”Well, you got me there.”

You keep the teasing smile on your face for only a few seconds before you grab both coffees praying that he can’t tell how much your hands shake with nerves. You turn around to get back to your table and only hope that you won’t faint in the middle of walking away, that would be humiliating but your heart pounds like you’re about to go into cardiac arrest even though your acting is better than you expected. The entire conversation went way better than you expected. It’s actually scary. You’re not like this, you’re not this flirty and daring girl.

”Are you going to text me?” He calls out to you before you got too far away from where he stands and your steps falter for a moment to look over your shoulders. Fuck. What should you do? You need to come up with a good answer that will keep him on his toes but doesn’t make him bored with you too soon. Should you say ’maybe’ and be mysterious or is that too much? What would your protagonist say in a situation like that? Fuck, Y/N, think you tell yourself.

”That’s why a person asks for someone’s phone number, don’t you think?” You decide to be bratty about it. You’re good, your voice didn’t waver like you thought it would. Even if you want to curl around yourself and scream you manage to keep your cool.

”Will you at least tell me your name?” His chuckle is breathless, he seems affected by your flirting and you’re surprised that he has such a good reaction if you dare say even looks eager to hear your words. His eyes express his anticipation for your answer. It’s somewhat unexpected. He has probably a dozen girls wrapped around his cute pinky finger.

Maybe Mina was right he’s that kind of guy that would be a good study subject for your male protagonist. He’s more daring and flirty than your crafted character but you could see some resembles between their behaviour patterns in a weird way. It’s surprising but at the same time, it fills you with excitement. Jimin is acting out of character you could even call him a little…shy. Your tiny crush for him blooms with each smile into a bigger flower.

”Like you said. I’m here all the time. Keep trying maybe I’ll give it to you but for now, you can call me baby. I like hearing you say it.”

Is that a blush on his cheeks? Park Jimin just blushed because of your statement? Why does making him blush feels so nice and empowering? It makes you feel hot, him acting cute is hot. This is so unlike him that you take pride in the fact that it’s because of you. You don’t know what possessed you to say all of that with a calm face when in reality you’re dying inside out of embarrassment but seeing the blush on his cheeks was worth it in the end.

It’s hard to ignore his presence after that, you feel his eyes on you and you catch him staring occasionally when he pretends to wipe the tables. You’re hyperaware of every move he makes.

You wanted to leave as soon as you sat down because you felt embarrassed about the show you put up but Mina said that you should stay for another hour to give him something to think about. Even though you want nothing more than to have the ground swallow you whole you stand your ground and act as unaffected as you can while Mina tells you about her upcoming project she keeps her voice low so only you can hear the juicy details of her newest work. You try really hard to concentrate on her words but all you can do is replay in your head all the things you said to him and internally cringe. This isn’t like you. This is going to be so awkward.

***

”I can’t do this. Please don’t make me do this.” You plead with Mina but she’s relentless, dragging you through the park that signals your alarming proximity to the coffee shop that you have been avoiding for the past week like the plague. You spent it to overthink every little word you said to him and think about why you made fun of yourself in front of the cute guy. He probably laughed so hard due to your pathetic attempts at flirting.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the phone number you collected sits on your bedside table in your dorm room unused. You’re not even sure if it’s his number after all. After the adrenaline rush subdued you realised your mistakes and the initial excitement was thrown out of the window with your dignity following along. The whole experience just seemed crazy.

”So you will just give up on finishing your novel because you’re a coward? You did so well last time, you should have at least texted him and not ghost him without any reason Y/N. Even a fuckboy like Park Jimin explains why he avoids a girl before just booking it.”

She looks disappointed she really thought that you’re better than this but apparently you’re not. You did better last week than she expected so she’s confused why the sudden anxiety. What she doesn’t know is that this restless worry was there even if you tried to suppress it. You were panicking the whole time you were talking to him but the better part of you won for a couple of minutes to not outwardly humiliate yourself.

”I almost died just talking to him. I can’t keep up the act around him Mina. Let’s just forget about it and have some lunch…” You try but she keeps dragging you in the wrong direction despite your efforts to peel her fingers from around your wrist. Fuck, you had no idea she’s this strong. Facing him after a day or two would be still somewhat acceptable but appearing after you ghosted him for an entire week (rude) and with the release date looming over your head. You’re just not in the right mindset to face what you’ve done, you’re not mentally prepared. Call you a coward but you’re not ready.

He’ll ask why you didn’t text him or even worse act like you’re not there! Even if you would understand that reaction, you did avoid him without saying anything and he doesn’t seem like that guy who can’t take rejection. This is all messed up, you asked for his number it’s not like he forced you to take it. It’s bad enough that your readers will be disappointed to find no update when there was so much hype around the last published part and the deadline is tomorrow.

It’s an understatement if you say you didn’t write anything after that failed 4,000 words, you never deleted something so quickly from your WIP's folder in your entire life. Maybe it’s the stress talking. You’re behind your school work because you rather spend time writing your novels than reading your textbooks. Anyhow, this time you can’t even say that because you haven’t written down anything after getting Jimin’s number that day. Your writer’s block is that bad. Your head is just not in the best place right now. It happens sometimes when things get too overwhelming.

”Look. Forget the act just do what Y/N would do. Say hi or say sorry but don’t avoid him. I haven’t seen you use that old coffee machine in your dorm room ages ago. It’s like a hundred years old it’s sheer luck that it didn’t blow up in someone’s face yet. Save a life and buy some coffee instead, please.”

”I guess you’re right. But he’ll think I’m super weird if I start crying in the middle of my apology and you know how I get once I’m emotional. Let me take a breather before we go in ok?” She nods, understanding that it’s hard for you and pats your back comfortingly. You were always weird and awkward around new people that’s why there aren’t many friends that you have because it’s hard for you to get comfortable and let go.

You overthink things and are extremely self cautious about how you act. It’s still a mystery how you could pull that confident woman act a week ago, to be honest. It felt like an out of body experience for you if you think about it now.

Maybe he’s not working today, there’s still a chance that he’s not inside so you take a deep breath and nod your head. Mina takes it as an affirmative to move she’s smart enough to have your arms intertwined. In case if you suddenly wanted to bolt and get away she could prevent it but that surprisingly didn’t happen. You were still holding onto the fact that he might not be there when you walk through that door.

Your blood runs ice cold in your veins with the realisation that he’s indeed behind the counter though and now looking directly at you and Mina. He has an unreadable expression on his face that scares you shitless.

You’re thankful that Mina holds you because your legs would have probably given out otherwise. Your anxiety is unreasonable and you know it but your body doesn’t seem to know it as well as you do. It shouldn’t be the end of the world but why does it feel like it is? Mina drags your motionless body to stand in line and you’re already about to cry. Your waterline gets filled up with tears as you start to fully panic. You feel your ears filter out the noises around you as if they got stuffed in with cotton balls.

Mina senses you’re about to have a panic attack and leads you to one of the tables instead. A few people are watching and you try to hide your face behind your hands. This is so embarrassing but you can’t stop the tears from flowing down your face even more. You feel your body trembling it doesn’t help much when Mina tells you to focus on your breathing. You feel pathetic and helpless. Her hand on your shoulders are comforting but the watchful eyes are still making you stiffen up.

You didn’t expect Jimin to come out behind the counter to check up on you, he takes a few steps in your direction. Your hand’s grip tightens on her knitted sweater as you spot his blond hair hovering above your head. He looks at the both of you with worry wondering why you’re acting like this. Wondering if you’re ok.

Jimin is confused, he could never pinpoint what made you stood out to him but his eyes always seemed to wander to where you were. You never really talk to anyone besides Mina who’s by your side right now and you tend to keep your eye contacts brief and interactions at the minimum when you were ordering your drinks. He could only get one-word responses out of you even though he tried his hardest to spark a conversation with you every time you visited.

He would occasionally watch you type on your laptop and sip your drink between breaks if the business was slow. You two were strangers until you came up to him one day and asked for his number. He couldn’t believe his luck at first, you looked so different. Confident and cunning in your oversized hoodie and black skinny jeans but you never really texted him. He couldn’t come up with a reason why you decided to ditch him before even giving him a chance to mess up. He couldn’t read your words wrong, you were clearly flirting with him that day. He was sure of that. But then he was back to square one. You’re giving him mixed signals. If you were flirting with him then why you didn’t reach out? It’s embarrassing for him to say it out loud but he spent a lot of time staring at his phone waiting for your call or text, anything.

You didn’t seem like a player if your first interaction with him was anything to go by. You were his first-ever customer when he started working here part-time, the guy who showed him how to make the drinks recognised you as a regular. Knowing your patient and timid personality since he served you countless coffees before he deemed you’re the perfect first customer to test out Jimin’s skills and get some practice under his belt. Unsurprisingly he messed up but you just smiled at him and said it’s ok. He made you four drinks that day until it was to your liking.

”Could you bring us some water?” Mina spoke shielding you from his eyes, he had so many questions but he could sense that it’s not the time and instead noded. He filled a paper cup with water and brought it to you. Your voice sounded really small when you thanked him.

”There’s a changing room at the back, she could rest there until she’s better?” Jimin offers, sensing that a lot of eyes are on the three of you and Mina nods without saying anything else leading you where Jimin pointed at.

After fifteen minutes of awkward silence, you felt good enough to open your eyes. It was only you and Mina at the back while Jimin continued to serve the patrons. Your head is still pounding and you feel disoriented but you could process what happened slowly and feel horrified. Oh, no. Your lips quivered slightly when you dejectedly accepted the fact that Jimin saw you like this. Maybe he couldn’t grasp the situation entirely but sure knows by now that something’s wrong with you. He’s the last person you wanted to see you in your most vulnerable state.

”Hey. I’m sorry Y/N. I shouldn’t have forced you to come here.” Mina hugs you her voice dripping with worry as she holds you tighter to her body. She’s the only person who knows about your anxiety besides your parents.

You don’t blame her if you were normal then this wouldn’t have happened. You know that your medical condition is out of your control but sometimes it’s hard to accept it. You don’t want to feel this way but your mind and body can’t communicate when you’re under any form of stress.

Being around people causes you stress and an unreasonable amount of worry consumes you but you try to be cautious and limit your social interactions to prevent situations like this. You like to come to this coffee shop though you don’t mind larger crowds unless the attention is on you. You’re fine while everyone minds their own business. Not sure if you could come here after this. This is so embarrassing, you wanted to avoid Jimin seeing you like this.

He probably has even more questions now after seeing you panic. Mina understands your concerns and leads you out of the coffee shop while Jimin is flooded with orders so he can’t run after you, he still needs to finish his shift.

***

Jimin is not surprised when you don’t show up for another week. For as long as he’s been working there you were always a constant in his shifts. Even if all you did was sit in a corner and type away on your laptop your presence was significant to him he could almost say soothing in a sense. He’s been messing up orders more frequently and his eyes look over to the door even though he knows that’s unlikely for you to step a foot again into the coffee shop.

Mina sometimes visits the shop a few days a week but you’re never with her. He knows that the extra americano she orders is for you and he finds himself asking her every time how you’re doing. Mina always answers politely, telling him not to worry but he finds himself worrying anyway. He has been crushing on you for months now, watching you from a distance without being creepy about it. He even found himself unable to enjoy casual sex, he’s just too curious and worried about you. There’s a secret lingering around you and he thinks it has to do with the sudden panic attack he witnessed. He was so terrified, you looked so pale and fragile. It was his first time seeing you cry instead of your soft smiles but he decided he doesn’t like to see you sad. All he wanted is to wrap you up in a bubble where nothing and no one can hurt you anymore.

***

”He’s been asking about you nonstop you know.” Mina places the familiar americano onto your study table and catches you sigh longingly. You miss seeing his face or just sit and stare at your computer screen while the coffee machines constant buzzing becomes soothing background music. Instead of another story update, you uploaded an apology.

Saying that you’re not feeling well and you’ll take a month break before you start writing again. Surprisingly your fans seemed to be understanding there were a lot of wishes for your recovery and even sweet messages that soothed you that they’re willing to wait until you’re ready to post again. You felt better knowing that you have such loving and understanding fans. It’s your second week already after you announced the break but you can’t say you’re feeling any better. You know that your sour mood has to do with a certain blond man who you’ve been ignoring for weeks now. You thought that he’ll stop asking about you after a few failed try to get some kind of information out of your best friend but he’s determined to figure you out. Even Mina is surprised by his persistence considering that your interactions were never much to indicate anything deeper, to begin with. She thinks that there’s more to his curiosity than she thought.

Having more experience with boys Mina thinks that Jimin has a little crush on you but you refuse to accept the possibility. You’re too stubborn and afraid to consider that your feelings are mutual. In a way she could understand your concerns, Jimin has a reputation. Although, Mina has an inkling that Jimin is not a bad guy. She heard you talk about him and he has been always respectful and friendly with you. She didn’t see him with any girl as of late which confirms her suspicions. Jimin is interested in her best friend but you’re overthinking it again.

***

Jimin doesn’t like to use his connections like this but at this point, he feels desperate to see how you’re doing.

He needs to see you and clear the air. If he did something wrong he needs to know. He already braced himself for rejection but he needed to hear it from you. He wants to have you at least back at the coffee shop even if he has to watch you again from afar, he could live with that and accepted his fate. Jimin asked around a little and luckily there was someone in your class who knew where your dorm is and she was willing to tell him because it turned out she’s Jin hyung’s girlfriend.

So here he is standing before your closed door praying for a miracle that you’ll be willing to let him in and talk. After you heard a knock you opened the door just to be face to face with Park Jimin. You didn’t think about checking who it is because Mina’s the only one normally who visits you so you thought she’ll be the one standing at the entrance with take out food or wine to get your mind off of things. Jimin’s smile is blinding even though there’s a palpable tension between the two of you but your stomach still twists in delight seeing his face after so many weeks.

”Hi. Can I come in?” Jimin decided to greet you when the silence stretched on for too long. He sees you hesitate but nod after a few seconds. He feels lighter knowing that you’re letting him in at least, you look extremely anxious but can’t figure out why. Is it his presence that intimidates you? Or the rumours? You don’t think that he’ll try to take advantage of you right? He looks down at you shyly unsure what to do with his hands so he keeps them intertwined in his lap. You offer him some tea and he’s eager to accept following you to the kitchen like a lost puppy.

You gather the sugar and two cups from the top cabinet before boiling the water for the tea, getting the two tea bags to sit at the bottom of each cup. The soft sound of the radio is a nice distraction while both you and Jimin gather your thoughts. This time you speak first, you let out a long exhale of breath but you know that you need to do this. Jimin deserves an explanation and you decided to ask for his help to finish your novel.

”It might sound strange but can you turn the other way while I speak? I get very nervous when someone looks at me.”

Your shy request warms up Jimin’s heart and he finds himself complying with your wishes, turning around with his chair to face away from you. Your eyes fixate on the back of his head, gathering the courage to speak up.

”Thank you.” Jimin almost doesn’t catch your soft words but he does because he’s so focused on hearing your anxious breaths and slow exhales. He wants to melt your worries and surround you with comfort but he has a hunch that his presence itself causes you stress so he waits. You’re appreciative of his silence you could almost pretend that he’s not here. You practised so many times in front of your mirror what you will say to him once the chance is presented to you but the words seem to fail to come out. You’re nervous but determined.

”Do you perhaps know anything about the novel called Coffee and Milk?” Your question catches Jimin off guard but he thinks about his answer carefully.

”Yeah, I mean everyone knows about Coffee and Milk around campus. I heard that someone from our Uni writes it.”

You hum in understanding, pouring the water over the tea bags to let it sit for five minutes. ”The reason I approached you that day is silly. My friend, Mina. She told me that you would be a good choice to gain experience for my novel.”

”Your novel?” Jimin is confused. He can’t make sense of what you’re trying to tell him. What kind of experience is that you’re talking about? But he doesn’t have to wait for long because you decide to continue. The words come easier now that you started somewhere.

”Coffee and Milk is the novel that I’m currently writing but I’m stuck with the ending. It's supposed to be a sex scene next but I’m a virgin and have no experience especially that it’s supposed to be...the girl who’s in charge.”

Jimin can’t find the words to say anything to that. He’s shocked with his tongue tied. It’s not that he didn’t occasionally let himself fantasize about you in that manner when he was alone in his room late at night horny (he’s a man with needs after all) but he really wanted to get to know you and have something more than sex.

You take his silence as a bad omen and words start to spill out, apologies and pleas to forget everything you said. ”I think you’re super nice! I’m just really anxious around you but it’s not because of you! I tend to be anxious about everything.”

You wait a bit between breaths but there’s still silence until you work up the courage to continue your ranting.

”I’m so sorry to make you uncomfortable please don’t hate me. This is not just about my novel I think you’re kind and very pretty! I had a huge crush on you from the day you started to work there but I never really had a boyfriend or anything and I didn’t know if you’d be interested in a girl like me..” Your rambling is interrupted by Jimin’s hands placed on your cheeks. You look away as soon as your eyes met but Jimin thinks you’re adorable with the pink flush that spreads across your cheeks and ears. He feels his own ears heat up from how close your faces are suddenly. ”I’m sorry.” You whisper.

He never turned around so fast in his entire life after you told him about your crush on him. What a small world because he had the biggest crush on you too after his first day at work. He would have probably quit the job after that disastrous day if it weren’t for your encouraging words. His coffee making skills really sucked for the first few weeks until he got the hang of it but he’s glad that he didn’t give up. He really wants to get to know you.

***

”How’s your novel going?” Jimin plops down to the seat in front of you. After the both of you admitted your attraction towards each other things started to get better slightly. You’re still timid around him but you make effort to meet his eyes or smile at him more often now.

You started going to the coffee shop as well to write again and Jimin was very happy about it. There’s still some tension between you as neither of you acknowledged the elephant in the room. The topic of sex. He said that he’s willing to help you out but you’re too shy to bring it up now and he’s afraid to be too forward with his advances. Jimin wants this to work even though you never named what’s going on really between the two of you. He hopes whatever that is, it’s the beginning of a budding relationship. He could picture his future with you by his side.

Word got around quickly that Jimin stopped sleeping around with women and he knows that you know about it. Mina keeps you updated with rumours after all. She lectured Jimin so many times not to break your heart, even without her nagging he wouldn’t dare mess up his chance with you. You’re different, you make him feel things and even if in the future somehow things don’t work out he’s happy to spend his present time with you.

”Better. Everything’s is written except ... you know. That part.” You bashfully look away, making sure that no one eavesdrops on your conversation before you decide to look him in the eye. Jimin is used to talk about sex, he’s not too flustered but he knows that you’re.

”Do you want to talk about it? My shift ends soon we can go somewhere quiet.” Your whole face caught in flames and just now watching your reactions that he realises how his last statement must sound to you.

”I didn’t mean it like that baby. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” His hand finds your hand on top of the table and caresses your fingers with his, rubbing circles onto your knuckles. He knows that you’ve been obsessing over the fact that you’re a virgin. It’s natural for girls to be a little insecure about sex and he doesn’t want you to do something just because you need the experience to finish your novel. He wants you to have sex with him because you genuinely want to and not because you think you have to.

”Let have dinner together at my place?” You suggest and he nods his head excited to spend more time with you. You’re getting better and better at reciprocating his affection. You no longer flinch away if he wants to hold your hand or kiss the top of your head. Jimin is very affectionate with his friends and family. Skinship is natural to him a silent way to show that he cares about someone, but he’s holding back for you, afraid that he’ll scare you away with his clinginess. You of course know that he’s been holding back, you see sometimes how his hands hover above your shoulders hesitating if now’s the right time to touch you. He’s over the moon when you initiate hugs for once and you’re encouraged by his easy-going personality. The time that you got to spend with him started to rub off on you and Mina is happy to hear about your positive character development. She complimented how cute you two look together and that Jimin seems very happy nowadays.

You’re happy too. This is why you want to tell him after dinner that you think you’re ready. No, not just think, you know that you’re ready. There’s no more reason for you to wait, you trust Jimin to treat you with respect and care and you’re going to be twenty-two just in a month. You do want to finish your novel and make your fans happy but that only comes as a second thought on your list. You want to have sex with him because you want to experience it for the first time with Jimin.

***

The food is ready and the only missing piece to your plan is well, Jimin who’s on his way to you. He texted you minutes ago to tell you he’s about to close the shop and head to your place just like he promised. This time you decided to cook something for him rather than ordering in as you usually do. Firstly because cooking helps you sort out your thoughts and secondly because you wanted to do something for Jimin.

He always showers you with affection and makes sure that you’re comfortable while all you do is cause him trouble and make him worry. You know that he doesn’t mind the slow pace that you’re heading but lately, even you’re getting impatient.

The doorbell rings in time that you’re finished with setting the table, you greet him with a small kiss on his cheeks and you swear you see him blush like a tomato.

***

You’re laying side by side on your couch watching another episode of the latest drama on the tv. Your confidence slips through your fingers with each passing second as you fail to talk yourself into making the first move. You’re overthinking it again.

Jimin told you before that he doesn’t want to rush into things with you but it’s been months since he last asked you to be his girlfriend and you said yes. It has been a slow process as you recently got better at holding his hand and tell him your opinion without having too much thought about it beforehand, afraid to say the wrong thing. Jimin kisses your forehead and cheeks when he says goodbye but never kisses you for real like a lover should. You could sense there’s something holding him back, sometimes you catch him deep in his thoughts and you have a feeling that it has to be more to it than just not wanting to mess things up.

Jimin is hiding something from you.

”Do you not like it? Want me to change the channel?” Of course, Jimin could see that your mind is not really following what happens on the screen. To be honest, you have no idea what the plot is about since the very beginning. You felt his eyes on you for a while now so you’re not the only one who didn’t pay attention to the tv.

You know you need to say something eventually but you were never good at initiating things and you’re a little scared if this conversation would even give you good results in the end.

”Why do you not want to have sex with me?”

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